iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 13h

[Guy about to recommend the part of a Korn song where Jonathan Davis starts rapping:] wanna hear a guy pronounce a captcha

0206

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

People are too shy about talking during sex. I'm up in there muttering to myself like a Silent Hill protagonist. "Can't open that. There's something in that hole. My wife is dead"

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Spare a thought for the makeup artist who every morning had to explain to Tom Cruise that they can't "just use the latex mask machine from Mission: Impossible" because it doesn't exist

Variety headline: Tom Cruise’s ‘Digger’ Transformation Initially Took Six Hours — but He Convinced the Makeup Team to ‘Get It Under an Hour’

030

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Looked in through the window of a coffee place called "The Grumpy Barista". Fucker behind the till was smiling. Yelp will hear about this

020

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

PROFESSOR XAVIER, NEWLY RETURNED FROM TURKEY: So how does the hair transplant look ME, KEEPING MY MIND COMPLETELY BLANK: Looks great, Charles

04611

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Can you link the eject function to a Twitch tip alert

040

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Just saw the Halo from Halo on AirBnB. Pretty cheap too

010

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Master Chief just delivered my UberEats. Said he didn't want to talk about it. Cortana was visibly chain-smoking inside his helmet

111

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

If you knew a lot about etymology and not much about bicycles, you could be forgiven for thinking a velocipede was some kind of dangerous, morally deviant, lightly feathered dinosaur

030

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Someone who wants multiple partners while not wanting them to date anyone else, call that wanting a monopoly

010

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

If anything, you'd think finding a beach that didn't make you older when you spent time there would be more impressive

070

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

My jokes about The Beach That Makes You Old might seem dated, but on The Beach That Makes You Old they've come back into style twice already

040

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Generational discourse on Beach That Makes You Old twitter is insane right now. They're debating if Gen Omega is worse than Gen Psi, and Gen Whatever The First Hieroglyph Is are calling both cringe

030

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

It's wild when you see a tweet saying "age gaps of more than two hours are problematic" because every time you check the account location and they're from The Beach That Makes You Old

040

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

Having sex with John Wick and when he comes he executes a perfect active reload to change the condom between strokes

030

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

Ah, time for the movies. The trailers are done, which means only one thing's left: to be advertised the ugliest car in the world

2243

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

They were going to cast Jared Leto in the 13 Going On 30 soft reboot but he insisted on her staying 13

050

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 22/08/2026

Keir Starmer facing down an increasingly impatient bridge troll as he gets increasingly dumbfounded by even the first of his riddles three

000

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 22/08/2026

Keir Starmer getting on a ghost train by himself at the pier and an echoing sob immediately echoes from the tunnel

100

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 18/08/2026

Local wizard infestation is getting out of hand and the council does nothing about it. I turn on the light outside my flat and a dozen aged men in pointy hats scurry under the bins

020

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

Keir Starmer alone in an orchestra pit, attempting to free himself from the sousaphone he thought he was strong enough to play

110

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

Day 1 minute 1 of me being PM, I'm hitting the emergency alert button with "Everyone knows you're high and you'll be high forever" to nuke the poor sod who'll have statistically just lit his first joint

0479

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

Just had a beautiful day in nature. Didn't even bring my phone with me. Just me, a pack of smokes, six disposable barbecues, and seventy acres of dry bracken

053

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 07/08/2026

He said, these days, you'll be arrested and thrown in jail just for having premarital sex not on the one night a year it's legal to do so

Stewart Lee doing his "These days you'll be arrested and thrown in jail for saying you're English" bit

030

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

Looking up facts about Wild Wild West on WikiWikiWahWahpedia

0195

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 30/07/2026

Thinking of becoming more insane. Might start making myself believe hot honey is made by wasps

040

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 18/07/2026

If you're wondering how they fixed Declan Rice, they put him in a tub of iPhones overnight until he played better

1276

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 24/06/2026

GUY AT THE TANK MUSEUM: Now, the T-34 had its use at that point in the war, but it was superceded in every meaningful way by the end of the Eastern Front ME [NOVEMBER], SHIFTING INTO MY WOLF FORM: you leave my thirty ton wife alone

030

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

Geronimo the Alpaca can rest easy in Ungulate Valhalla tonight

030

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 19/05/2026

People should focus less on LLMs (Large Language Models) and instead focus on having LLMs (Lovely Little Moments) with their friends :)

081

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 06/05/2026

Call me Fortunato off of The Cask Of Amontadillo the way my boys get me bricked up

030

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 04/05/2026

Maybe it's even a woman. Maybe I'm sexist for not thinking about it

020

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 04/05/2026

Is the Lizard Wizard (off of King Gizzard) a wizard that is also a lizard, or simply a mage skilled in herpetomancy

173

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 03/05/2026

In The Shape of Water, when Sally Hawkins is jerking off in the bathroom over the fishman, it's no longer a bathroom. It's her Creature From The Black LaGooncave

0212

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 28/04/2026

[Michael Caine voice] Hello. I am. Michael Caine. And this. Is Jackass.

010

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 26/04/2026

Hearing reports this was Isaac Chotiner attempting his hardest hitting interview yet

010

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 26/04/2026

Call me the White House Correspondents' Dinner gunman the way after an hour of complimentary cocktails it's unclear if I can shoot or not

030

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 21/04/2026

Getting the surgery that makes you lose all memory of having had the surgery

010

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 20/04/2026

April the 20th, or, as it's said in French Canadian, Avril Lavigne,

052

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 19/04/2026

I lean towards my date halfway through watching Koyaanisqatsi. "They're doing that to me tomorrow," I whisper. It's unclear what I mean. Nevertheless, they do.

151

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 16/04/2026

Well they don't call him Northern Sealion do they

020

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 16/04/2026

Hamnet/Anora crossover where Jessie Buckley reaches on stage at the end of Anora's strip show (she's reminded of her dead son Amnora) and eight roided out security guys throw her into the Hudson

010

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 14/04/2026

I think if someone did the plot of Speed 2: Cruise Control to the Northernlion cruise he'd be pretty upset. But I also think for a brief moment he'd really enjoy the reference

000

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 10/04/2026

[seeing a guy with a fucked up haircut] that was done execution style

020

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 10/04/2026

Kind of fucked up that "this was done execution style", maybe the coolest sentence to be able to say, is only really applicable when finding someone that got murdered execution style

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