iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 22h

might be the first time i've personally seen wikipedia vandalism. task force borbo...............

a screenshot of the wikipedia page for the heckler and koch MP5, reads as follows:
MP5/45
MP5 chambered in .45 ACP made on request from US DoD for issuance to Task Force Borbo.

Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 22h

you know that one internet image of a kid at a science fair whose experiment was "how much sawdust can you put in a rice crispy before people realize there's sawdust in it" ? i feel like butterfingers are like if you commercialized that except with chocolate instead of rice crisphy

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

kitty in a rug well secluded, i see all it's too hot for this

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

my biggest dumb american trait that actually manifests in my real for actual interactions is that i keep mixing up chile and argentina with an argentinian friend of mine and i feel soo bad, it's gotta be grating. i don't do it with any other latin american countries i don't think, i don't know why

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

the interesting thing about measurehead is that every now and again, he makes a genuinely cogent observation, and he just believes it for the wrong reasons and/or goes in the complete wrong direction with it. he's a lot like real fascists in that regard

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

god i'm so glad i can just fucking. afford orange juice, now. sometimes i feel like life hasn't changed but i guess sometimes it does, and for the better

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

9 BUTT ATTRACTIVES FOR ALL TOP GUY

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

i've been making pacts with mesopotamian demons to Curse Your Ass, pretty soon you'll be sleeping through nightmares that last 5 million relative years

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

shitty acoustic guitar song about having a friend with a really hot mom and then her dad transitions so now your friend has two hot moms and you're just struggling to shoot your shot even though theyre divorced and everything sucks everythings fucked

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Reposted by Turtle D. Magnum

🔞Sgt. Crisis🔞 @sgtcrisis.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Corporal Kris is ready for action! Model crafted by the god @yokimura.bsky.social

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

praying to any god, spirit, or demon that'll listen that one of the jobs i've applied to actually hires me, and hopefully it's one of the good paying ones. good GOD do i need a job.

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Reposted by Turtle D. Magnum

Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

You asked, we listened. The Nintendo Switch 2 is available now for bisexuals as of today.

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

i stand by my cancelled wife. VULTURE'S on X Dot Com have been HARANGYING her for bullying of me for being white, butt guesss what, , Shiut Headts's! I WAS INTO IT!!!!

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

im like if tony soprino was actually white

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

dario amodei would be kinda hot in that pathetic nerd boy way if he wasn't an AI CEO. like if he was an actor or a writer or something i think he'd have a similar appeal to me or jeff goldblum y'know

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

found out what frybread was today and ate it for dinner. thank you native americans

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

i'm reminded of the sex ed (or rather, the lack thereof) i got in school and how my mom took me aside when it was happening and was like. ok here's how you develop healthy habits with regards to stuff like this. here, put this condom on a banana, and i wonder how many people just. didnt have that

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

when i worked that Wretched grocery store job, every now and again my boss would have me price things of meat by putting them on a weight that then prints a label based off of it, and whenever she wasn't looking i'd just sorta gently lift one out of every few while weighing so it'd be priced lower

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

do you think elon musk is ever gonna come out about how he stopped wiping his own ass because grok came to him in a dream and told him it was gay

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

zelda64 recomp we need ocarina of time support now more than ever......!!

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

(in response to being told by a friend that she's gonna bash my head in with a rock) i actually can't be killed by a rock because i'm smarter than it, that's why bullets are made out of lead it's because it's smarter than literally everybody; that's why we make computers out of lead, and copper !

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Adam Saddnler's 'Click' Fro The Nintendo Wii U

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

(cowboy voice) well cut my dick off and call me a dog, ain't this a su-prise!

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

was driving in my grandparent's neighborhood and there was this kid riding his scooter in the middle of the street and he saw me and got out of my way and as i drove by he stood still and saluted me for some fucking reason

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

honestly i think what i was hoping for in an ocarina of time remake was a recreation of the original nakano art with modern graphics hardware, meanwhile they just went with that "zelda in unreal engine 4" bullshit. i will say in context it's grown on me very slightly but it reminds me of like

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

praying to any god, deity or demon that'll listen that live service goes down the drain like the shit it is

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

this is like, one of those golden ratio of words type posts. it's perfection, i love it

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

for what it's worth i bought one of these things like a month ago and it broke within a few weeks of regular usage. thanks a LOT, geoff!!!!!!

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

diablerizing a pop punk artist only to kill myself because i have to deal with their whiny ass internal monologue for the rest of eternatus

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

yeah, i guess you could say im something of a jizz wailer myself

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

infinite boneres......................

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

got a new shirt with absolutely insane double layer pockets, like these things can fit an entire phone or a nintendo DS in them AND there's a smaller one directly attached to the main one??? if only i knew how good things could be..........

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

i applied to work at a computer store and one of the questions they asked was basically "do you bathe regularly", which is, lol. i get why they feel the need to ask that, right, antisocial computer nerds and all that, but it's combination kinda funny kinda sad that they have to ask that at all yknow

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

sometimes i wonder how seriously people take that dirtbag american persona of mine. i hope y'all realize that when i talk about how much i hate europeans and communists and other bullshit like that it's meant to be like, a bandit keith style Every Country Belongs 2 America style joke y'know

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

lance corporal hogfucker would like to take a moment to call you a slur for saying that murder is bad

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

reads like the title of an essay you'd see on the anarchist library

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

beatles fictional parody bamd called the buges

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

something i hate about gta online is that they make you mash buttons to respawn in a timely manner. like man i don't wanna do a little dance for you just to start playing the fucking game again, just let me fucking respawn

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

wifey said no dicksucking..... We Live in a Slociety..................

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

the other night i was like 80% asleep and i grabbed my water because i was thirsty and because i was only like 20% awake i spilled it on myself all over my fucking bed and had to grab my blankets and hang them up at 2 am like an idiot

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

MY WIFE GOT DIABLERIZED BY ZAPATHASURA AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS BLOODY TSHIRT

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

i was in a tf2 lobby with a scout player cosplaying as flowery and he'd play flowery voice clips over th emic

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

i was at a bar with my mom and dough walker was there and hetried hittting on her (my mom) and was like, really creeping us out, and long storie short laddy's, ! she ended up pepper spraying him, he didn't get the: memo! and he ended up getting paper spayed for his own reasson.

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

when i was Ten, i saw my creature in a gocery stor, and its never bin the same sense!

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

a penis knome stoled my penist ,and maked my Life a living H"e"ll...!

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

the sacred bond between a pathetic man and the one person who finds his dumbass jokes funny

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Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

my cheapshit CD binder fell apart, now i cant zip it up. damn you, geoff bombos!!!!!!!!!!!

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