iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

#Bluesky won't let me post a #video of my perma-kitten Peachie Pie being cute. She's an orange tabby that is the size of a 5 month old #kitten, and she's like 4 years old now. And bitchy. She can be MEAN. But she was being #cute and I cant post it. I even shrank the video, cropped it.

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The #weather has been so #weird. Cold in the AM and warm/hot in the PM, and the shift back to cold is quick. #Love #sweater weather tho! Best kind!

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I hope everyone is having a #GreatDay!

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Before and after pics of my #Christmas #presents for this year. I always #craft something. Crayons shaved and melted into glass ornaments. Easy and pretty.

Sid @sidra42.bsky.social · 10/10/2025

I hope everyone has a good night. #GoodNight #BlessedBe

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Sid @sidra42.bsky.social · 09/10/2025

I I'm not #catholic. Not #Christian. But I do like #PopeLeoXIV in some ways. But. And a big BUT. He is condemning the wealthy while he lives in luxury. He credits women for helping the disenfranchised, but women are excluded from high ranks in the church. Do better Leo.

Sid @sidra42.bsky.social · 08/10/2025

I hope everyone has a great day! #GoodMorning

Sid @sidra42.bsky.social · 07/10/2025

It's a bad bad #fibromyalgia day on Lake Erie. Rain and high humidity is seeping into the very fiber of my being. So much pressure and pain.

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Sid @sidra42.bsky.social · 06/10/2025

Added another #witch / #cat to my crew. She's dancing with the broom. Getting her #groove on. Lol

Sid @sidra42.bsky.social · 01/10/2025

New #audiobook acquired. Curse of the #dragon shadow by Selina A #Fenech. I'm in love. Definitely #recommend for #fantasy, female protagonist story.

Sid @sidra42.bsky.social · 29/09/2025

Noo! My #audiobook #sequel doesn't come out until April 2026! Damn it!! Shield of Sparrows by Devney Perry is a good listen on #Libby

Aaaaaaand she's slept all day. Asleep now. I love burnout and watching others try to get rest that I also need and can never get because they won't help me.

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It wasn't as bad as the reaction made it seem but because of stress induced migraine, I couldn't mask anymore. But my night Mgr kept finding stuff for me to do until about 845 0m. Then I got to go home finally. Which I appreciate.

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Starbucks had 2 call offs last night. So they took my cleanplay partner who I was supposed to train, to have her l training to make drinks to help the barristas. Ok fine. But my Mgr also said immediately after that she had done some of cleanplay but the rest was on me and I burst into tears.

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Sid @sidra42.bsky.social · 22/09/2025

Migraine from hell last night. Started in the early afternoon but about an hr into Starbucks, every sound was increased in volume by a factor of 10. I can usually try to block background sounds, but not always and never when I have a Migraine. And the day was hell. 1.

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And she just tries to be nice. As tho there are no issues. No Work. Nothing causing a bother anywhere. Keep the mood light instead of work thru the issues. But then again, working thru the issues really just turns things around and makes me the bad guy for feeling what I feel. Those are always wrong

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Sid @sidra42.bsky.social · 22/09/2025

I quit. I give up. Doesn't matter what I say, she doesn't listen. She INSISTS she does and she understands, but she doesn't. How can she when she cuts me off when I'm talking so I can't properly explain myself? Or her energy gets aggressive so my brain shuts down and I cant? I don't matter.

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Sid @sidra42.bsky.social · 21/09/2025

Albert loves sleeping in the #Starbucks bag I gave him. Sometimes I give him a cardboard black tea box from Starbucks to chew on and sleep in. Love it. He also gets apples, grapes, and blueberries from there. He's so spoiled. #GuinesPig #Love

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She's fucking lying about money again. She's forgotten I have access to her bank account because my name is on it too. She can spend fuck all on herself, and I have to spend on her, but im not allowed to spend on myself it seems. I have to buy her shit only. I'm shaking from anger and hurt.

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I don't know why I bother. I have nobody to count on in this universe but myself. I trust no one. I hope for nothing. Expect the worst because it's what I've been shown to expect. Walk on glass. Be invisible. Don't exist but to take care of others, no one is going to even try to take care of me.

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When it was almost a dozen people who did it to me. " family" even. When I have nobody to talk about it with?! And I'm the bad guy for still feeling like shit. I get made to feel guilty and shameful for being upset still. The abuse didn't stop. It shifted. They rewrote my brain to do it, itself.

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Years of abuse still lives in my head and heart. How could any of them think I'm ok with it all and that I forgive/forget over a decade of abuse? Just because I got 2 half hearted apologies and then subject change from 1 person and a BS half hearted apology and subject change from another? Not ok.

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Sid @sidra42.bsky.social · 19/09/2025

I just don't understand. Anything. I'm definitely in depression zone. Intrusive thoughts abound and the voices of "friends" and "family" in my head telling me everything is or will be my fault if I don't do X, Y, or Z. If I take care of me first, or at all, I'm selfish.

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But the sun is shining and it isn't too hot for me. So... #Trying #Struggling

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Sid @sidra42.bsky.social · 19/09/2025

Trying to have a #goodnight at #Starbucks, but M is working so, basically T and she are talking and I'm excluded. It's always this way whenever M works. I'm invisible to everyone except for work shit. No interpersonal with me if M is working.

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Sid @sidra42.bsky.social · 19/09/2025

If someone would... idk just take care of me for once. They don't have to wait on me hand and foot, even just a small thing like offering to get me fresh water when I hurt to much to breathe, and then getting it. Or helping me with my ONE load of laundry a week. Maybe I'd feel better. But no.

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I just can't. Honestly. I'm not sure why I bother. Oh wait. I try like hell to be a good person. Don't think I am, the voices of my "friends" and "family" in my head, tell me otherwise. And they've told me in person too, which is why they are in my head. I must not actually be of they're still here.

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The whole square peg/round hole thing for me keeps happening. Except I'm a Star peg being smashed into a diamond shaped hole. My points have all been broken and dulled. But I'm still not a diamond, so I'm just worthless. My light has dimmed. Is dimming. At this point, let it.

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And she gets what she wants and then I'm ignored/avoided again until she wants something else. I just need to move out. Or something.

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I "love" feeling like the most selfish, self centered, piece of shit, asshole. Because if I try to take care of myself, ever, I can't take care of Her. And She HAS to be taken care of by me but she doesn't have to do the same for me and isn't so selfish or anything. I fucking hate existence.

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