Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 28/06/20263yo wants to play doctor so I complain of a tummy ache. She runs an “x-ray,” turns out I have multiple broken bones but she has something that will make me feel better. Brings me an old gift box and says to open it: it’s a crucifix. 0150
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 10/05/20266yo’s annotations on the pamphlet he found at Mass today 040
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 24/04/20266yo telling me that the word “napkin” means “a family of rest” 1101
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 16/04/2026[watching the end of The Lion King when Simba defeats Scar] 8yo: the king has returned 6yo: and the knave is dead 061
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 04/04/20266yo telling me about his dislike of the letter X because it is a “disrespectful letter”: “It doesn’t have its own sound, it just steals from two other letters” 2141
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 27/03/20266yo says he wants to be a lawyer when he grows up Me: Do you know what a lawyer is? 6yo: Yes. A lawyer helps other people find loopholes. And I’m very good at finding loopholes 1162
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 24/03/2026Just paraphrasing the story of Joseph and his brothers to the kids at bedtime and couldn’t get through it without tearing up 080
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 15/03/20268yo watching Aladdin, where it’s explained that you can’t wish for more wishes: “I would wish for more genies” 061
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 08/03/20263yo daughter now doing this thing where every time we finish a movie together and the credits song starts playing she’ll say ”Daddy, dance with me!” and pull me up off the couch to start twirling 1100
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 06/03/2026Devil on the mountain: All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me American evangelicals: Deal 0142
Reposted by MattMatt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 08/01/2026Anti-human, anti-life; corrosive of sociality, civility, decency, dignity, piety, and fear of God; cynically contemptuous of truth in its abject nihilism; a stain on Christian witness for those who make themselves complicit—the cancerous rot of MAGA must go. 08322
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 09/02/2026“Guy who has strong opinions about the Super Bowl halftime show” is such a funny character. Best case scenario it’s a good performance and you go “that was mildly entertaining.” How do you get worked up about it on like a personal level lol 092
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 09/02/2026Missed the AI Dunkin ad, looked it up. The slop is getting desperate, it can’t carry on like this. We’re going to win this thing. 010
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 08/02/2026Me: why are you being fussy? 3yo daughter: it’s hard to say 1264
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 06/02/20263yo daughter (pointing at elderly man in a cartoon): he’s old Me: what about me, am I old? 3yo (annoyed like I’m acting ridiculous): noooo, you’re new! (beat) 3yo: but you’re getting old. then I’m going to need a new daddy 1111
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 30/01/20268yo on God’s providence: “He’s playing wizard’s chess against Satan. That’s basically how the universe works.” 291
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 21/01/2026Thinking about this some more, I think the loss of honor as a category is tied up with the widespread erosion of memory. To value honor or consider an act as honorable requires a higher vantage of time that transcends immediate utility and embraces (1/4) 2101
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 21/01/2026[Reposting from the other place:] What’s striking to me is the total disappearance of “honor” (even in a misplaced sense) as a conceivable good or motive in public life. True virtue even more so but I feel like the decline into short-term private pleasure-seeking has been so precipitous that (1/2) 2201
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 20/01/20268yo is telling riddles and demanding that every guess be supported with reasons for its proposal. He keeps rejecting my guesses for being insufficiently argued prescinding from questions of correctness. 060
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 19/01/2026When I threaten war over not winning the Nobel Peace Prize, the committee will finally see how wrong they got it 061
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 08/01/2026Vance currently putting up Jordan numbers in this department 050
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 08/01/2026Anti-human, anti-life; corrosive of sociality, civility, decency, dignity, piety, and fear of God; cynically contemptuous of truth in its abject nihilism; a stain on Christian witness for those who make themselves complicit—the cancerous rot of MAGA must go. 08322
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 09/12/2025Found some stand-up bits I wrote and recorded (just audio) a few years ago and got surprised by some the jokes I’d forgotten… surreal experience 140
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 14/08/2025Don’t really care where they’re from, as long as they’re safe for the baby 083
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 07/08/2025Seeing 7yo reading Harry Potter by nightlight after lights out 050
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 25/07/20253yo daughter has gotten so into Pokémon (thanks to her older brothers) that she is now saying things like “yellow evolves into red” when we approach a traffic light 0132
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 02/07/2025Daughter turning 3 (today): “Am I big? Can I reach things?” 090
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 01/07/20255yo’s joke: “What do two half-teeth make? A cavity, because two halves make a hole.” 020
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 29/06/20255yo: did you bring my sunglasses? Me: to go swimming? no 7yo (wryly): [Brother’s name] is accustomed to luxury 0241
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 16/06/2025Update: “Whenever I see Satan I’m gonna throw him in Papa’s pool so his disguise gets ruined.” 180
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 11/06/20255yo’s joke: “Why was the football a bad sport? It kept getting kicked out of the game!” 030
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 11/06/20257yo is explaining that after being a sophomore one moves on to become a “hardmore” 1151
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 09/06/2025“If I ever see Satan I’m going to chop him with a jackknife.” —5yo son 2160
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 31/05/2025Had been looking for something all over the house, remembered to say a prayer to St. Anthony, and found it literally 5 seconds later 281
Reposted by MattBryce @statcrux.bsky.social · 04/05/2025If you’re so inclined, check out my new story in Gulf Stream Magazine gulfstreamlitmag.com/2025/05/03/f...gulfstreamlitmag.comFloridian Beautyby Bryce Taylor Boyquet by Kale Hensley Floridian Beauty We were Orlando boys. Our seasons marked by the changing of sports. The autumnal colors of football fields with their pom-poms and helmet-be… 172
Matt @scriptumsent.bsky.social · 30/04/2025Went in the other day to wake up 2yo from a nap and she was nowhere to be found. Searched the whole room before she emerged bleary-eyed from the closet. Now every day after we say goodnight she will migrate to the closet (shutting the door) to sleep and cackle with glee when we find her there. 050