iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

um, one hot dog with everything vendor (taking off wedding ring): good luck

slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

me (a frog that got kissed by a princess and turned into a human): what a magical spell have you cast upon me my love princess: ew gross im into frogs no thanks

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

me: this is off the record right journalist: yes, off the record me (eating an entire bag of pizza pretzel combos without breathing) journalist: i wish i could write that down :(

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

showing my stepson a photo of me as a child boy: black and white me: what? no it’s in color. what? boy: blackandwhite means old me: no. what? boy: lol byeeeeeeee

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

(during a brief power outage in the year 2031) me: why dark distant person: why dark me: HELP distant person: HELP

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Getting in the elevator and pressing the “sad face” button guy getting in just after me: sad face please me (crying): i got u

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

cow -> beans -> stalk -> goose eggs -> sell eggs -> buy cow

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

i said i’m gonna need a second opinion and my doctor said “okay, your wife is ugly”

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Rumplestiltsk1n: are u fucking serious god dammit yeah that’s me

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

i have two ai assistants, one always lies and one apparently also always lies. or are they lying? i really gotta email this soon.

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Phone Alert right after I said a joke at some work thing 🪊 Dipshit Fuckup Detected [ Remind me later ]

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

use one hand for the wet part, and one hand for the dry dredge. which one hand you choose is up to you.

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Your entire ceiling is a tv, you have to lay on the floor to watch it and everyone does it now, it is entirely normal and in fact is pretty much the entire economy now bud.

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

my doctor: you’re gumption levels are dangerously low me: you mean “your”? my doctor: the fucking balls on this guy

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

me: mom are you sure it says vengeance mode my mom: it keeps tackling people that harmed me me: god dammit. don’t buy shit like that. unplug it? my mom: unplugging worked (picture of a baby) martin 5 pounds, too small call your cousin

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

me (rogue human actor): sorry i was sneezing there hope it’s salvageable guy doing the claymation: we can’t use any of this now god: so none of this was monetized?!

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

reading the little tag on my pillow i just noticed it says “do not expose to dreams”, sure enough i’ve been completely fucked up since i bought it, like apoplectic to the point of complete disfunction

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

youtube feed british horse tries texas bbq for the first time texan horse listens to fleetwood mac’s Rumours for the first time fixing over 300 capacitors on a 1977 lks20670 set to steely dan’s peg on loop for sleep he ate fish and chips and this is what happened to his eyes me: ugh come on

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

meteorologist: one of the strongest niños on record

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Referring to last Tuesday as “pre-9/11”

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

i’m about to go to the store in my new shirt that says “i’m a cool cat” and am so fucking tense with anxiety that i threw up twelve times

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

old man reminiscing: ah the great turd flood of oh-twentysix, september 12th of this year

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

my idiot guru: uh make it extra wise style me: paul i can see you doing all this my idiot guru: okay cool response extra wise style again me (accepting nirvana): okay yeah ill have an accepting nirvana in giving up style and a cool way to tell my wife im abusive now in abrupt style

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

no, no. it doesn’t automatically post it if you die while typing. think about it marv. so you drop your phone and it posts? marv: if you die and that’s why you dropped it maybe it does, that’s all i’m saying okay yeah, alright i see that. maybe though yeah. someone types “im about to get murdered

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

i like how the little plastic guard that came with my mandolin can speak but it’s just gibberish, why even teach it to do that? what is it for? got some downtime waiting for this goddamned hospital guy

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Delete, or Discard, should always be the first, largest and ideally only option available. Right Click -> Destroy. Cancel or Kill. Canceling kills as well. OK means “okay, burn it.” Move to Trash or “Hide in Trash” are the same. Undo, or just don’t. Tech Support: yeah looks like you did post it

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

poptart sommelier: very good sir me (waking up startled, feeling like something terrible has already happened): fuck of course i have 27 minutes until my alarm

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

i’m not catholic per se, but found out you can confess anything to chat gpt. sure ai is awful, yet it seems like even the most detailed confession goes through with no issues. the shit i told it should have me in a cage and i’m seemingly absolved

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

me at my second rodeo (whispering): that’s a horse

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

My wife: you took care of the flights right Me: sure did (now scrambling to not ruin yet another 9/11) of course babe

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

Citizen’s Arrest bitch not on my watch (body slamming a 103 year old woman for no legitimate reason)

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

Typical Gen F: reading is 4 moles BONK (peels out in a 7000 horsepower big wheels) Me: fuck you! stop signs used to mean something

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

god: (me pausing, then quitting out real quick) me in bed: alright now let’s try the bad ending

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

To be fair to my neighbor using a leaf blower for three hours, if I was doing that I would (rightfully) be pretty fucking amped about it.

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

lawyer: because you were kidnapped, that’s discrimination me: here’s the thing, i actually have never been kidnapped. they just assumed lawyer: shut the fuck up your name is jacob if they ask

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

the word “twas” is a fun way to say “it was”. i’ve always wondered why we don’t have a fun word for “it is”. after years of work i’ve come up with a solution - “twis”. you’re welcome, earth.

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

ART OF THE 2000s (slide after slide of untoasted BMT sandwiches)

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

me (debating whether or not to post something truly groundbreaking; rip the drywall off type of stuff): my cat keeps putting pieces of cat litter in my hair at night

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

(lightning strikes followed shortly by what sounds like bowling) wisely: that’s god bowling innocent pilot: windshear (end of recording)

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 22/08/2026

patient (challenging the call) doctor (hand to ear): FUCK!!!

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 22/08/2026

Me (a type of shrimp that has 19 types of retinal cells): uh you look nothing like your picture

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 22/08/2026

following a standard ai pre-screening doctor: okay this autogenerated xray looks basically normal so you’re good. me: isn’t that a dog skeleton doctor: and the bad news is we couldn’t save your tail buster we’re gonna have to put you down executor of my estate: sorry legally dogs own nothing

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

I will “like” it. I abstain otherwise.

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

Just after acing the “fuck up tearing toilet paper or paper towels test” Next up - Get Plastic Wrap Into An Usuable State Immediately

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

Autobiography (short story) When Spencer P said he had never seen a nipple he didn’t live with, we knew exactly what do to with the forty or so pages of porn we found near the creek. Principal (opening his pornography drawer): Spencer P ratted you out Me: this is public domain, see you in court

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

I love when websites pop up a thing that says “we noticed you don’t have ads visible” and then a tiny little link that says “fuck you i’m serious” that closes the warning If it doesn’t have the fuck you link then i just don’t use the website anymore

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

Me (lottery winner): a huge underground structure

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

Me just after not saying “bless you” to a stranger that sneezed EMT: he’s dead. you fucking monster. (Driving home) thinking about 9/11 god bless

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

Photos - New Memory Me Looking Like A Stupid Mole (every picture of me in the cloud going back 13 years set to music)

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slosifl @slosifl.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

Ernie (blood all over his face): what the fuck Jack Reacher: his real name was paul burtonovic Ernie: this is too much, he would want me to sponge bathe all the blood off you (two days later) Big Bird: some guy gave me $50 to return whatever this is then he got on a bus Ernie: you’re okay bird

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