SOUTHERN trains has admitted its passengers are 'resilient bastards' who do not know when they are beaten.

HAVE you done something stupid like clicking on an article about Molly-Mae Hague kissing her ex and reading it all the way to the end? Follow these life-saving procedures immediately.

TOM Cruise has yet another new film out, and unaccountably is still single. So should you shag Hollywood’s most questionable bachelor?

CONSIDER yourself too good for normal meals because you read the recipes in The Guardian? Then you’ll love these needlessly complicated versions of basic food.

TITANIC II has pledged to destroy all the world's icebergs.

PROBLEMS in the bedroom? Write in for some advice from involuntary celibate Tom Logan who’s in a far worse situation than you.

LEWIS Hamilton’s champagne-spraying of a race ‘hostess’ has broken his sport’s core principle of utmost respect for women.

SHORT men have confirmed plans to spend the day contemplating their small stature.

A CONSPIRACY theorist of 1847 believes new-fangled steam locomotives are spreading trails of gaseous compounds to subdue the brain.