iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 6m

Ate too much two days in a row. Burned off enough both days to have it not be a real issue, but I'm also sick of my lack of control... Hopefully tomorrow will be better, I'm acting like I don't even wanna lose weight.

000

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 3h

It's really hard to accept being traumatized in all the various ways I was. The medical and family trauma is some of the hardest. Right now it's flaring bad, and I'm really scared.

000

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 4h

I hate being scared, but I just have to be scared I guess

000

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 5h

Sucks it was loud outside just long enough to prevent me from napping. My depression is really eating at me again, and I just want to sob cuz I'm so upset.

000

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 5h

I'm gonna have to wait until nighttime now to rest. I'm so exhausted, and so miserable about this surgery stuff. I just wanted to get a little bit of rest to take care of myself but any time I try to take care of myself I usually just feel worse...

000

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 8h

I got my results, I'm getting referred to a colo-rectal surgeon and I'm also upping my meds. This is fine, I'm just glad my small intestine doesn't need surgery cuz that was my main concern. Hopefully if they agree to surgery, I can do it after my anniversary

000

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 10h

I barely, barely slept. Today I get biopsy results, hopefully they're okay enough

020

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Tonight is chicken, garlic bread, mashed potatoes & chickpeas, and gravy. Lil mock harvest fest before the real one lol

030

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Not a great nap ngl. That one was pretty shitty.

010

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

I have to wait til tomorrow morning now for biopsy results, which is fine I guess but I also do wanna get it over with.

020

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Ohhhh my head hurts so bad, I need to take some meds and eat breakfast

050

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

I only say "to my knowledge" cuz I don't wanna assume but everyone does have a rather feminine name so it's my best guess

010

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

I have no idea, I make sure to only stick to my following cuz I don't think their algorithm works well at all

010

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Also I'm the only guy in the group still, to my knowledge. Honestly I think it causes me less dysphoria than having a guy in the group, which is the opposite of how I felt when I joined.

120

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Anyway morning, hopefully today isn't too overwhelming and shitty but I'm sure I'll still have a tough time regardless of rest.

040

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

I got a lil over 6 hours of sleep, which is incredibly unlike me. Again, sucks I gotta use this energy for therapy but I guess I'll need it today. Also hoping my biospy results arent too shitty, I'll find out this afternoon tho

020

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

I mean if there's gonna literally be ants in my coffee (or ant) then I gotta look on the bright side. It's just cuz they love my kettle, I wash it out but sometimes a stray ends up in my cup regardless lol

010

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Food has been planned for the next couple days to start working through all this fresh stuff, I have a lot to get through (and I'm probably gonna need to freeze some chilis also

010

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Tomorrow is also my biopsy result day, which means I'll be able to talk about next steps which could possibly include surgery. I hope not, but I won't know until we talk.

010

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Therapy group tomorrow, meeting a bunch of new people. Idk what would make me more dysphoric: having them all be cis women again, or having one cis man who will never have to be subjected to misgendering like I was...

030

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Welcome back, as unfortunate a place it is to welcome someone back to

020

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

I got enough calories in the day to finish this apple crisp and still be under my intake limit, so I'm definitely gonna do that! Then tomorrow I gotta go out and grab 1 overripe banana so I can make banana bread, and that'll be the new fresh-baked sweet in the house (we also have store pumpkin pie)

060

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

*larabars ugh I love random correcting words 🙄

050

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Here's everything I got from the food bank! I feel incredibly spoiled, but I'm very glad to be stocked up properly for the month! (alt text for everything)

Left to right: 1 box kraft dinner, 1 huge bag of ciabatta buns, 1 Thai red Curry easy-bowl, 14 lababar double chocolate truffle bars, 1 Quaker rainbow chip granola bar, 1 package 2 rosemary & garlic lamb steaks, 1 small bag instant coffee, 1 small bag brown sugar, 1 can chipotle pepper sauce, 1 can Jaipur Karhi soup, 1 box shreddies, 2 electrolyte drinks (1 watermelon, 1 tropical fruit punch), 6 eggs, matcha-oat milk, 1 can luncheon meat, 4 bars almond-raisin chocolate, 1 box lasagna noodles, 1 bag jalapeno-lime tortilla chips, 4 packs tempeh, 1 container plain yogurt, 1 package paneer, 1 box cracked pepper crackers

Left to right: 1 romaine lettuce, 7 radishes, 1 butternut squash, 1 orange, 1 lemon, 2 bags Thai mango chili salad, 3 carrots, 1 bag basil, 1 bag unripe tomatoes, 1 white onion, 1 red onion, 4 mini eggplants, 1 jar banana peppers, 4 pack baked pineapple sweets, 1 huge bag of fresh green chilis

190

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Almost 700cal for everything, but I definitely cannot complain it was so damn good and so filling (plus breakfast was small and I didn't eat lunch, so I'm still at like 900cal)

040

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Incredible dinner tonight, thank you food bank! Pan-seared rosemary & garlic lamb steak, roasted potato & carrot, garlic bread, and a really good Thai mango chili salad!

180

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Think I'm gonna make some into chili jam, maybe I'll pickle some too, and obviously just cook/have fresh ones on top of stuff

020

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Other pics on the way but fucking look at this huge bag!!! Dunno what I'm gonna do with all of it but I'm excited

130

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

They had soooo many chili pepper omfg. Haul from food bank coming soon

060

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

My plan for harvest celebration is my usual. Turkey (I get a lil weird round ball one cuz cheaper & easier), turnip puff, potato casserole, stuffing, and gravy. We also have some pumpkin pie for dessert. Idk if I'm making stuff Wednesday or waiting til the weekend, but that depends on food bank

030

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Cleaned out random expired stuff in my fridge, so now I'm ready for the food bank

030

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Ah, I see it's an ant-in-my-coffee kind of morning. At least it's ant singular and not ants plural

160

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Like I know it's mentally and physically draining for my pain to be this bad, but I also don't think they're going to help me unless it's infected and it's not. It would be a whole lot of suffering for nothing.

030

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

The pain also keeps evolving cuz I can't do anything but lay on my side (unless I want this cyst to feel worse). I wanna go to urgent care, but I genuinely don't have the physical or mental energy to cope with a busy medical place where I get misgendered and they have to look at my genitals...

130

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I'm really agitated and depressed this morning. My head really hurts, my back really hurts, I barely slept. I'm just so utterly exhausted from life, I barely do anything but I can't keep up anymore. Not even close.

060

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I'm just always gonna be sleep deprived and in pain. This really sucks, I don't feel well...

120

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Food is a special interest of mine (which is ironic due to the nature of my ED) but I'm so excited to make all my faves for the season!

010

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I'm gonna be even more annoying about it once I actually start making the food lol! I'm not baking tho, I very much wish you luck on bread I wanna make bread at some point!

210

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Glad I got to play games for a while. My back isn't glad; it's in screaming, searing pain and I feel like I'm getting slowly carved into... Nothing I can do, I can't even lay on my back to sleep I have to still curl up in a ball and attempt to rest with these hot knives in my back.

000

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

This coming week I'm gonna make harvest food to enjoy, provided I have fridge room. I gotta clean out my fridge tomorrow after food bank, depending on what I get.

000

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I am also a loser my boyfriend dates, and if anything I do genuinely cause a lot of issues and hold him back. But he loves me, and he's willing to support me knowing I'm disabled and things are only getting harder. I think there's just real, kind people out here. And you deserve one of those people

110

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

My back is killing me, but at least I'm playing something. I'm still laying on my side, I wish I could lay on my back but that would hurt my cyst so damn much it's not worth it

010

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Tried to have a bath to relax. Made me hurt so much I was having a hard time seeing. So that's great.

000

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I'm also gonna try to keep my mind busy tonight the best I can, which won't be easy cuz I'll be alone at home and I'm incredibly depressed. But I need to try my best.

000

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Dinner was good, I'm also gonna have a protein shake because I'm severely lacking today and one drink will literally double my protein intake for the day. I've been walking a lot, I need it.

010

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Making taco rice for dinner (like taco toppings on rice)

010

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Tomorrow I have to make 2 phonecalls and also go to the food bank. I was gonna go to urgent care, but I don't think I can mentally handle it tbh. Maybe another day, but idk.

040

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

I'm gonna have to call my therapist again tomorrow, I feel like I don't know how to use any skills or when or which ones I really can't tell. I didn't think therapy would be so difficult, I found college to be easier than this.

000