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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Executive Order prohibiting able-bodied people without kids from using family restrooms. If you are caught doing so, you have to change the diaper of the kid who is waiting, including blowouts. What other ideas do you have???

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Executive Order prohibiting saying "hope you had a happy holidays" to business colleagues anytime after January 3. You have to find a different opening after that period expires.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Executive Order prohibiting back-in parking if you have no idea how to do it. The epidemic has to stop.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Executive Order limiting the length of movies as follows: Comedies - 1:45 Action - 2:00 Drama - 2:15 That includes any post-credit scenes. No exceptions, even if your name is Nolan or Scorsese.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Executive Order requiring each community in the United States to vote on one sports team management app. If your league tries to use a different one, it is banned.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Executive Order prohibiting the use of your speaker phone to have a conversation while in public. Violators can have their phone instantly confiscated by anyone within a 30 foot radius, accompanied by a swift kick in the shins.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Trump has proven that he will do anything for votes & that he has no qualms about taking actions that vastly exceed his presidential powers. So I've been wondering: why doesn't he get a lot more creative with his Executive Orders? Here are some free ideas. Feel free to add yours

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

I tried to explain the Eric Schmitt Hawks/Hawkeyes thing to my 13 year old daughter and oh my god it's like 100x dumber when you say it out loud.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I know, I was just reacting in the way Candace Owens might -- for fun.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Since the text said they had the first row reserved, and because MAGA trolls are crazy, I blurred out everyone else on the first row in the zoomed-in pictures, but rest assured, there were no black prosecutors from Atlanta sitting near him. We live in the dumbest timeline...

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

🚨Exclusive🚨: I have exculpatory evidence in what is easily the dumbest congressional oversight episode of the year...maybe the decade. I was at the Iowa v. MD game & just looked at my pics & sure enough, someone who looks like Jack Smith is sitting in Sec 109, Row 1. Complete & total vindication!

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

A lawyer's least favorite thing is when a client tries to second-guess them by using ChatGPT for legal research. So it should come as no surprise that Lane Kiffin almost got LSU kicked out of the SEC by doing the same thing. What an assclown.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

These people are really weird. Why did we stop calling them weird?

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

Man, things are going great. Whoever is in charge of the President's foreign policy team definitely deserves glowing media coverage and should be considered the front-runner for 2028.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 02/08/2026

This is the equivalent of him saying "Russia, if you're listening," but this time it's about critical water supplies in blue states. And who knows what else. Republicans should be condemning this dangerous rhetoric, but they also prioritize politics over national security.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 02/08/2026

People have been rightly focusing on how Trump blaming Walz for the cyber attacks from Iran is disgusting & unpatriotic. But a bigger problem is that it signals to our adversaries that they can attack Americans with impunity, as long as Trump sees them as political enemies.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 16/07/2026

Donald Trump has regularly: ✅cheated on his wives ✅ cheated on his taxes ✅ cheated his business partners ✅ cheated his donors ✅ cheated at golf Cheating is all he knows, and our elections are his next target. The media needs to wake up and stop spreading his lies.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 01/07/2026

The most extreme position a politician can have right now is claiming that climate change is a hoax. Yet the DC punditry never wrings its hands over that.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 19/06/2026

All by design according to MAGA. Or sabotage. Definitely one of those. Or both. Yup.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 17/06/2026

Thank God we live in a country where these two masculine alpha dogs are our leaders.

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Zach Everson @zacheverson.com · 14/06/2026

UFC Gives Trump Crypto Venture An Interest-Free Loan— 1. UFC gives World Liberty cash 2. World Liberty gives fighters USD1 3. World Liberty invests UFC’s cash in Treasuries and pockets the interest.

theguardian.com

UFC to pay White House fighters in crypto issued by Trump company

Some fighters will receive bonuses in ‘stablecoins’ issued by Trump family business World Liberty Financial

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 14/06/2026

Attention youth basketball coaches: I hope Jalen Brunson's success will make you finally realize that it's important for all players on your team to learn post moves. Thinking you can just ignore this aspect of the game is one of the dumbest developments in the last 20 years, and Jalen proves that.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 07/06/2026

Please remember that New York Knicks star OG Anunoby is an immigrant, while Karl-Anthony Towns & Jordan Clarkson are the children of immigrants. The same is true for multiple bench players. They represent the America that Trump wants to destroy. Don't let him claim their mantle.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 04/06/2026

It does not appear that either party was operating from a position of strength, but especially DOJ. Blanche knows Trump wanted Bolton's scalp and is letting him off relatively easy compared to similar cases.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 04/06/2026

This is an indicator of weakness on both sides. Bolton was not willing to take the risk of going to trial, even w/ a favorable jury pool. More so, it's reflective of challenges facing DOJ w/ using highly classified info at trial, esp. on how USG knew the Iranians got his emails.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 18/04/2026

It's no coincidence that the first case in which Roberts exercised these unprecedented "shadow docket" powers involved climate change policy. Please always remember that his efforts to damage the planet should be as much a part of his legacy as his attacks on democracy.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 17/04/2026

Because the screenwriters like to constantly fuck with us, I give you the new prosecutor in the Brennan/Russia conspiracy case.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 15/04/2026

“Doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…and doctor.”

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 15/04/2026

“Doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…doctor…and doctor.”

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 14/04/2026

Jokes aside, TMZ coming to DC is a big counterintelligence win too. The fewer scandalous secrets, the less likely it is that these bozos can be blackmailed by a foreign intel service. Bw people like Swalwell & Gonzales & the closeted MAGA warriors, imagine what is going on today.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 13/04/2026

The AI slop that designed this hellish simulation that we live in got kind of lazy when it came to designing its neofascist//Russian-controlled//white guy avatars.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 13/04/2026

It's cute that so many evangelicals are ignoring them most obvious explanation, which is that Trump has never read the Bible and has no idea what idolatry is.

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Zach Everson @zacheverson.com · 11/04/2026

Good afternoon! Since Trump was re-elected, Forbes estimates— 💰His net worth is up $2 billion, to $6.3 billion 💰Eric’s is up 10x, to $400 million 💰Don Jr.’s is up 6x, to $300 million 💰20-year-old Barron is worth $150 million And Jared became a billionaire last year. Have a great day!

giphy.com

donald trump GIF

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 11/04/2026

Just glad they didn’t have to switch to the alternative landing site at White Sands.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 10/04/2026

Also, I feel like Jinx was an early warning about the grave dangers of unchecked AI.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 10/04/2026

I feel like watching the movie Space Camp about fifty times as a kid makes me an expert on the challenges of reentering the Earth’s atmosphere.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 09/04/2026

I don't know about you, but I am constantly sending unsolicited emails to people I don't have a relationship with to congratulate them on their magazine photos, inquire about their travels, and ask them to call me next time they are in town. All. The. Time. Same for you?

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 09/04/2026

One of the few people who can prove whether Melania is lying about Epstein is Ghislaine Maxwell. Trump's personal lawyer, now the Acting AG, transferred her to a minimum security prison. And Trump has publicly said that he "wishes her well." Nothing to see here.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 22/03/2026

It feels like we are entering the “inject bleach into your veins” phase of Trump’s handling of the Iran war.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 22/03/2026

It feels like we are entering the “inject bleach into your veins” phase of Trump’s handling of the Iran war.

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 19/03/2026

If only the Trump team could have anticipated that a desperate country might use Shahed drones to target the energy infrastructure of its neighbors.

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Eric Columbus @ericcolumbus.bsky.social · 16/03/2026

Seems like a bad reason

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Secrets and Laws @secretsandlaws.bsky.social · 13/03/2026

I think it’s more likely that Hegseth thinks “no quarter” sounds cool since he sees it in his Christian Nationalist 4Chan groups all the time, and doesn’t know what it actually means.

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David Roberts @volts.wtf · 13/03/2026

Huge, huge bummer. This is one of the most promising technologies I've ever covered.

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