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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 4m

Shit In Some Bubble Wrap And Send It Back To Amazon It's 4:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 1h

Am I Shitting In A Box, Am I Shitting In A Cardboard Box It's 3:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 2h

Alexa, Order Me 500 Packets Of Vet Lube, Some Crack Pipes And "Also Recommended" Will Fucking Self's Best-Of Novel Collection, As Hentai It's 2:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 3h

Imagine The Stools Of Bruce Springsteen After A 5-Hour Set In 40C Heat After 60,000 Little Chef Olympic Breakfasts It's 1:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 4h

Stick A Dildo Up Your Closeted Italian Mate's Arse Until It Bleeds And Sing The Song From The Ragu Advert From The Eighties, It Brings The Italian Out In You It's 12:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 5h

Eat Up Kids! I Made Your Favourite For Dinner... Poo It's 11:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 6h

Value My Bawbag On Antiques Chaudshow It's 10:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 7h

Use Weedkiller To Draw A Giant Cock And Balls On Your Neighbours' Lawn It's 9:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 8h

Bob Ross Painting With Your Great-Auntie's Period Juice It's 8:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 10h

Pantene Pro-V Looks Like Jizz And That's Because It Is It's 6:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 11h

Your Sperm Tastes Like Pritt Stick It's 5:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 12h

Fucked In Every Hole By Mumford And Sons It's 4:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 13h

Dress Me Up Like A Spunking Cock It's 3:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 14h

Clap For Healthcare Workers Then Vote To Cap Their Salary Like A Good Fucking Tory It's 2:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 15h

It's 2021 And Yer Son Still Has A Nike Tick In His Hair And A "Stoner Simpson - Roll Another Fat One Bart" Poster It's 1:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 18h

Noel Gallagher's A Sacky Old Bell-Wipe, Pass It On It's 10:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 19h

Wank You, Cum Again It's 9:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 21h

Abandon A Porno At The Halfway Point Because There's Too Much Male Anus On Display It's 7:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 22h

Draw My Beef Curtains And Sing Me A Lullaby It's 6:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 23h

I Would Do Anything For Love, But I Won't Do Scat. No, I Won't Do Scat. It's 5:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Molest A Fucking Calculator It's 4:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Cilit Bang My Arse! Bang! And The Turds Are Gone! It's 1:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Knot My Flaps, My Flange Is Full It's 12:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

I'll Take The Fucking Lot Of You On It's 11:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

By The Power Of John Wayne Bobbitt's Severed Cock It's 8:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Shart Yourself On Purpose While Wanking Over Mr Tumble It's 7:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Dig Up Your Grandad And Drink The Stale Piss Out Of His Lifeless Bladder, It's 4:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Boris Johnson's Flabby Arse It's 3:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Spunk In Some Hay And Call It Worsel Cummidge It's 2:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Danger Wank Whilst Cooking Dinner For The In-Laws It's 1:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Thunder. Thunder. Thundercunts Hoooooooo!!! It's 12:00PM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

There Are Only Seven Basic Plots In Literature, But An Infinite Number Of Ways To Shag Your Cat It's 10:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Shag Me With A Hard Brexit It's 9:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

The Queen Getting Her Baps Out It's 8:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Your Deputy Headteacher Looks Like A Cornish Rolf Harris It's 7:00AM

021

swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Twenty Dollars To The Man Who Can Stick The Most Walnuts Up His Urethra It's 6:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Go To Tesco And Touch The Cucumbers It's 5:00AM

052

swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

I'm Hard For You Lard It's 4:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Lube My Hole. No. All Of My Holes. I Have Many It's 3:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Being Allowed Home An Hour Early From School For The Summer Holidays Only To Walk In On Your Parents Having A Threesome With Farage It's 2:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Lie To Me Pinocchio You Wooden Bastard It's 1:00AM

011

swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Cattle Prod My Ball Sack It's 12:00AM

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swearclock ⌚︎ @swearclock.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I'm A Clock-Bot And You're A Useless Twat. It's 11:00PM

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