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Shmelly

@shmelly.bsky.social
61 followers 4 following 409 posts

I don’t tweet unless I’m stoned

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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 20/02/2025
Burped on my girls pussy whist eating her out
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 20/02/2025
I just need to flex that I could 100% land a commercial airliner if both pilots passed out for some reason
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 19/01/2025
Perhaps I overreacted
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 19/01/2025
Tf am i supposed to do now, go outside???
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 19/01/2025
they can’t take tik tok from me
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 19/01/2025
im crashin out
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 19/01/2025
Im willing to invite violence over tik tok shutting down in the US
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 07/01/2025
Why is the Squid Game 2 Russian Roulette scene an actual cinematic masterpiece
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 06/01/2025
Can someone explain football to me? My team made it to the playoffs for the first time in like 10 years or something
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 04/01/2025
I would rather exclusively text someone over Snapchat than see their ugly green aindroid text bubble
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 02/01/2025
Can’t wait to get home and fat shame my cat
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 01/01/2025
I was the first person in the world to know about jimmy carters death and I have absolutely no evidence but im so fr
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 27/12/2024
Just relaxed to go pee but I relaxed too much so I had to abort mission and sit down to poop
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 23/12/2024
You people make me regret learning to read
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 22/12/2024
Tums are lowkey so yummy I just be eating them sometimes
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 17/12/2024
Whimper audios on sale $1.75
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 15/12/2024
Just found the complete 16-disk collection of “The Cosby Show” at my local thrift store. Might have to cop.
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 14/12/2024
Sanmta
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 14/12/2024
The best tweets are the ones born from rippin the penjamin
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 14/12/2024
Reading cursive lowkey gives me motion sickness like damn that line swirls around so much
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 13/12/2024
Just scheduled a meeting with my therapist (11 banana shooters) at my local mental health institution (the corner store)
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 12/12/2024
You never know, maybe one day they’ll show my tweets in a courtroom
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 10/12/2024
I can never let my employer find this account
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 10/12/2024
The voices in my head are whispering threats against CEOs
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 10/12/2024
Starting a bluesky creator content house. It’s an RV in a Walmart parking lot in Helena Montana. Plenty of room if we sleep in sleeping bags on the floor. DM me if you’re in.
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 10/12/2024
Vampires lowkey freaky like why you wanna suck my neck so bad ahaha
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 10/12/2024
Just spend $250 to purchase guitar hero set just to play it on medium
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 10/12/2024
amogus will forever be my favorite word
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 09/12/2024
The pressure of making fire tweets is getting to me
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 09/12/2024
Forgot I have bluesky
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 08/12/2024
Business in the front and also party in the front as well
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 05/12/2024
Poopin rn #poosky
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 05/12/2024
Long term plan: commit check fraud
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 05/12/2024
Do I go to work today, or do I leave everything to survive in the woods? This decision gets harder to make every day.
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 04/12/2024
Had a banger idea for a tweet only to realize I’ve already tweeted it. Existence is pain.
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 04/12/2024
Current financial status: skipped lunch today so I can have lunch tomorrow instead
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 04/12/2024
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 03/12/2024
Just found out I live below the poverty line. I thought I was just normal struggling
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 03/12/2024
I’ve crashed my last out
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 03/12/2024
Yall think my HOA will get mad?
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 03/12/2024
My TikTok reposts are a reflection of my inner soul
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 02/12/2024
going to trader joes, anyone want anything
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 02/12/2024
Yall ever sneeze so hard it makes your arms hurt? Or is that just a me thing? Should I see a doctor?
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 02/12/2024
Took a chance with Dairy Queen burger today. It was okay. The ice cream is killer, but I was a bit let down by the burg. Although I might take some of the blame myself, as I didn’t know what kind of food I was in the mood for, and any burger probably wouldn’t have satisfied me
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 02/12/2024
There’s no way Hellen Keller flew a plane. It’s impossible. Even if she sat in the copilot seat and touched the controls, she was never the sole responsibility of the plane. I refuse to accept that as one of her accomplishments.
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 02/12/2024
Tifa from final fantasy kicked down my front door, slapped my ass, and then started cooking spaghetti
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 02/12/2024
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 02/12/2024
I don’t trust any news. I wake up, turn the TV on, cover my ears and go LALALALALALALA
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 02/12/2024
Real tweet this time, no joke. Is there a block list for bots? Okay back to your regularly scheduled silly tweets.
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Shmelly @shmelly.bsky.social · 02/12/2024
My only cyber Monday purchase this year
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