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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 9h

I once visited a used record shop and asked the shaggy-haired bearded owner if he had anything by Tom Lehrer, because my dad’s birthday was coming up. He knew exactly which dust-covered stack to reach into.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Hell YEAH I’ve put the #CoyoteVsAcme blu ray on my Christmas list. I want that movie to make all the money.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

My daughter will be visiting New Zealand for her honeymoon and she isn’t even an #OFMD fan! BRB, just trying to figure out how to smuggle myself in her luggage.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Finally, here’s my entry for Day 1 of #OFMD #InnKeepersWeek! In “Applejack-Of-All-Trades”, we’ve got the world’s most ornery inn guest, two exhausted innkeepers, and a sexy stranger named Applejack who isn’t making Ed jealous at all. Nope. archiveofourown.org/works/93323776

Rating:
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M/M
Our Flag Means Death (TV)
Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet
Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet, Original Female Character(s),
Original Male Character(S), Applejack (Our Flag Means Death)
Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Loves Stede Bonnet,
Stede Bonnet Loves Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Jealous Blackbeard |
Edward Teach, Podfic Welcome, Innkeeper Blackbeard | Edward Teach,
Innkeeper Stede Bonnet, Our Flag Means Death Innkeepers Week, The
Innkeeper Era
English
OFMD Innkeepers Week
Published: 2026-09-26 Words: 8,489 Chapters: 1/1 Hits: 0
Applejack-Of-All-Trades
Shalamarr
Summary:
Ed and Stede have now opened their inn (called Jeff and Thomas's Idyllic
Retreat by the Sea, because they're remaining incognito, dontcha know), and
things aren't going so well. For starters, their very first guest is a bad-
tempered octogenarian who seems determined to make their lives difficult.
Plus, a drop-dead gorgeous guy named Applejack is looking for a job, and Ed
might have just a teeny-tiny skosh of a jealous streak.
-----
David Jenkins told us that he envisioned Kevin Bacon playing Applejack, so I
had a 35-year-old Kevin in mind when I wrote him. I did take a few minor
liberties with his character, however. For one thing, Kevin is from Philadelphia,
but the mannerisms I gave Applejack are more of a good ol' boy from the
South.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

I got my hair professionally styled for Daughter’s wedding and proudly showed it off to my husband. Me: “Didn’t the stylist do a nice job?”. Him: “It looks great! Your grey hair really suits you!”. Me: “Um, thanks?”. 😄

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Idiots like the person in red walk among us and probably vote. (I’m LogicalContext-8782. Yes, it’s a crappy name.)

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Me, to the company from which I bought a dress for my daughter’s wedding: “Hey, it arrived with a stain. Can I get a partial refund, please?”. Them: “Here’s half your money back.” Me: “… just like that? Don’t you need proof of the stain?”. Them: “Nah, we’re good.” Okay then.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

I was already psyched to see "Primetime" with Robert Pattinson, and now I find that our darling Matt Maher is in it? Hell yeah! #OFMD #BlackPete

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Someone referred to HR as “the first queer show to blow up worldwide”. While I’ll admit that OFMD (sadly) hasn’t received the same level of attention, it’s definitely gotten worldwide acclaim.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Okay! Here's a #WIPWednesday for my belated entry for #InnKeepersWeek! It's opening day of Ed and Stede's inn (called Jeff and Thomas's Idyllic Retreat By the Sea, because they're trying to remain incognito, dontcha know), and wouldn't you know it, their very first arrival is the Guest From Hell.

Never having been in a deal-with-the-public line of work before, Ed and Stede had naively assumed that if their ads and brochures said that they’d be open for business at 7:00 a.m., they needn’t expect anyone to show up in the inn’s lobby before then. They quickly discovered their error when they entered the lobby at 6:50 and found that there was already someone banging impatiently on the front desk’s bell.

ding ding ding “Does anyone even work here?”.
ding ding ding “I’ve been waiting for five minutes!”.
ding ding ding “This is appalling service!”.

The culprit was an octogenarian dowager, dressed in an all-black ensemble whose finishing touch was an enormous hat topped with a stuffed bird. She would have been quite comely had she not been wearing a ferocious scowl.

“Leave her to me,” Stede whispered confidently to Ed. “I dealt with her kind all the time when I was an aristocrat. This’ll be a walk in the park.”

Ed had some doubts, suspecting that there was a vast difference between meeting such a person as a fellow aristo and meeting her as an innkeeper, but he kept them to himself. “She’s all yours, love.”

“Good morning, madam!”, Stede trilled, taking his place behind the desk. “My name is Thomas Edwards, and I’m co-owner of this inn. How may I help you?”.

His perky charm usually elevated the grumpiest of demeanours, but not this time. “I want a room, of course. This is an inn, is it not?”.

Stede’s smile didn’t falter. “Certainly, madam. Do you have a reservation?”.

(That question, which had been Stede’s idea, had given Ed doubts as well. “Why would we ask that? We know for a fact that we don’t have any reservations yet, so obviously the answer will be no.”

“It’s a power move that will make us seem more busy than we are, which will put us in a position of strength, darling.”)

The scowl grew even more fearsome. “What kind of nonsensical question is that? I’m here to make a reservation! I hope the rest of your staff isn’t as dul…

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

If I post a snippet from my very late #InnKeepersWeek fic for #WIPWednesday, maybe that’ll give me the kick in the keister I seem to desperately need to FINISH THE DAMN THING.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

I watched the first two episodes with someone who’s heavily involved with local showbiz, and it was so much fun to hear her cheerfully say “Hi, (Friend’s Name!)” every time an actor she’s worked with appeared onscreen.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

What do you MEAN, curly quotation marks (the first set shown in the photo) are a sign of AI slop and straight ones (the second set) are not? Curly is all I ever use!! 😡

A photo showing curly and straight quotation marks.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

I’ve gotten such lovely comments for “Thirty-Six Hours” (including some “ARGGH CLIFFHANGER” ones that made me cackle 😈), and I swear I’ll deliver the final chapter as soon as I’m able, but I’m currently working on a palate cleanser that’ll be a late entry for #InnKeepersWeek. Stay tuned!

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Here’s the photo, with me doing my best psychotic “I caught me a MAN” grin. You may not know it from his frozen expression, but my new husband really was happy, honest!

Shalamarr and Mr. Shalamarr on our wedding day, September 18, 1993.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Today’s my wedding anniversary! 33 years ago, I said “I do” to the best man in the world, then the photographer snapped a photo of me grinning ear to ear like the Cheshire Cat. (If I find the photo later, I’ll post it.)

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

He’s now withdrawn from the mayoral race, deleted his social media, and word on the street says that he’s lost construction jobs due to being a bigoted piece of shit.

static.klipy.com

Nelson Muntz's Iconic Simpsons 'Hahah!'

ALT: Nelson Muntz's Iconic Simpsons 'Hahah!'

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Reminds me of Rhys’s standup, asking “Does anyone want to have six with me?”.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Mostly impressed, I think. “So, we’re still fat, eh?”. “Yep.” “But happily married to an amazing man, with two incredible daughters who have amazing families of their own?”. “Yep.” “Noice.” *fist bump*

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

I didn’t watch the Emmys - did they really not mention Anthony Stewart Head during the “In Memoriam” segment??

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

YES, and if you’re anything like me, you’ll stare at the end result and go “Well, of course that’s the way it should’ve been all along! Why did it take me such a time to get here?”.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

If I see one more article with Casey Bloys gloating about how “Heated Rivalry” is “the greatest acquisition in the history of television”, I’m going to fucking lose it. YOU CANCELLED “OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH”, ANOTHER BRILLIANT ACQUISITION, YOU COCKWOMBLE.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

My “I’ve Never Cared At All For Ed Sheeran” stance is looking pretty good nowadays.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Three years ago, this #OFMD trailer inspired me to write a microfic called “Make It Hurt”. Enjoy (?). 😊#TakeTwoTuesday archiveofourown.org/works/50087539

Rating:
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Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Our Flag Means Death (TV)
Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Original Male Characters)
Blackbeard | Edward Teach Needs a Hug, Tattoos, I borrowed an image
from one of the production stills for Season 2, Post S01E10 but before
Season 2 begins, Podfic Welcome
English
Published: 2023-09-14
Words: 440 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: 2
Kudos: 19 Hits: 103
• Make It Hurt
Shalamarr
Summary:
"Oh fuck." He had recognized some of the tattoos. They were arguably as
famous as Ed himself. "You're -".
"Yeah." Ed smirked. "I'm him. I've been stabbed more times than you can
fucking count, mate, either with a tattoo needle or a sword or a dagger, and
I'm still here. You really think that the job I've asked you to do will be too
much for me?".
-----
Like everyone else in the fandom on this day - September 14, 2023 - I've
pored over the Season 2 trailer and the production stills until my eyeballs have
begged for mercy. One particular production still (you'll know which one)
prompted me to write this fic.

0254

ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

A dude who’s running for mayor in my city recently posted this on Facebook: “I can’t afford to have people do art work or whatever gay shit you think is better than AI.” I do appreciate him making it easy for me to know who NOT to vote for.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Here’s a repost that fits all of Thursday’s prompts! “Blue Skies”, in which Ed and Stede have their inn ready for their “found family” (i.e. the crew) to stay, but Mother Nature is about to throw a spanner in the works. #InnKeepersWeek #OFMD archiveofourown.org/works/89037841

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

I had my makeup professionally done for the wedding yesterday, and I haven’t washed it off yet, so it’s a shock to absent-mindedly touch my eyebrows and go “Whoa! Why are they STIFF?”.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Y’all, the wedding was BEAUTIFUL. It was an absolutely perfect day. 😭

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

My daughter’s wedding is tomorrow and I have to get up super early and I CAN’T SLEEP. 😫

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

Rewatched the pro shot of “Come From Away” on Apple TV last night and cried, again.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

Someone on /r/OurFlagMeansDeath STILL insisting that the numbers weren’t there, otherwise Max wouldn’t have cancelled it. I repeat: I really want to live in their world, where network execs never make asinine decisions for bigoted and/or malicious reasons.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

Here’s a repost that fits the “Miscommunication” part of Day 1, thanks to Ed being REALLY jealous and REALLY possessive! “Skirting the Issue”, inspired by amazing art by @ourartmeanszepp.bsky.social. #InnKeepersWeek #OFMD archiveofourown.org/works/73882441

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

I desperately want to participate in this, but this week is nuts (MY DAUGHTER IS GETTING MARRIED! EEEE!). Will it be okay to post stuff later in September?

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

Has anyone else seen "Mayday" with Ryan Reynolds and Kenneth Branagh on Apple TV? I watched it last night, and it was a TREAT (not to mention that there was some smokin' chemistry between the two leads. I'm tempted to write a fic about them.)

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

The penultimate chapter of “Thirty-Six Hours” is up! Ed and his people are going to do everything they can to save Stede and make Low pay for his crimes - but will they succeed? archiveofourown.org/works/87141526/…

Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandom:
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archiveofourown.org
Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
M/M
Our Flag Means Death (TV)
Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet, Black Pete/Lucius Spriggs,
Oluwande Boodhari/Jim Jimenez, Archie/Oluwande Boodhari/Jim Jimenez
Stede Bonnet, Edward "Ned" Low, Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Black
Pete (Our Flag Means Death, Spanish Jackie (Our Flag Means Death),
Hellkat Maggie (Our Flag Means Death, Israel Hands, Crew of the
Revenge (Our Flag Means Death), Original Male Character(s), The Swede
(Our Flag Means Death, Benjamin Hornigold, Felix (Our Flag Means
Death), Ivan (Our Flag Means Death) - mentioned
Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ned Low is a Psycho, Stede Bonnet
Needs a Hug, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Needs a Hug, Pretty much
everyone needs a hug except Ned Low, Buried Alive, Alternate start to
Season Two, Podfic Welcome, Whump, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug
Use, Minor Character Death
English
Published: 2026-06-23 Updated: 2026-09-04 Words: 32,270
Chapters: 5/6
Comments: 45 Kudos: 33 Bookmarks: 6 Hits:
508
Thirty-Six Hours
Shalamarr
Edit Chapter
Chapter 5: Team Attack and Team Rescue
Summary:
Ed met every set of eyes. "Tonight is going to be more dangerous than
anything we've ever faced, because you know what Low's like. He's batshit
crazy, unpredictable, and capable of all kinds of horrific shit. Whoever takes
part in this quest may very well die."
"Hold on." Jim's exuberance gave way to a suspicious scowl. "I really hope I'm
wrong, but it sounds to me like you're working your way up to a 'This is your
chance to walk away, and no-one will think any the less of you if you do'
speech."
"I am," Ed said simply.
A heroic endeavour begins to save Stede and deliver the mother of all
beatdowns to Ned Low - but it be successful, or will it be too little, too late?

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

I literally saw a comment on **itter that said “I’m going to watch it, because life’s too short to get upset over every little thing.” JKR’s horrific bigotry and hatred towards trans folks is a “little thing”, according to that person. I have no words.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

Turns out that my SILs have gotten bogged down with their parents' health, which isn't great right now, so they didn't organize a shower. I get it, but if they'd told me sooner, I would've organized one myself. Now there won't be one, and while my daughter understands, she's pretty disappointed.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

Younger daughter is getting married really soon, and her aunts (my sisters-in-law) said they'd throw her a wedding shower, but they haven't said anything and time is ticking away. So, I texted them just now to ask about it (which didn't make me feel awkward AT ALL. 🫣)

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

I’m not even going to watch the trailer. Am I curious? Sure, but giving the trailer just one additional view is giving that vile woman more attention than she deserves.

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ShalamarrAO3 - owner of ‘alf ze pyramid! @shalamarr.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

Reading a #HeatedRivalry fanfic and found this in the middle of the chapter: “I kept the focus on the family conflict, Shane's fear, and the competing attempts to protect him.” Yup. AI prompt left in by mistake. The author cheerfully admitted it when they were called out. 🤬

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