iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Ya gotta learn how to compromise. Staying alive is the compromise.

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Having to look through job listings shouldn’t make me suicidal but I was legitimately struggling not to strangle myself. But it would’ve been difficult to explain to the 4 other people in the room. So yeah let’s not do that while there are people around…

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The job market is fucking stupid. I can’t do anything. I don’t wanna lift heavy stuff, I don’t wanna sort files, I don’t wanna deal with people or animals, I hate gardening, I hate thinking, I hate going outside, I hate staring at a pc, I hate sooo many things.

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After leaving me alone for 3 hours, the lady came up to me and asked how I’d feel about an unpaid internship at the library… And asked if I’d wanna go into archiving… I hate sorting files. When I was 16 my grandma made me ask the library if they’d let me help and they said no, n I hold a grudge now.

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It’s been two hours of googling for jobs and we somehow ended on - “how to write a book”, - “how to be a vtuber”, - “what topics can you talk about”, - click-working and doing questionnaires for a few pennies, - trying to ignore all the stupid ai learning and voice training shtick…

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Sanmi~🎃💤 @sanmisui.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Being left alone in a room with nothing to do, aside from googling jobs on a pc, for 4 hours… doesn’t make me want to get a job. I can’t even listen to music or anything. It’s just pure misery.

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I keep making grumbly noises whilst people expect legitimate answers from me. It’s actually really bad. The indecisiveness is one thing, but actually grumbling when I can’t thinking of what to say? Wow. What a weird thing to do.

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Sanmi~🎃💤 @sanmisui.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Zenmarket employee texted, they could unpack the figurines and fold up their individual boxes, n toss the extra plastic protection to save space n repack it smaller, but it would cost extra per every 15 minutes used on it,,, so I guess I’ll just leave it as is and suck it up :/ Oh, I miss airmail.

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Ughhhhh,,,, forget it. One item in the package is in the warehouse for 32 days now… Up to 60 days are free. Anything over will get a fee. I’ll just wait it out. I’ll use the allowance from October aaand November… to pay for the shipping… and then I’ll be in the negatives until December…

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Instead of coming up with a legitimate solution to my problem, my brain keeps telling me to kill myself. As if that would solve anything. Like. Seriously. It’s been doing that since 2013 and I can’t get it to stop. I don’t even want to die. I’m not suicidal. I just can’t think.

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I really hate having to draw. I’m so uninspired. But I legitimately don’t have any other skill that could be profitable… but forcing myself into drawing is also really not good.

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Guess I gotta open comms n draw. Love pressuring myself. I have like 25 days to earn the money, cuz one item has already been in the warehouse for 30 days and they only keep the stuff there for free up to 60 days… but I still need to ship it out before then. So a few days early for processing…

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49cm × 49cm × 41cm - 5670g VERSAND: ¥29,471 VERSICHERT MEHWERTSTEUER: ¥8,484 Ich hasse es hier.

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Scheiß Mehrwertsteuer packt fasst 9000 Yen extra drauf.

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I’m seriously ending it all. Why did I have to buy so many Figures with boxes,,, they take up so much space, so they had to put everything into one extra large box… and with the size it gets more expensive. Idk of splitting it into two boxes would be cheaper…

I’m fucking killing myself,,, they want like ~240€ just for the shipping????

At the new schooling thing and ten minutes after the appointment was supposed to start, only 3 other people showed up. Aside from not knowing where to go and being lost, before a lady working here almost bumped into me… n gave me a tour… I’m lost on why I’m even here.

The nervousness of being forced to go to new environments and be surrounded by strangers, way too early in the morning… is making my stomach upset. Feel like throwing up. Lolol. I don’t even know where I’m supposed to enter the building, or who to talk to. Gotta leave home in an hour.

Sanmi~🎃💤 @sanmisui.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Also happy international rabbit day!

Sanmi~🎃💤 @sanmisui.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Finally continued watching 5Ds but in german and I feel like they cut out bits of their fight, cuz I blinked and suddenly KK was dying in Yusei’s arms???

Sanmi~🎃💤 @sanmisui.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Also waiting for a package but idk when it’ll come. The tracking just says “today”. So I don’t wanna be in the midst of cleaning dishes if it could come at any moment now. But I also can’t watch any shows, since the doorbell is too quiet. So I’m just scrolling mindlessly on my phone n feel bad.

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Sanmi~🎃💤 @sanmisui.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Can’t do anything for another 2-3 hours. (Waiting for lil sis’ huge pile of newspapers to come. It’s her job, so why do I need to deal with it as well? I hate it here.) And I need to clean the dishes but it’s too cold to get out of bed.

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Sanmi~🎃💤 @sanmisui.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Bro why is it so damn cold,,,, who the fuck has the windows open rn??? I’m freezing.

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Sanmi~🎃💤 @sanmisui.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Ab Montag wieder in ne neue Maßnahme gesteckt. 😭 Alles für die Statistik.

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Sanmi~🎃💤 @sanmisui.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Got to my Jobcenter appointment 10 minutes early but now the lady is 10 minutes late again. Bruh. 💀💀💀

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I’m never getting out of this horrible loop. Samsara for eternity. I’ll never be truly happy no matter how much money I waste on anime merchandise. I’ll forever be stuck in bed with the inability to finish any of my projects or git gud. And I’m supposed to not get depressed over this?

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Got a Jobcenter appointment on Tuesday and I’m not in the mood to get shoved into another course again,,, you sit around and waste time. I can do that alone at home without strangers berating me about getting a job in the real world. I already know I need to get a job. There just isn’t anything good

Need to move out so I can get my own toilet, cuz anytime I or my dad need to shit, my mom barges in and also needs to shit at that exact time. Always. Without fail. She stands in the kitchen, plays Pokémon Go on her phone for 1-2 hours and right when you gotta shit, she suddenly needs to shit too.

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We had a tiny little pride parade in our town yesterday and we’ve got exactly one (1) furry out in public with a fursuit. Love to see it.

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Went to feed lil sis’ two cats,,, and when mom and I were about to leave, the orange one freaking sprinted out into the stairway and I had to chase him up to the third floor and all the windows were open and he was about to jump the fuck out but he stopped to sniff the air n I snatched him.

100

Paperwork done, cleaned the pots n pans yesterday, washing machine is still going, need to watch big sis’ lil dog later… but that’s about it. Maybe I’ll manage to throw away some cardboard boxes and free up space in my room by the end of the week,,,, clean up my desk, dust some shelves.

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Naja, wenigstens der Weiter-Bewilligungsantrag wurde bestätigt. Grundsicherung regelt bis April. Mal gucken ob ich bis dahin Arbeit gefunden habe. 🫠

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Apparently the thing where I tell myself I need to do a thing, like work, but it never happens and instead I just sit there wasting the day away and getting depressed, is caused by adhd?? Sometimes I can’t even get myself to play games cuz I should be working, so we do… neither… Are we deadass?

Sanmi~🎃💤 @sanmisui.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Also the weird cramping in my left boob area is still going on… it’s been three days. 💀💀💀 It isn’t as intense as before, just a little annoying now. Like damn,,, I can’t even press any warmth against it cuz the meat is in the way and I’d need to reach inside my chest to squeeze the cramping part.

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Sanmi~🎃💤 @sanmisui.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Dottomon plushie bag is getting shipped! He’s coming home! Yayyy!! My doctor is coming home!! 🥳

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Sanmi~🎃💤 @sanmisui.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Guhhhh my man can’t be this cute,,, uwaghhh. Genshin Impact,,, my wallet,,, noooo,,,,, the biker jacket and bunny ears,,, I’m on the floor.

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Sanmi~🎃💤 @sanmisui.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Whoever was main-ing my brain yesterday better pack up and leave. What the fuck was that?? Good thing barely anyone uses bluesky… I was oversharing again. Time to bury that.

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Man, this Account isn’t professional at all. I’m using it like a diary. Sorry to anyone that came here for the art. It’s not gonna happen.

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Watching the latest black butler season like it’s 2013 but with better graphics and execution. This is so good. It’s like I’ve never been gone. It’s like nothing I did throughout the years even mattered. I’m still right here. In the same room. Watching the same shows. Still bad at being a human.

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Did some random person just try to berate me for selling my lps panda for 10€? Like, I know it’s worth 20-25€ since it has the hat and rice bowl. BUT NOBODY WAS BUYING IT. WHAT IS THE POINT OF KEEPING THE PRICE HIGH WHEN NOBODY EVER BUYS IT? This thing has been rotting away in a bag for 15 years!

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Left side under boob / rib area still hurts lol. Damn. Okay. I’m lying down. You can stop now. Man this body is weird.

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