iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

I wish everyone else involved in this - admittedly incredibly vague - situation their own peace, healing, etc. I only wish the best for everyone involved - the best may just include some introspection and remorse on multiple parties' ends. I have my own mental and physical health to care for.

010

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

I have not at any point in this entire thing held ill will against anyone or any place. I just want peace, and to rebuild the parts of me that broke when I realized just how little they thought of me - and just how much bad had happened under my nose. I am trying not to self-flagellate too much.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

I haven't gone near the environment this has all been a part of in the past week, and have no plans to for the foreseeable future. That may change if and when it feels safe again. I am not reaching out to people, I am not engaging in the dialogue. I am just trying to focus on my RL and take space.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

I wanted people to treat each other like nuanced adult individuals with histories. I hoped for accountability, healing, and growth. I am trying to keep my distance from this, and I haven't been afforded that luxury - usually due to one of several outside sources. At this point, I'm more than done.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

This broke me. The people I had trusted, who I thought knew they could trust me had decided in what seemed like the blink of an eye that I had it out for them. I never did. All I have ever wanted was for people to be treated humanely, for others to ask questions and get evidence before judging...

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

Others started reaching out, and I tried to keep things nuanced, vague outside of direct questions, etc. I just wanted people to talk like adults. Then I began hearing through others that I was suspect in trying to destroy the very thing I had been fighting to protect.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

Still, I did what I could. I nearly put more money into the very thing I was leaving, to ensure it would have longer, but I couldn't. I didn't have it to give. I tried to offer alternatives to a friend still working on the project, but kept my distance. I tried to keep a nuanced perspective.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

That moment was enough to shatter the image I had of my friendship there. It pulled everything they had said about anyone else into a stark light, and I realized that a space I had tried to cultivate as a safe one - not just for me, but for many - had turned into something much less wholesome.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

I had no intentions of making my space permanent, but seeing that exchange boiled down to a patronizing, dehumanizing mockery to a friend of theirs I had just been introduced to ripped me in two. I had spent the better part of days defending them and trying to calm things down/smooth them over.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

I had been considering Residential, or vanishing into the wilderness in some kind of self-destructive elopement, as the alternative was directly harmful to myself. My self-identity was shaken to its core, my sense of self-worth non-existant.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

It wasn't well received, and I reached the end of my rope for what I could handle. It was at this time that I was also being presented with what these same people had said behind my back - up to and including demeaning comments to a friend regarding me being particularly vulnerable.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

Granted, I wouldn't usually leave to such a degree, but this was in quick succession to another incident, and I had done my best to clarify. I had changed an opinion due to new facts, but the people in question were panicking, and I primarily tried to calm it first and foremost to avoid harm.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

There has been some recent hearsay occurring in my social circles, and it has become so overwhelming that I have on more than one occasion cut myself off from people I care about deeply. In one such situation, the catalyst was the people themselves misunderstanding my words.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

I also have to recognize when it's healthiest for me to step away from a situation that has turned detrimental to my well-being. Having done so doesn't mean I condemn the people or places I leave behind - it simply means I need to choose my space for my own benefit. I trust others to do the same.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

Having said that - I will always advocate for trying to see people complexly. The universe rarely functions in either/or; it usually functions in and. Unfortunately, this can mean that someone is afraid, hurting, and lashing out... and that it is malicious and/or harmful in nature.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

I can and have explained and defended myself until I was blue in the face. I've given space, I've talked things out, etc. I cannot be more explicit than how I do communicate most of the time, and if I CAN clarify, I do. But I can't change how someone else sees me, my actions, or my words. I can't.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

The issue is that there IS the ability, but we all have to work at it. If you know you have a tendency to assume the worst, the onus is on you to address that - not on everyone else to walk on eggshells because something they say or do might upset you. You are responsible for your own emotions.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

I make it very clear to everyone I am close to that I communicate bluntly, there is no subtext in what I say, and if there were - it'd be neutral or positive, not whatever sinister misgivings someone might have due to their past experiences and an inability to reframe contemporary contexts.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

Keeping in mind, this largely applies to individuals at a personal level, and does get challenged when enough piles up that what could be explained away as ignorance or hurt or fear becomes malicious in nature due to the sheer quantity of it.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 11h

CW: Personal Stuff Something that is difficult for many people to understand is that I have a very hard time hating people. I can hate their actions, their beliefs, the things that shaped their perspective, the choices to continue down a specific path - and yet I find it hard to hate them.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

If someone is intent on misunderstanding you, at some point you may need to let them. You deserve peace, compassion, empathy, love, honesty, respect, and so much more. Sometimes that means choosing yourself, and hoping they'll join you on the ride - but letting go if they aren't ready.

100

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Just because another person's actions can influence our feelings doesn't mean they cause them, nor does disagreeing mean an inherent declaration of war. We are responsible for how we perceive and respond to the world around us. No one else can change that for us.

100

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Genuinely, though - if you think someone is always talking shit behind your back, please talk to someone to find help. Either to find a better support network or to work through the traumas you're projecting onto the people who love you. People can only love and support you if you let them.

100

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

This message brought to you by the concept of High School, corporate workspaces, dysfunctional family units, and the number 47. Also Psych, Social Work/Counseling/Therapy, Partial Hospitalization Programs, Attachment Theory, IFS, and so much more! ^This is playfully sarcastic.

100

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I'm only the villain if you expect me to be. If you read what I am saying as an attack, that is almost always your perception and not what I mean. Humans are complex and messy, and I know this social dance sucks. That doesn't mean we have to, too. If I'm feeling a certain way, I will say it.

100

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I genuinely need people to stop reading subtext into everything, please. It is incredibly difficult to communicate when you say one thing and someone hears or reads another. At some point we all need to just communicate like healthy adults. Some of us mean what we say in the best way possible. 😭

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

...number within their colors, and all other cards will be sorted by set, then collector number and put in pocket pages in three-ring binders for safe keeping. Anything currently valued at $50+ will go in a hard case. And then we'll probably nab some of the cards for building new decks. 😆 🤣

000

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

It's a helpful coping mechanism that does something productive for my household, so I'm not gonna turn my nose up at it. Just gonna cry when I'm done finally, 'cause I will be penny sleeving all cards, putting basic lands in color-coded outer sleeves to go in a box, sorted by set and collector...

100

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I am drowning in old MTG cards and about ready to quit on sorting them, but I'm at least 2/3rds of the way through. It's a helpful distraction from the pit in my stomach rn, and it'll mean a pretty collection we can show off, plus a better idea of what we have once they're cataloged.

100

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

In the meantime, thanks - as always - for just existing in this messy corner of existence with me while we figure our shit out one moment at a time. Many wishes for shit to turn around for everyone sooner rather than later. In the meantime - we change what we can. That's all we can do.

011

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I don't want to put it off forever, though. I want to be able to "stand on my own two feet" again - with accommodations for blood pooling and all that jazz, of course. I just need to get past the paralysis. I know I can - it just terrifies me. Anyway. Hopefully art will return soon? 🤞😅

100

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I am trying to not feel guilty for what I haven't done yet, and instead focus on what I can do. I need to remember that I also struggle with mental health concerns, plus chronic illness, fatigue, and pain, so of course my timeline is going to need to be adaptable.

100

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I'm planning on needing to be working/making money sooner rather than later, 'cause if things keep going like this she may end up on unpaid leave, or unemployed, and I don't want that weighing on her more than necessary either. We take care of each other.

100

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

We're trying to focus on what we can control, but it gets rough when it feels like the rug keeps being pulled out from under us. She shouldn't need to be at Death's door to get help. It shouldn't be this hard. But it is. In the meantime, we're working on figuring things out.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

She's going to try to reach out to her prior Psych office about getting in with them until then and/or try to reach out to get set up with the local Partial Hospitalization program for the... third? Fourth? Time in the past couple years.

100

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

She tried to call the Psych office she's waiting on intake with, but they can't see anyone before late November. So she doesn't have Medicine Management yet either, and she's running low on what she was given at Residential.

100

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

CW: Mental Health Roomie hadn't heard from the IOP people still today, so she reached out. They don't take her insurance. The other IOPs in the area are either online - and she doesn't do well locked in her room for hours on end - or specific to EDs. So she's back to the drawing board.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

We're all grateful she's home, and I think we all feel a little more secure than we did before. Here's to moving forward and the joy it may bring. A very Happy 25th Birthday to my Roommate (though now belated). I hope we'll get to celebrate many, many more.

020

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

It alleviated a lot of the anger/frustration/hurt/sadness/fear/etc. The heart-to-heart felt good. Anyway. I'm wide awake, so I'm either going to piss away time socializing online - or maybe sort cards, do chores, work on a resume, or even draw a bit. I'm tired, but in a better headspace.

120

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I reminded her that we love her and we'd rather figure out where money is coming from than have her be in the hospital, or be trying to figure out funeral arrangements and getting in contact with everyone we would need to get in contact with. It was a good conversation overall, and it helped a lot.

120

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I told her that waiting for me to wake up is an option, waiting for my partner to come home is an option, asking another friend is an option, or getting a rideshare is an option - but I need to be functional to drive. I also said I'd rather she come home than have a "next time", if possible.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

It was a difficult conversation to have - I struggle to say "No" when I know a friend or loved one needs me. Yet I know things could have ended a lot worse for both of us if I hadn't made it home okay the other day - and I don't want to risk that again.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I asked that if there is a next time, there be a backup plan for if I'm exhausted or unavailable. I told her I want her to feel like she can rely on us, and I don't want her to feel ashamed - and that the cumulative nature of things is taking its toll on my mental and physical health.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

She's still waiting on an IOP to reach out to her. I had a talk with her today about how the support network needs to expand, because I was running on three hours of sleep the other day and should not have been driving (it was a bad idea).

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

My partner has relaxed some since she's been home - and tensed up in other ways. They had Sunday and Monday off, so that was a pleasant coincidence (or request). They'll be back to work tomorrow, and the Roomie's work has put her on leave again - she has 28 days remaining, now.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

We celebrated the Roomie's birthday on Sunday, courtesy of my Mom. She opened her Outlaws of Thunder Junction play booster box and was thrilled, plus had some decent Mexican food for dinner. Monday was her actual birthday, and we chilled at home playing games and sorting cards. She had fun.

110

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

If I don't believe I can, there isn't a point in trying. As long as I believe there's a chance for us to impose positive change even through the smallest of actions, there is a reason to keep fighting, and to try again. A reason to open my eyes in the morning. Maybe I'm reason enough. I'm grateful.

010

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I am grateful for nature, and sunlight, Autumnal breezes, and so much more. I'm grateful that we can still make things better, because we're all still here. That doesn't mean I don't see the pain and the bad - I do. I'm grateful for the privileges I do have, and for hope for a brighter future.

100

🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈 @theemtity.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

I'm grateful that we can roll with the punches, or shrug them off when possible. I'm grateful that we get back up and keep going even when we fall - even if it takes some time, or we need some help to do it. I'm grateful for the critters who keep us company, and the modern medicine that helps us.

100