iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 9h

okay i’m gonna shut up already

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 9h

i don’t want to go to sleep

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 9h

(remember when i said “i’m done”? lol)

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 9h

(okay serious mode off: am i just that hot and that’s all i’ve got going for me /j /so much j)

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 9h

i find it so so so interesting that this very nsfw space is where i experience all that in this way for the first time. like i was so close to those kinda online communities in other ways, but never really (wanted to) fit in. this really is the unlikeliest reality. like how did this happen

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 9h

i wish i was better at online friendships too. like holy fuck have the coolest people ever reached out to ME, the coward who would NEVER even dare to THINK about that. i am a believer that some level of mutual obsession is so so good. but maybe i need to learn to put people on less of a pedestal

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 9h

a more general "different".) i often feel out of place in general, but i do sometimes wonder if i slid into some bubble/group/community i don't belong into, but for some reason made friends so now i can't leave. but god you all mean so much to me i'm gonna cry. is *that* a problem? okay i'm done ty

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 9h

too much time on bsky? i feel like i do. it really does often feel like a weird addiction, that you know isnt good for you. i dont know quite why it wouldnt be good for me. maybe the comparison mindset. (i don't like the term "comparison". it's less direct "i'm worse than other people" but more of

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 9h

allow myself to feel/express that because i was "having such a good day"? which i guess i had? that sounds kinda stupid ngl. i'm rambling, but if you followed this account that's what you signed up for, a somewhat less filtered view into my brain. also i'm home again, which feels good. do i spend

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 9h

also idk if it was just that. but i do feel like i want some (physical, as well) intimacy that has been missing in my life so far. idk, i don't have any plan to do something about that tho. is that bad? i had that feeling yesterday already (hence that "whats wrong with me" post), but i kinda didnt

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 9h

idk how i feel today. i saw a short of a couple cudding on twitter today (or yesterday?) and earlier today it just gave me that feeling of emptiness/loneliness/desire(?) and lots of goosebumps. idk its not "sad". maybe i would be sad if i didnt just have such good three or so days?

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

and once again i wish i had an easier time appreciating all that instead of getting anxiety and fomo and whatnot

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

many of u all have very different lives to mine and i don't think mine is going bad at all but like???? how??? sometimes i think "okay thats insane like that's SO different" and idk if i'm even right but i wonder if i went wrong somewhere

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

why the hell do you follow me here, i want to go here when something i see on the main acct makes me feel insecure, and want it both seen and unseen at the same time 😖

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

saw twitter post “sucks when someone does X to you” and i think i’ve done that to someone and i feel like SHIT about it, and have been.

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

aaaaaAaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaAaAAAaaaaAAAAAAAAAaaA thank u for listening

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

no comfort streamer live to fall asleep to 😓

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

and I see you playing games together and I'm jealous but I don't want to play games I just want your company

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I really feel like I'm always just barely interested in all the things. like I enjoy your company so much I want a reason to hang out with u

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I wish I were better at games and more into them so I could play them with my friends and talk about them and stuff

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

todo list for when I'm back home: take a proper train, cry, be alone (good), jerk off, go to training again on Monday (maybe) (probably)

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I haven't watched a chill twitch stream in too long maybe that's what has been missing. I am watching a chill/silly art stream and I'm sitting on a train, and my aunt can't sit next to me, this is the best, I am where I want to be

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

I might have a very idealized view of it but I think I would like to have a monogamous relationship with a person I love and cherish, is that controversial?

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

once again I'm asking why "excited me, turns me on, makes me happy, etc" and "makes me anxious" seem to be so close together.

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

I'm wearing the rainbow socks which my dad gifted me before he passed away tho so that's nice

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

I wish I could identify those a bit better and either avoid them or better learn how to deal with it better

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

what the fuck even is your issue? no idea I just * like scrolling nsfw bsky * see things that makes me anxious sometimes * am an attention whore maybe it's just the upsides outweighing the downsides in the grand scheme, and sometimes the downsides kinda get me.

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

(I'm sitting in an interesting conference talk RN but can't pay attention at all)

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

as before this is not "playcanary but sad" but "playcanary who isn't quite sure how he feels about it all but doesn't like it"

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

trying to figure out what triggers that *slight, unspecific* anxiety. interacting with, and seeing posts and interactions of absurdly attractive people on bsky and elsewhere might be a common denominator 🫠

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

I guess I just hope the weird feeling and slight anxiousness about it online won't transfer to irl. I don't think it will, if it hasn't already. it will be okay. I wish the rushed desire sometimes would be more excited than nervous, but it's okay.

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

HAKDJAHSKAKSNNSNSNDBENDBSBRJKRBFJXONEBFJFHEBFKEHBEKSJCBEKDNRBJFBEHEIRJ 😖

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

idk what this even is. it reads like an excuse, which it isn't supposed to be. it's also not something I'm super *sad* about, i just wanted to write down those thoughts somewhere.

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

that this is not only something that just "happens to be the case" but something I could put effort into.

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

but that came from not that long ago literally never even having the thought that anyone could find me physically attractive (like really, that possibility didn't occur in my brain!!) to (through posting here) realizing that I do already have desirable physical features, to then the realization

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

like just with starting to do some sports recently, that really opened my eyes towards "hey I could have a body that looks good to others any myself, and it's something that I can actually work on"

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

I think we could/should have a higher standard for ourselves! and I think it's not uncommon to have such a terribly low standard for yourself that all that never even comes up. that definitely was the case for me for a long time, and I feel like I'm kinda coming out of that

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

idk and there's more about me that I definitely could care more about. like that post talked about skincare for example, which is so fair. like I had an actual skin problem that my doctor found by pure chance, I didn't even think about it.

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

where one even starts, and the advice I have got in the past was always in the direction of looking at other people and seeing what works or what I like, but ngl I never really found something that inspired me, or a role model of sorts

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

as opposed to just like streamer merchandise and stuff. although some of that is not very merch-like and just cool graphics. and I basically never even think about combining multiple pieces of clothing. and I think I would like to! it sounds fun and exciting, in theory. but also I have no idea

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

like I am so lazy with myself. I get my hair cut so rarely, and then I just let the guy do whatever, I don't even have an idea what I want. also with clothes, like I have probably a total of two pieces of clothing (both shorts) that I bought because I thought they look cool

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

might as well continue it here. idk I just saw a post about holding guys to a higher standard, and I agree a lot but also realize I'm definitely not meeting that lol

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playcanary but sad @sadcanary.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

and it's really just a me problem. I wish I could see the positive sides. and the stuff that currently kicks me in the face, I could just say "huh, neat, good for them, I'm not participating but I'm still welcome here, how nice". Maybe learn something. maybe find my place in that community too!

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