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Tony the human

@tonythehuman.bsky.social
3.3K followers 3.2K following 277 posts

Just for fun so No Hate, No Racism, No Maga, No Porn, No Paypal, No DM's, Yes Horror, Yes Comedy, Yes Sci Fi, Yes Art, Yes Nerd, Yes Puns, Yes Books, Yes Laughter, Yes dance off, Yes Weird, Yes Safe Place, Yes Toon, Yes Eddie Howe, be kind, Socialist, IFB

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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 08/07/2025
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 10/06/2025
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 10/06/2025
My family told me to wear a bike helmet as safety is important. But now people point, stare and make fun of me. I'll never go to that spinning class again.
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 07/05/2025
My wife told me “I had a dream that you gave me a beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?” “You'll know tonight.” I said with a wink. So never wanting to let her down, I searched every shop until I found the perfect present.... A book on the meaning of dreams
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 02/05/2025
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 01/05/2025
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 29/04/2025
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 20/04/2025
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 19/04/2025
I just got banned from the bar for lip-syncing Karaoke.
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 17/04/2025
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 16/04/2025
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 08/02/2025
Its not that I didn't know how to juggle, I just didn't have the balls too
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 06/02/2025
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 04/02/2025
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 04/02/2025
My wife said she will divorce me if I keep using the kitchen utensils, but that's a whisk I'm willing to take.
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 01/02/2025
A man died today when a pile of books fell on him. He only had his shelf to blame.
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 31/01/2025
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 24/01/2025
My wife told me "Sex is better on holiday." Not the best postcard to receive
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 21/01/2025
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 21/01/2025
When I was younger, Instagram meant a really fast drug dealer
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 17/01/2025
I've just taken out a loan to pay for an exorcism. I'm now worried that If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed.
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Kιƚƚყ ₜₕₑ ᵥₑgₐₙ ₛₒcᵢₐₗᵢₛₜ 📎Ⓥ🌱💚🦇🌍🐠🇬🇧🇪🇺 @sparklykitten.bsky.social · 10/01/2025
Happy Friday lovely phone family. It's -5° here. Shelter estimates in December were 345k homeless folk in England alone. The average age of death for rough sleepers is 45 for men and 43 for women. If you're worried about anyone, please report through www.streetlink.org.uk ❤️ #HaveCourageAndBeKind
Poster for Street Link support helpline. Simple drawing of trees at night with a bright street light shining on them. Text reads: Concerned about someone sleeping rough? Connecting rough sleepers to local services. Street Link. 0300 500 0914 www.streetlink.org.uk
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 10/01/2025
I've just sent my first wife a large delivery of food, Fedex
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 09/01/2025
my first job was drilling holes for water – it was well boring
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 07/01/2025
I just found out that if you get chased by a bunch of taxidermists, you don’t play dead!
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 01/01/2025
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Susie Dent @susiedentwords.bsky.social · 25/12/2024
A few potential words of the day: Joblijock: a disturber of domestic peace (small children, cantankerous uncles, etc). Yule-hole: the furthest notch in your belt that you need to resort to at Christmas. Confelicity: joy in other people’s happiness. Merry Christmas.
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Michael Beatty🇿🇦 @michaelbe.bsky.social · 22/12/2024
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 23/12/2024
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 23/12/2024
Mrs Claus had to help deliver some presents. When asked how she got on the elves replied "She sleighed it"
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 22/12/2024
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 22/12/2024
Last week I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition. I won hands down
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 22/12/2024
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David the Kamado 🚙💨 @kamadodavid.bsky.social · 20/12/2024
Just in case someone needs to see this.
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 20/12/2024
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 18/12/2024
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 18/12/2024
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Justsmudge @justsmudge.bsky.social · 14/12/2024
🌿☕ A snollygoster is an unprincipled politician who does or says things for their own personal advancement C19th possibly from snallygaster: A beast that preys on chickens & children or from German, schnelle geeschter meaning quick spirit Pictured below the Seven Virtues, Uffizi Gallery, Firenze🎨🌿
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 13/12/2024
I was going to sail around the globe in the worlds smallest ship, but when it came to going, I bottled it.
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 11/12/2024
A moment of silence for our dear friend, liquid water, who did not survive the 100° temperature. You will be mist...
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 11/12/2024
Party time
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 10/12/2024
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 07/12/2024
My Grandpa used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 06/12/2024
I once tried to steal some spaghetti, but a female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta.
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 04/12/2024
I‘m developing a phobia of German sausage. I fear the wurst
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 04/12/2024
Beware the Karen in disguise, they are here
media.tenor.com
a woman in a pink jacket says " can i speak to the manager ? "
ALT: a woman in a pink jacket says " can i speak to the manager ? "
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 04/12/2024
I've just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's now Hans free.
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 29/11/2024
A penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman, “Has my brother been in for a drink here today?” The barman looks at the penguin and says, “I’m not sure. What does he look like?”
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Tony the human @tonythehuman.bsky.social · 28/11/2024
A man goes into a bar with a small amphibian, called Tiny, on his shoulder. “A whiskey for me and a gin for Tiny, please” he says to the barman. The barman asks, “Why do you name him Tiny?” The man replies, “Because he’s my newt.”
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Kιƚƚყ ₜₕₑ ᵥₑgₐₙ ₛₒcᵢₐₗᵢₛₜ 📎Ⓥ🌱💚🦇🌍🐠🇬🇧🇪🇺 @sparklykitten.bsky.social · 21/11/2024
Happy #ThoughtfulThursday lovely phone family. I spoke to 4 homeless folk yesterday. Despite SWEP, none of them had somewhere warm to sleep. If you're worried about someone you see sleeping rough, please use the StreetLink website to get them support. Have a blessed day 💛 #HaveCourageAndBeKind
Photo of a row of small, bright apartments. Text reads: Finland has largely eradicated homelessness across the country with an innovative strategy. The approach involves offering individuals a small apartment and mental health support without any initial conditions. As a result, 80% of participants in this program successfully reintegrate into society, gaining employment, stable housing, sobriety, and peace.
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