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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱

@tilskatoff.bsky.social
348 followers 125 following 934 posts

Head of a neurodivergent household. Ex-archaeologist. Now and again I paint things. Most of all, it's just nice to be nice.

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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 7h
18yo and I were at a comedy show at the Palladium last night. It was good minus a couple of coked up wankers, performatively laughing in an over-the-top way. The comedian just posted a photo of the audience. Made me laugh that you can actually make out our blurry little faces glaring at them.
View of the audience at the London Palladium from the stage.Close of a section of the audience indicating where my eldest and I were sitting in relation to the coked up, 'look at me! Look at MEEEE!' arseholes who were sitting nearby.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Freshly cut hair swept into a pile.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Given his proclivity to pebble-dash his pants every 5mins, he should name it "Shartificial intelligence".
The tangerine toss-pot looking obnoxiously snug
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Just had to Google "prophylactic antibiotic" because my only understanding of the word meant I was envisaging a patient rolling on a condom infused with penicillin.
Greta Thunberg with an awkward, cringey expression
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
I absolutely love this. Disappointed that the English dance wasn't him learning the intricacies of the Doncaster pub routine.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
If Xi did say this (which he didn't), pretty sure he meant "have you just shit your pants?"
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Me when I need a poo at work.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I hadn't either really till the other day and I just suddenly thought "wow, that's so basic and shit". He's even just rhyming "fly" with "fly". As you said, maybe the lesson is as long as you do something with style and charisma, you can get away with any old bollocks.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Whenever you have imposter syndrome, it's worth remembering that Lenny Kravitz went multi-platinum with 'Fly Away' despite lyrics that would barely scrape a prize in an infant school poetry competition.
I wish that I could fly into the sky, so very high just like a dragonfly.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Why does this feel the same?
Xi Jinping and the tangerine buffoon walking along a corridor that looks suspiciously like one of those visual effects corridors to make you feel bigger at the end.Willy Wonka at the end of his visual effect corridor, looking very big.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Brilliant, cos' that's what the world needs....more arseholes with nuclear weapons. Seriously, just wake me up when we're living in a matriarchy. I'm so done.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
That's very true, especially if it's in a brown envelope. Urgh, it's a horrible feeling.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Is it a neurodivergent thing or just anxiety to constantly feel like you're in trouble? I get an email notification- my stomach lurches cos' I must be in trouble. I get a text - I feel a bit sick because I'm probably in trouble. A letter pops through the door - oh God, I must have done s/thing wrong
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
The shame of deleting a post because you hadn't caught up on your timeline enough to see someone else had done it 3hrs ago.
Phil Mitchell looking incredibly regretful, bordering on massive cringe.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Had a conversation with my eldest this afternoon that unexpectedly involved the phrase "concentric circles of shart".
John Peel in headphones at a mixing desk, quite clearly about to announce the new single from Concentric Circles of Shart.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I thought peri-menopause wasn't having too much of an effect on me brain fog-wise, but I tried to say 'Silence of the Lambs' a few days ago and all my brain would give me was 'Vision of the Swans'.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
My 9/11/01 - I was messing around in a chat-room at work rather than actually working. A NYorker in the chat saw the 1st plane hit out of her office window. I blurted it out to everyone+they asked how I knew - what news was it on? Erm...I forget, definitely not a chat-room though *cough cough*
Two old fashioned dolls looking very guilty
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
This would be so exciting. And, what a lovely, kind face the lead ecologist has.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Thankyou, crikey! Glad she's OK. Remind me to check for giant otters before I swim anywhere !
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
No, but I saw someone talking about it who mentioned that they can be 6ft and I was amazed and had to check. Still need to find the reel they were talking about.....or do I? Is it horrific?
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
This morning, I needed to look up the relative size of a giant river otter with a human (don't ask). Strongly suspect a man made this diagram.
Diagram showing the relative sizes of various species of otter with an early hominid and a modern human being. The modern human being is a woman with a beautiful figure and cracking pair of tits.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
I'm not sure I like it when my Duolingo widget gives the general vibe of Commandant Lassard being sucked off at the lectern. I'll get to my Norwegian lesson when I have time and an owl's cum face won't make me do it any sooner.
The Duolingo owl widget looking, to all intents and purposes, on the edge of orgasm.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Very much like that! The thrill of getting it right to adopting the correct facial expression for the news was quite the gear change. You know me....love a quiz - it takes over my entire being.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
I discovered Di had died in a Pompeian bar. The owner came up to us+started doing charades peppered with basic Italian words. I get very excited at quizzes+probably should have processed the info better before I triumphantly shouted "Princess Diana is dead!!" like I'd just won 'Give Us a Clue'.
Screenshot from an 80's episode of 'Give Us a Clue'. Michael Parkinson is sitting down whilst Lionel Blair reads a card next to him. The answer on the card is written at the bottom of the screen and says "Princess Diana is Dead"
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
This reminds me of driving through Henley and being reminded it was the 80's Rewind Festival purely because I saw He-Man using a cash machine.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
One day, the dozy fucker will finally hit the jackpot.
First panel has the Grim Reaper sitting in an office chair saying "I don't see him". 
Second panel shows an angry man in a baseball cap saying "He's right there"
Third panel shows the Grim Reaper shouting "Where?"
Fourth panel shows the man in the baseball cap losing his temper, throwing a chair while the Grim Reaper looks on.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
I mean....we're all thinking it.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
For my 18yr old's birthday cake I got the cover art from their favourite album printed on it. After a few slices, we've inadvertently produced an equine Jimothy. #jimothy
Square birthday cake with the image of a cowboy riding a white horse.Same cake after a section cut out of the middle and the sides pushed together. The horse (now without rider) looks like Jimothy
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Was up very late last night decorating the front room for my 18yr old coming downstairs this morning for their birthday and was so pleased with myself. In the cold light of day, we both agree that my colour scheme choice is giving less "birthday" and much more....."wake".
Black and gold 18th birthday decorations which are looking massively funereal.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
Next time, I might double check my weird neighbour *isn't* in his garden before I start un-pegging my knickers from the line so they fall directly into the basket while singing 🎶"It's raining pants, Hallelujah!!"🎶 in an overblown Texan accent.....to my cat. Cat, not impressed either FWIW.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
I'm trying to write my child's 18th birthday card and can't stop crying. Keep having to stop and just crumble for a minute.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
I'm ever so slightly in love with pandas but the problem is that they're so weird and adorable (and act like children in bear costumes) that it's impossible to tell what's AI and what's real now. #AIsucksass
static.klipy.com
Monday Office Panda Prank
ALT: Monday Office Panda Prank
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
I was looking for it!! I found it a few weeks ago on my laptop but I can't remember which folder it's in. Will try to find it.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Post a picture that should be an album cover
A young woman (me in 1997) sitting on the edge of a table covered in papers, wine bottles and other trinkets staring with melancholy out of a window. A half deflated balloon with the number 21 on it hovers overhead. My dog had just died and I was incredibly sad.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Just doing some family tree on Ancestry and just hit a classic case of "tell me you're American without telling me you're American"
screenshot from ancestry.co.uk where someone has written Lancastershire as a county name rather than Lancashire
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Just woke up from a scary dream about losing my kids in a weird, expansive soft play facility. There was a man shouting the names of his kids...their names were 'Souness' and 'Graeme'.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Very disappointed this scene wasn't in it.
Elon Musk in some AI slop bollocks dressed in spacesuit on Mars (with his helmet open for crying out loud, has he not seen Total Recall?!?)Scene from Total Recall where the space helmet glass has smashe and the eyeballs are being sucked out of his head.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Just daydreaming about a lovely downpour and I really do think that petrichor could have been the name of the fourth Wise Man who just didn't make the cut.... ....or maybe he just slept through his alarm....or maybe I'm too hot and it's too early to be enjoying a beer.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
I'm ready for the eclipse
A man sitting in some kind of medical chair with a contraption in his mouth and metallic things attached to his eyes.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
"Are you alright in there Mr President?" "Yes! I'm fine!.......DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!!"
Augustus Gloop with a face full of chocolate and cream
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
Why did this immediately make me think of that possum who broke into a bakery and ate so much that when the doors were opened in the morning, he was too engorged to move?
Headline saying "Trump reportedly hid in catering contain to board secret flight in Turkey amid Iran threat"Photo of the engorged possum who broke into a bakery and ate so much he couldn't move.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
Postman has just delivered a load of junk mail. Might order a cock and balls pizza for dinner tonight.
Some junk mail from Dominos in the shape of a big pizza slice with the pepperoni on it in the shape of a cock and balls.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
Impossible not to imagine the expression of the person who set yesterday's Keywords puzzle.
Screen shot of the Keywords quiz. The top word is "Bum". The second word is "Boys"An expression of cheeky smugness
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Reposted by Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱
Brian Groom @groomb.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
New discovery near Stonehenge puts 'women at the centre of early Bronze Age society'. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
bbc.co.uk
New discovery puts 'women at the centre of early Bronze Age society'
The 4,000-year-old skeleton of a metalworker was first found in 1803.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
It was so good, it was the perfect sandwich with a big side order of relief and some quality stolen time with my lovely Dad ☺️
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
At 16, I bunked off school. When I got home, I was horrified to see my Dad. He wasn't really meant to be at home either. I waited for a bollocking, but he just said "Fancy a sausage sandwich?". We then watched an old war film together tucking into our glorious sarnies. I think about that a lot.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
What Count Dracula says when his servants aren't pulling their weight.
The box of a little Lego style kit. The company name, printed on the box is 'Verkada'
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
I'm assuming it was a catamaran.
Professional dickhead, Nigel Farage looking ridiculously pleased with himself
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
Yesterday on the motorway, I had only just finished telling my son about my irrational+highly unfair sense that people with bikes on the back of their cars are middle class wankers, when I saw this.....
A car on the motorway with a penny farthing strapped to the back.
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Tilskatoff 🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇱 @tilskatoff.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
Your Temu parcel has left Yangzhou and is en route via Space X.
static.klipy.com
Operation Teapot Nuke
ALT: Operation Teapot Nuke
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