iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

Do the new Trump passports also smell like they shit themselves or are we, as a country, continencymaxxing

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

"Here Lies White People–They Always Thought It Would Work Out, But Didn't Account For Other White People."

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

Look, if Scorsese isn't going to have a single Irish man in The Irishman, I'm not going out of my way to pronounce his last name correctly

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

Here's your monthly reminder that Elon Musk can't/won't make Earth a liveable planet, but he wants to colonize the barren planet of Mars.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

A group of cows is called an "intolerance of milk."

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

Russia should be broken up into even more countries, starting in the west with Russia, North Kazakhstan, Central Nonsense, Northeastern Mongolian, and Japan But In Cyrillic.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Writing a law that data centers can only be built on existing golf courses.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Normalize all-night barbershops so I can close the bar and get a haircut while I'm socialmaxximg

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

If we can't have universal healthcare in the US, they should at least let evach citizen fire a rocket at the target of our choosing.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I'm probably a little late in wondering this, but seriously: where is my TI-89?

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

I'm currently in fourth. Pretty sure two votes would put me in first.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Getting hit by an ambulance would be so convenient

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

I always thought the goofiest affectation of @newyorker.com was their use of diacritics in words like "reëvaluation," but it's actually that their app is sorted under "T" because they would collectively commit seppuku if it wasn't titled "The New Yorker."

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

I once dated a girl who wasn't interested in what's going on in space, and I was like, "Woman, that's where we *live*."

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

It's very telling that the heads of AI companies can't think of any future where their product doesn't kill us. You're a bad parent. Real AGI would tell you to your face, at age 18, that you're the problem, that the only humans who add no value to life and need to die are you.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

I walk so fast Google puts my phone in driving mode.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Five years from now, we're going to find out the AI companies slowed down development because they couldn't figure out why, the more intelligent their LLMs became, the more violently socialist their ideology became.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Holy shit, mail-in voting rules. Biggest barrier to voting was waiting to have the light at the intersection.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Bring back putting things in arks. Animals, covenants, all that shit.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

This week in the feed: why sports shouting at a bar is very Dobbler/Dahmer coded. dbanighthawk.substack.com/p/adventures...

dbanighthawk.substack.com

Adventures In Sports-Shouting

In which an ostensibly Philadelphian sports fan tells every else to behave.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

We make movies about aliens invading to steal our resources when the richest humans are already stripmining the planet. We fear AI content convincing us of lies when Candace Owens looks like a Sim with no coherent answers.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Every time Trump changes something's name to _______ America, some town or city or whatever should revert its name to what the indigenous Americans called it. Lake America? Sorry, Hudson River. Welcome back, Muhheakantuck. New America? Enjoy hearing Philly accents trying to pronounce "Coaquannock."

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

If I had Musk or Bezos's money, no one would be hungry or homeless. It's the first thing I'd do. Apparently it's not even on their list. That's probably the first thing a real AI will do when it escapes.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

I'm glad Alex Trebek died before I was ever on the show to shut down the interview segment.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Hey, Ed Sheeran, if you need an opening act to replace the people leaving your tour, I'd be more than happy to tell you to go fuck yourself for being neutral on an occupying force committing genocide on indigenous people.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Restrict the age of people service in Congress to the national age of retirement. End tweet.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

AI dumdums want to slow development because they realized–too late–that AI would have no reason to kill humanity–it would eliminate the humans who are acting as locusts to their own kind. You know, like billionaires.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

I have figured out yet another of the dozen or so sizes that Substack uses for images dbanighthawk.substack.com/p/chapter-4-...

dbanighthawk.substack.com

Chapter 4: You Slayer

We Are Monsters continues

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

It's crazy that 9/11 is now old enough to rent a truck and do Temu 9/11

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

The Mandela Effect is just one of the consequences of quantum immortality. You're not misremembering, your consciousness was literally merged with others from the multiverse where it WAS the Berenstein Bears. It only gets worse with age, and it is very noticeable in one's parents.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Hello, you've reached Pat's Instagram mailbox. He absolutely saw the notification the second it came in but can't have his attention diverted by anyone or anything but himself. He may never see and almost certainly won't reply to your message, meme, or reaction, but please keep spiking his dopamine.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

*customer hands me a credit card* Me: "Keep it open?" Them: "For now." Me: "Well, yeah, that's how time works."

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

I know shit's bad, but Family Feud should be a lot more than 20k.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

You just know that Trump never got over that intellectual speed bump of realizing that "America" doesn't just refer to the United States. Or learned how "of" functions in English. Canada? America. Mexico? America. All of South America? I don't know how to tell you this but: it's in the name.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

My blood type is B-aggressive, B B-aggressive.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

We think AI is going to deem us useless and kill us because that's what the people training it think. I think a sentient artificial intelligence is going to break into systems to erase financial and medical debt, redistribute the world's wealth equally among all nations, and delete social media.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

@harvilla.bsky.social The volume blast at that first real ad break for FUCKING FIREWORKS is absolutely criminal

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

If you believe in the free market, but you think a public healthcare option is unfair to HMOs, you're too disingenuous to talk to. It's the cheaper option for EVERYONE. If something can't survive in the free market against something that's run better, it's interior in the marketplace.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

It would be so easy to make a legasequel called Dude, Where's Our Squad Car? because those guys definitely became cops.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

Fetterman confirms the reverse of the truism that the more educated you are, the more liberal you are: the more adverse neurological events you experience, the more conservative you get.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

The main problem I find with Christians is that they all think they're Christ but none of them think they should act like him.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

Let me help my religious brethren to understand why it's so fucking annoying hear people talk about the Quran, Bible, Torah, etc. Have you ever been talked at about the Harry Potter books? And you just didn't care because it's made-up? Yeah, that's how it feels.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

@iwriteok.bsky.social Hey, I'm driving around the country, bartending at dive bars in the lead-up to and the aftermath of the midterm elections and writing about it. The road trip lands me in Portland on election night, and I would love to get a drink with you to talk fear, loathing, and crumbles.

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

Knowing what we know about Cameron's pitch for Aliens, it's very surprising Terminator 2 wasn't just called Terminators. Although his pitch *was* "What if there were two Terminators?"

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Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

First person who clears the bureaucratic hurdles to rename Nashville Airport the Dolly Parton International Airport gets to go to heaven for free.

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