Smams @smams.bsky.social · 10hIf you start every post with "I am under attack" You can- Oh god! They've breached the-! 050
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 11hUSE EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF MICROWAVE TIME AS EFFICIENTLY AS POSSIBLE. If your microwave isn't FULL of heatable items you are WASTING precious MICROWAVES!!!! 6280
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 27/09/2026My favorite Duncan Trussel clip is him breathlessly describing his new cartoon project to his ostensible best buddy Joe Rogan. Joe's comments amount to "Yeah It looks soooo crazy..." and when Duncan excitedly asks if he's seen it Joe replies "No!". 080
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 27/09/2026TCG: "This unopened bag of doritos has an unknown, perhaps *inifinite* amount of cool ranch flavoring inside... My asking price? Don't be foolish, if you have to ask you can't afford it." 270
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 27/09/2026The last unicorn? What about the one unicorn among many? The banality of the average unicorn in a sea of unicorn? 371
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Every time you visit the house there is a "entertainment room" dedicated to one thing and one thing only but it changes every time. Last time it was a lone sega genesis loaded with "cool spot" plugged into a floor CRT in the center of the carpet. This time it is a hot dog. 5191
Reposted by SmamsSmams @smams.bsky.social · 25/03/2025Acetomenaphin should be be induced into my bloodstream by gnomes hourly so I never feel sick again 3101
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 24/09/2026envisage? Yeah I tend to make those sages envious. Not my fault their prognostications can't divine the fate of the kingdom. Envisage these nuts. 130
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 17/09/2026sperm retention freak who holds an open casket funeral for each of his 80000000 sperm that came out during a wet dream. 072
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Guy who hasn't heard of the west coast, and is incredulous that it's a real place: "oh yeah? and if this place is real, then surely you have somewhere you vacation?... Oh the mountains sure, and what are these mountains called exactly?" 160
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 11/09/2026what if charlie kirk was on our lawn, and he got pea shotter in the neck until his head popped off (not gettin our brains today, rapscallion)! 050
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 11/09/2026Bind the artifact to thy soul with but a single drop of blood and thou shalt divine thy fate and longevity 0123
Reposted by SmamsSmams @smams.bsky.social · 02/08/2026werewolf ate my homework. Yes the werewolf is also me. Sure I retain some awareness but it's not that much. 393
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 10/09/2026moth girl who leaves you bereft and peniless so she can surprise you later by fluttering out of your wallet 2246
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 10/09/2026*I open my wallet to reveal a moth which flies out but then at that precise moment another, different moth flies back in keeping my moth levels roughly stable* 2133
Reposted by SmamsPuff 🇵🇸🏳️🌈 @puffyapple.bsky.social · 10/09/2026My D&D character is AWESOME and COOL and definitely not a LOSER 2142
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 10/09/2026While participating in an elementary school choral rendition of Katy Perry's "Firework" I remember thinking, perhaps not in these words but in this sentiment: "Surely we are capable of bettter things" 2180
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 10/09/2026It's fine that you said that wierd thing, my psychic resistance outpaces your damage scaling 192
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 08/09/2026Armed society is polite society. Can't shake hands with no arms. 2132
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 08/09/2026Just because two fruits are the same color does not mean they are a pleasing flavor combo 3120
Reposted by SmamsPuff 🇵🇸🏳️🌈 @puffyapple.bsky.social · 08/09/2026And this folks is the smams exhibit! You might think it's small and sus but he actually likes it that way. He also likes it when you throw peanut shells at him as well! 1102
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Now that I've got my ducks in a row I can't fathom for what reason I would need water birds arranged in such a manner. 040
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 06/09/2026me (a gamergater) when my new shoes are hurting my feet on account of them being new: "I sure wish these shoes would go woke soon..." 061
Reposted by Smamsheadfallsoff @headfallsoff.com · 28/08/2026if you're a normal person please do not play the fucking strip mahjong game. do not let the fun and friendly appeal of something as inoffensive as pornography trick you into playing a game as evil as mahjong 9091062812
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 31/08/2026HEARTBREAKING: Local anime girl went chibi while standing in waist high water; drowned instantly. 5255
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 29/08/2026To gain access to my paying me money subscribe to paying me money 3224
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 27/08/2026Guy who knows that drinking water is good for you: "hello, I see you have contracted the plague, have you considered drinking water?" 083
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 25/08/2026Made solicited editorial suggestions to someone's work and they appreciated the feedback!!! 160
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 25/08/2026They should make a service for people who want to try out objecting to a wedding. Like, we'll do all the wedding stuff and then you'll object to it at this point and then a whole drama will play out for you. 2230
Smams @smams.bsky.social · 21/08/2026There are two appropriate situations for "O' Fortuna": Peggle, and pegging 052