iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 27/05/2025

This is a remix of my song "Pause The Pain" that I released in February. This is a #darkwave version (or goth) and I'm really pleased with how it turned out. #synthpop #darkwave #goth youtu.be/uCJvoqvNxnw?...

youtu.be

Pause The Pain (The Goth Remix)

YouTube video by Pulse Empire - Topic

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Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 06/05/2025

I picked up a classic synth today, a Yamaha DX 27 keyboard. Right now I'm waiting on a USB MIDI connector so I can hook it up to my laptop.

2/2 What does she do? She just repeats the question again! Of course I'm starting to get frustrated, which can lead to a meltdown and I don't want to do THAT at an airport, surrounded by people.

I had a similar experience on Frontier Airlines flying back from Cleveland earlier this month. It appeared that I was going to miss a connecting flight, so I asked a gate agent about it and she asked me a question I didn't understand. I told her that I was autistic and didn't understand her. 1/2

At that point with the rude Walmart guy (he actually told me "we all have our jobs to do") when I was trying to get him to direct me to the damn hoodies, instead of just pointing vaguely in some direction, I had a Karen moment and demanded a supervisor. One came and she was wonderful.

Had a terrible experience recently at Walmart. Was trying to buy a simple hoodie and the person in the dept just pointed vaguely somewhere and I told them I was autistic and didn't understand what they meant. Another person came to "help" who was incredibly rude and condescending.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 04/04/2025

I'm at #cinemawasteland in Strongville, Ohio. This morning I met and had breakfast with Michael Berryman of "The Hills Have Eyes" fame. That was an odd experience. Also spoke with Cynthia Weintraub just now of "The Prowler" and "Humanoids of The Deep" fame who was absolutely delightful.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 04/04/2025

Just arrived in Strongsville, Ohio and I am #wastelanded

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 02/04/2025

Just driving around this area again -- it's just surreal. And all of the memories of my previous life hear came flooding back. All of the laughter and good times we had. Our friends. I didn't expect to hit as hard as it did.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 02/04/2025

It's #worldautismawarenessday and I was first diagnosed in 2016. I would have been around 44. I had displayed symptoms my whole life really but no one recognized them until my last marriage. Which, ironically, was one of the reasons why that marriage ended. Life can be strange.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 02/04/2025

Moved into the home I'm sharing. One of my new roommates decided to take over my bed. The weird thing is, this place is super close to where I used to live in SE PDX, before moving to Montana. I never thought I'd return here, alone. Back to where I shared a life with someone & we were happy.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 30/03/2025

How hard is it to give away a ticket to Kraftwerk in Portland at Keller Auditorium on April 6? I have one to give away for free but no one wants it. No strings attached! I'm serious. I will be in Cleveland for Cinema Wasteland and can't go. Message me if you want it. #kraftwerk

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 29/03/2025

Back to real life. I will be moving into my new place on the 1st. $900 a month to rent a room. Pretty expensive, but that's typical for this area. If I wanted a studio apt. it would be about $1300 a month at least.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 19/03/2025

I've been channeling the emotion into songs, which helps a little, but it's no replacement for the warm embrace of someone telling you everything's going to be okay, you know?

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 19/03/2025

Being autistic, I'm having a hard time dealing with the sorrow and grief that comes from getting divorced. It's no joke. Sometimes I'm okay, and other times it just floods in. It's like being caught in an undertow when you're swimming in an ocean.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 13/03/2025

@kellycarlin.bsky.social I am living your dad's "a place for my stuff" routine. I've got stuff in a hotel in Oregon, a smaller version of my stuff now in a hotel in London, and am about to take an even smaller version of THAT to Paris.

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Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 10/03/2025

Leaving for London tomorrow! It's been a dream destination of mine my whole life. I don't really have any concrete plans other than to explore the city. My hotel isn't in the best location, but it is close to a train.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 04/03/2025

I also booked a trip to the city of my birth (Cleveland) to attend next month's Cinema Wasteland! I've never been to any type of convention in my life because of my social anxiety. This event is geared towards horror movies. April 4-6! I'm very excited. cinemawasteland.com?target=page&...

cinemawasteland.com

Convention Schedule

Conventions that Cinema Wasteland Attends. Come see us and save on shipping when we are in your area. February 28th, March 1st & 2nd, 2025 - Pittsburgh, PA ____________________________________________...

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 04/03/2025

Hey! It's a new song by my band, Pulse Empire. It'll be out in a few days on all of the major streaming platforms. I wrote it in support of the #trans community who especially need to be seen right now. youtu.be/11Kah1SGKYU?... #synthpop

youtu.be

Pulse Empire -- "She Always Believed"

YouTube video by Pulse Empire

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 03/03/2025

I applied for one of Musk's AI tutor jobs. I figured I might as well try to make some money part-time from the richest man in the world. Of course when they track this account down there's no way they'd hire me.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 03/03/2025

I finally have leads on a couple of rooms to rent. I hope something works out, I can't stay in this hotel for too much longer. It was nearly $3K just for three weeks!

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 03/03/2025

@maxgotjokes.bsky.social I enjoyed hanging out with you, Evasive, Laura, Guillermo and the person I could never get to tell her name (she kept saying it was Ralph Fiennes) for the Oscar night stream! You all seem like a great bunch of folks to spend time with.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 02/03/2025

Watched Drew Hancock's "Companion" yesterday. It's a quasi science fiction/horror film whose message, at least to me, doesn't seem to be interpreted by many, because I took it as a tale of abusive men. But I guess that's my life experience as an observer of such behavior. Check it out!

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 28/02/2025

The plan is to do something social tonight. Maybe watch people sing karaoke, or do it myself if I can muster the courage. But to be honest, I'm so down I don't know if I can get myself to even go outside. I'll try. I miss my dogs. I miss my life.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 25/02/2025

In going through a divorce, you grieve in the same way you'd grieve over the death of someone. Having to go through this alone is super hard.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 25/02/2025

I didn't think it would be so hard to find a place to stay. It's like I'm dating again -- I'm not getting responses to the ads people are posting for their rooms for rent.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 23/02/2025

Oh! Here's another positive. There's this new casino (is tribal casino the correct way to say it?) not far from where I live. I used my gambling method of immediately cashing out after doubling my winnings. Spent $60 and left with about $350, not bad for an hour's entertainment.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 23/02/2025

The room won't be available for a month, so if I get it I'll have an extra month at the hotel I'm currently staying at.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 23/02/2025

On the bright side, I do have an appointment to see my first room for rent in about 10 hours. I sleep most of the time now because, well, there's not much else to do in my life. If I can get this room I definitely am going to London. I need that. I need something to look forward to.

@emilieclemmens.bsky.social thanks for the follow! I keep getting bots following me, which is depressing, so it was refreshing to see an actual human being AND someone with a PhD who loves science fiction! All things I admire in a person who isn't a Russian scammer.

I did buy myself a new computer, which I'm setting up right now. It's slightly more powerful than my previous one. I also sent my nephew (do you say "in-law?) an old laptop and a bunch of PS4 games since his PC had died. Playing it forward. Just b/c I'm miserable doesn't mean I can't spread joy.

I do have a lead on a room, though! And a dog. I thought I found something on Craigslist for a room, but it was a scam. I had searched the email address of the person posting the room and they had listings in different cities that had been taken down in violation of CL TOS.

In talking to my mom and sister, they both suggested I make some new friends, which on the surface is a good idea. I need an autistic friend, or friends, but doing so is easier said than done. I really need a dog right now, too. It's incredibly lonely right now.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 19/02/2025

My family means well, but they also don't understand me and are supporting me the best they can but it's not quite the same. If I go to London it would be amazing but then I'd be out $2000 and back to the reality of my life.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 19/02/2025

Mostly I'm just sad. Sad that no one is responding to my responses to rooms for rent because I've mentioned being autistic; sad that my "friends" have shown zero interest in my being back home; sad that my 11-year relationship ended. It's a lot for me to deal with and I have no support.

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Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 19/02/2025

I came SO CLOSE to booking a trip to London this morning. Like seconds from hitting the "complete purchase" button on the Hotwire page. But I have to think slightly ahead because I don't even have arrangements for my things during the time I'd take the trip.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 18/02/2025

Oh! and I can't forget that I also have tix & a meet & greet with the hilarious @stevehofstetter.bsky.social in May! Seeing Steve was one of my first goals upon returning to PDX ever since I found him on YouTube years ago.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 18/02/2025

When I was in Montana, over 8 years I went to 0 concerts. I'm back in PDX for two days and I have tickets to see two concerts! OMD in Seattle in June and Kraftwerk here in Portland in April. Very exciting! Hopefully I can actually find a place to live, that's the next goal.

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Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 18/02/2025

I was scrolling through a listing of concerts and shows coming to Portland in the next couple of months and I saw that the German synth legends Kraftwerk are coming in April! You can bet that I nabbed a ticket. A once in a lifetime chance! Since I'm old and they're also getting on in years.

Scott Smith @scottcsmith.bsky.social · 17/02/2025

Back in Portland. Kind of weird. Met with yawning indifference. Mom & my sister were glad to have me back, at least.

@stevehofstetter.bsky.social stoked that I just got my ticket to see you in PDX at the Helium in May & a VIP meet & greet. I've been watching you from Montana for years on YouTube and now that I've returned to Portland, it's exciting that I get to see you live (finally).

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The new laptop is an Acer Nitro V 15, Intel 13th gen i7 10-core processor, 1 TB SSD, and appears to be the exact same size as my current system, just a slightly different screen size (this model is 1920x1200 16:10 vs. the 16:9 of the new system). It'll cheer me up to set the thing up on Wednesday.

To cheer myself up, I bought a new gaming laptop. My current model only has 6 GBs of VRAM and a RTX 4050 card. This new one will have a 4060 RTX w/8 GBs of VRAM. Some people drink themselves silly. This is how I cope. Now I have to figure out what to do with the current laptop. Probably sell it.

Well, since my FB post announcing my return to Portland after being gone for eight years was met as if I had actually announced I had become a card-carrying member of MAGA, I think turning to Meet-Up to find autistic-friendly activities will be the way to go.

Look at this map of the Moore Theater. See the two red dots that I circled? Those are the two seats next to mine. They're being sold for, get this...$13,000 dollars!!! The front-row seats at least are a bit more manageable at $530 each. My ticket was somehow only $150. Right next to the $13K seats.

Just bought a ticket to see OMD in Seattle on June 11! Very excited. I last saw Andy & Paul way, way back in PDX when they opened for The Power Station in 1985. They blew me away. It was my first experience with #synthpop music. Got a pretty decent ticket, too. It'll be at the Moore Theater.