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Wendi Aarons

@wendiaarons.bsky.social
4.8K followers 202 following 66 posts

Humor writer. Austin.

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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Remember when Greg Abbott banned abortion but then said it's okay because he'd "end rape" in Texas? He's done that in the following ways:
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
This is from 2018 but still applicable to now! By me and @omarg.bsky.social on @mcsweeneys.net.
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How to Turn Any Conversation Into One About the Midterm Elections
COWORKER: Got any weekend plans? YOU: Yes, I’m double checking where my polling place is for the midterm elections.
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
I'm attending Travis County Democratic Party's event, “Bee Cave Meet and Greet w/ Pooja Sethi and Caitlin Rourk!” - sign up now to join me! #TCDP www.mobilize.us/traviscounty...
mobilize.us
Bee Cave Meet and Greet w/ Pooja Sethi and Caitlin Rourk! · Travis County Democratic Party
Join Pooja Sethi, Democratic nominee for Texas House District 47, and Caitlin Rourk, Democratic nominee for Congressional District 10, for a Bee Cave Meet & Greet! Come meet the candidates, hear abo...
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
People are talking about Melania, Natalie and Trump like it's some modern day "Dangerous Liaisons" when it's more like two insane seagulls fighting over a rotting piece of chicken in the Dollar Store parking lot.
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Is Natalie Hart a Mata Hari or one of the dumber Manson girls?
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Did the GOP temporarily halt the digging in Big Bend because someone told them the Epstein files are there?
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McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 15/08/2026
"Just like the 1890s and the 2020s, they’ll play with the unvaccinated kids down the street and drink raw milk until dark. Then at daybreak, I’ll hand my children their metal lunch pails, button their fifty-button shoes, and they’ll shuffle off to their factory jobs." buff.ly/EOw4Nr5
mcsweeneys.net
I’m Giving My Kids a ’90s Summer—the 1890s
“Just like the 1890s and the 2020s, they’ll play with the unvaccinated kids down the street and drink raw milk until dark. Then at daybreak, I’ll hand my chi...
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Reposted by Wendi Aarons
Texas Monthly @texasmonthly.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
At first friendless and shy, writer Wendi Aarons opened up and found her inner child at Camp No Counselors. www.texasmonthly.com/travel/adult-s…
texasmonthly.com
Page not found – Texas Monthly
We report on vital issues from politics to education and are the indispensable authority on the Texas scene, covering everything from music to cultural events with insightful recommendations.
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
"Dance partner in a high-end pharmaceutical commercial." @mcsweeneys.net
mcsweeneys.net
How Gen X Can Make Money in This Economy
“Dance partner in a high-end pharmaceutical commercial.” 6/2/26
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Texas Highways @texashighways.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
Although it started as a competition for experienced tarpon anglers, today’s Deep Sea Roundup is a classic fishing tournament that attracts anywhere from 400 to 800 mostly Texan participants a year. @wendiaarons.bsky.social texashighways.com/outdoors/tex...
texashighways.com
Texas’ Oldest Fishing Tournament Turns 90
Once known as the Tarpon Rodeo, Port Aransas' Deep Sea Roundup continues to hook anglers of all ages
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
I live in Central Texas and I have NO idea where the missing giraffe is and neither does my 19 foot high rescue cat.
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
I live in Central Texas and I have NO idea where the missing giraffe is and neither does my 19 foot high rescue cat.
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McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 19/06/2026
"Brandon Jackson, who not only found his wallet without blaming his entire family for losing it, but also found it in the pants he was wearing."
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Unsung Heroes of Fatherhood
“Brandon Jackson, who not only found his wallet without blaming his entire family for losing it, but also found it in the pants he was wearing.”
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
No
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
Thank you!
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Reposted by Wendi Aarons
McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 19/06/2026
Seersucker pants: Tells you how much you disappoint him while holding a mint julep Swim trunks: Tells you how much you disappoint him while holding a margarita Thrasher sweatpants: Tells you how much you disappoint him while holding a vape pen
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Dads of America, as Explained by Their Pants
“Relaxed-fit jeans: Has answered the phone ‘Yello!’ for 40+ years.” JUne 20 2021 June 19 2022 6/17/23 6/16/24 6/13/25 6/19/26
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Jen Hamilton @jenhamiltontx.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
These are all so damn good @wendiaarons.bsky.social "Josh Mandler, who was tasked with chasing a bat out of the garage, even though he has zero wildlife-wrangling experience and was just as freaked out as everyone else."
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
Unsung Heroes of Fatherhood @mcsweeneys.net
mcsweeneys.net
Unsung Heroes of Fatherhood
“Brandon Jackson, who not only found his wallet without blaming his entire family for losing it, but also found it in the pants he was wearing.”
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McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 10/05/2026
"Alice Chambers, who, after three vaginal births, can no longer hiccup without wetting her pants, and who will be honored for her sacrifice with eggs Benedict and a necklace made from rigatoni."
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Unsung Heroes of Motherhood
“Alice Chambers, who, after three vaginal births, can no longer hiccup without wetting her pants, and who will be honored for her sacrifice with eggs Benedic...
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 10/05/2026
Thank you!
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 10/05/2026
Today I went on a guided hike at a gorgeous nature preserve as my Mother's Day activity with my son, but there was a "guy that thinks he's hilarious" with the group and seriously, CAN WE JUST HAVE ONE DAY?
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 03/05/2026
Dr Who (Jodie Whitaker) read my Always letter in Benedict Cumberbatch's show!
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
Is the 2 week ceasefire just so he makes sure he gets our tax payments?
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
This is less Bay of Pigs and more Bray of Pig.
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
At this point, we have a better chance of being saved by Austin Powers than the US Congress.
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
Maybe if it was a boy.
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
I miss the days when his tweets were more "haha a chimp found a typewriter" and less "the syphillis brain worms demand armageddon."
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
"If you worked at Walter Reed, would you tell someone what was going on with the president?" I used to call my mom from the walk in freezer at my grocery store job to tell her what the neighbors were buying.
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 26/03/2026
Airline Pilot: "Yes, I know you thought we were flying to California, but New Mexico is about 80% of the way so I’m stopping here. Have fun in Albuquerque, everyone!” @mcsweeneys.net www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/if-...
mcsweeneys.net
If Women Completed Work Based on Their Percentage of Wages Compared to Men
Surgeon: “Listen, if you wanted more than 53% of your gallbladder removed, you should have used a white male doctor, not a Latina doctor. My advice is to pra...
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 09/03/2026
Can't we just deploy the cosplaying patriots that play war in the forest every weekend they don't have court supervised time with their kids?
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 21/02/2026
Do I still write US Treasury on my tax payment check or should I just cut out the middle man and write To Donald with Hate?
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 12/02/2026
Pam Bondi would have dumped the bucket of blood on Carrie.
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 25/01/2026
Are the Razzie awards for the worst in film still around? This might be the year to bring them back.
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
Did this happen because Biden takes naps?
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 20/01/2026
I wrote this for those of us who've told a loved one to get down from a ladder, and those of us who will soon be told to get down from a ladder by our children. Stay safe, people.
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Reposted by Wendi Aarons
Jessica Francis Kane @jfkane.bsky.social · 30/12/2025
Unsung Heroes of Motherhood www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/uns...
mcsweeneys.net
Unsung Heroes of Motherhood
Our 3rd most-read article of 2025. - - -Julie Owens, who bravely tugged on a tankini in mid-January in order to chaperone her twins to an indoor w...
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 18/12/2025
He seriously has no idea how numbers work and just screams high or low amounts like he's on The Dementia Price Is Right.
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Mike Hoinski @hoinski.bsky.social · 09/12/2025
Yep. @wendiaarons.bsky.social. Hilarious. Long live Thelma and Louise. @texashighways.bsky.social texashighways.com/travel/seein...
texashighways.com
Seeing Stars in the Chihuahuan Desert
A first-time camper finds comfort inside a dome beneath the Big Bend sky
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Reposted by Wendi Aarons
McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 06/12/2025
“While he watched over FaceTime, I slowly poured liquid Tylenol all over my naked body. I loved him enough to make myself autistic. He wept.”
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More Excerpts from Olivia Nuzzi’s American Canto
“Forget the sex; the real scandal here is the crime against language.” — Brian Phillips, The Ringer, on Olivia Nuzzi’s new memoir, American Canto, ...
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Little Grey Rabbit @littlegreyrab.bsky.social · 01/12/2025
I can’t unsee it 😫
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 02/12/2025
@jilltwiss.bsky.social I was going to say the same. Love the Zach show.
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McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 01/12/2025
“Our union represented the endless cycle of life, death, and rebirth, and the eternal, unending nature of time. Sometimes I didn’t know where the worm ended, and our love began.”
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More Excerpts from Olivia Nuzzi’s American Canto
“Forget the sex; the real scandal here is the crime against language.” — Brian Phillips, The Ringer, on Olivia Nuzzi’s new memoir, American Canto, ...
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 01/12/2025
Olivia Nuzzi’s memoir about her affair with “The Politician” aka RFK, Jr. drops tomorrow, but if you just can’t wait, Emily Flake, @miriamjayaratna.bsky.social & I have some excerpts to tide you over on @mcsweeneys.net!
mcsweeneys.net
More Excerpts from Olivia Nuzzi’s American Canto
“Forget the sex; the real scandal here is the crime against language.” — Brian Phillips, The Ringer, on Olivia Nuzzi’s new memoir, American Canto, ...
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Reposted by Wendi Aarons
McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 24/11/2025
Over the river and through the woods My checked bag has disappeared It has all my meds. I wish I were dead When did flying get so weird?
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To Grandmother’s House We Go
Over the river and through the woods, To Grandmother’s house we go; At the airport on time, which is good cause the lines Are moving super slow. Ov...
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McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 21/11/2025
"In my tunic, you can’t see any of the middle part of my middle-aged body. I’m shrouded in mystery. I’m a stylish enigma. I’m a greying fortune cookie with a fortune inside it that says, 'Fuck you, I was in shape in the eighties.'"
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I’m Wearing Tunics Now
This is an excerpt from the author’s funny new collection, which you can buy here. - - -You’ve probably all noticed that I recently switched up my ...
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Reposted by Wendi Aarons
McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 21/11/2025
🎶 Over the river and through the woods, To Grandmother's house we go; At the airport on time, which is good cause the lines Are moving super slow... 🎶
buff.ly
To Grandmother’s House We Go
Over the river and through the woods, To Grandmother’s house we go; At the airport on time, which is good cause the lines Are moving super slow. Ov...
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 29/09/2025
A fun piece in @newyorker.com today by me, @miriamjayaratna.bsky.social and Ali Fitzgerald, inspired by Ronnie No Vaccines DeSantis. www.newyorker.com/magazine/202...
newyorker.com
Disney World’s New Rides Are Sick
Make sure to wash your hands after Viruses of the Caribbean.
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 13/09/2025
Now the nuts are claiming that "college radicalized" the shooter? He lasted one semester in Utah & dropped out -- not exactly Berkeley in 1967.
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Wendi Aarons @wendiaarons.bsky.social · 01/09/2025
Honestly, we should all be kinder. Perhaps his ear injury is acting up after it regenerated itself lizard-style, or he suddenly developed an allergy to the ketchup used in the assassination attempt. Show some compassion, people.
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eddietg51-42.bsky.social @eddietg51-42.bsky.social · 23/08/2025
@wendiaarons.bsky.social
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