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Tim Madison

@timmadison.bsky.social
743 followers 461 following 1.5K posts

story monkey, husband, father, gymkata enthusiast

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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 13/04/2025
The White House physician pronounced Trump in "excellent health" and attributed the President's condition to a sort of human pickling process caused by a combination of toxic narcissism, insatiable resentment, and there being no justice in a fundamentally cruel and indifferent universe.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 04/04/2025
I imagine RFK Jr.'s brain gives off an odor like a bad tooth.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 28/03/2025
The Siberian flying squirrel just wants to watch the world burn.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 28/03/2025
My go-to karaoke song is whimpering softly while curled on the floor in a fetal position. I mean, really any song could be playing, so, I guess Wonderwall?
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 26/03/2025
You know who history's greatest monster is? That guy I accidentally included on my top secret group text. What a piece of shit!
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 24/03/2025
There's no ointment for a broken heart, Amazon. Stand by for a class action lawsuit.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 22/03/2025
When you're born loving the Bible and the Constitution, you don't have to bother reading that shit. You just channel the freedom vibes.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 21/03/2025
sump /səmp/ noun 1. a containment pit for waste water or sewage, as in a cesspool 2. a simp for Trump
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 21/03/2025
If only it were possible for a person to be crushed to death by an avalanche of their own deranged tweets, like a hoarder beneath a mountain of old newspapers.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 21/03/2025
Hey, if we put all those recalled Cybertrucks in public schools, maybe the GOP would care about school shootings?
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 20/03/2025
"Environmental embrittlement" is also the technical term for Musk's reaction to any form of criticism.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 20/03/2025
My theory is that most people, to some degree, spend the rest of their lives "recovering" from their childhoods. Not to say they experienced deep trauma, abuse, or terrible parenting. Just that kids are so vulnerable and impressionable that sometimes even relatively minor stuff feels huge.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 17/03/2025
I always felt an unearned kinship with Canadians because, despite my copious swearing (I am from NJ, after all), I am regarded as overly polite by many Americans. Also, SCTV and The Kids in the Hall.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 16/03/2025
It's that time of year when Canada geese start nesting on traffic islands, airport runways, the precipices of hellmouths, and all the other totally safe neighborhoods to raise a gaggle of helpless goslings.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 10/03/2025
Pitch: A version of Carpool Karaoke with participants that can neither sing nor drive.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 09/03/2025
When is this "silver fox" stage of life supposed to happen? Because I've been stuck in the "dishwater possum" phase for a while now.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 09/03/2025
Vance is odious little ass-weasel and probably daring protesters to make a scene so he could turn it into a story. But when people on Bluesky say it's a completely fabricated encounter, I'm like, "It's not hard to do 3 fucking seconds of research." www.thedailybeast.com/jd-vance-con...
thedailybeast.com
‘S**t People’: Vance Condemns Pro-Ukraine Protesters Who Followed Him
The vice president tweeted his condemnation after encountering the protesters in Cincinnati.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 09/03/2025
There's no ground to be ceded on this subject.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 08/03/2025
OH GEE DO YOU THINK SO I HADN'T NOTICED www.nytimes.com/2025/03/08/o...
nytimes.com
Opinion | Musk Doesn’t Understand Why Government Matters
If a business fails, it’s not a big deal. When government services break down, people can die.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 08/03/2025
Undertaker: Your uncle's final wishes were to be cremated. One small issue, however, it seems he understood cremation to mean his body would be turned into a dairy product. Nephew: *sniffs* Classic Uncle Joe. So stupid.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 08/03/2025
Elon Musk would not pass a Voight-Kampff test.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 07/03/2025
I feel like, because Musk's Nazi salute grabbed so much attention, there wasn't much of a conversation around Musk saying we'd be taking "DOGE to Mars" and just flat-out announcing it was his personal funding program.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 07/03/2025
After skewering his PR guy on a 10-foot long sharpened stake... Vlad: Honestly. What kind of professional name is 'Vlad the Inhaler'? Lackey: I think he said, 'Impaler', sire. Vlad: Oh. That makes more sense. ... Lackey: I'm getting impaled now, aren't I? Vlad: Yup.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 06/03/2025
Sometimes I'll just look at our dog and laugh. My wife thinks my brain is soft-boiled.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 06/03/2025
American society is crumbling so now seems like as good a time as any to drop 5 grand on an intelligent toilet.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 06/03/2025
Here's the apparent paradox that a lot of people can't grasp: Musk is the world's wealthiest man *because* of his dysfunction, not in spite of it. Narcissistic workaholism isn't admirable; it's ravenous emptiness. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-...
psychologytoday.com
Understanding the Dynamics of Workaholism-Narcissism
Perfectionism and obsession can lead to high levels of ego-inflated self-absorption that encourages the development of neurotic narcissistic traits.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 06/03/2025
What's ironic about the deep political divisions in the US is that our culture is that our mainstream culture is homogenous as mayonnaise. Half the mayonnaise thinks the rest of the mayonnaise isn't being maynonnaise-y enough.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 05/03/2025
A reminder that Elon Musk literally does not understand or give a shit about *anything* that does not directly benefit him. Chances are you didn't need this reminder.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 05/03/2025
Question: How long does a Ponzi scheme need to pay out to its participants and not benefit a criminal enterprise before we can safely say its not a Ponzi scheme? Because apparently 85 years is not enough to be sure.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 04/03/2025
During Trump's speech, Democrats plan on showing their displeasure by not smiling with their eyes.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 04/03/2025
If there's a zero-percent chance these mice can rise up and kill us, then what's the point? www.cnn.com/2025/03/04/s...
cnn.com
Genetically engineered woolly mouse is a step toward resurrecting extinct mammoth, company says | CNN
Scientists working to bring back the woolly mammoth have created genetically engineered mice that they say have several features of the extinct ice age giant.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 04/03/2025
Difficult to express my anger as anything other than obscenity-lace gibberish at this point. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...
theguardian.com
Trump orders swathes of US forests to be cut down for timber
President’s move to expand tree cutting across 280m acres evades rules to protect endangered species
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 04/03/2025
People who whistle tunelessly in public spaces deserve prison time.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 04/03/2025
I'm never going to look like a guy who knows his way around a woodshop.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 04/03/2025
I like the idea that Reacher doesn't know how much he can bench. He's just a drifter who stays in that shape by randomly lifting furniture, refrigerators, and cars until he hits his limit.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 04/03/2025
The problem is the number of people who seem to think the point of life is "winning" at somebody else's expense
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 04/03/2025
Can't...stop...vomiting...
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 03/03/2025
When someone argues satire and political humor "don't work", to some extent I feel like it's saying breathing doesn't work. Jokes aren't going topple a regime or make zealots change their minds, but you probably don't want to try living without it.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 02/03/2025
We need a new 7 deadly sins. The old "sins" are aspects of human nature. It feels like a sin shouldn't be a sin until it's an action: cruelty, subjugation, duplicity, and so forth.
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Reposted by Tim Madison
Hank Green @hankgreen.bsky.social · 02/03/2025
We are experiencing an assault on science unparalleled by anything I’ve seen in my life. It’s not one issue or another anymore, the entire institution is under attack by the most powerful individuals in the country. This Friday, where will you be? standupforscience2025.org
standupforscience2025.org
STAND UP FOR SCIENCE
March 7, 2025. Washington DC and nationwide. Because science is for everyone.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 02/03/2025
I've always thought that 'evil' wasn't a particularly useful word, but I have to say: sometimes the horns fit.
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Kye @gxldsociety.bsky.social · 02/03/2025
Vermont understood the assignment. Take notes, America.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 02/03/2025
I'm studying the art of Monégasque Street Fighting, which mostly involves calling my lawyer after running someone down in my Mercedes G-Class.
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Mike Galsworthy @mikegalsworthy.bsky.social · 02/03/2025
Please share. 🙏🏻
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 01/03/2025
Humans are the only irrational animal. We're the only species (as far as we know) capable of complex rational thought. And yet time and again, we reject rationality for what our lizard brains tell us to do. Emotion moves faster than thought and it's a lot more addictive.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 28/02/2025
Vance: Have you said 'thank you' even once? Zelenskyy: Many times. ... Vance: *leaping to feet and holding suit jacket open* Everybody, make yourselves look big to establish dominance!
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 28/02/2025
Trump and Musk want to see the gold in Fort Knox because they haven't yet developed object permanence. Oh, and because they're fucking looters.
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Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt.bsky.social · 27/02/2025
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 27/02/2025
I know this is a trivial, victimless transgression compared to so much else Elon Musk has done, but I still say the fact that the world's wealthiest man paid people to make him look like a champion gamer is a hugely telling indication of just how stunted and broken the man really is.
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Tim Madison @timmadison.bsky.social · 27/02/2025
It's shit like pressuring Romania to lift the travel ban on the Tate brothers that makes it hard not to think the Trump administration just asks, "What would a literal fucking demon do?" All the utter fraudulent moral outrage about protecting women while championing these bottom-feeding rapists.
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