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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 13/03/2026

We're still here if you need us! stealmytesla.com

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phantazach 🎃💀 @vantazach.bsky.social · 18/02/2026

Adding "We bought this before it started displaying AI-generated revenge porn" bumper stickers to my online Tesla store

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 22/10/2025

We tried Steal My Mattress as a concept but there's just too many out on the curb already.

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 09/07/2025

Couldn't agree more! Bluesky has helped us grow our "export" business by 386% Plus I don't think Musk would have appreciated our presence on his platform.

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 16/06/2025

Sorry folks, we only deal in acquiring Teslas. Although we are exploring new emerging verticals and markets with some syndicate partners.

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 06/06/2025

We heard about this late last night. Ask us how we know. 😏

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 06/06/2025

Lots of MAGA sign-ups today. 🥷🏽 🚘 💰 😏 stealmytesla.com

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phantazach 🎃💀 @vantazach.bsky.social · 04/06/2025

Elon tearfully installing a "I bought Trump before I knew he was crazy" bumper sticker on his jet

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 22/05/2025

Are you a Cybertruck owner? Got dem Depreciation Blues? We can get that Tesla off your hands and put you in back in the black.

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e.w. niedermeyer @niedermeyer.online · 21/05/2025

SPECIAL LIVESTREAM: Tomorrow at 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern, the Tesla Haters Union Local 42069 will be gathering to hate on today's Elon Musk media blitz. Featuring yours truly and @esghound.com, back hating together again. Hope you can join us! youtube.com/live/YUOCx7P...

youtube.com

TESLA HATERS UNION LOCAL 42069

The hardworking men of the Tesla Haters Union Local 42069 gather to discuss Elon Musk's massive media blitz this week, pushing the idea that the planet's most unlovable billionaire is "getting back to...

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Bogey @oneyebogey.bsky.social · 27/04/2025

Adversarial as an art form.

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 20/04/2025

Steal My Tesla is brought to you by VanHighs.com We officially launched our store today. Come buy our merch and support our fuckery. Happy 420! Happy Easter! #420bunny #fourtwenty #easterbunny

A grown man dressed as an Easter Bunny carrying a basket of colorful plastic eggs and wearing a hoodie that says "Van Highs." There is a custom branded clock hanging around the bunny's neck and where the time can only be set to 4:20.

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 11/04/2025

Or those owners can give us a call if they're really desperate. 🤙🏼🥷🏼🚘💰😏

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 09/04/2025

It's midnight and Trump's tarrifs are in full effect. What does that mean for Steal My Tesla? Nothing. Seriously, we operate on the black market and there's literally zero policing or oversight at this point. Fraud all you want, baby! You can't spell America without crime.

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 09/04/2025

If you can't trade in your Cybertruck, we have other means available... 🥷🏽🚘💰😏

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 08/04/2025

Or if you need to take some more extreme measures, we're here for ya.... 🥷🏽🚘💰😏

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 08/04/2025

Marketing our services to distressed Tesla owners, of course!

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 05/04/2025

Apologies for the brief delay in our services today. We're giving our street acquisition teams the day off so they can participate in handsoff2025.com Hope to see you out there! #handsoff2025 #teslatakedown

handsoff2025.com

Hands Off!

Donald Trump and Elon Musk think this country belongs to them. They're taking everything they can get their hands on and daring the world to stop them. On Saturday, April 5th, we're taking to the stre...

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 04/04/2025

And if you can't trade yours in... we gotchu 😏

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Max Kennerly @maxkennerly.bsky.social · 04/04/2025

There is some good news. Like Mr. Rogers says, look to the helpers, such as @teslatakedown.com. www.bloomberg.com/news/article...

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 03/04/2025

We appreciate the volunteers out there who want to help market our services — which why we've created this flyer to help with those efforts stealmytesla.com/smt-flyer/

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phantazach 🎃💀 @vantazach.bsky.social · 03/04/2025

Tired: "I drive a Cybertrkkk" Wired: "My car was stolen by domestic terrorists"

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 03/04/2025

Hey all you hot Cybertruck dudes — call us now and we'll rescue your rep as quick as we'll steal your ride. 🤙🏼🥷🏼🚘

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 03/04/2025

Well, well, well. It seems we may have some partnership opportunities... 😏

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 02/04/2025

Weird, we're busier than ever! 😏

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 02/04/2025

We'll be reporting our quarterly numbers tomorrow as well and business is boooooooming. stealmytesla.com

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Sherrilyn Ifill @sifill.bsky.social · 02/04/2025

Well done @booker.senate.gov. Well done, indeed.

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 01/04/2025

I don't think this would have had quite the traction it did if it wasn't for @niedermeyer.online and his initial support when we launched. #ThankYou #Respect

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 01/04/2025

Hi! It's #AprilFoolsDay so figured this was the perfect time to re-introduce ourselves. We're StealMyTesla.com. 👋🏼🥷🏽🚘💰 A totally real service which openly markets itself on the web that will steal your vehicle, bribe local officials, and file that claim so you can get cash for your Tesla. #satire

The homepage for StealMyTesla.com. A satirical website for a business that offers a service which conspires with distressed Tesla owners unable to sell their cars to have their vehicles stolen so they can collect an insurance claim.

The homepage features an illustration of a man in a ski mask driving off in a Tesla.

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 31/03/2025

Now that you're done with the story, let us know if you need help unloading it... 😏 stealmytesla.com

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 31/03/2025

And if you can't sell it....well.... 😏 stealmytesla.com

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 31/03/2025

We couldn't get any of that Reid Hoffman or Soros money, so we had to improvise... 😏 stealmytesla.com

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 30/03/2025

And if you're unable to sell, it may be time to consider other, unconventional options... 😏 stealmytesla.com

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 30/03/2025

Embarrassed? Underwater on your loan? We can help too! stealmytesla.com

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shauna @goldengateblond.bsky.social · 23/03/2025

unparalleled commitment to the bit stealmytesla.com

(satire site) Steal My Tesla

Anonymous.
Discreet.
Don't waste any more time trying to sell your Tesla.
We'll take it from here...

a woman customer service agent in a full mask is shown along with the words
Unparalleled
Customer Service
From the initial consult to the direct deposit of funds in an offshore account, our team of specialists will handle every step of the process to ensure an stress-free experience.

See What Our Clients Are Saying

I was struggling to sell my Tesa for months. I couldn't handle the heckling any longer. With Steal My Tesla I was able to unload my car in 3 days!
Dale Reston
Las Vegas, NV

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 29/03/2025

stealmytesla.com flyers out in the wild. Thanks for spreading the word!

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 29/03/2025

We specialize in Buyer's Remorse and have several testimonials from satisfied customers who no longer need to feel burdened by Tesla ownership. stealmytesla.com

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 29/03/2025

Today's the day, folks. We've got our street acquisition teams deployed in all 50 states, Canada, and Greenland. Let's do this.

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Steal My Tesla @stealmytesla.bsky.social · 29/03/2025

Today's the day, folks. We've got our street acquisition teams deployed in all 50 states, Canada, and Greenland. Let's do this.

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