iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 26m

*Don't cut a bitch* She also complained because "not all service providers need to share." It was literally me and my partner therapist. What???

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 27m

I'm composing in my head and it's really hard not to be like "B****, please. My kids went to three different high schools. No school excused the general education teachers and held an annual IEP less than an hour. What sort of hot mess are you running?" *Regulate. Relate. Reason.*

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 28m

This is the second time where she's made a snotty reference to "I know you're from elementary, but..." It was an annual IEP, and she and site admin arrived ten minutes late. I held it and wrapped it up 50 minutes. Is she expecting me to start asking if they want fries with that? 🤣

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 31m

Today kinda sucked. A student had an escalation and accidentally hit me. I corrected the viper during an IEP meeting yesterday, so she sent me a rude follow up email today complaining, among other things, that I need to make the IEPs shorter.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 2h

He's positive for pneumonia.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 2h

I canceled my trip. My friend was very understanding. I'm at the urgent care waiting for my partner to get back from the chest xray. His blood oxygen is really low.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

I think I need vacations from thinking. It's not rumination, because I get somewhere, but it is exhausting and my system approaches a failure point.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

I think the thing that would help me most, and by extension my students, is to figure out how to prioritize and let something things go.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

My autistic clinician friend likes to say that the autistic brain has greater RAM. It's constantly processing details that most others miss. But my hard drive overheats. I don't know how to close tabs or operations because they all feel salient.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

I was telling my partner last night that I'm worried that an educational doctorate isn't challenging or stimulating enough. My real love is psychological research. I'm not 24 and able to pursue what I love because the future is endless, though. I need to consider retirement. I feel every year.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

I'm actually enjoying the systems paper, because it helps me understand some of the flaws in my thinking and ways of operating. I appreciate the diagrams, which explain different flaws, such as fixing the immediate problem at the expense of longer-term solutions It's like educational whack a mole

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

My coach introduced me to a district person with a psychology degree and DEI background, and we scheduled a get together. At minimum, I will find another like mind. At maximum, we're going to fix things.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

I was trying to explain to lead teacher that there could be focal seizures or comorbidities at play. It's hard for me to accurately self-assess. I worry that I push the adults around me too hard, and the kids not enough. I worry that everyone secretly hates me because I push so much.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

There's been an ongoing situation with one of my lead teacher's students, too, that's weighing heavy on me and the whole team. I created provider facing handouts from one of the seminars, because a lot of the data in there was pertinent.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

Part of it is because several of my students won't talk to her. A few have mentioned missed appointments and inconsistent support I created potential scripts for redirecta to try to encourage them to lean on her instead. It's all just so tiring.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

I also had to collab for an hour with my partner therapist and her intern. I created an agenda and typed up all the notes from our collab on Friday. It's been challenging working with her because she doesn't like consistency, and I've been stepping on her toes, because I veer into the therapeutic.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

Buffer time and flexibility, assume imperfect implementation I'm so tired. What I would like more than anything is two days to be at home, not being perceived by anyone. I rocked those IEP meetings but they were a lot.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

Tl;dr I am taking the lesson I have learned about building in buffer time and the systems level approach/feedback loops from the paper I'm reading to build out a scope and sequence for the Algebra curriculum. Tonight, youngest and I are going to create a plan for getting her health back on track.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

That Sunday the 25th, we have friends coming over, so after the demo day is finished, I need to clean the house. Oh, I forgot. I'm being observed for my evaluation on the 23rd, a Friday. My lesson plan needs to be tight.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

I've been reading it and the systems paper that I need to understand for the doctoral demo day on the 24th, the Saturday after I come back. I don't want to drop the book club event. I want to talk to the founder who runs Google DeepMind since I'm now working on setting up my own local LLM.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

I fly back Monday early, work all day, and have dinner with a friend that night. Tuesday evening, I have therapy at 5 and then I drive to SF to the cognitive science book club. We'll discuss the book Behave, which I haven't finished yet. It's dense.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

Grades AND progress reports are due Wednesday. There's no curriculum, so I have to create it for today and tomorrow. I have 4 IEPs I just held to affirm and send signature packages. I'm supposed to fly out to see my friend on Wednesday. I have to wash laundry and pack.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 14h

It's actually a pretty big error on my part since I know the research and I'm good at long term goal planning. I just got so excited that I was finally feeling better, and felt so intellectually lonely at work that I got carried away.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 15h

My partner's been really sick with a high fever, and my youngest is now home due to an acute autoimmune flare. I went to bed overwhelmed. I didn't consider the system when taking so much on. I should have known to build in flexibility and buffer time, and assumed shit will hit the fan.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

This is awesome. We've done so much to destroy the transmission of indigenous culture and language. Because almost everyone has a device, this could have a positive impact and prevent future erosion.

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Reposted by Ellie Squirrel

Liv Junqueira @junqueiraliv.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

Important!

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

Partner: That's so cool! Is that your completed second brain? Me: Um. That's only the last 3 days 😂😳

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

@finn-cak.bsky.social I think I found the plugin you meant, but decided to just go with the Minimal plugin & style. I made minimal changes (see what I did there? 😅). I also made myself a little Md formatting cheat sheet, since it's been literal decades since I've written HTML or used CSS. 👵

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

I fell down a rabbit hole building out my notes from the conference 😅 I am obsessed with the Obsidian notes app! It's not flashy like Goodnotes, but I love it. This is how my brain works.

A visualization map of different people and speakers from the san francisco autism. Society conference and the beginningsA visualization map of different people and speakers from the san francisco autism. Society conference and the beginnings of some from the stanford neurA visualization map of different people and speakers from the san francisco autism. Society conference and the beginnings of some from the stanford neurodiversity summit through white dots on a black background with lines. Connecting them

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

I was chatting with someone later and staring at her plate as she munched on a delicious cookie. I must have been very obvious because she offered some 😂😳💀

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

They had some gourmet cookies at the conference. They were massive and you could see the texture. I asked someone where I could find them, and they told me a waiter had a tray. I went hunting, zigzagging through the mass of people, only to find out that they were all gone.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Why is it hard even with reciprocal interest?? 😅

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

I remember once when a guy I was talking to got so offended that texting him back was on my to do list. He said it made him feel like a chore. It's not that at all. It's just my brain.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

❌️ I need to find my Airpods and call my daughter back. I'm going to set a timer, though, because I have to draft 2 IEPs and she can talk for hours. ❌️ I need to text or email the lovely researcher who asked me to reach out. That will take time too. If I do all these, I deserve a reward.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

🥳 I replied to a former parent who has become a friend about when I can do coffee (26th or 27th) ❌️ I texted my friend about food preferences & warned that I might get sick and may need to push back my flight. (No, I didn't. I'm putting this in there to make myself have this uncomfortable convo 😅)

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

It took too long but at least I sent it. 🥳 I texted my friend about rescheduling our sail. They are disappointed & I feel bad. 🥳 I texted the woman back who asked for my number. 🥳 I followed up with my friend to see if her hubby had decided what day for dinner.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

I need a token board/incentive chart for following up on social connections because it feels so awkward. I agonized over an email to a woman who begged me to keep in touch. Why am I like this? 😂

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Reposted by Ellie Squirrel

The Quiet Norm(an) @whosyrhoosier.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

#365DaysInOakland&Beyond El Centro de la Raza There's a branch in the Fruitvale District!

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Tysm! When we first met on Twitter, Eldest hadn't realized her gender identity, and she was so depressed. Constantly worrying that your child is going to die takes such a toll. Joking around really helped me cope. I'm so grateful things are better!

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

I attended a conference yesterday and took notes while all the Stanford researchers were sharing. I added a collaboration folder, and then took notes on all of the conversations I had with the researchers. I'm going to go through this morning and start adding links to build the connections/web.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Hey! Do you remember the name of the plugin? I used Code to create templates for different folders for note-taking, but I keep having to update them as I use it, because I realized what else I need. I'm still trying to figure out how everything works. Because it doesn't come naturally.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Yeah I inferred that from context clues. I showed the guy next to me your book quilt, with the embroidered It, and told the table how you had me read The Stand right before covid 😂

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

I'm still gobsmacked that the urgent care doctor looked at me and said, "I don't know what to do to help you." I literally had to tell him to refer me to a specialist and prescribe ondansetron for nausea. They make more money than we will see in a lifetime. Maybe they should give us our cut?

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

It feels like it's baked into the system, though. Patients have to advocate for themselves and often do the mental work.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

That sounds lovely!!! What's your favorite thing to paint? My back is getting to the point where I think I can ride again, at least for a brief point 😁

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Then, when those are done I can work on changing systems. It means I will get to do less of the things I enjoy and more boring tasks, but it will reduce my stress. Basically, I need to eat my vegetables first 😂

static.klipy.com

Man Force-Fed Broccoli

ALT: Man Force-Fed Broccoli

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

I started reading the systems paper for the doctoral demo day, and it was making me think about how I have prioritized things recently, though. I'm going to make a little flow chart, so I focus my energy on things that make the day to day easier.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

That is so sad. I'm so sorry. I do think that kindness is never wasted, though. Even a brief moment of kindness from another human probably shined a light for him in the darkness.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

We have an air mattress and a massive front room with doors and I offered to put up shades and set that up for her, but she has not liked sharing since she was very small. She really really doesn't like the conservative place she's at, and I think that's affecting her.

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Ellie Squirrel @sewimperfect.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

My youngest is also away at college, too, and has her own place. She's been mad at me and distant since summer, though. I miss FaceTiming. We only have 3 bedrooms, so she could only stay with us May & June, because Kenny's mom & Eldest both needed it during July.

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