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Noah, Cactus Gremlin

@vanillachigchampa.bsky.social
49 followers 30 following 1.3K posts

He/They 30 Wisconsin, USA Leftist shitposter who shares memes, talks plants, & butt-chugs Monster Energy™ to purify the pineal-gland. Instagram @vanillachigchampa TikTok @chigchampa Reddit u/penguinheadnoah Twitter @PlantSlug Mastodon @vanillachigchampa

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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 2h
the aisles are extended gutters & the gutters are full of doo-doo feces, & when the drains finally over flow, all the vermin will drown. the accumulated filth of all their peepee & poopoo will foam up about their waists & the Walmart janitors will look up & shout 'Save us!' & I'll whisper, 'No.'"
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 2h
just walked a lap around my parents' property because sunlight & exercise is supposed to help with depression. also did some exposure therapy, striking up a conversation with a stranger & making an unnecessary phone call. all of that was easy, but my legs hurt now. I used to do 5 laps just fine.
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 3h
if you ever get angry, do what I do & send hateful replies to Ted Cruz on twitter. I like to remind him that no one likes him & that he's a coward for not defending his dog-wife
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 4h
I'm against going to AA/NA & other help groups (not that it doesn't benefit others), mostly for the weird, religious undertones. however, I did enjoy the Dharma session that we had in our group, so I might consider that.
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 18h
closed captioning on a Dark Souls 2 YouTube video thinks "homeward boning" is "Homer boning"
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 20h
Ayyo, shout out to my boy, William Henry Harrison for the greatest presidential run in U.S. history!
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 21h
Lovecraft fan who names their cat after his cat
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 22h
if they didn't want to be completely plucked, they wouldn't call them bald eagles
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 22h
Frankenstein is the kinda guy to not flush because the shit from his ass startled him
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 22h
can't believe that they killed Frankenstein's monster by having him stare at some rabbits then shooting him
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
ghosts are neurodivergent
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
my scout master used to call me Chinese finger-trap
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
always the ones that have a normal penis & not a botched, gangrenous, or Trump penis
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
my nicotine pouch addiction paid off & I won a $20 prepaid card
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
you're laughing. the grim reaper has a Jamaican accent & you're laughing
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
"Russian plague" is a weird way of saying that they're dying in Ukraine
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
dreamt they weren't selling Monster at school & I missed lunch so I was about to fight a bully
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
child ghosts usually aren't evil, so we should hope for more of those (do NOT make more children ghosts though - we're not IDF)
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
old people make the worst ghosts because they're creepy & bitter BOOmers
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
palm trees are grass, not trees
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
HIS BIKE BROKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NAMIBIAN DESERT & HE COMMENTED THAT HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BIKES WTF
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Bruh, why did he bike through the Congo during rainy season? most of the paths were muddy, flooded, & impossible to bike through
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
dude saw a hyena, whistled at it & walked closer, then investigated a den near where the hyena was at. if this guy stops uploading, I'll assume an animal native to the area he's biking at ate him, probably while camping next to food or their hunting grounds
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
sets up a tent right next to elephant trail & tons of elephant shit, gets scared when the elephants show up at night
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
just saw an elephant's penis for the first time
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
mf is walking around his camp at night to investigate the eyes that his light is reflecting off (dogs), while wolves howl, & then he spots one of those bears he was warned about & ran back to his tent. he's wholesome, a bit brave, but also dumb as hell sometimes
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
watching an Australian cyclist ride through the Congo where bees fill the air & gorillas are more prevalent than deer, camping in Botswana at an elephant & lion filled preserve, the Sahara with all its camels, & Iraq where he's consistently warned that the bears will eat him if he camps outside.
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
well, I finished my 9 weeks of addiction recovery, so it is time to celebrate with a drink (I kid)
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Check this out, Euroids! Czechlovenia
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Plant dump
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
where the fuck in my Monster + Vanilla Shot flavor!? I can't find it anywhere
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
I love listening to reddit stories about weird encounters while hiking. Many of them describe what is actually a panic-attack & ask if it was a wendigo.
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
i can tell the difference between a brown black bear & a grizzly based on their skull shape. and they claim that phrenology is a pseudoscience.
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
jedi master say what?
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
you haven't developed the ai super intelligence in all its benevolence so the future ai will retroactively torture you, because now you know about it & did nothing. that is roko's basilisk. Boo, #AI nerds!
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
voice training, more like foidmaxxing?
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
if prince andrew had ptsd from the Falkland war, then the man's a wuss. dare I say, he's guilty of not only being a rapist but also stolen valor
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
that beard can't hide the fact that you're a butter-faced goblin, ted cruz
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
been checking every gas-station & grocery store for the new Monster Energy™ + Vanilla Shot flavor but no luck. supposedly, they'll have them on October 5th
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
do not america's electrical grid
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
smokin on that doo-doo feces kush, shit's loud af got me caca for that stinky-icky
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
flower called shit-me-nots
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
besides FromSoft games & Fallout: New Vegas, what other games have a huge, trans fan-base & why? I get it with FromSoft because of the femboys & gender-coffin, but New Vegas? it does have some LGBTQ visibility, but it seems a bit too subtle or hidden
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
you know those tech guys are fucking them robot dogs
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
there are nine electrical substations that, if destroyed, would send the U.S. into a total blackout for weeks. someone should probably fix that shit.
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Reposted by Noah, Cactus Gremlin
Ernest "Dead" Penfold @penfoldsfiv.eurosky.social · 30/09/2026
I will not violate the TOS. I will not violate the TOS. I will not violate the TOS. I will not violate the TOS. I will not violate the TOS. I will not violate the TOS. I will not violate the TOS. I will not violate the TOS. I will not violate the TOS. I will not violate the TOS.
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Jabba the Hutt is misunderstood as an evil crime lord. He grieved poor Greedo & regularly throws hedonistic parties for all his employees. He also makes sure his pet rancor is cared for by a dedicated & loving keeper. He doesn't discriminate with his employees & loves his Kowakian monkey-lizard.
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Obi-Wan: "We gotta keep a low profile & get off Tattooine, Luke." Also Obi-Wan: *Whips out the most famous weapon of a Jedi in a bar full of bounty-hunters & Imperial spies* wtf, man?
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
if the house you're renting has clogged pipes under the kitchen sink, you can actually dump grease down the toilet
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Noah, Cactus Gremlin @vanillachigchampa.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
gotta suck to be the climber who died at the lowest elevation of Mt. Everest
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