iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Reposted by ⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆

Nny🔪 @homicidalkgs.bsky.social · 24/07/2026

We're at $100/$300 raised! Thank you so much please keep sharing!

⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 23/07/2026

hi dropping in to say life is so difficult right now lol. had my first therapy session in a few years yesterday though! hoping it helps. still hoping to lose weight. i'm back in the triple digits but i'm also 3 lbs from getting back to 98. a lot of emotional eating worst year of my life for sure!

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 01/05/2026

i've heard that bc i'm a sc0rpio m00n + r1sing this will either be ridiculously chill or ridiculously chaotic lol

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 26/04/2026

does anyone have some pretty good knowledge about 4strology and could help me understand/read my ch4rt for me? i'm also generally curious if friday's full moon in scorp is a sign that i'll need to pursue recovery soon (i'm a scorp rising) 🥲

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 23/04/2026

i miss being triggered and motivated, i need to lock in again 😭 i have like no discipline lol

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 21/04/2026

guess who's back up to 98 LMAO what a fucking joke

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 04/04/2026

i'm proud of myself. i'm impressed that i've made it this low. maybe i'm starting to believe that i actually have an ed. it never felt real and still feels like i'm just making this shit up and it's not that bad. but wanting to be in the 80s is a brand new feeling for me! my th1nsp0 is smaller too.

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 04/04/2026

it's been so hard getting this close though, and i can already feel myself thinking that staying in the 90s isn't enough. it's kind of neat to see how the mind changes because of this disorder. last year the thought of being in the 80s wasn't appealing. now i feel like 85 should be my ugw.

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 04/04/2026

increased protein has been doing me good, but i'm still losing my breath while i speak. but i hit my next gw yesterday and am 4.3lbs from my ugw! ik i just said i promised myself that i'd start recovery once i hit it, but i think i might need to go lower to feel comfortable gaining muscle weight

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

and certainly not anytime soon. i will plan for recovery when i reach 90lbs and maintain it for a few days. that's my promise to myself.

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

i'm eating, kind of a lot. made a big protein shake. having toast. gonna have a protein bar and some hummus + veggie chips later. big thing of vegetables and sweet potato in the evening. i don't want to die. but i will get to 90lbs. i will build muscle. i will recover, just on my own terms.

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

i'm okay. i'm just paranoid. i think i'm just depressed and anxious. maybe i'm going to have a panic attack soon or something. i almost did like a month ago, and i had trouble breathing then too, i think. i can't remember

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

when do i believe that it's bad enough. when do i understand that i'm not faking it. i'm tired. i don't want to eat but i do so so so badly but i don't. i do but i don't. i don't know what to do

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

i wasted so much of my life doing nothing because all i wanted to do was die and now that i'm starting to actually experience and enjoy life i'm worried i'm killing myself. i don't know what to do. knowing me, i'll probably do nothing. i think i'm going to eat a little. some protein for my heart

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

i don't want to die. i just want to look the way i do in my head. i want to be small and happy. i want a shot at being happy and building my body to look the way i've always wanted. i want to be under 100lbs forever, preferably 95lbs. i don't want to die though, not right now

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

this is so stupid because i'm not even that skinny for my height. my stomach is still soft. my upper arms are smaller but not skinny. but the other day i lifted them up and they looked skeletal and it scared me. none of this feels serious though. i'm not sick enough

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

i don't know if i should eat right now. i'm scared my heart is failing. but i don't have any sort of medical knowledge. i don't actually know what's going on and i just want to ignore it. maybe i'm being paranoid. maybe my body is begging me to recover. i don't know. i just need to hit 90lbs.

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

maybe i am just anxious. i've been sad again recently. i'm always sad, but just more. i miss my dog, i miss my tia, i regret not spending more time with both. adulthood has it's stressors. my job annoys me sometimes. i am a bad friend and a worse girlfriend. i'm just mentally not doing well

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

i'm too scared to go to the doctor though. i don't want to recover. i want to keep losing. but i don't want to die. but i want to be small. but it's embarrassing how weak i am. idk. i'm not sure if it's too late for harm reduction.

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

i just want to be small. i want to be physically small. i want to take up no space and be cute and petite and only take up space with my personality, my intellect, my confidence. but i have none of those things anyway. i just mask and restrict. and now i'm struggling to breathe.

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

i want a physically smaller body still and am open to start working out and building muscle but i want to stay under 100lbs forever. i am so obsessed with staying in the double digits. i still want to hit 90 and gain just 5 lbs of muscle

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

i've been thinking about recovery lately because i am so physically weak and feel so genuinely stupid. but the biggest issue i've had is that--and this is just real fucking cruel and oh so funny--i think my legs look too skinny lol. they don't look good. but i carry my weight everywhere else.

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

why can't i finish a sentence without losing my breath. why does air feel like it gets trapped in my throat.

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

can't tell if i'm just anxious or this tight feeling in my chest + shortness of breath for the past few days is because i've been slowly killing myself for years

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

will write a more in depth thing later but i'm going to bed for now. been losing air mid-sentence recently. kinda worried i'm affecting my heart

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 01/03/2026

one month without my baby. got him fresh flowers today. 🤍 everything hurts and i miss him with my whole heart. still don't understand why things had to go the way they did. still wondering if we made the right decision. still the love of my life.

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 27/02/2026

i looove gh0st-types sm 🤍🤍🤍 gh0st, drag0n, f4iry, dark, and poison are my faves!

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 21/02/2026

I'm full of so much doubt bc I work in a cr3ative field as a gr4phic designer and have some pretty big name brands and am always SO scared that I'm fucking up royally but I guess this is imp0ster syndr0me??

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 21/02/2026

My boss is incredible idk what I did to deserve this job, but I'm just gonna be grateful 😭

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 21/02/2026

My boss gave me an $8 raise today and I almost burst into tears 😭 I didn't even get a chance to ask for the $3 I was initially going to, he just said I was such an asset and going above and beyond even though I'm going through a terrible time rn (but he also told me to pls take a mental health day)

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 18/02/2026

was looking at mealsp0 and th1nsp0 on p1nterest again though and i wanna lock in so baaad. my bones poked out so much more when i was eating less, even at higher w8s. i also miss the community here and on p4ncake

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 18/02/2026

all this grief has me eating so much and moving so little. i wish i was an emotional starver

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 14/02/2026

had to write a love letter to dogs for a v-day project for a client and tomorrow, valentine's day, marks two weeks since i lost my baby. was too mentally exhausted to make it perfect, even though i wanted it to be. i don't want to write something heartfelt just to sell shit at the end anyway

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 13/02/2026

getting pierced hurts more than i remember but it was still chill. i have a high pain tolerance. thinking about what to get next already lol

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 13/02/2026

got my second tragus and another helix bc i don't have the anatomy for a daith 😔 i got one piercing on each ear, so i can't sleep on my side. cookies were delicious btw but def not helping me lose looooool

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 13/02/2026

impulsively got pierced today and made cookies at like 10pm

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 12/02/2026

best friend lost her dog too. brother's gf lost her dog as well. had to replace all my tires. not able to save any money. starving myself. work is overwhelming and demanding. paranoid everyone around me is going to die too. can't stop myself from repressing my emotions. physical pain. tired

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 12/02/2026

my dad's not doing well physically and mentally. his mom's not doing well (Alzheimer's). my mom is depressed and exhausted. my other abuela is depressed. my brothers are depressed. my parter is exhausted and miserable and is doing their best to hold it together to take care of me.

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 12/02/2026

i just wanna lay down and sleep forever, i'm so tired. i'm so so so tired. everything in my life is so overwhelming right now and i'm reaching a breaking point. i miss my baby boy every day. i'm sad i'll never see my aunt again. i'm scared thinking about who's next. i feel weak and tired

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 12/02/2026

almost had a panic attack today over the sheer amount of fucking stress and paranoia and depression and fear and misery running through my body that i'm unconsciously repressing every second i can. i just started fucking breaking down and shaking. i've never had that happen before

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 10/02/2026

cried myself to sleep the night he left us and wished to hold him again. my wish was granted today. you're smaller than you've ever been, but the space you take up in my heart has never been bigger. my sweet and beautiful baby boy. 🤍 you are so loved. we all miss you so, so much. we're still crying.

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⋆ • ✶ blu ✶ • ⋆ @sourbluberries.bsky.social · 06/02/2026

so tired. thank you to everyone who reached out and left sweet comments about my baby. tomorrow is one week, and i'm still not prepared for a life without him. i have my moments where i'm okay. i have my moments where i cry. i still love him in every moment. i still think about him every day.

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