Sign in

Sharkey 🦈

@sharkey.bsky.social
945 followers 311 following 2.6K posts

Sharkey is a fictional character. Cautionary example that assholes might mistake for cool. Did not not invent the word "Metroidvania."

PostsRepliesMedia
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 20h
This was a blast to do again. Only struggled a little to remember how to talk to other human beings like a normal person.
1252
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
The C64 version is giving me a sense of temporal vertigo. Cursed artifact that's gonna snap me back to 1986. The last forty years can't be allowed to happen.
A futuristic Commodore 64 web browser is like, "Limited AI will assess your needs and provide individual databases with information the AI feels is most important.

Hierarchical filter level seven in effect.

I am HOMER. How may I serve you?

One moment. You requested a story.
Once upon a time..."
171
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
In retrospect The Pizza Fuckler maybe wasn't the best idea for a mascot.
6252
Reposted by Sharkey 🦈
Lost Turntable @lostturntable.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
For years I was suffering from a debilitating condition called Sleep Related Painful Erections. I may look happy in this picture, but I was in living hell. Content warning: I get into graphic medical detail, and discuss suicidal thoughts. (Reposted with better header) medium.com/@jameseldred...
medium.com
My Penis Tried To Kill Me
Content warning: This post deals with graphic depictions of a medical condition that involves the penis, the prostate, and related body…
1813622
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
This one always bugs my shit right out on account of Final Fight is *right there.* It has exactly one cop, and he's a corrupt piece of shit that tries to shoot you.
Screenshot from Final Fight. Guy, a day-glo ninja is jumping in on Edie E, a cop that just spat his gum on the ground like an asshole.
1174
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
This week forty years ago we were blessed with episode 2 of The New Monkees, wherein Marty fell asleep on a copy machine. Numerous duplicate Martys were set loose in the mansion. Wackiness ensued. There were no survivors.
0114
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
You are trying to make friends. Roll 1d4, your new acquaintance has decided that you are a 1: vampire 2: witch 3: robot 4: egg They cannot be dissuaded from this conviction.
190
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
what if we bring back Aki Ross except with gross vibes and also it can't talk good.
Aki Ross from Final Fantasy: The Expensive Mistake, posing in a bikini for Maxim's Hot 100 (2001)
2141
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Looking forward to the default JRPG post apocalyptic future where we're fighting each other with swords and matchlocks and shit while collecting DVDs you need to bring to an apparent fuckin wizard who is like holy shit, have you not seen Mean Girls? Hang on I just need to find the right cable.
2314
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Ideal ADHD / autism relationships like:
1237
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
*explaining to the kids* "I'm older than chicken nuggets." *eyes glowing, rising upward* "I am older than Happy Meals" *lightning arcs while funnel clouds form in the sky* "I AM OLDER THAN RANCH DRESSING"
1298
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
I refuse to recognize any of this unless Wolverine is a smelly little bastard who sleeps with a body pillow that's just a map of Japan.
1170
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Padding out my resume like Possesses mass that can affect celestial objects Expels superheated breath up to 311 Kelvin Completely replaces 98% of its own atoms every year Composed primarily of an acid that can dissolve most substances Word, Excel
0250
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
If you change your haircut I will not recognize you. Meanwhile if someone is wearing five pounds of star trek makeup I'm like "holy shit that's Iggy Pop." I'm either very specifically faceblind or just racist against humans.
1161
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
My apathy is palpable. Go on, palp it.
191
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
remember when ppl were like hey maybe don't make kids work 12 hour days and can we have weekends off and the government was like fuck you have some bombs
Front page of the Washington Times from. Sept. 1st 1921. The headline reads "AIR FLEET ORDERED TO W. VA. BATTLEFIELD" Other headlines include "PRESIDENT SAYS WARS WONT END" and "AVIATORZ WILL DROP BOMBS ON MARCHERS"
0207
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Some day I'm gonna finish the stupidest fucking Commodore 64 exclusive adventure RPG and then you'll all be sorry.
4272
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Egg Corridor is still a fuckin bop. m.youtube.com/watch?v=cy9e...
m.youtube.com
Cave Story OST - T09: Mischievious Robot (Egg Corridor)
YouTube video by Frygoon
34516
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Kermit and Miss Piggy are both members of the same species that exhibits extreme sexual dimorphism.
Family scene of Kermit and Miss Piggy from Muppet Christmas Carol. Their two female children are pigs and the two male children are frogs.
2215
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Put me back in the matrix. I want to be a mediocre white guy in the 90s who is bored with his safe life at the end of history and wishes he could fight in a mythologized war of ideas. Or a just war against fascists. You know, like his parents and grandparents. But without actually having to do that.
Screenshot of Cypher in the Matrix. He don't want to remember nothing.
0140
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Deltarune is to Undertale as Desperation is to The Regulators as Jojo parts 1-6 are to parts 7-9
1111
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
When I disabled all the AI shit in gmail it unceremoniously dumped about thirty thousand bits of junk mail from my spam folder to my inbox. Which is breathtakingly petty, sure, but I finally unsubscribed from a bunch of shit and cancelled services I forgot about so joke's on you, fuckers.
2291
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
"What a fool you are. I'm a god. How can you kill a god? What a grand and intoxicating innocence. How could you be so naive? There is no escape. No Recall or Intervention can work in this place. Come. Lay down your weapons. It is not too late for my mercy." *Stabs heart*
Jack Karson is being manhandled into a police car. Text reads "IS THIS HOW YOU HONOR THE SIXTH HOUSE AND THE TRIBE UNMOURNED"
070
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Sometimes I think some shit like "all cops should be required to carry malpractice insurance." Then I remember, no, all cops should be dissolved in acid.
3201
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
Metaknight is covered in pies and saying "It really IS bad..."
090
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Celebrating a decade of ordering the exact same twelve pack of hot pink pirate flag booty shorts because of gay autism.
0171
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
MotherFUCKER
1150
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
I'm not a religious person and I don't care to attach cosmic significance to celebrities, but I can't not feel like one of the last remaining pillars of the world just got kicked out from under it. Like a load bearing crystal shattered or one of the Tzadikim is gone or something.
1244
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Well, fuck. There goes that plan.
0180
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
you think you look cool
A corgi wearing doggles. His tongue is hanging out gormlessly.
2402
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 Upton Sinclair 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯
0120
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
PORKCHOP SANDWICHES
1174
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Goddammit every time I open my phone he's like Oh what's up we doing something? No, keep playing with your ninja turtles you adorable piece of shit.
2321
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Flooring it in my time machine, passing dudes on their way to kill hitler so I can get to ten cent beer night at Cleveland stadium on June 4th 1974
2193
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Step 1: Summon skeletons Step 2: Summon skeletons Step 3: Summon skeletons Step 4: Summon skeletons Step 5: Summon skeletons ... I dunno that's all I've got
7211
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
"I could fix everything if I were just made immortal dictator of Earth," I say as my 100th SimCity catches fire and sinks into the sea.
3246
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
This upcoming batch of kids will probably never lick an envelope and get a paper cut on their tongue. Wishing that shit on people probably dies with us, unless we bomb ourselves back to sending letters.
1100
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Quentin Quire is a good character actually, and I'm not just saying that because I'm always one bottle of pink manic panic away from a spot-on zero effort cosplay.
061
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Need a hack where Homely and Ugly are like you know what fuck all y'all and don't show up.
0143
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
somethingsomething somethingsomething chicken cherry cola 🎶
5121
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
Got the potato one of those puzzle toys where you put treats behind little doors. Asshole proceeds to sequentially open only the doors with treats, eat them all one at a time, then *closed all the fucking doors* and looked at me like what the hell was the point of that then.
2201
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
Disney hit me up I have some ideas
Screenshot of the Marvel wiki entry for Jesus of Nazareth (Earth 616.) The text reads "After helping defeat Deuteronomy, an angel/demon hybrid destined to replace God, Howard the Duck ended up in Hell. He encountered God at Job's Place, his usual drinking place after he sunk into alcoholism due to the actions of Adolf Hitler. Howard found God in a triune state, manifesting as the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.[10] Once God finished talking with Howard, he left, sticking Christ the Holy-Spirit, and Howard with the bill.[1]"
1112
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
Still obsessed with this weirdo shit.
Shyna Nera Shyna from Silhouette Mirage being aggressively nonbinary
5236
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Being bored by Marvel movies doesn't make me smarter than you. I am smarter than you but that's not why.
1183
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Popular thing that everyone likes is stupid, actually. You should feel bad for liking it.
2130
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
Satan is like hold on Mitch, I'm getting another call
1254
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
Thought the night would be cool enough out that the wasps might be dormant so I could do a little sneaky mass murder. It wasn't and they weren't. Expecting a knock at the door and it'll be ten thousand wasps in a trench coat like COME OUT WE JUST WANT TO TALK.
2150
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
Wish I'd saved the 1up blog where I said it's impossible to put a camera in glasses without looking like a pervert Elvis Costello cosplayer cus I did not expect that to be the one wisecrack that'd be super relevant twenty years later.
0371
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
You can fault Magneto for calling his guys the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants but you know damn well if he had like The Party of Evil Queers there'd be a line out the door for that shit.
0275
Sharkey 🦈 @sharkey.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
Okay.
0195