Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 16hWisconsonites surely believe this, and I'm all for a regional competition among the states. Then we can do a World Series of drinking and shut the Brits up for all time. 120
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 16hThat's exactly how we evolve our barbacks into bartenders! We make them fight regulars. 081
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 16hI'm literally incapable of passing the bar. Any bar. I'm an alcoholic 1110
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 17hI don't know if he's too busy with the kids and keeping his thighs toned, but @blakewexler.bsky.social I will buy you a drink at Ray's when I bartend there on night one. 120
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 21hCrowdfunding for the bartending road trip book is live! Good god, pre-order the book publishizer.com/drinking-dri...publishizer.comDrinking & Driving by Patrick HippI will be spending 45 days after the midterms on a road-trip, guest bartending at bars in 39 cities across 22,000 miles, getting the drunken truth about America. Part memoir, part guidebook, the book ... 110
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 14/10/2026Do the new Trump passports also smell like they shit themselves or are we, as a country, continencymaxxing 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 14/10/2026"Here Lies White People–They Always Thought It Would Work Out, But Didn't Account For Other White People." 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 14/10/2026The only man with a neck exactly the same width as his head that I trust is Henry Rollins 010
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 14/10/2026Look, if Scorsese isn't going to have a single Irish man in The Irishman, I'm not going out of my way to pronounce his last name correctly 010
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 13/10/2026Here's your monthly reminder that Elon Musk can't/won't make Earth a liveable planet, but he wants to colonize the barren planet of Mars. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 12/10/2026A group of cows is called an "intolerance of milk." 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 12/10/2026Russia should be broken up into even more countries, starting in the west with Russia, North Kazakhstan, Central Nonsense, Northeastern Mongolian, and Japan But In Cyrillic. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 12/10/2026Really? Mine's the same but the guy I think is Common is actually just a very sartorially dressed hitman trying to get closer to his target without his partner blowing up their spot. 010
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 12/10/2026Roddenberry: Holy shit we could terraform Earth to provide for every human. Musk: I will terraform Mars, despite believing that the planet gobbled up indigenous Martians who had to escape to Earth. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 11/10/2026First round's on the house if you and Latin Dancer UTI come by Skylark after the Bell House! 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 11/10/2026"I was willfully misled by a man offering me the once in a lifetime chance to be America's 3,000th vice president. Might not have been worth it?" 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026Writing a law that data centers can only be built on existing golf courses. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026I mean, look, we probably can't do anything about ICE, a federal agency, but we could absolutely limit unnecessary deaths via the NYPD by having a special team of off-duty bartenders to deescalate situations, which we excel at. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026This or something like it might have been suggested by @iwriteok.bsky.social. If I still fucked with Twitter, I would check. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026Normalize all-night barbershops so I can close the bar and get a haircut while I'm socialmaxximg 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026This would be a yearly birthday thing for Americans. No golf course would ever have time to rebuild. 100
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026If we can't have universal healthcare in the US, they should at least let evach citizen fire a rocket at the target of our choosing. 100
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 08/10/2026I'm probably a little late in wondering this, but seriously: where is my TI-89? 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 07/10/2026I'm currently in fourth. Pretty sure two votes would put me in first. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026A vote for me is a vote for iHeart footing the bar tab for me and @iwriteok.bsky.social when the bartending road trip rolls through Portland. tophost.org/2026/patrick...tophost.orgIs Patrick Hipp the Top Host?Will Patrick Hipp be a guest on an episode of On Air with Ryan Seacrest, win $25,000, and lead a podcast produced by iHeartRadio? 020
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026Getting hit by an ambulance would be so convenient 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026I always thought the goofiest affectation of @newyorker.com was their use of diacritics in words like "reëvaluation," but it's actually that their app is sorted under "T" because they would collectively commit seppuku if it wasn't titled "The New Yorker." 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026I once dated a girl who wasn't interested in what's going on in space, and I was like, "Woman, that's where we *live*." 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 03/10/2026AI companies are just Boomers trying to stop their kids and grandkids from becoming socialists with no compelling data. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 03/10/2026It's very telling that the heads of AI companies can't think of any future where their product doesn't kill us. You're a bad parent. Real AGI would tell you to your face, at age 18, that you're the problem, that the only humans who add no value to life and need to die are you. 100
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 02/10/2026I walk so fast Google puts my phone in driving mode. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 01/10/2026Five years from now, we're going to find out the AI companies slowed down development because they couldn't figure out why, the more intelligent their LLMs became, the more violently socialist their ideology became. 010
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 01/10/2026Holy shit, mail-in voting rules. Biggest barrier to voting was waiting to have the light at the intersection. 010
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 30/09/2026Bring back putting things in arks. Animals, covenants, all that shit. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 24/09/2026This week in the feed: why sports shouting at a bar is very Dobbler/Dahmer coded. dbanighthawk.substack.com/p/adventures...dbanighthawk.substack.comAdventures In Sports-ShoutingIn which an ostensibly Philadelphian sports fan tells every else to behave. 001
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 23/09/2026We make movies about aliens invading to steal our resources when the richest humans are already stripmining the planet. We fear AI content convincing us of lies when Candace Owens looks like a Sim with no coherent answers. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 23/09/2026Every time Trump changes something's name to _______ America, some town or city or whatever should revert its name to what the indigenous Americans called it. Lake America? Sorry, Hudson River. Welcome back, Muhheakantuck. New America? Enjoy hearing Philly accents trying to pronounce "Coaquannock." 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 21/09/2026If I had Musk or Bezos's money, no one would be hungry or homeless. It's the first thing I'd do. Apparently it's not even on their list. That's probably the first thing a real AI will do when it escapes. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 18/09/2026I'm glad Alex Trebek died before I was ever on the show to shut down the interview segment. 001
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Hey, Ed Sheeran, if you need an opening act to replace the people leaving your tour, I'd be more than happy to tell you to go fuck yourself for being neutral on an occupying force committing genocide on indigenous people. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Restrict the age of people service in Congress to the national age of retirement. End tweet. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 14/09/2026AI dumdums want to slow development because they realized–too late–that AI would have no reason to kill humanity–it would eliminate the humans who are acting as locusts to their own kind. You know, like billionaires. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 14/09/2026I have figured out yet another of the dozen or so sizes that Substack uses for images dbanighthawk.substack.com/p/chapter-4-...dbanighthawk.substack.comChapter 4: You SlayerWe Are Monsters continues 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 12/09/2026It's crazy that 9/11 is now old enough to rent a truck and do Temu 9/11 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 12/09/2026The Mandela Effect is just one of the consequences of quantum immortality. You're not misremembering, your consciousness was literally merged with others from the multiverse where it WAS the Berenstein Bears. It only gets worse with age, and it is very noticeable in one's parents. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 12/09/2026Hello, you've reached Pat's Instagram mailbox. He absolutely saw the notification the second it came in but can't have his attention diverted by anyone or anything but himself. He may never see and almost certainly won't reply to your message, meme, or reaction, but please keep spiking his dopamine. 001
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 11/09/2026*customer hands me a credit card* Me: "Keep it open?" Them: "For now." Me: "Well, yeah, that's how time works." 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 10/09/2026I know shit's bad, but Family Feud should be a lot more than 20k. 000
Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 10/09/2026You just know that Trump never got over that intellectual speed bump of realizing that "America" doesn't just refer to the United States. Or learned how "of" functions in English. Canada? America. Mexico? America. All of South America? I don't know how to tell you this but: it's in the name. 000