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jg

@shart.cloud

304 followers 707 following 155 posts

Cloud Security Personality Hire. Only You Can Prevent Autistic Burnout. 🚬🐻 (any/all)

Posts Replies Media

jg @shart.cloud · 05/12/2025

about to be INSUFFERABLE for 72 hours forgive me lord sweet baby dr pepper jesus

GCIH Certification Exam results (92% score but I'm contesting those 8 points!~!!)

jg @shart.cloud · 03/10/2025

The lanyard said “Speaker” so I shoved a waterproof bluetooth speaker up my butt.

jg @shart.cloud · 09/08/2025

My future self ran into my current timeline. A pleasure to meet you king.

jg @shart.cloud · 23/06/2025

2999 of us will join u in victory

jg @shart.cloud · 16/05/2025

In February I was obviously thinking about my burgeoning ROMANCE with DuckDB but I could not predict by mid May I would be giving a talk around both of these awesome projects.

Jared standing in front of the world’s worst projector. Talk slides: we have CSPM at home using DuckDB and open source tools to validate your cloud security posture.

jg @shart.cloud · 01/01/2025

I sent you my Nissan Horny plz respond

A camper van on fb marketplace 1994 black Nissan homy

jg @shart.cloud · 19/12/2024

Remote operation brought to you by AWS IoT

A remote crane operator controls a magic wand from afar

jg @shart.cloud · 15/12/2024

Bearing it all in the architecture review (I did not RTFM)

Judgmental volturi stares at a naked gnome

jg @shart.cloud · 10/12/2024

TLP-Amber !! Don’t tell my boss I’m perpetually behind

Bruce banner he say that’s my secret my projects are always red bc all my project updates are red 🎈

jg @shart.cloud · 03/12/2024

They don’t know shit about the tiddyverse

Intro to the tidyverse google result

jg @shart.cloud · 02/12/2024

If hunter biden has zero fans I am dead but I’ll be god damned if JOE gonna let his well endowed son walk free before he enshrines some protections into LAW.

A letter to the president: I know you ain’t out here pardoning your son and haven’t done DICK about these student loans GET TO WORK BRUH

jg @shart.cloud · 22/11/2024

stole this from a linkedin connection and holy shit it's so funny

jg @shart.cloud · 20/11/2024

Posting through the 3 exams I am not studying for

Spider-Man smoking (looking so cool) and offering you a smoke (you could look this cool too)

jg @shart.cloud · 17/11/2024

What if we kissed in the Facebook marketplace NASA aquatic rescue pod

Facebook marketplace screen shot of a nasa water rescue pod

jg @shart.cloud · 09/11/2024

Making my own AWS merch now because they are too scared of what the people want.

jg @shart.cloud · 07/07/2023

Me receiving the most devastating news I have heard in years. What’s that Dr? I had a pickle covering my ear.

Man on hamburger phone

jg @shart.cloud · 28/06/2023

Me to myself as I rewound the VHS tape for the 6th time:

jg @shart.cloud · 28/06/2023

Sorry I wasn’t able to join the incident conference bridge I had to restart my phone

Vintage Alf Phone w/ box eBay nearly 300 dollars

jg @shart.cloud · 27/06/2023

Get Me THe President

jg @shart.cloud · 26/06/2023

eBay knows me so well

jg @shart.cloud · 25/06/2023

“Oh I’m glad I have y’all as neighbors, the last guy was a satanist and smoked marijuana all the time!”

jg @shart.cloud · 22/06/2023