spintaxi.bsky.social
@spintaxi.bsky.social
Two doses of pentobarbital, one very awake inmate, and a governor who has ordered a binder.
NASHVILLE - Tennessee tried to execute Christa Pike. It had a protocol. The protocol said two doses. She got two doses. She's awake. She's talking.
bohiney.com/?p=45445 A 4.2 percent unemployment rate sits on top of the weakest hiring month in a while, four weeks before voters get a say.
WASHINGTON - Twenty-nine thousand jobs. That's the month. What's the deal with a jobs report you could staff with a mid-size wedding.
bohiney.com/?p=45457 A lab worker is dead, the WHO wants details, and the response plan is a phone call.
WASHINGTON - A lab worker in Siberia dies after a suspected case of pneumonic plague, and the plan is a phone call. Of course it is.
bohiney.com/?p=45447 California's governor reached for the Constitution's emergency exit over a rally line, and the exit, as usual, stayed shut.
SACRAMENTO - Gavin Newsom wants the 25th Amendment. Not a law. Not a hearing. The amendment you use when the president can't do the job.
bohiney.com/?p=45441 Forty filings make a record, and a record is a press release. The verdicts are a different department.
WASHINGTON - Forty cases. Largest denaturalization effort in modern history. Modern history, in this case, is young enough to still be borrowing the car.
bohiney.com/?p=45455 The Gulf produced a named storm right as oil, diesel and gasoline were already having a bad week.
MIAMI - First hurricane of the year, and it waited until the gas was already $4.50. That's manners. You don't show up to a house while they're still setting the table.
bohiney.com/?p=45449 A Nebraska rally line about Los Angeles and San Diego needed a second sentence to explain the first, and the second sentence is losing the race.
GRAND ISLAND, Neb. - What's the deal with clarifying a sentence. You said the sentence. Out loud. In Nebraska. There were peo
bohiney.com/?p=45439 An 18.4-cent holiday would shave the sign by less than a quarter and land squarely on Election Day season.
WASHINGTON - He's thinking about suspending the federal gas tax. Four weeks before the midterms. And the timing is a coincidence. Sure.
bohiney.com/?p=45451 Eighty-one billion dollars buys the library, the franchises and a single word that nobody can search for.
BURBANK - Eighty-one billion dollars, and the new name is Skydance. Warner's gone. Bros. is gone. Discovery's gone. Paramount's gone.
bohiney.com/?p=45453 The vice president has a fair question about uranium, an old question, and no one to hand it to.
WASHINGTON - JD Vance has a question. Why does Iran need fuel at 60 percent if it doesn't want a bomb. It's a good question. It's the same question.
bohiney.com/?p=45443 Nidal Hasan Discovers Army Has Finally Finished Processing His Extremely Negative Performance Review
Fort Hood mass murderer dreamed of becoming historic warrior, instead spends 17 years discovering United States possesses both due proces
bohiney.com/fort-hoods-islamist-sho… San Francisco Furious Trump Mentioned Los Angeles and San Diego but Left Bay Area Completely Out of CApocalypse
Trump's Biggest Mistake Wasn't Mentioning Los Angeles and San Diego, It Was Forgetting San Francisco
bohiney.com/san-francisco-furious-t… Ella Langley Out-Headlines Trump During the Xi Jinping Visit
How Six Words From an Alabama Country Star Beat a Presidential Summit for America's Attention
WASHINGTON, D.C.
bohiney.com/ella-langley-out-headli… Cornell Students Beg Outside Activists to Please Let Them Get Back to Partying
Exhausted undergraduates announce bold new movement demanding fewer movements, more studying and restoration of sacred constitutional right to waste Saturday aft
bohiney.com/cornell-students-vs-out… CBS Has Egg on Its Face as Tony Romo Is Already Floated for FOX NFL Sunday Job
Network reportedly wanted out of Romo’s enormous contract, may still pay him much of what remained, and now gets to enjoy the traditional corporate experience of watching the
bohiney.com/cbs-has-egg-on-its-face Two ‘Communists’ Find Love, Discover ‘What’s Yours Is Mine’ Works as Romance and Fiscal Policy
Progressive power couple reportedly shares interests in romance, redistribution, wealth taxes and the comforting belief that every human inconvenience merely
bohiney.com/two-communists-find-love New York Launches “Pre-Investigation” Program in Which Conclusions Arrive First and Evidence Is Invited to Catch Up
Albany unveils the Bureau of Foregone Conclusions, a bold justice-system upgrade that lets officials skip the suspense
bohiney.com/new-york-launches-pre-i… Letitia James Schedules Cornell Trial for Christmas Before Reading Evidence, Says Santa Already Has a List
New York unveils revolutionary North Pole prosecution model in which evidence will be reviewed during convenient breaks
bohiney.com/letitia-james-schedules… Tennessee Discovers Execution Protocol Has Troubleshooting Guide That Ends at ‘Try Again’
Pike’s lawyers warned about vein access, drug integrity, emergency care and secrecy.
bohiney.com/tennessees-execution-pr… Banned Books Week Celebrates Free Expression by Carefully Selecting Which Free Expression You’re Allowed to Celebrate
Libraries Declare Every Viewpoint Welcome, Assuming It Has Already Been Approved for the Display Table
CHICAGO | B
bohiney.com/banned-books-week-celeb… IRS Adds Citizenship Checkbox to Tax Form, Nation Shocked Government Wants to Know Who Is Claiming Government Benefits
Federal Government Discovers Revolutionary Administrative Concept Known as “Eligibility”
WASHINGTON, D.C.
bohiney.com/citizenship-checkbox-to… Fentanyl for Lethal Injection: Tennessee Learns the Cartels Have Better Customer Service
Why Fentanyl for Lethal Injection Keeps Stalling, According to Experts Who Say Pfizer Won't Sell It, Nebraska Can't Reorder It and Tennessee Can't Find the Nex
bohiney.com/fentanyl-for-lethal-inj… Steve Sarkisian Refuses to Execute Colin Simmons at Midfield, Sports Internet Demands Accountability
Texas Longhorns Coach Disciplines Player, Wins Game, Still Fails Nation's New Requirement That Every Mistake Become a Three-Day
bohiney.com/steve-sarkisian-refuses… SAVE Database: Washington Discovers the Search Button
Nation Stunned as Federal Computers Discover They Can Retrieve Information Already Stored Inside Them
WASHINGTON — American technological leadership entered a breathtaking new era Friday when Washington discov
bohiney.com/save-database Texas Star Colin Simmons Condemns “Look at Me” Society After Personally Introducing 102,000 People to His Imaginary Urinal
Longhorns defensive star records five sacks, one bathroom pantomime and the fastest transition from All-American
bohiney.com/texas-star-colin-simmon… Mole People Are Real: New York Finally Discovers a Workforce Willing to Commute Below the Subway
Two alleged sewer scavengers were arrested after emerging from beneath Manhattan, forcing scientists to reconsider whether New Yorkers have finally evolved arou
bohiney.com/mole-people-are-real Ella Langley Out-Headlines Trump During the Xi Jinping Visit
How Six Words From an Alabama Country Star Beat a Presidential Summit for America's Attention
WASHINGTON, D.C.
bohiney.com/ella-langley-out-headli… Terry Bradshaw Torches Retirement Talk With Ten Blistering Comebacks
The Hall of Fame quarterback proves he can still forget a name faster than America forgets a grudge
LOS ANGELES — Terry Bradshaw stood in front of a Fox Sports camera th
bohiney.com/terry-bradshaw-torches-… CNN, Politico Sue to Get Back Into the Building They Got Kicked Out Of, Demand Taxpayers Fund Their Feelings
Media outlets that spent a decade calling the president illegitimate are now suing becausehe won't let them stand in his driveway
bohiney.com/cnn-politico-sue-over-w… Wall Street Watches Trump-Xi Summit, Economists Replace Forecast Models With 'Well, Let's See What Happens'
Two presidents meet, several trillion dollars politely pretend not to be nervous
NEW YORK — Financial markets are preparing for this week's meeting betwe
bohiney.com/trump-xi-summit Federal Government Sets $100,000 H-1B Fee, Human Resources Department Begins Checking Couch Cushions
Hiring an overseas specialist now includes the optional luxury package
WASHINGTON — The Trump administration has extended restrictions requiring
bohiney.com/government-sets-100000-… Las Vegas Campaign Turns on 'No Tax on Tips,' Bartenders Discover Congress Finally Studying Subject They Understand
Washington discovers the economic power of the jar beside the cash register
LAS VEGAS — Nevada's congressional campaign has found the rare politic
bohiney.com/no-tax-on-tips Supreme Court Blocks Last-Minute Mail-Ballot Rules, Postal Service Returns to Traditional Election Role of Losing Something Else
America once again asks the mailman to carry democracy without bendingthe envelope
WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court has temporarily
bohiney.com/mail-ballot-rules The Left vs Arch Manning
After One AI-Video Controversy, College Football Discovers the Safest Athlete Is Apparently a Piece of Load-Bearing Masonry
The transformation of Arch Manning from cheerful college quarterback into reinforced co
bohiney.com/press-turns-arch-mannin… Austin Left Discovers Spontaneous Protest Works Best When Scheduled in Advance
Socialist Groups Reportedly Coordinate "Spontaneous" Anti-ICE Demonstration, Finally Bringing Central Planning to Spontaneity
Political activists in Aus
bohiney.com/spontaneous-protest-wor… The Ideological War Between Capitalism and Socialism Has Apparently Been Settled by Whoever Understands Instagram Better
Marx Wanted Workers to Control the Means of Production; His Followers Now Mainly Need the Password to th
bohiney.com/the-ideological-war-bet… New York Times Praises a Catholic Politician Who Skips Mass — Good Thing He's Not American
The same paper that spent years agonizing over whether Joe Biden deserved Communion has decided a lapsed British Catholic prime
bohiney.com/new-york-times-praises-… Cancel Culture Fires Ella Langley, Her Career Ignores It
The internet declared the job over; nobody remembered to tell Billboard or the CMA
NASHVILLE — A pocket of online criticism has effectively declared Ella Langley's career finished, most recently in reaction to re
bohiney.com/?p=45137 Kennedy Center Closes for Repairs, Washington Responds by Turning Maintenance Into Constitutional Theater
$257 million renovation discovers the only thing harder than fixing a 55-year-old building isexplaining why everybody in Washington sudden
bohiney.com/kennedy-center-closes-f… Football Fans Demand Holly Rowe Apologize for Arch Manning's Apology as America Enters Infinite Regret Loop
Laura Ingraham Calls the Apology Drama "Absurd" as ESPN Reportedly Wants a Video Apology Too
Football fans across the country r
bohiney.com/football-fans-demand-ho… China Assigns Jane Eyre to Teenagers After Government Determines Even Falling in Love Requires a Curriculum
Beijing Turns to Victorian Britain After Modern Romance Fails Quality Control Inspection
China has apparently located one aspect of
bohiney.com/china-assigns-jane-eyre… Trump's White House Press Ban Leaves CNN, MS NOW and Politico Standing on the Sidewalk
Washington's press corps tests whether the White House press ban can keep the actual White House from being seenat all
American journalism en
bohiney.com/cnn-ms-now-and-politico… TikTok Detectives Solve the Clancy Case Using Vibes, Body Language and a Netflix Degree
Amateur TikTok investigators unveil their groundbreaking forensic method: He Looked Weird to Me
America's rapidly expanding community of unlicensed h
bohiney.com/tiktok-detectives-solve… California High-Speed Rail Finally Reaches 220 MPH, Unfortunately Only on Consultant Expense Reports
State celebrates historic transportation achievement as paperwork arrives in Sacramento several decades ahead of passengers
C
bohiney.com/california-high-speed-r… China's Feminists Discover Government Censorship Is Basically Scrabble With Police
MeToo retreats into private rooms, coded language and cultural events as authorities apparently attempt the ancient bureaucratic strategy of defeat
bohiney.com/chinas-feminists-discov… Billionaire's Daughter Commits Unforgivable Musical Offense: People Like Her Song
Internet Investigators Discover Singer Had Money, a Marketing Team and a Disturbingly Functional Career Plan
America's volunteer music d
bohiney.com/stella-lefty-billionair… 
