iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

My GP told me I'm suffering from hypochondria. Hardly surprising as I've had everything else!

Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

I had to go to A&E last night. I told the doctor that every time I cough, it sounds like I'm saying words like knight, bishop, pawn and queen… He said, "You've got a chess infection!"

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Was going to watch the new film 'Constipation' tonight but it's not come out yet!

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Isn't an innuendo an Italian suppository?

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Got really emotional at the petrol station yesterday... Don't know why, I just started filling up!

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I have something to say and I'm going to shout it out from the rooftops... "Someone has nicked my ladder!"

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

My mate reckons he can tighten nuts and bolts just by sitting on them. Personally I think he torques out of his arse…

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Did you hear about the depressed plumber? He's been going through some shit.

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it... It's spam!

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

My mate is obsessed with ABBA. I asked him what he wanted for dinner and he replied, "A chippy tea, ta."

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

I gave myself a prostate exam earlier. That's the last time I buy toilet roll from Lidl.

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Does anyone know how long you can keep a chicken in the freezer for? I've been told 3 months, but mine has only been in for 3 days and it's dead already!

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

I went to a funeral and asked the widow... "Mind if I say a word?" "Please do." She replied. I cleared my throat and said: "Plethora." "Thanks, that means a lot." She said.

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Have you been hit with a Rhythm Stick ?? You could be entitled to compensation with a personal IAN DURY claim.

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

I just tried to return some used Scooby-Doo underpants. I would’ve got away with it too if it hadn’t been for those pesky skids.

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

Why did Kylie Minogue rush home for a shit? She prefers a local motion...

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

I was watching a movie with my son last night when a sex scene came on. "Alright son, it's about time you went to bed", I said. "But Dad I'm 18", he protested. "I don't care", I said. "You're not watching me having a wank!"

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 27/07/2026

Broken promise: the Government promised guaranteed hours for all workers, but now most will miss out. 🚫 Sign the petition now to protect every worker: you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/pr...

you.38degrees.org.uk

Sign the petition to give all workers the right to guaranteed hours

Betrayal: the UK Gov pledged guaranteed hours for all workers, but now most will miss out. Sign now to fight back.

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 26/07/2026

Hearing reports that Sting has been kidnapped. The Police haven't got a lead.

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 22/07/2026

There’s a new Elbow tribute band called Arse. They’re so good you can’t tell them apart.

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 21/07/2026

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control and thought to myself, "Well this changes everything!"

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 10/07/2026

Why is it that so many people get simple sayings wrong? Answers on a Coastguard!

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

There's a dyslexic homeless man in my town centre selling big tissues!

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 05/07/2026

BREAKING: Robbie Williams has given up singing to teach geometry… He's loving angles instead!

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 03/07/2026

So after working hard for 35 years and with the bit of luck we had last year I've taken the plunge and treated myself. They only had white but aren't my new garden chairs wonderful!

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 26/06/2026

A man was run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry. The Policeman that had to inform his family said, "I am sorry but there's no easy way to say this…"

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

Went to buy a new toaster today. I asked the sales woman if they'd got something a little bit 'special'. Apparently I was in luck. They'd got an Elvis Presley one... Turned out to be a Breville in disguise!

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 28/04/2026

Mini me fridge magnets and stress relievers

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 25/04/2026

Slightly ironic that almost 50 years to the day that Southampton playing in blue and yellow, score an offside goal to take the lead in almost the exact same spot as then. This one disallowed though🤣

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Lord Salfordlad67 @salfordlad67.bsky.social · 16/04/2026