Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 4hgreetings, anyone ! apologies for my absence, it's hard to find time for everything i want to do. providing an update! though I don't think anyone here was particularly invested in me or my wellbeing, there may be a few? but it doubles as a journal entry too I suppose lol 140
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 31/01/2026about to see Iron Lung IM SO EXCITED I LOVE SLOW BURNS AND COSMIC HORROR AND I LOVE THE GAME ITS BASED ON AND I LOVE MARKIPLIER AAAAA 140
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 29/01/2026THE PHARMACY FINALLY HAD MY NEEDLES life is good again 030
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 28/01/2026I havent been able to do my T shot in 2 weeks and the depression is starting to creep in 😔 I don't feel like myself ,, and recently feeling more sad and more, like, shy and anxious again. blehhhh . Hopefully pharmacy has supplies today but that means bugging my bf again for the 100th time and,, hhh 010
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 19/01/2026love when I'm working and my brain is like, today's topic: has life ever been worth living? 020
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 13/01/2026also sorry I haven't been posting ive been so bad at time management lately im sorry 🙏🙏🙏 020
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 13/01/2026really can't decide if I like straight or curly more ,, I like the emo look but the natural wavy is cute too ,, aarrghh 020
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 08/01/2026well! roblox is dying today I think . I hope . because this is stupid for so many reasons 150
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 03/01/2026was waiting for the professional photos ,,, here it is!!! 😎🔥 I LOVE IT SO MUCH RAAAHHH ITS PERFECT!!! ITS ME!!! IT LOOKS SO GOOD OH MY GODDDDD IM SO HAPPY 370
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 01/01/2026TATTOO APPOINTMENT TOMORROW MORNING LETS GOOO 🎉🔥🎉🔥🎉 always gotta get something crazy done for my birthday it seems hahaha 260
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 01/01/2026well happy new year everyone!! hopefully it'll be good,, but either way, we ball anyway 😎🔥 030
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 01/01/2026spending my birthday watching heated rivalry ✌️✌️ also I definitely read the book like , two years ago?? but didn't finish it for some reason,, show is awesome though 030
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 31/12/2025anyway my birthday is tomorrow .. I don't want to be 23 😭 that feels lile such an unc number maybe getting a tattoo soon tho? Just got a quote and waiting to hear back abt appt times I drew the design myself so,, it'd be super cool to get 250
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 31/12/2025yoooo my mom just posted that she was in rehab lmaooo I knew it i knew it,,, girlie all you do is post abt drinking no shade to that ofc, I just don't like her✨️✨️😇 also she was an alcoholic while I was a teen and w my younger brother . so once again being a bad parent ✨️💞✨️ go girl ❗️✨️❗️ 140
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 28/12/2025literally I'm hungry and nauseous at the same time THIS IS STUPID 040
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 28/12/2025okay I made it 4 days without effexor but I'm so nauseous and having full body sweats and brain zaps and depression and irritation i can't do it man I really don't think I can 😭🙏🙏 this is so awful for no reason 030
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 26/12/2025my alt clothing arrived today AAAAA everything looks and fits so good I'm so happy ,,, so gender,,,, !!!! 270
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 25/12/2025facial hair is really starting to come in 👀 this is like 4 days without shaving haha also STARTING to get sideburn hair ugghhh❤️❤️💞💞❤️🔥🔥🔥 I love sideburns ahahah 140
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 23/12/2025finished the book. these quotes killed me. gave me chills and had to try not to cry reading this at work 😔✌️✌️ ouch. 210
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 22/12/2025"The world was not made for ones like you." "When the swarm said that to Sophie for the first time, she’d sobbed. They were right. She was miserable and trapped. She wasn’t a boy until the worms finally told her it was okay, because she couldn’t do it herself." 040
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 21/12/2025some pics of my fit for the christmas work party today 😎🔥 had to make sure I was the gayest one there ugh I wish I looked more masc though. blehhh 250
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 19/12/2025this page brought up some memories sh tw in the replies 110
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 19/12/2025I used to barely be able to get this binder on, now I don't think its tight enough to even do any binding lmao that's insane,, hell yeah now if only my chest would become flat 😔🙏 its shrunk for sure but ,,, mhhh,,,, 020
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 17/12/2025I relate to this character so much it makes me nauseous I mean obviously I've deeply related to a character but . this is current life me . I never see this. this is how my thoughts work ,, and , just everything,,, ive never seen someone like me 120
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 16/12/2025I hate this stupid female body I wish I could rip it off 130
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 16/12/2025really I think i just need some sleep I haven't been sleeping well at all 040
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 16/12/2025my head is a knot maybe reducing medication was not such a good idea but now I remember ive overstayed my welcome and they are calling me home so sweetly so sweetly it's been so long and this world was not made for people like me 030
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 14/12/2025gods give me the strength not to spend all of my money on alt clothing bc I just discovered vampirefreaks and I am drooling .... but I literally have nowhere to wear cool clothes to so I SHOULDN'T BUY ANY BUT ... HNNNNNNN 060
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 14/12/2025omg this color looks SO hot supposed to be a little more purple but fuck it we ball 😎✌️ 050
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 12/12/2025the fit is so peak 😔🙏🔥 inspired by my old roblox avatar 🔥🔥🔥 (this shirt is so funny to me I'm not serious dw) 140
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 09/12/2025everyone wants me to be awesome and happy and 100% all the time !!! and I am trying to do smth good and get off my meds and its obviously having an effect and I get no leeway !!!!! you don't know a fraction of the things I keep in my head, and I get no understanding !!! 140
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 09/12/2025I am so sick and tired of being PERCEIVED !!! STOP ITmedia.tenor.coma bald man is sitting in the driver 's seat of a car making a funny faceALT: a bald man is sitting in the driver 's seat of a car making a funny face 240
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 08/12/2025man i do NOT feel good but is it because: •dehydration •didn't hardly eat yesterday •weaning off effexor •took adderall late, got 4 hours of sleep, then took it early •forgot to take buspar all weekend •all of the above hmmm 🤔🤔 it really is a miracle I'm functioning at all lmao 😎✌️ 140
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 06/12/2025all we ever want is for someone to just like us for who we are but it is an endless search 050
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 05/12/2025I think the issue is that inherently I cannot believe someone would actually truly love me. like you have to be lying, or exaggerating, or uninformed, because I cannot be loved , only shown a facade of what love is , and it's not purposeful, I only realized this recently. it's subconscious 150
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 03/12/2025literally everyone online says effexor is one of the worst meds to come off of ,, nightmares and sweats and mood swings and nausea and BRAIN ZAPS those are the worst . my psych said its an incredibly helpful med but awful to come off of, and I completely agree arrggghhh 230
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 03/12/2025my body feels like a science experiment lol withdrawal effects are receding, like a black vignette fading away but others meds make me feel hyper . but my body is exhausted . feels like my brain is being pulled in ten different directions but its not as bad as it sounds lmao its kinda fun 030
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 03/12/2025GRRAAAHHHH I FEEL LIKE ASS !!! trying to taper off of effexor (with advice from doc) but going from lowest dose to none STILL SUCKS BAD I was okay yesterday, but then I went tl bed and had THE WORST, MOST VIVID DREAMS EVER and I'm so tired and my head feels like pressure and like im in a cage 130
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 02/12/2025I feel entirely unlike myself . and yet I've never felt closer to my true self revolving like a door 030
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 01/12/2025kinda wish I could visit my family this year for christmas , would be awesome to just show up at my mom's work and be like , hey bitch 😎 and show them how much ive changed and improved but I doubt I'll have the money, or time. also, it's scary. but,,, I do miss them, even if they dislike me . 040
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 29/11/2025ugghh my brain feels WIRED today idk if its from increasing my med dosage but that was a few days ago I spent like 4 hours today just making a new outfit for my roblox avatar and I need to go to bed but I'm not tired at all , 😔 what is this 120
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 27/11/2025guys are so funny like we show up to my bf's family thanksgiving and the second he sees his dad they start debating over football 😭😭 I'm too gay for this ,, wtf is a sport ? 110
Vanyel @subservientashes.bsky.social · 27/11/2025happy thanksgiving guys !!! who up giving they thanks 030