iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Chain-Maile:Thou hast been beset cursed words! Forward this missive unto 5 of thy kith, else thy fields dry to ruin and thy home anathema to health!

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Bad day for Rogues: I made it to work on time

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Aye, armor will protect thee from the slings and arrows of men. But they still smart, I assure thee.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Too many sleeping potion overdoses these days. Not enough Prince Charmings to undo the Faerun fold.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

The greatest lie every told be "it is every man for himself". Nay, ser. A man by himself in the woods is a deadman. A village endures together.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Back in my day, fighters stood next to their opponent and swung until someone (they or it) went down. I know not of "misty step" or "leap", or whatever madness "flanking" be.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

I have been informed that the vampire lord known as McConnell hath returned from his deathrest.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

If thou partook in the brown moon leaf, thou mayest want to see an apothecary

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

Ay, the purser hath given me mine salary. Time to live like a princeling for but a few days!!!

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

Counting or not counting goblin raids?

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

A wiser man than I said that every mistake be a lesson in life. Incidentally, I am quite educated in life.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

HEART-WARMING: Local mages discover new way to light human organs aflame while still within the body.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

A lord, a bastard, and a villain walk into a tavern. The keeper sayeth; "drinking alone again, mi'lord?"

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

There be a few mages who stand near the wall and watch which ships come down the river with great excitement. I envy their passion

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

Nay, I don't want a "working lunch", I want a "lunch break". Those be two different things 🙄

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

We're seeing fairy triangles. Is everything all well in the faewild or...?

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

We get sieges once a year, and the damned purser still wont buy the watch decent mail.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Unrelated: Are you a rogue without any parents? Do you have skills in assassination? The king is currently seeking applicants in a new venture.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Announcement: The king has declared Ghakgore Limbripper as the rightful winner and besieger of our city. As such, he has offered (1) mulligan to allow Limbripper to return in one year's time after restoring his strength and resume his rightful siege of our very wealthy and barely defended town.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

Update: they be fighting now over the right to attack our city

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

ANNOUNCEMENT: The king, in his majesty, has decided Terror-Lord Amrik the Befouled as the rightful and true besieger of our glorious city, and not the pretender Grakgore Limbripper. Only once the pretender is cast away shall we enjoy a honorable siege of our most wealthy city.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

ANNOUNCEMENT: The king, in his majesty, has decided Grakgore Limbripper as the rightful and true besieger of our glorious city, and not the pretender Terror-Lord Amrik the befouled. Only once the pretender is cast away shall we enjoy a honorable siege of our most wealthy city.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

Siege update: a second army hath come to siege the city. All parties involved appear quite surprised and confused on how to proceed forward.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

Just watch. Something silly is going to happen and the siege will be over in a week.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

worst part about a siege (other than the obvious) is that since no one comes or goes from the gate, I have to spend my entire shift staring at naught.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

And these loathsome wretches won't stop lobbing shot into our very nice walls. Only months to go. Or weeks. Or a day. Who knows.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

Worst part of a siege is that I know one of two things art going to happen: - a wizard will be returning from vacation, be blocked, and cast powerword: dysentery on the sieging army. - Lord Fuckwad will sit his happy ass on the hill with a relief force until the King agrees to give him a new title.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

City under siege btw Don't go out of the walls

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

Update: second rock now found in newly destroyed tower. We suspect some strange weather phenomenon.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 18/08/2026

We've ruled out hill giants. Leading theory is now "very large magic missile".

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 18/08/2026

Large section of the wall found smashed this morning. Giant metal rock believed to be the culprit. The Watch is investigating.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

Some army of deserters and bandits hath made camp outside the wall. And, get this, they're pointing a large wheeled cooking pot at the wall. What art they going to do, pour soup into the moat?

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

Much of the nobility embraced vampirism. Their whole "invitation thing" is why guardsmen welcome thee to the city before crossing the threshold. Apparently implied invitation works for them.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

The nice part of a background story is that they art a beginning, not thy end.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

Love and solidarity to the skeletons of Monsters & Minions Local 1 for striking against unsafe necromancy. # Better a skull than a scab

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 07/08/2026

Closed this damnable portal, and all I got was a sigil stone.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 07/08/2026

"oh thou knowest where we should keep the keys to our citidel" HOW ABOOT INSIDE A GIANT BEATING HEART? HAST THEY NEVER HEARD OF A BREAST? - uh- A CHEST?

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 07/08/2026

THE GRASS STINGS THE ROOTS STING THERES INPS EVERYWHERE AND

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 07/08/2026

THOU KNOWEST WHAT IM SICK OF THIS. ILL CLOSE IT WITH MY OWN WITS.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 07/08/2026

Someone hath cursed mine beer! It maketh me crave another!

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

I must admit, I've had one of the new watchmen say "yes, my master" instead of "aye" as a punishment for sleeping on duty and... I get it. I get why vampires have thralls now. It's the phrase. Really giveth me a smile when I hear it.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

If thou opened a magic portal in front the Western gate, please close it. A lot of creatures art wandering out and causing problems.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

Mine entire life, mine tax was levied to fight wars in distant lands I've no claim nor connection to, for aims I have no choice in. What if, perchance, the coin collected by our fair city was used to improve our city?

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

Contrary to popular belief, Bard's College doesn't teach music. The name of the founder was Bard.

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 04/08/2026

Belay this; it was a spirit of some sort. One of the watchmen imbibed it, and revealed it was a "potion of intoxication".

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 04/08/2026

Alrighty alchemists, riddle me this. A clear potion, smells faintly of herbs. Isn't water not tea. Evil wizard who had it won't say what it be. Any guesses?

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Town Guard @townguard.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

These devils art always sending imps to tell me that mine mount's extended warranty is about to expire.

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