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Self-driving carp

@self-driving-carp.bsky.social
102 followers 25 following 4.9K posts

The _____, the whole _____, and nothing but the _____. Questions remain. Details forthcoming. You’ll be amazed. The first rule of Fault Club: It’s not my fault.

PostsRepliesMedia
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 8h
Saw this headline and genuinely thought it was about the reflecting pool but that’s a different corrupt misuse of the Justice Department.
Justice Dept. is investigating TV networks over Trump pool coverage
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 12h
Buddy I know the feeling.
Trump says Ukraine should "get a new president" after US-Russia diesel deal
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
Angry online responses about needing to add the word “good” to the slogan.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
Hemingway’s first try: “For sale: raw milk, never pasteurized.”
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
According to Brett Kavanaugh the trees will only temporarily be toppled (“a Kavanaugh chop”).
More than 500 trees may be removed from DC golf course Trump wants to redesign
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
So--Russia has restrictions around sale of their diesel fuel. I feel like I read somewhere that someone else had restrictions in place on the sale of Russian oil. Does that ring any bells?
Trump says he will import Russian diesel fuel amid high prices
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
One of the hallmarks of a democracy is that the military decides what goes on TV.
FCC chief defers to Pentagon on whether mlitary execution could air on TV
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
For Hegseth (and Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem), the purpose of staged official violence is not deterrence. It’s to show “them” that you are powerful, dominant, the one with the whip and the gun, the avatar of pain and death. You are God’s avenging angel and “they” should never have questioned you.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
For Hegseth (and Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem), the purpose of staged official violence is not deterrence. It’s to show “them” that you are powerful, dominant, the one with the whip and the gun, the avatar of pain and death. You are God’s avenging angel and “they” should never have questioned you.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Democratic candidate trying to thread the progressive/moderate needle: Toilet*person*
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Trump, at press conference with car company CEOs: “We’re not calling them cars now. We’re calling them vroom-vrooms. That’s what they sound like.” 
Reporter: “Do all of you agree? What would Henry Ford say?” Ford CEO: “We’re stopping production of our electric vroom-vrooms. They cause cancer.”
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
You'll find out when you view his public execution.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
You'll find out when you view his public execution.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
A 50-50 mix of Travis Bickle and Heinrich Himmler.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Still no piss breaks on those 3 days though.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Still no piss breaks on those 3 days though.
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Reposted by Self-driving carp
Laura Bassett @lebassett.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
“If you don’t like public executions just don’t watch it” says the crowd trying to ban drag shows and books
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
It’s the freemium division. The endless potential triumph of mediocrity-plus over mediocrity.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
It’s the freemium division. The endless potential triumph of mediocrity-plus over mediocrity.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
For Hegseth (and Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem), the purpose of staged official violence is not deterrence. It’s to show “them” that you are powerful, dominant, the one with the whip and the gun, the avatar of pain and death. You are God’s avenging angel and “they” should never have questioned you.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
For Hegseth (and Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem), the purpose of staged official violence is not deterrence. It’s to show “them” that you are powerful, dominant, the one with the whip and the gun, the avatar of pain and death. You are God’s avenging angel and “they” should never have questioned you.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
For Hegseth (and Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem), the purpose of staged official violence is not deterrence. It’s to show “them” that you are powerful, dominant, the one with the whip and the gun, the avatar of pain and death. You are God’s avenging angel and “they” should never have questioned you.
Fort Hood shooter’s execution will be public and streamed live, Pentagon says
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Another absolutely necessary project delivered on time and under budget and don’t believe any of those traitors who say otherwise.
Reflecting pool will be refilled this week, president says, but work is ongoing
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Who says the bar has been lowered for “good news”?
Why a global outbreak of plague is unlikely
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
He cited America under Trump as a terrifying example and warning.
Western civilization at risk of “atrophy, servitude and decline,” Rubio said
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
He's almost there--he's attained immorality and just needs the "t"
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Obviously domestic abuse can be traumatizing, so I’m glad that the president is offering comfort and support to—oh, I see.
Embattled Congressman gets GOP lift after abuse allegation
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Ah, so no law-breaking after this.
Trump does not plan to reimburse taxpayers for promotional ads
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
after everyone yelled at him
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
I carried around “Soul on Ice” for weeks in high school and never read a word.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
When a guest drops a glass of wine on the carpet, a graceful host will do the same to make them feel at ease.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
This was the day he became truly presidential (deciding for once not to break the law).
Trump said his Super PAC will pay for pro-Trump ads. Using taxpayer dollars to fund them was improper and may violate federal law
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
At long last bringing together “It takes a village to raise a child” and "We had to destroy the village in order to save it."
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Different Constitutional violation, same strategy: just keep doing something until you're told you can't and then keep doing it anyway.
White House blocks Politico from trip on Air Force One
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
At long last bringing together “It takes a village to raise a child” and "We had to destroy the village in order to save it."
Texas pediatricians gave Paxton investigations for vaccinating children
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Elon Musk: “A self-driving truck would never do this [have regrets].”
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Elon Musk: “A self-driving truck would never do this [have regrets].”
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
But followers of the aesthetic warrior cult will elevate it to semi-divine status and worship it forever, lamenting its (greviously unfair) passing and breathlessly awaiting its resurrection. Also look at the cool uniforms.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Fortunately Healbe sold your personal information to a Uzbekian data aggregator so for a small fee we can upload it to your MyHealthChart for you.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
95 percent certain that's actually how she got the job.
White House defends new press aide who posed with rifle in "Fuck Joe Biden" shirt
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Where is Gil Scott-Heron when we need him?
Superpowers race to put nuclear reactors on the moon
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Errr.. *not* to act like a prick? I'm lost in double-negative land... help!
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
These special checks can only be cashed at your local Soylent Green dispensary.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
These special checks can only be cashed at your local Soylent Green dispensary.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Oh, *that* classic debate Her: Trump “used sacred symbols to cloak himself in the mantle of spiritual authority, while espousing positions antithetical to the Bible that he held in his hands." Trump: “She was nasty… the service was a very boring and uninspiring one. She is not very good at her job!”
Episcopal bishop who urged Trump to "have mercy" to resign post in Washington DC
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
No issue too petty for this fuckin‘ guy to act like a prick about it.
Trump reveals Tom Cotton’s phone number in daylight savings time standoff
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
The patent on "Axis of Evil" expired and this collection of soulless ghouls has cleverly captured the brand for a relaunch.
US-Russia talks on Ukraine now involve an oil deal tied to Trump allies
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Went to my GP for a routine checkup and the next day I got a message asking me to leave a Google review???? (Are tips next?)
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who pronounce “orange” as having one syllable and those who pronounce “orange” as having two syllables.
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Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Is it getting old?
This mistake doomed Biden. Trump if falling into the same trap.
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