🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 01/10/2026telling my manager I cant come in cuz my nuts hurt & getting cussed out 030
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 12/09/2026me when Im thinking long & hard about something : I got a priapism of the brain… 150
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 12/09/2026POTS is like a huge gaint erection ,but as far away from ur heart as possible until you die 051
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 11/09/2026FOR HIRE: older woman to chew my food for me whilst looking disgruntled and burdened by my needs 161
Reposted by 🛎️scary jorah @fishwives.bsky.social · 11/09/2026Sitting in this library smashing my dick in the books 281
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 10/09/2026I expected lockjaw in my life ,but from giving a bad bitch the craziest throat of her career not my own body betraying me for getting no play 050
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 07/09/2026how hard u think I gotta slam a door to remove a wisdom tooth myself 030
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Ive been eating the same bowl of applesauce with a fork for 2 hours now 151
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 01/09/2026Im pregnant with the Third coming of jesus bc jesus already came back as a puppygirl that got hit by a car in 2016 ,but 3rd times the. charm 1163
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 01/09/2026some1 showed me their infant baby nd my first instinct was to hold my hand out for them to smell like a damn cat Im cooked 1100
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 30/08/2026oh wow bell youre so normal and relateable can we kiss and touch eachother like normalpoeple do omg yes bell mfphgh hmgn mmghbs 130
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 29/08/2026being treated like a criminal in my own home 4 not toasting my bagel 050
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 28/08/2026u just dont find feet guy with thick wallets like you could at 17 #WhatsUpWithThat 050
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 28/08/2026trying and failing to pick up this oblongly shaped cashew under my desk w/ my foot for the past 5 mins & all I can think about is a dude I know thatd pay an unreal amount of money to watch this 140
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 21/08/2026“ewwwuhhh that tastes like cough syrup” yall werent sneaking robitussin out the fridge as kids ?? 6211
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 20/08/2026we r just like caterpillars in the sense that we take bites out of our food 051
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 17/08/2026hey siri used the bathroom 6 times in the past 2 hour what that means go 1131
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 13/08/2026getting viciously ratiod by this is so fucking twisted, gnarly ,and sick omg 150
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 13/08/2026I am conducting a study on trans women and their navigation of youtube I believe significant breakthroughs can be made in this field 080
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 13/08/2026got a noise complaint for “loud and obnoxious intercourse” little do they know thats me banging my head on the wall and screaming after work each day 2121
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 08/08/2026of course as soon as I tell my dr I cut raw cookie dough outve my diet he says I dont got much more time left on this planet 050
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 08/08/2026life is crumbling around me yet still I mix my potions in the bathroom sink 0162
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 08/08/2026Ive reached the stage of my life where my mixed drink of choice is just vodka and chocolate almond milk 280
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 03/08/2026I exclusively consume the most crumb generating snacks in my bed 040
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 03/08/2026worst chicken salad of my entire career + jamiroquai = cracker honkyville population: ME 030
🛎️ @syrkvt.bsky.social · 03/08/2026moving into a new place will have you eating shit like canned chicken I feel like a stray cat accepted into a home 030
