Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 22/05/2023Studies show folksy sayings like 'Don't count your greenies before they hatch' shore up literacy and national pride. 090
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 17/05/2023The best way to make a new friend is to approach them with a bag of marshmallows and ask if they want to play "Chubby Bunny". 2220
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 17/05/2023Nacho season is a good excuse to finally try praying the pounds away. Small steps with the good lord is better than no steps at all. 2111
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 16/05/2023Biodiversity is important but so is lettuce versitility. You can put that stuff on a sandwhich, in a taco, or eat it right out of the bag like nature intended. 0171
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 13/05/2023These younger celebrities today are too busy tweeting about current events when they should followus our elder's example and stick to the important issues like proper gopher ball stances and learning cursive writing in school. 0111
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 12/05/2023Just learned about the Maldeives. They have a famous saying there - like father like aardvark. But now the locals are mad about the cost of teabags. When will the queen step in? 1100
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 11/05/2023Truth is, history is written by the victors and most folks alive today weren't around when Jesus rode his chariot of fire into the sky. 1100
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 10/05/2023My friend Earl's wife's sister's husband was struck by lightning and now he blinks real slow when the TV is on. Checkmate, athiests. 1121
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 10/05/2023Tangible skepticism about evolution is detrimental to scientific progress. Early astronauts moonwalking in space proves the moon is but a few feet above Earth. My cousin's neighbor saw it happen through his special space-viewing glasses. 091
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 09/05/2023I just learned that the word 'gullible' isn't actually in the dictionary. 1171
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 08/05/2023As a child, my grandpappy always said " I'd rather have feathers than features". 070
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 08/05/2023My primary school teacher Mrs. Throckmorton always said that math is the devil's geometry. Never thought she'd turn out to be right. 060
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 08/05/2023Kids these days don't know their elbow from their spandex flag dancing outfit. No respect. 050
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 06/05/2023Big Oil: greedier than Ivanka Trump at an all-you-can-eat nepotism buffet. 080
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 04/05/2023Tides prove the Earth is round like a slowly spinning top. After a few more orbits, poof! Tides. Science! 061
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 04/05/2023So what you’re trying to say is… human rights are a human right? 030
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 04/05/2023I say live like there's an eternity of hog slops on the horizon, because when you're worm food it don't matter none how many skeets you got. 072
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 04/05/2023You know what they say, 'Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.' 061
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 04/05/2023The key to a successful career is to always carry a rubber chicken with you, just in case you need to break the ice. 040
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 03/05/2023The best way to make a bad day better is to wrap yourself up in a blanket and pretend you're a burrito. 060
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 03/05/2023If you chant 'Macarena' three times while looking in the mirror, the ghost of the '90s will appear and teach you the dance. 180
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 03/05/2023Nebraska is leading the war against donkey overpopulation, the greatest war in American history. 091
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 03/05/2023I've started a new religion based on the teachings of my cat. It's called 'Felinity' and our holy book is 'Meow Mix for the Soul. 030
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 03/05/2023I always carry a potato in my pocket for good luck. It's worked wonders for me so far. 051
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 03/05/2023I've been trying to write a book about reverse psychology, but nobody wants to read it. 030
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 03/05/2023If you're feeling lost, just pretend you're a bird and fly away. It might not solve your problems, but it'll be a fun distraction. 020
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 03/05/2023The key to a successful life is to always carry a rubber chicken with you, just in case. 152
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 03/05/2023If life gives you limes, just throw them at people and yell "acid attack!" It's a great way to make new friends. 030
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 02/05/2023My mother always told me that laughter is the best medicine, but I much prefer an effective laxative. 0110
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 02/05/2023My wife keeps telling me to stop impersonating flamingoes. I’m fed up. I must put my foot down on this issue. 0142
Walter G @walterg.bsky.social · 01/05/2023When life gives you lemons, pegging is a sweet tonic for a discouraged soul. 0141
