iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 23/09/2025

We're sooooo impressed!!! Thank you again!

SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 23/09/2025

LOVE IT, you mean! We've been admiring the 'how to' you have on your page re: the image with the balcony on the stern. Such a neat process you have!

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 22/09/2025

Thanks @marieek.bsky.social for making us such a beautiful image. Ed & Stede have never looked so peaceful at the Starlight. Many ❤️❤️❤️ from us to you! @tightenupmate.bsky.social @citrussyndicate.bsky.social @edsstaugsnake.bsky.social

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Finally, Ed and Stede have a moment to themselves, and Stede gifts Ed a key to his house. He’s ready to make this thing official and ensure they won't be so easily separated again.

Pic of Christmas Present wrapped neatly in brown paper with a stylized brown ribbon tree & a little evergreen decoration all tied up with twine

“It’s um…it’s the key to my house, Ed. I just. I wanted you to know that I’m not just here to play games and have a nice fuck. It started that way but—”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence because Ed’s got the key in his fist, he’s thrown his arms around Stede’s neck, and Stede Bonnet is being kissed within an inch of his life.

“Is that a yes then?” Stede laughs when Ed finally lets him breathe.

“It’s a yes, you lunatic,” Ed says, unshed tears glistening in his eyes. “Anywhere you are, that’s where I want to be.”

“Good,” says Stede. “That’s good.”

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

The crew uses the last of their game tokens to pay for cab fare, and they return home to The Starlight on the backs of Oz’s famous flying monkeys.

Flying Monkey from the 1939 film, The Wizard of Oz

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Unfortunately, turns out The Great and Powerful Zas has got a vendetta against Stede. Fafflaff owns the land underneath the Starlight and as payback, he’s threatening to demolish the mall. There's really only one thing left to do with him, and Hell Cat Maggie seems to be on the case

Suddenly Daffydd Fafflaff is spinning in place, trying to reach behind himself, and the crew can see Hellcat Maggie clinging to his shoulders, scratching him to ribbons. He’s stumbling around like a zombie as the balloon continues to rise so high they can’t always see the action, blocked by the basket. But then a white ball of fur springs up into the actual balloon and slashes appear in the silk. Maggie’s doing a number on it, and the rapid rise falters.

For a few moments after there’s no change except a bit of punching movement inside the balloon. Then it appears Maggie’s climbed to the top and pulled a Douglas Fairbanks move, riding down the length of the silk on one claw. The two-story-long tear gapes open and the balloon begins to hurtle down fast.

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

And Stede is here too! His little heart-shaped token fit smoothly into the dragon's chest and changed him into, you guessed it, FALKOR

It's Stede on Falkor! Stede on Falkor!!!!! So goddamned fun. He's still all silver in his Tin Man getup, little funnel fascinator still in his hair, and he's smiling thiiiiiiiiis big! Falkor, the Luck Dragon from The NeverEnding Story, is smiling just as big. This is a hybrid drawing where Lucia adds an element to a still pic. In this case, Stede is drawn over Atreyu in her marker style.

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Then, at the end of a long hallway (that they must run down backwards), they find their final challenge. Behind yet another ornate door, the voice of the Great and Powerful booms. We finally meet our big bad!

Character Card for Dafydd Fafflaff aka The Great and Powerful Zas (as played by David Zaslav). Owner; the land underneath The Starlight Mall, Head of B-D-W, Head of the company formerly known as BOH which, against all recommendations, rebranded to MIN; Hot air balloon aficionado. Might be a super-villain.

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

The Starlight crew were made for this. They fuck their way through the orgy inching ever closer to the door at the back of the hall. As Lucius discovers his purpose in life, Ed’s starting to wonder if their final boss will be too much for them to handle.

The Fucking Cup '23 is the caption. On the left is a shiny golden trophy. Engraved on its base is: Professor Louis Schüsse Spriggs and there's a rainbow flare behind it. On the right is a photo of a very smiley Lucius (Nathad Foad really) with 2 thought bubbles. The first says: Wonder how many loads it would take me to fill it up? The second says: Fewer than Stede could ever...

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

THE FINAL UPDATE! @tallshipsallday.bsky.social, @citrussyndicate.bsky.social and I (@tightenupmate.bsky.social) are so thankful to all of you who have read any part of our crazy not-so-little story. We hope to have new chapters to you in the next few weeks...BRACE YOURSELVES.

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Each of the dancers who’s defeated their opposition moves along to one final room preventing them from their end…it’s a—competitive orgy?

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Soon, they come to realize this ball is actually a dance battle. Each one takes their turn, with this glorious scene culminating in one of the greatest things that’s ever happened in Squatters. Raygun Pete. @citrussyndicate.bsky.social

“Esteemed gentleones! Now that our guests of honor have arrived, we can begin the first event of the evening.

“If to meet the wizard you wish to have a chance

Pull out those sweet moves; it’s time to dance

Be it funky breaks or tapping toes, time to give it your all

Those who can’t win won’t pass through the ball.”

Pete as Australia's Raygun but in lion costume. He's got a fuzzy suit comprised of sleeveless crop-top, tiny booty shorts, giant knee-high boots, tail, and mane with ears. Here he's doing the kangaroo hops. He's got the sweetest expression on his face, a closed-eye smile, and his hands are up in little claws

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

The remaining crew make an effort at entering their ball, but discover the door won’t budge—they’ve forgotten to finish the 3rd task! Fireworks that explode into a pink heart whistle across the sky. A dragon roars--and they realize Stede must have saved the day.

“Oh shit!” interrupts Jim, “we didn’t finish number three!”

Olu’s head drops backward. “Of course. This is the fourth challenge. We have to do them in order. What was number three again? I don’t even remember past the dragon.”

Ed’s head is spinning. The dragon was after Stede.

“Stede’s holding the heart,” he mutters, then says it louder for everyone, “Stede’s holding the heart!”

“But the sign just said, ‘Run’. We don’t even know what Stede was supposed to do with it, Edelweiss,” said Lucius, mask off and smirk on.

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Part 4! We're nearing the end of the recap folks!

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 22/01/2025

They're at a loss and unsure what to do next, when Frenchie remembers that they’ve got a get out of jail free card--and they’re off to their ball. (Absolutely gorgeous Izlinda @citrussyndicate.bsky.social)

Our heroes' fairy godmother, Izlinda, is head to toe green, but not like her sister Elphaba, not really. This is more of a beauty treatment. You don't get lookin' this fine without work. Her hair is in curlers with a kerchief on top, she's in a matchy-matchy Lolita bloomer outfit, and has a ruby in her belly button. She's pointing her finger, presumably at Ed (isn't it always?) and looking like she's telling him what for. Friend, even her body hair is green.

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 22/01/2025

...but it’s Stede who runs into the biggest obstacle of all.

But a large shadow, strong downdraft, and what could only be described as a burp of flame bursts forth from overhead and fire engulfs the tops of the trees.

Oh! A dragon! Why wouldn’t it be? That’s absolutely par for the course. Ed picks a direction, grabs Stede’s hand, and they’re off running again.

The dragon makes a wide looping turn, coming back toward them, body pumping up and down with the beating of its wings. It’s got all the classic features, slithery, spiky, winged, terrifying and but for the color, very familiar. “Isn’t that one of the dragons from Game of Thrones?” he calls out as John runs past, but he gets no answer. Doesn’t matter, now that he’s had the thought, he knows he’s right. But what was its name? Smeagol? Teaghol?

Bright glittering scales flash in the sunlight as the emerald green dragon dips and wheels, circling over the fleeing friends as though looking for someone. Or something?

“Ed!” shouts a voice and he’s never been so relieved in his fucking life.

They’re beside him now, no, in front, seemingly going in circles and the whirlpool is starting to form around him. “Stede, what the fuck are you doing?”

But there’s no answer, only turbulence and a lot of fucking water. It pours over him as the dragon takes off, Stede’s arms wrapped around its neck and holding on for dear life.

“I’ll find you, Ed!” he shouts from overhead and that’s it.

Ed’s lost Stede.

Again.

“Fuck!”

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 22/01/2025

...or this crumbling path straight out of Indian Jones that Frenchie navigates...

Approach these bricks with plenty of respect

If you don’t take your time

You’re gonna get wrecked

To get out alive…

Spell the name of the one

Who runs things at the mall

The only one who may pass

Holds the brain that is small

“Z,” he says, and steps out onto the first stone. It’s a bit of a reach, even for his long legs.

But the ground remains firm.

“Heyyy!!” Jim shouts from behind him. “Knew you could do it!”

Frenchie tries to calm his shaking breath. He’s out in the middle of a veritable minefield. No space for any sort of mistake here.

“H,” he says and takes another step with the same precision. The ground holds and another cheer goes up.

“A,” he tries, and realizes he’s made a mistake a moment too late.

His whole leg disappears into the ground, swallowing him all the way up to his hip. “Shit!” he shouts, as he scrambles up and onto the little bit of remaining earth around him.

“Frenchie!” he hears Olu call. “You alright, mate?”

“Fine!” he shouts back. And then to himself says, “Just can’t fuckin’ spell, but you lot don’t need to know that.”

When he’s dusted the majority of his mistake from his clothes, he tries again.

“E?” he says, nervous and shaking.

But he’s right. The ground holds, and the rest of the letters go fairly easily. “N-G, Y-I, S-A-O,” and before he knows it, he’s standing on the other side of the mostly in-tact path.

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 22/01/2025

They know they are working their way toward some sort of ball--what they aren't prepared for is the neverending obstacles the game throws at them to keep them from getting there. ...like this hole Lucius falls in

Suddenly, there’s a shout, and Lucius disappears right in front of them.

“LU!!!” screams Pete and he charges forward.

Frenchie flings out an arm and just catches Pete across the chest, stopping him with his toes dangling over the edge of the gaping hole that swallowed Lucius.

They stare down into the darkness and Frenchie can just make out movement at the farthest reaches of the light.

“Guys?” a tiny voice comes from inside the pit. “A little help?”

Lucius has somehow managed to wrap himself around a short scrap of rope that dangles from the roof of the booby trap. He’s swinging gently and barely hanging on.

“Hold on, babe! We’ll get you!” Pete hollers, but Frenchie isn’t so sure.

“Can’t you pull yourself up?” he asks.

“Do you think I’d be dangling here if I could?”

“No, no. Guess not. What’s that below you, mate?”

But Frenchie needn’t have asked, because as soon as they all get quiet enough, he can hear it. Hissing and spitting, the sound of little claws clicky-clacking on the ground, fucking meowing .

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 22/01/2025

The crew has already overcome some pretty intense obstacles. The tornado that brought them to Oz, attacked by pirates—so why not add to the list? Our team disembarks from their ship and follow the yellow brick road until they are stopped by a wall in their path. It’s Pete to the rescue this time.

Pete

Pete gets a weird feeling in his stomach as soon as he catches sight of the wall and the plinth. Sure, he’s momentarily distracted by Lucius’s great ass and some renovation ideas, but that sense of momentousness comes back as he watches Stede and Lucius bicker, try grabbing the cock-shaped lever, and snatch their hands away as if burned.

The wall stretches away infinitely in either direction. There’s nothing else for it. He may not be really into poetry, but he can understand what the inscription is saying. Only a virgin ass is going to be able to throw that lever. He steps forward, trembling hand holding up his Butthole of Courage. “I’ll take one for the team.”

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 22/01/2025

Our team knocks out quite a few more challenges in Chapter 9: Part 3, The Great and Powerful. archiveofourown.org/works/526206...

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

@citrussyndicate.bsky.social 🤯🥵 “On your knees for me, Ed,” Stede says, slipping effortlessly back into the scene. The velvet smooth of his voice drips down Ed’s spine and sweeps his legs from beneath him. He falls, dazed and utterly at Stede’s mercy. “That’s my good boy.” #ofmdnsfw #ofmdfanart

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

Ed finds a set of dice and after a little convincing, gives them a toss. That's when all hell breaks loose.

Why do we have to keep playing this stupid fucking game? he wonders. Where did it even come from? Maybe whatever unfortunate soul had been playing before them had left it in the mall on the off chance it wouldn’t follow them home. The Starlight has a mind of her own sometimes, maybe she’s the one who shoved it into the middle of their White Elephant gifts. It’s that’s how it happened, Ed’s got a bone to pick with his mall.

“What if we quit?” Ed says. “Can’t I shout ‘uncle’ or something?”

“Can’t,” Frenchie declares. His job as Banker seems to have expanded into Mayor, Jailer, Police Chief. “The rules state that nothing goes back into the game until someone finishes. No way out but through, Ed. Roll.”

“Can't make me,” he mutters, heels digging in and pouting. Ed's pretty good at standoffs. Plenty of practice. Once, a seller he'd really wanted to work with ghosted him and went with another store. He'd turned up at their main offices and held his breath ‘til he passed out. It didn't change anybody's mind, but he'd gotten his point across.

“Edward,” Stede says firmly but gently. It's this I Mean Business voice that Ed’s never been on the receiving end of, and now that he is, he’s fucking helpless to do anything but listen. Stede's eyebrows are high and he's moving slowly, appeasingly, a snake sizing up his prey. He pours himself over Ed like water, slides their hands together, and squeezes.

Every muscle in his neck and back unclenches and he melts into the touch. He's going to give Stede whatever he wants, as long as he keeps tracing his tattoos like this.

“No one's disagreeing with you, darling. We can't make you play. But if I remember correctly, you promised me a good dicking down once this is over, and I'd rather get to that portion of our evening sooner rather than later. Don't you agree?”

Ed swallows, tongue thick and throat dry. He nods.

“Then I need you to behave for me, don't I?” Stede purrs. His tongue darts out and flicks against Ed's earlobe.

He squeaks and shifts in his seat. What the fuck is Stede trying to do to him? He’s not seen this side of him, didn’t know he had it in him, and he’s not in any position to explore how far he can push this, how bratty he can get before Stede moves to punish. Ed likes a good punishment now and then, likes to shut his brain off and take whatever he’s given. It's just been awhile since he's trusted anyone to take him there.

He looks up through lashes like decorative fringe and eyelids heavy with want. He nods again.

“That's my good boy,” Stede says with a wave. He stands and signals for Ed to roll the dice, but in this state, all Ed sees is the circle of his hand gliding back and forth in the universal motion for a handjob.

“Why am I so turned on right now?” Lucius wonders aloud.

Spell broken, Ed blows out through pursed lips, desperate to relieve some of the heavy, aching want that’s trying to stand up between his legs. “No way out but through,” he repeats Frenchie’s refrain, and he lets the little cubes fall from his hand.

“Seven,” he says.

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

“Princess Izzy here thinks we might be in peril.” He flicks his tongue over Ed’s earlobe, then takes it between his teeth and applies a little pressure. Ed shivers and Stede murmurs quietly. “You’ve never seen me in true peril, Ed. I think you might find it… inspiring.” You know what that means...

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

They make it through the tornado, more or less in tact, and encounter a broken soup stall from the food court, a pair of legs sticking out from underneath it, a crowd of little people, and Izlinda the Good Witch, whom they mistake for someone else.

Frenchie joins them and looks the dress over critically. “It’s alright, but the craftsmanship just isn’t there, is it?. See the wrinkled hems on these sleeves? And the neckline? Much too prim. She looks great, but she’s no Izzy,” and with a little twitch of the fabric of her puffed sleeve, he saunters off muttering about polyester, leaving the pink fluffball of a lady shooting metaphorical daggers from her eyes.

“My name,” says Izzy, “is Izlinda, the Good Witch, you fucking ponce. And you’ve just killed—”

“Your sister?” calls Lucius, stepping around the group to better see and be seen. “It’s your sister, right? And we’re going to take her shoes and skip to the Emerald City?”

“My fucking what? My sister? Her shoes? You think I’d just be standing here if you lot killed my sister and stole her shoes? Not fucking likely. You’d be down at the bottom of the sea, maybe, payin’ with your skin, screaming for mercy while my brother, the Unknowable Sea Witch of the South, flays you alive with the heels of those shoes.”

Buttons, or something Stede thinks looks suspiciously like him, only in dolphin form, breaches and gives them the stink eye before crashing back down into the water again.

“No, you dropped your bloody soup stall on Nigel Badminton, the Wicked Witch of the East, and freed these people in the process.”

“Munchkins,” Lucius says knowingly, “They’re munchkins, aren’t they?” and Izlinda thumps him upside the head with her wand. It shocks a “hey!” out of Stede and a surprised grunt and flinch from Lucius.

“If you’d taken the time to fuckin’ ask them, you’d know they prefer to be called ‘Munchkinlanders’. Have some fuckin’ respect. They’re a proud people. ‘Course, they’re a bit short on conversation.”

“Short on—” Lucius mutters, snorting and ducking as Izlinda threatens him with another blow. “Sorry, sorry, I’ll stop.”

Izlinda gives him a dark look and clears her throat. “Gather round you bunch of gutless halfwits. I’d welcome you to Ozmanji but it’s a shithole run by an evil emperor and you’re probably all going to die trying to defeat him. However, should a few of you actually make it to Emerald City, miracles of miracles, and take on the Wizard, try to fuckin’ remember to yell out Ozmanji when you deliver the death blow. That’s how you win the game. At least, that’s the theory. Any questions?”

The group is unnaturally quiet for at least three seconds before Ed blows a raspberry, startling the rest. “Fuck off, Iz. You’re so full of it.”

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

So our crew get all cosplayed up... Thank you @citrussyndicate.bsky.social for the absolutely FANTASTIC drawings of our heroes. This is the best they're going to look for the rest of the chapter cause right after this little photo shoot, they take the tornado express to Ozmanji. #ofmdfanart

Lucia's marker-drawn Oz-Ed! This is one of my all-time fave pics of Ed. He's dressed as Dorothy but in the tiniest, sluttiest costume ever produced. We're looking at his backside here—he's peeking over his left shoulder at us. The gingham dress barely covers his arse and we can see a glimpse of panties sticking out underneath. He's got LEGS FOR DAYS here (capitalize, italics, and underline are completely justified) and at his ankles, little socks with bows on them in sparkly ruby red heels. His white blouse sits off the shoulder and he's wearing a brunette wig with corkscrew pigtails with blue ribbons. He is divine.

Lucia's marker-drawn Oz-Stede! He's the Tin Man from top to bottom. The CUTEST little funnel-shaped fascinator with a progress pride rainbow-bow on it sits on his head. His hair is still blond but everything else about him is silver. He's got a silver cropped tank with buttons down the front and a pair of silver short-shorts. You can even see a little treasure trail above the waistband (hell, yes!). He's got his left hand folded behind his head in a sexy little pose and he's holding a rainbow clack fan comprised of axes. On his feet are sparkly looking high-top Con-type sneakers with progress pride circles where you'd see the Chuck Taylor mark. He looks a treat!

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

🚨 In fic tornado warning in the next post 🚨

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

Ed, in charge of the Cool Mall Employee Christmas gift exchange, holds a White Elephant, but a White Elephant at the Starlight wields some mammoth curve balls

Archie opens a Snakes and Ladders featuring live snakes (it was the only package that hissed) and Stede excitedly steals a build-your-own-nuclear-reactor kit from Frenchie. Plenty of cool stuff, but when it finally came down to number 42, there isn’t any particular game Ed’s dying to steal. Time to try his luck.

He hears a rustling of leaves behind him as he turns to grab the tall, oddly shaped gift that’s been sitting forlorn on the table through the entire game, but it’s gone, and a palm frond from the planter nearby lifts to reveal a new gift, wrapped in the glitteriest, rainbowiest, most fabulous wrapping paper he’s ever seen. It’s shaped like a typical board game, wide and flat, and topped with an elaborate bow and a red high heel-shaped gift card that just says “The Final Game.”

Ed shakes it gently. He hears the slight movement of game pieces, presumably, inside, but there’s something else, too. Voices singing. The faintest lion’s roar? A terrifying cackle that thrills down his spine and makes him shiver. He turns back to the crowd. “Did you hear that? The lion?”

Stede smiles supportively but shakes his head, while the others look more skeptical. “You’re saying that’s what you heard when you shook it? Now I know you’re lyin’!” Jim cracks up at their own joke and Oluwande looks gobsmacked at hearing Jim commit a pun. Jim has had a lot of eggnog.
Ed slides his hand over the paper, feeling its slick texture, and lifts the ribbon off effortlessly. “Where did this come from?” he asks softly. He’s familiar with the free wrapping services offered at every store in the mall, provides consulting on paper choices and technique, even, but he’s never seen this paper or this method of attaching the ribbon.

Nobody fesses up, so he takes off the paper in one perfect piece and sets it aside. Ed is not a wrapping paper saver. He’s a guy who can come in his jorts on a crowded dance floor and still put in a full day’s work, for god’s sake. But for some reason he can’t bear the thought of wadding up this paper and chucking it in the food court recycling bin even if they’ve taken the lid off of for easy disposal of the detritus of the White Elephant skirmishes (a three pointer, for sure).

“Welcome to Ozmanji!” says the lid of the box.

Something stirs in Ed, a powerful pull. He looks up, and sees that the others feel the same. People are already nodding when he says, breathless, “We have to play this game.”

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

The magic has been out of sorts. Deity Zheng, a little more stable now that Stede & Ed have patched things up, takes Auntie and seeks out Buttons for advice. The oracle, for that's what he seems to be, foretells the coming of great danger. The Big One.

"Aye. ‘fraid sae. It's far worse than we thought. This is th' big one.”

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

It's Christmas Eve and some of the pals are lingering in the mall after closing for a little party. Some, like our mallbrats, are up to no good. Another, Jack, for example, is pinching a very powerful ring from Ned. What could possibly go wrong? *** *** *** Zheng thinks quite a lot, actually.

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

A slimmer silhouette under a pair of Izzy's finest, perhaps. Or maybe just easier access for Stede

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

Now we have a job in front of us. Chapter 9 is the fic in a fic. A 35K word (or whatever) story where our crew get sucked into a tornado and sucked into Ozmanji (huh, I may have just spanned 6K right there!) Featuring beloved guest author and Oz expert: @edsstaugsnake.bsky.social #ofmdfic #ofmd

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

SQUATTERS🛍️ MERCH: the swimsuit line

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 12/01/2025

Time Skip! Chapters 1-8 largely marked the first 4 days of the 89 day squat. They were boyfriends with plenty of boyfriending to do...and some occasional work...and fucking like wolves...and avoiding Jackie & her cronies while living in the mall. But in Ch 9 ... Christmas and Disaster strike 🌪️🌪️🌪️

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 11/01/2025

It's a beautiful carb-loaded date, full of bottomless breadsticks, salad with Kraft dressing, and pasta pasta pasta. They haven't magicked away all their issues, but they're learning to navigate them. Incredible Lady & The Tramp inspired art by our darling @citrussyndicate.bsky.social 🩷

Possibly the funniest damn marker drawing that Lucia has done yet. Ed's on the left, wearing his beautiful off-the-shoulder purple blouse and Stede's on the right in his Danny/Sandy Grease outfit with the addition of a cat bell & collar around his neck. They're seated at the chef's table with a single plate between them (some noodles and a meatball on it) and they've Lady and the Tramp'd themselves. Each has half the noodle in their mouth and they're looking rather sheepish about being photographed. THIS is that photograph. (very meta, I know)

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 11/01/2025

But Ed's got a problem. Stede went out of his way to arrange a romantic date for him. How can he repay... It hits him like a bolt from the blue. Ed calls in a favour & manages to get them the chef's table at a restaurant they used to visit in their distant past.

Ed feels a flutter of nerves in his belly as he tries to discern whatever this is, whether it’s Stede politely protesting the place he’s chosen, declaring that fine, he can debase himself and eat in an Olive Garden. How he'll do it just this once. For Ed.

But Ed wants this to be for Stede, a sweet little gift, an amuse-bouche served before an entrée’s worth of proper wooing. He'd promised Zheng he'd try the wooing. And Stede’s probably used to like…Red Lobster or something. Lobster’s fancy, right? He’s probably more comfortable at one of those Brazilian steakhouses where they shave the meat off for you at the table.

God, Ed’s not thought this through very well, has he? Stede was always too posh for this. Even when they were kids he was just slumming it for fun, and now he’s a full blown adult and Ed’s trying to drag him back into the gutter.

Just when things were going so right too.

“I do, Ed,” Stede speaks quietly and with a degree of reverence that makes Ed’s spinning mind go quiet. “I remember. This is really very sweet of you.” He reaches out and grabs hold of Ed’s tightly-tucked hand with a squeeze and a tight-lipped smile.

On his next exhale, Ed lets his arms fall and smiles back. “Well. You did something nice for us, and I thought I’d try to do the same.” He bends at the waist dramatically, extends an arm like he’s a fancy butler. “After you, sir.”

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 11/01/2025

"In a lovely baritone, Ed sings: … Let's get it on Ah, baby, let's get it on Let's love, baby Let's get it on, sugar Let's get it on, woo hoo" youtu.be/x6QZn9xiuOE?...

youtu.be

Marvin Gaye - Let's Get It On

YouTube video by Soul Machine

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 11/01/2025

"He growls, a ferocious noise meant to set underwear ablaze and cause cheeky massage therapists to get the fucking lead out when a finger, finally, breaches him."

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 11/01/2025

But today is Ed's first massage and the twins are going to make sure it's one they both remember. Full text in all its sexy glory here: archiveofourown.org/works/526206...

It’s a beautiful thing to watch, Ed paying him attention while twins take care of them, but that tongue is really starting to have an effect on him. But when Willy scoops his balls into one hand to catch the gracilis and adductor magnus, Ed’s tongue stops moving and his eyebrows nearly disappear into his hairline.

Stede mentally kicks himself. Why hadn’t he prepared Ed more thoroughly for this experience?

Withdrawing his fingers from Ed’s mouth carefully, he wipes them on the sheet and says, “This is a deep tissue massage, darling. You’re going to love it.” He nods at Ed encouragingly, then brings Ed’s fingers to his own lips for suckling.

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 11/01/2025

"He wonders what Ed is thinking about. He looks like he’s enjoying his massage. He’s probably enjoying it. He’s probably thinking about deeply relaxing things like ocean waves, the sound of wind in sails, and the cries of gulls over the cut of the prow in the water."

What Ed's Thinking...

Mmmm.
Wonder how come we say the sky is up when most of it is below our feet?
This is fuckin’ rad.
Can he tell that my arm hurts? I think I wrenched it picking Stede up.
I hope the red jelly beans in Stede’s robe are cinnamon. Cherry tastes like fuckin’ cough syrup.
Wonder if the electrician’s done yet?
Is Paris really gay or just like, mostly gay?
Stede’s dick likes peril so maybe we could do it in the wave pool.
I’d bet money Godzilla’s a girl.
Mmmm.

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 11/01/2025

"[Stede] can’t believe how much they’ve talked today and it all started with N2, H2, CO2, O2, CH4 and a barely discernible whiff of H2S." Author's Note: Squatters might be ludicrous but it's also educational

A chart showing the Chemistry of Farts
N2 Nitrogen
H2 Hydrogen
CO2 Carbon Dioxide
O2 Oxygen
CH4 Methane
H2S Hydrogen Sulfide

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 11/01/2025

Now I don't know if you know this about the Squatters crew but 3 of the 4 of us are from THE SOUTH so you know it was the Canuck in the group who begged to make Willy & Billy Kidd southern as well. It brings joy to my heart. It really does.

Ed’s only just got him pressed over the edge of the pool when Willy pops up, making it an accidental threesome.

“You boys got me grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ a sweet po’tater but don’t y’all be gettin’ no cock droplets in my pool, y’understand?” and with a slap of his hands, “No sir. Now how’s about we mosey over to the private room for your full-body massages. Billy ‘n’ me are all limbered up and ready to rub.”

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 11/01/2025

It starts off a little rocky but Stede manages to find a path forward and...gulp...apologize. A spa day can really cure what ails you.

In his most disarming and polite voice, he says, “Anne, darling, you know my pansexuality doesn’t generally extend beyond Williams Sonoma but thanks for that little refresher. Ed, this is Anne, one of the owners. One of the four owners. Where are your paramours, Anne? I’d love to introduce them to my, uh, escort.”

It’s a mistake, he sees that the moment it leaves his lips. He knows he got that wrong. They’re both staring at him now and Stede doesn’t like that spark that’s appeared in Anne’s eye.

He tries again, “Not that kind of escort. I don’t pay him. He’s not a sex worker. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

Anne looks absolutely gleeful. Ed’s expression, on the other hand, is smooth as glass, completely impenetrable, but his eyes don’t leave Stede’s so Stede keeps talking.

“I need to apologize. I want to apologize.”

Ed turns to study Stede, eyes wary, and Stede hurries to continue. “All of this has been overwhelming and these last few days I’ve been all over the map!” Stede turns in his seat, propping his elbow on the side of the pool, eyes filled with Ed.

“Ed, I thought of you for years. You’ve been lodged in my head since we were seventeen years old and I just… You set the bar so impossibly high that no one’s ever gotten close to clearing it. God, Ed, I thought my life was going to be casual flings forever. I was resolved to it. And they were fun, most of them were at least fun, but—” Stede’s brain is stalling out, words breaking apart and scattering before he has a chance to think them much less speak them. Instead he closes his eyes, takes a breath, and opens them again. Ed’s waiting, and fuck, Bonnet, he deserves so much more.

“I left you without saying goodbye, all those years ago.”

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SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU @squatterssmau.bsky.social · 11/01/2025

Ed & Stede go for the most romantic & healing of all make-up dates: a couple's massage

Ed stands outside of Hand Job Body Spa and looks at the sign askance. “What did you say you get done here?”

Stede looks up too and cocks his head a little. It’s not hard to imagine where Ed’s mind is going, the implication is rather amusing, and Stede rubs Ed’s back reassuringly. “They work with their hands, that’s all. I think it must be a southern thing. Don’t preachers or priests do it? I’m sure I’ve seen that in the movies.”

“You might be thinking of ‘laying on of hands’ but you’re right, potato—potahto,” Ed snickers, and pulls the glass door open for Stede to enter.

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