iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

4/4 I’m just telling you this, because it’s incredibly hard not to be frustrated. Civilians who haven’t had experience I have won’t know what to do, will give up. You just have to keep trying. You just have to keep listening. You just have to keep loving. Nothing changes until they change it.

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3/4 She says, I’m exhausted. I tell her if he smashes this phone, we can’t replace it again. She’s just bought a new laptop. He will likely smash that too. If he does that, she says, it’s over. She’s not ready.

2/4 My strong advice is to call police for breach of PSO that’s already in place. I don’t think she will. We’ve had the same conversation 1000 times. And I know we likely will have it 1000 more. Until she’s ready, nothing changes.

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1/4 One of the auntie’s Whānau women in abusive rship. It’s been a yr but he indicated v early on that he was abusive. She messages me that he smashed her phone, the 2nd one. She comes to see me, we talk 2 hrs.

This was just a general GP and emergency clinic, not hers, but I know she has a good relationship with her one. I just get sensed by the lack of knowledge around trauma considering how many people carry it around.

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4/4 so if you’re a Dr, pls do not attempt to pacify with talk of mindfulness and walks. Ppl with severe anxiety, whether through trauma or not, require more than glib surface solutions. In this case, trauma is carried in the body. And pushing through isn’t helpful.

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3/4 She will see her own GP tomorrow. And finally discuss medication that can at least make her functional again. Take the edge off. She has “chill pills” in the meantime. And is relieved bc now she knows that all her trigger managing strategies can’t touch the anxiety right now.

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2/4 As we wait, I hold her tight. Stroke her hair. She rests her head on my bosom. They do testing. It’s “just anxiety”. The DR does what most drs do. Suggests mindfulness breathing + walks on the beach. I respectfully tell her what’s what. That CPTSD is not long term improved by such things.

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The Aunties @theaunties.bsky.social · 21/03/2025

1/4 Trauma stays in the body. This morning she messages to ask me to take her to the medical clinic. She has been super anxious for a while. Overwhelmed. Tried all her strategies. Nothing works. Can’t breathe. Nausea. Dizziness. She’s scared. Thinks she will die.

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I haven’t seen her in person for over a year. Major depression. Anxiety. CPTSD kicking her arse. A lot of kids, both hers and whangaied. An older teen who externalises his pain and anger in harmful ways. But since last yr she’s been seeing an ACC accredited therapist. And that is huge.

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3/3 What you are here to do. Very few of them have the courage. I believe politicians like Arena do.

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2/3 I have consulted with a number of MPs over the yrs - mostly Greens and Lab. How can we help? they always ask. What needs to change? And my answer is always the same. Have the courage to do what you need to do, for the people who are most in need of you to do that.

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1/3 Today Arena Williams, the MP for Manurewa (Labour) came with her communications advisor Charlotte to my house to talk about the whānau women’s concerns (which they had fed back to me), and to ask my thoughts on everything that’s going on under this government.

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The Aunties @theaunties.bsky.social · 19/03/2025

She’s so happy, but she kept saying I’ve got so much work to do. It’s so dirty. It was not dirty. She’s just got VERY HIGH standards. 🤣

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Took Iggy to visit Annette today. In her v own house. First time since she left the violence 8 yrs ago that’s she’s in her own place. Emergency and transitional housing all this time. Overjoyed for her.

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The Aunties @theaunties.bsky.social · 16/03/2025

Hi love can you pls email me whaeapower@aunties.co.nz and I’ll give you the lowdown

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The Aunties @theaunties.bsky.social · 16/03/2025

You tell me how many ppl you can accomodate and I’ll assign you one of the aunties whānau women and kids. Chocolate, whatever eastery goodies you want. You talk direct to them….

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The Aunties @theaunties.bsky.social · 16/03/2025

It’s only 5 wks til Easter. Wanna be one of our Easter Bunnies? 27 women, 97 kids and grandkids to share chocolatey joy with…. Msg me if you’re keen.

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7. It wasn’t your fault. None of it was your fault. It was the adults in your life who let you down, who weren’t enough - for their own reasons. You don’t need to carry it anymore. The end

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6. And then just recently she remembered. They couldn’t afford stamps, when she was a child. And so she had put her design in the postbox. And it hadn’t, of course, reached its destination. It wasn’t her failure, ever. And yet. I have used this story to remind you that you were a child.

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5. She thought of that for years, how her dress obviously wasn’t good enough. In the ensuing years, she became an over achiever. In everything. In the midst of all the chaos of her life, as child and as adult, she carried that.

4. Months went by, and finally the winner was to be announced. She watched the children’s programme, and her dress didn’t appear. She noted that the winning designs were all so colourful. She had carefully designed hers to be white.

3. She told nobody she was entering the competition. She drew many dresses. Carefully sketching each dress. And then she chose one. And remembers putting it in an envelope, walking to school, and on the way putting it in the red and white post box.

2. She describes her thinking whilst the unthinkable thing was happening. But. I’m a Princess. At the time she was obsessed with Princess Diana. And has eternally felt a connection to her. There was a competition through a children’s programme to design Princess Diana’s wedding dress.