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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 3h

This is Miyamoto. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time for Nintendo Switch 2 is cancelled. I need some time to relax and bounce on dick. I'll release new games when I feel like it.

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Reposted by Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody]

Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

Autumn's right around the corner, so what better way to celebrate than with a pumpkin? Pumpkin Simulator comes to the Nintendo eShop later this month. It's exactly like those fireplace simulators but instead it's a pumpkin.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

We don't endorse content creators anymore because imagine what would happen if we did and they turned out to be a serial killer or a sonic fan or a gamer

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Stop making jokes about a Super Mario 64 remake it's not funny anymore, if you keep this up I'm gonna go home and kick my neighbor's dog

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

It's time to take on Kanto with your partner all over again! Pokémon™: Let’s Go, Pikachu! Nintendo Switch 2 Edition & Pokémon™: Let’s Go, Eevee! Nintendo Switch 2 Edition, coming November 15 2026. Pre-orders open today for $79.99. Featuring 3½ new Pokémon and Professor Oak.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

YouTube for Nintendo Switch 2 will never happen. What if you look up a video on how to emulate Donkey Kong Barrel Blast? Can't let that happen ever.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Have you seen this? Her name is Snifit, and she's taking over the internet.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Tune in October 5 for a #NintendoDirect Mini. The presentation will last roughly 15 minutes and feature new footage of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time for Nintendo Switch 2's Bombchu Girl so we can gauge how many more pre-orders we will get.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

One of my superiors said she was gonna "slime me out" if I didn't post funnier things, and chat, I gotta be real, I've had too much slime this week

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Erm, achtually, you don't need anything higher than 1080p. Your eyes can't even process 4K, it's a myth perpetrated by Ol' Chris Nolan. We only conceded and added it to the Nintendo Switch 2 before he started proposing 5K.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

We are excited to announce the opening of the Official Nintendo Discord Server! Chat with fellow players, learn about upcoming sales happening on the Nintendo Store, and join in on fun Nintendo themed community events, Nintendo Switch Online required to join the server. Mods will ban on sight.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

You can go to the eShop right now and get a free compliment while supplies last.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Ghouls are on Switch 2. Who cares man it's October, it's not like we can stop them.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

You don't know anything. It's called the Nintendo 64 because that's how many genders there were back then, but now there's a lot more and we didn't plan far enough ahead for that one, our bad.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

I'm short 20 bucks, can someone buy a subscription to Nintendo Switch Online so I can get some Wendy's?

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

We're gonna put anti-vaping and pro-gambling ads on the Switch 2 UI. Infinite money cheat, we win .

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Miyamoto once beat Yuji Naka in a boxing match. This loss inspired Yuji Naka to beat up his fellow game developers.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Hey man, are we good? I saw you trying to skip my tutorial dialog. Wasn't even 4 words in and I saw you mashing the Start button. I'm just a little offended is all, y'know?

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Now you can never stop playing! The PlayStation Vita comes to the Nintendo Classics App on October 2nd exclusively for the Nintendo Switch 2, and will be launching with all 3 titles that are actually worth anything, including Little Deviants. Nintendo Switch Online Membership required to play.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Nothing new on the Shop today, everyone here has been too busy playing the new Deadlock patch

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

A way to play this great classic again for the 27th time! Classic NES Series: Super Mario Bros. comes to the Nintendo GameBoy Advance - Nintendo Classics App September 29th. Nintendo Switch Online + Expansion Pack membership required to access GameBoy Advance titles.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I'm up in Bowser's Castle moving different. The Thwomps don't even bother tryin' to slam down, they know I get smashed enough.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

If you like movies you're a cinephile, but if you like Nintendo games you're a degenerate. This is clearly propaganda from the other gaming companies such as Sony, Microsoft, and Google. Vote for me for congress and I will validate their concerns.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Sony is currently innovating super hard by working on the ability to just purchase the memory of playing The Last of Us without the hassle of physical objects

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Nintendo #FunFact: During the Super Smash Bros. Ballot, The Charmin Bears had received more votes than Bayonetta and were briefly considered being added to Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and 3DS as DLC Fighters before Reggie Fils-Aimé stepped in. "Do not add the pooping bears."

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

He lives down here now for those wondering about his absence.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Masahiro Sakurai has laid his first egg. We are very proud of him.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

They shoulda let me on Electric Playground and let me box Tommy for 5 minutes. Let's see him pee at night out of this one.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Player. I need you to collect 𝘮𝘦. I am a small, oh so very small and fragile Star. You must reach thetop of the mountain and kill the chimp. Full violence necessary.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Happy Friday, Power Players! What's coming out of your backlog this weekend? Here's our picks. 🕹️

Super Mario Bros.™ Wonder – Nintendo Switch™ 2 Edition + Meetup in Bellabel Park

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Reposted by Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody]

Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 04/06/2026

Yes shareholders, as you can see, we've updated Purah's design to include what we believe our players call "Fujoshi Glasses". We expect the currently untitled Breath of the Wild threequel to sell at least 60 million units, twice that of the first Breath of the Wild.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

We put Luigi in a dress and he looked fucking marvelous, what did you do today?

Luigi in Peach's dress looking fucking marvelous

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Microsoft told us they won't make a new Banjo-Kazooie unless all XBOX owners eat 3 tons of lard and dirt. Banjo fans, you know what you gotta do 🫡

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

You asked, we listened. The Nintendo Switch 2 is available now for bisexuals as of today.

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Nintendo of America [Twitter/X Parody] @nintendooamerica.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Hey dude. *Sniffs the air, pupils shrink and eyes narrow* Ah, using tilt controls today, are we? Good choice.

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