Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 8hSaw this headline and genuinely thought it was about the reflecting pool but that’s a different corrupt misuse of the Justice Department. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 10/10/2026Angry online responses about needing to add the word “good” to the slogan. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 10/10/2026Hemingway’s first try: “For sale: raw milk, never pasteurized.” 031
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 10/10/2026According to Brett Kavanaugh the trees will only temporarily be toppled (“a Kavanaugh chop”). 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026So--Russia has restrictions around sale of their diesel fuel. I feel like I read somewhere that someone else had restrictions in place on the sale of Russian oil. Does that ring any bells? 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026One of the hallmarks of a democracy is that the military decides what goes on TV. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026For Hegseth (and Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem), the purpose of staged official violence is not deterrence. It’s to show “them” that you are powerful, dominant, the one with the whip and the gun, the avatar of pain and death. You are God’s avenging angel and “they” should never have questioned you. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026For Hegseth (and Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem), the purpose of staged official violence is not deterrence. It’s to show “them” that you are powerful, dominant, the one with the whip and the gun, the avatar of pain and death. You are God’s avenging angel and “they” should never have questioned you. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026Democratic candidate trying to thread the progressive/moderate needle: Toilet*person* 010
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026Trump, at press conference with car company CEOs: “We’re not calling them cars now. We’re calling them vroom-vrooms. That’s what they sound like.” Reporter: “Do all of you agree? What would Henry Ford say?” Ford CEO: “We’re stopping production of our electric vroom-vrooms. They cause cancer.” 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026You'll find out when you view his public execution. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026You'll find out when you view his public execution. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026A 50-50 mix of Travis Bickle and Heinrich Himmler. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026Still no piss breaks on those 3 days though. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026Still no piss breaks on those 3 days though. 000
Reposted by Self-driving carpLaura Bassett @lebassett.bsky.social · 09/10/2026“If you don’t like public executions just don’t watch it” says the crowd trying to ban drag shows and books 4103502110547
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026It’s the freemium division. The endless potential triumph of mediocrity-plus over mediocrity. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026It’s the freemium division. The endless potential triumph of mediocrity-plus over mediocrity. 010
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026For Hegseth (and Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem), the purpose of staged official violence is not deterrence. It’s to show “them” that you are powerful, dominant, the one with the whip and the gun, the avatar of pain and death. You are God’s avenging angel and “they” should never have questioned you. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026For Hegseth (and Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem), the purpose of staged official violence is not deterrence. It’s to show “them” that you are powerful, dominant, the one with the whip and the gun, the avatar of pain and death. You are God’s avenging angel and “they” should never have questioned you. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 09/10/2026For Hegseth (and Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem), the purpose of staged official violence is not deterrence. It’s to show “them” that you are powerful, dominant, the one with the whip and the gun, the avatar of pain and death. You are God’s avenging angel and “they” should never have questioned you. 100
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 08/10/2026Another absolutely necessary project delivered on time and under budget and don’t believe any of those traitors who say otherwise. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 07/10/2026Who says the bar has been lowered for “good news”? 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 07/10/2026He cited America under Trump as a terrifying example and warning. 010
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 07/10/2026He's almost there--he's attained immorality and just needs the "t" 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 07/10/2026Obviously domestic abuse can be traumatizing, so I’m glad that the president is offering comfort and support to—oh, I see. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 06/10/2026I carried around “Soul on Ice” for weeks in high school and never read a word. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 06/10/2026When a guest drops a glass of wine on the carpet, a graceful host will do the same to make them feel at ease. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 06/10/2026This was the day he became truly presidential (deciding for once not to break the law). 200
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026At long last bringing together “It takes a village to raise a child” and "We had to destroy the village in order to save it." 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Different Constitutional violation, same strategy: just keep doing something until you're told you can't and then keep doing it anyway. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026At long last bringing together “It takes a village to raise a child” and "We had to destroy the village in order to save it." 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Elon Musk: “A self-driving truck would never do this [have regrets].” 020
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Elon Musk: “A self-driving truck would never do this [have regrets].” 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026But followers of the aesthetic warrior cult will elevate it to semi-divine status and worship it forever, lamenting its (greviously unfair) passing and breathlessly awaiting its resurrection. Also look at the cool uniforms. 010
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Fortunately Healbe sold your personal information to a Uzbekian data aggregator so for a small fee we can upload it to your MyHealthChart for you. 030
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 05/10/202695 percent certain that's actually how she got the job. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026Where is Gil Scott-Heron when we need him? 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026Errr.. *not* to act like a prick? I'm lost in double-negative land... help! 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026These special checks can only be cashed at your local Soylent Green dispensary. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026These special checks can only be cashed at your local Soylent Green dispensary. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 04/10/2026Oh, *that* classic debate Her: Trump “used sacred symbols to cloak himself in the mantle of spiritual authority, while espousing positions antithetical to the Bible that he held in his hands." Trump: “She was nasty… the service was a very boring and uninspiring one. She is not very good at her job!” 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 03/10/2026No issue too petty for this fuckin‘ guy to act like a prick about it. 101
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 03/10/2026The patent on "Axis of Evil" expired and this collection of soulless ghouls has cleverly captured the brand for a relaunch. 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 03/10/2026Went to my GP for a routine checkup and the next day I got a message asking me to leave a Google review???? (Are tips next?) 000
Self-driving carp @self-driving-carp.bsky.social · 02/10/2026There are two kinds of people in the world: those who pronounce “orange” as having one syllable and those who pronounce “orange” as having two syllables. 000