iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

It is not even 8:30pm on this Friday night. Unbelievable how miserable everybody is. What a gross time. At least I’m invisible in my own house so I can kind of control my own happiness better than most.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

How does one simultaneously feel invisible, alone, and like a pest yet also fully aware that they are pretty stellar so far as humans go. What a hole to be down in, eh?

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

I’ll have to sleep on it. I like trying to do this every decade or so. It is fun to see how we evolve.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

The world has been Whangless now for a decade.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

I was starting to feel weak but this notification has begrudgingly resolved my will to stay strong. Just came back from Sheetz. Went looking for a pint of ice cream. They were out. Ordered fries, the one thing I still like there with nacho cheese. Fries too salty and no nacho cheese!

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Am starting to further detach from the meta social media teat and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jonesing a bit to check in. But my righteousness shall remain because of my feelings towards management versus platform. Anyhow, I currently have no advice. Just these notes while breaking free.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

It is too early to be this bored!

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Just got back from my first fall time night walk of the season. My favorite time of the year to stroll. I allotted 2 minutes to shave off my official time for being allowed to stop to take a picture or adjust myself or whatever. Hooray for me!

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

“Yeah I might be too drunk to fire a gun So if you need me I'll be smoking darts in the sun” Pure poetry.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

“I don't mind failing in this world Don't mind wearing the ragged britches 'Cause those who succeed are the sons of bitches”

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Between being a powerful vocalist he was also a really talented songwriter & guitarist. So he's fun to sing along with to study the subtleties of his craft. If I focus on something good to try to better understand how to reach people in a uniting fashion, that somehow makes me a little less sad.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

These days, everything makes me so sad, so easily because so much is shit. Like, how are we collectively hardly acknowledging this farce and acting as though everything is OK? As I slowly get over my Bee Gees fascination, I find myself drawn to John Denver in a similar fashion.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

My heart smiles with gratitude and joy today. Energy is cool. The universe is neat.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Got 3 girl cats fixed today and it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

If I can’t be what they envision - my perfect self - the only real purpose I serve is similar to the entertainment a cat gets watching their captured chipmunk slowly descend into the inhibition of surrender before the death blow. Maybe I’m a fool? Maybe I’m crazy? Probably both.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Never expected the reason I withdrew from social media was simply that I disagreed with management so my only choice as the helpless consumer was to walk away. Or that I started buying more canned staples, dry beans, spices and started making my own bread because modern food tastes fake any more.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Had one of the most unpleasant sleeps. Last night it was JUST humid & hot enough to make sleeping under a thinner wool blanket with windows open a tad too warm for the body even though lying there in bed with my feet and chest exposed I felt comfortable. Seems my body was in fact uncomfortable.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Friday night was over by 9pm with another weekend spent apart on the horizon. It is depressing. Lonely too. Though, I was probably born lonely?However, my goal tomorrow is to stay focused on and do the things I want and need to do that I will make a list of tomorrow after some rest.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

I can’t keep doing this.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

I shouldn’t have to deprive myself just because the megacorp that bought the app years ago is up to no good. Yet here we are. Where I am. While I know I can’t nor want to quit the internet entirely, as I have always loved it. But I don’t want to participate in evil for the sake of convenience.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Fun to share a picture or video and to tell a story or simply report events. Sometimes I’d share a selfie when I felt it actually looked like me, which is rarely. So it makes me mad that I am just lurking around because I genuinely enjoy content my friends produce as well as things they share.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

No offense to this platform, which I consider more of a void/news place - my detachment from meta forms of media is going well but annoyingly. It is lonely, and I am even lucky enough to have a small group of 2-3 friends that I talk to on the phone once or twice a week each with. But it was fun.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Wole up at 7:45am after falling asleep on the couch around midnight. Cracked a big fuck-you Red Bull in hopes of having a fulfilling and productive day. Here’s to hoping I seize the day.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

I woke up at 9:30am today and I am astounded and disheartened it isn’t even noon yet!

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Saying the same thing a thousand different ways so a million different people can understand is patience.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Did I mention I started detaching from Instagram yesterday and nobody uses Bluesky. 😝 By the way, I love the internet, just not the wounded souls that own it and have control issues.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

They just want you to go back to your rented box in your leased automobile and stare at your pocket computer where all of your important subscriptions reside that you trade in every year or two when it is updated with the finest new new surveillance technology to better help them “understand” you.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

You can’t call anybody or text without permission anymore. Public spaces close at dusk. Only bars and gas stations are opened past 11pm.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

So what do you do? Suffer alone or with everybody else on the platform? Most people choose the group option of damnation versus aloneness - further fragmenting themselves to find a place of identity, acceptance. An audience. Trading autonomy for reassurance in controlled, imaginary spaces.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

And once you realize that by continuing to participate on a billionaire’s social media platform you are only contributing to your own psychosis while making them money and squandering your precious time whereas quitting social media is now an engineered form of ostracization, which is despicable.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Now the entire world is connected and does not sleep yet people have never before felt more defeated, alienated, or lonelier amidst all this connection and Earth’s largest known population.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

When we aren’t working our lives away so some can asshole get richer, we are on our phones or PC grasping for meaningful human connection with people we consider friends, contemporaries, and strangers even, before having to sleep so you can wake up to do it all again, just as you were trained to do.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

The internet feels like it is dying in real time and I love it. Reminds me of that old Lenny Bruce quote about going back to God or something.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

Starting to realize my childhood trauma was childhood itself, since there was no one moment or action of definitive trauma.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

Plastics, to quote The Graduate.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

Did some overnight traveling this weekend and out of respect to my traveling companion I did not listen to nearly any Bee Gees over the past 4 days. I am beginning to overcome my affliction, but I still need my tastes, the occasional dessert, if you will. Whatever. I will not apologize.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

I could do anything I want, if I tried. Thing is, I don’t really feel like doing anything in particular. Contemplating, choring, foraging, socializing and fucking is fine by me.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

Just made the connection between “Odorono” and “Fire in the Rain” even though I have been listening to these songs most of my life.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

I am learning to surrender AND how to ask for help and it is painful, but I love it.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

And I let go with as much grace as I could muster and wouldn’t you know but around 3pm today I realized that for the first time in maybe a decade my long suffering left shoulder I have been SLOWLY rehabilitating was free of pain.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

Dude. What the fuck even is this world we live in? Sunday night I had what can only be called an experience. The sensation. Like something was being shared with me. It was simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying, but in a terrific sense. I was not scared. Peace transcended this smoldering rage.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Now I have to make an album of some kind, just so I can go and title it this.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Like, I have read a lot about the significance of appearing cats and their walks between the ether. While I do not disbelieve this, neither did I have much of an opinion. But whatever was riling Smokey up at 3am to get him to communicate with me best that he is legally allowed to, I take notice.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Swear he was about to command me to let him out either telepathically or in English. Instead he stared me dead in the eyes and maybe did telepathically command me cos I said “Okay, I trust you. Go get whatever it is. Stay safe. I love you.”

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Cat just did the damndest thing at 3am on the dot. Started violently ringing the dog’s shit-bell by the front door signaling he wishes to be returned to the wild. I assumed he had a claw caught in it but no. When I arrived at the door he was staring up wildly weaving his head around. Eyes gigantic.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

Last night I saw the situation completely for what it was and always has been and realized there was no nothing left. All I could do was offer a handshake and walk away with my shoulders held high.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

If “Books About UFOs” were written today would it be something like “Podcasts About True Crime”

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

Sometimes I listen to “Living Eyes” by The Bee Gees and quietly shed a tear.

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

Smoking pot out of a bong while playing Bach is not how 18 year old me would have envisioned himself spending a typical Thursday evening as he moseyed into middle age. It is WAY better!

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Niki @waxpumpkin.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

I just had the best idea. Oh shit. So excited. Gotta go write this down on paper so the goldfish in me doesn’t forget. !!!

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