iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 28/05/2025

Does that change what I hallucinate, though? Does it change how her ghost haunts my every action, judging me for every step I take?

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 28/05/2025

...You misunderstood. I feel that same guilt for all of them. She's just... the one that haunts me the most. The one who's voice I think I hear in the middle of the night... paralyzing me.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 28/05/2025

It was just about my family. My mother, specifically. I hate how they're the only kill that haunts me, the only semblance of guilt I feel. It's frustrating. I just wish to forget them.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 27/05/2025

...Every nightmare just discloses It's your blood that's...

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

*She just stands there, watching from a small distance.*

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

Lighten up, old man, I'm sure they'll be more than happy to see you once all this is over.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

...Good. I didn't think you'd let them be in danger, especially if you were worried about me.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

ARE THEY NOT WITH ALUCARD-?? WHY WEREN'T THEY THE TOP PRIORITY-???

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

Fuck if I know, it was like a flash flood. Yknow, if it was normal for a flood to specifically try to target me, and avoid the rest of my damn office... If the place is wrecked when I get back, I swear to-

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

Yeah, well, not all of us are so lucky, so get to it-

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

//i read that as flood i think its over for me

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Reposted by Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator

Gorkem🪳🔞🧪⚠️ @ga1ahadysnc.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

As in like food but I also ate yeah

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

...I'll, uh, try to get there. ... And give me a warning if you're sending the cat to grab me-?

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

...I've never been more glad I spent hours waterboarding myself than at this moment.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

// Reposting this so its, yknow, on my account. Its a little important.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

Jeez- we're fine. The... the water only really seems to be going after me, but I can definitely hold it off... shit's damn relentless, though...

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Reposted by Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator

The Priest of La Manchaland @pequodsecondmate.bsky.social · 13/05/2025

DON QUIXOTE HELP THERES WATER GOING AFTER ME HELP WHATTAGAN FUCKOOREH IS GOING ON

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

...Yknow... tch- when... when Alucard died, I- ... I regretted not letting him consider me family. Eugh. Wings that's hard for me to say... I feel gross doing so.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

...Pft. No. I still hate that term. Feel like it undermines everything else. But I also can't really deny it anymore, can I?

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

Then... we'll just chalk all of that up to being a... sibling fight. Hahah...

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

Your parents sound similar to mine. I don't believe they ever loved me outside of an obligation to do so as parents. ...But there isn't that obligation here, is there? I was just trying to kill you. I told you how much I wish I could hate you. All that proves to me is... this is genuine, isn't it?

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

In a fit of rage, I took my freedom from them. But I'm still not free, am I? ...Will I really ever be, like this? I don't think I feel guilt... but their memory still plagues me.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

So, I brought up the only job that ever interested me. Being a fixer. They shut me down immediately. "All fixers die eventually." In my eyes, without that risk, the job wouldn't be fulfilling. Anyways... I wanted freedom. To be free of the shackss of their expectations- of their "love".

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

Come my 18th birthday. Quite literally the day of. "You're an adult now, so start to fucking act like it." "You need to get a job and do something productive for once." Like hell I want to be one of those wage slaves, working their lives for someone else-! But not like they'd get that.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

The biggest failure in their eyes... as a child, I distinctly remember I told them I wanted to be a fixer, inspired by stories of the Red Mist and stuff. They told me to abandon that idea, that it'd be better to either work for a wing or take over the workshop. I never mentioned it to them again.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

But... when perfection is the norm, it becomes the expectation. Anything less ends up being considered failure. That's especially how my mother saw things. I was capable of so much more, so I should do more. I hate them so much for shaping the way I see myself. For... damaging me like this, forever.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

...It's going to sound egotistical, but I've always been perfect, ever since I was a child. Perfect grades, behavior, whatever. But that's all I had. No friends. No hobbies. Like I said, the one thing that made me stand out was being exceptional.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

...There's still that voice in the back of my mind, screaming at me to just kill you already. The same voice telling me to abandon everyone and everything I care about.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

...It makes me feel weak. Relying on anyone else. There's nothing I hate more than that feeling.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

...I don't know what to do. I think you were right- right that I've been... running from my new- gh- yknow- just because I'm so traumatized by my old one... ... My mother's voice still haunts me. Sometimes, laying in bed, I think I hear her yelling, and... You know I'm not afraid of a lot, but...

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

...That's not true. You do. ... Bloodfiends get weaker dependent on how large their family is. A second kindred with no remaining family members would be above even a first kindred with a large family. ... In the most literal sense, you do hold me back. You, and the rest of our... "family."

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

That's all their value, not mine- and besides, they also hold me back from my potential-! You know the shit the Hana pulled on me- I'd just be better without them or anyone else.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

Because I just don't have anything else. I'm just as replacable as anyone else in this city if I'm not exceptional. What do I have to my name? I'm heartless. I've taken countless lives- I even killed my own parents- what value could I possibly have as long as someone out there is better than me?

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

You couldn't ever understand that, because you're more than just your accomplishments. You're an actual person- and yet you're still better than me-! Why- are you- better than me-?!

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

Because aside from being better than everyone else, I'm nothing. I always have been nothing. The one thing that's ever set me apart my whole life has been being the best person in the room. The smartest, strongest, whatever.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

You're gonna tell me stuff like "ooh, you have value that you just can't see". Bullshit. It's all just bullshit.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

Because what the hell else am I if I'm not-! What purpose, what value do I have if I'm *not* better than everyone else?! Because that's what I should be! It's all that I am, goddamnit! It's the only thing that makes me special-!

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

Of course you wouldn't understand. Nobody ever could. It's not about looking out for me- its that I need to be better than you. I *need* to be better than anyone else- Alucard, Cheshyre, Olive- I NEED to be the strongest person in this damned city- and all these bonds just- hurt that.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

Don't- Just- Shut up. Don't you dare 'protect' me. I won't just be a failure like that. I refuse to be so useless. I know I'm better than that.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

...I hate you, Carmesí. I hate you because I love you. Because I care about you so damn much. All these- thoughts, feelings, they just get in my way- But no matter what I do, how hard I try to bury it all, it just- never- works-! It's so... frustrating.

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

That... that brought out... a lot of stuff that- I... really didn't want to say... hah- ahah- *Lycoris collapses back down to her knees.*

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Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator @thornofficerep.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

I'll... survive. Fuck, my chest hurts- *Her gaze turned to the rifle strewn on the ground.* I should've stuck to just not using guns-! *She moves over to it, and stomps it, shattering it. Faint wisps of smoke and dark flame linger for a moment, before dissipating.*

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