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Jesse Hassenger

@rockmarooned.bsky.social
3.3K followers 281 following 1.4K posts

Writer & editor & stuff.

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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 8m
OTHER MOMMY is one of those Worst Movies of the Year easy-layup choices that I handily prefer to any number of popular hits and critical darlings
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Marisa LaScala @martogo.bsky.social · 13h
I haven't seen the film but based on the trailers I think even as a kid I simply would not have been fooled by the Other Mommy. They'd come in and start talking some shit about having one heart and I'd be like, "You're the Other Mommy, aren't you?"
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Different Latin roots, even, apparently.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Yeah, I know what it means. That meaning is *why* it feels redundant to me -- on its own, "incident" still usually carries connotations of event that is important in some way, so it almost feels like saying "the *important* important thing" (even though I guess "the *first* important thing is fine)
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Is the phrase "inciting incident" considered redundant? People use it all the time but I always flinch when I do because it sounds like you're describing a noun with the verb version. The running sprint. The hitting punch. The inciting incident.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
I actually love a soda pop-top going off (but I also don't listen to a lot of podcasts)
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
"You can wear his old sweatshirt; you can cover yourself like a bruise." That line still makes me go "oof" in the best way. Love this piece on the Hold Steady song that, anecdotally speaking, girls really go for. www.pastemagazine.com/music/the-ho...
pastemagazine.com
On “You Can Make Him Like You” and being a Hold Steady girl
Paste Magazine is your source for the best music, movies, TV, comedy, videogames, books, comics, craft beer, politics and more. Discover your favorite albums and films.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
I saw 33 movies in theaters in September. I'd wager this is a record for me or close to it but I would pay more to Letterboxd they could crunch those kinds of stats for me.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Now THIS is a New York Film Festival 🤌🤌🤌
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Reposted by Jesse Hassenger
Marisa LaScala @martogo.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
The best assignment of the year—Good Housekeeping's Best Toy Awards—is live! 🎉 According to our 370 kid testers, these are the toys everyone's going to want this year. www.goodhousekeeping.com/what-to-buy/...
goodhousekeeping.com
These Are the Toys Everyone Will Be Talking About This Year
Parents, kids, and Good Housekeeping Institute experts put this year's biggest toys to the test to find the most fun, innovative, and well-made picks.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Yeah, I think it just seems more egregious because the PR bullshit feels like it's in overdrive -- and not even to fake something new, just literally to say "we're gonna make like Infinity War, only even less of a shooting script! That's why you liked it, right???"
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Yeah also my first thought was "man, this Spider-Man movie was good enough that I'm kinda dreading business as usual for Doomsday" but a lot of people seem to have thought "this Spider-Man movie was good enough that imagine how great the same old bullshit will be!"
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Marisa LaScala @martogo.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
No music-recommendation algorithm has ever understood that I really, really love The White Stripes and I really, really don't like The Black Keys. How can AI make infinite music for me when it can't tell something that sucks from something that doesn't?
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I'm not surprised that the Russos are selling various lines of horseshit in the run-up to this movie but I am a little bit surprised that SO many people are preparing to buy in. Like I didn't think it would flop but I also didn't think "just trust us, we're doing Infinity War again!" would 100% work
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I liked DRIVE MY CAR and liked EVIL DOES NOT EXIST even more and ALL OF A SUDDEN sounds good but I must admit I'm dreading Hamaguchi making me sit through more fucking play rehearsals.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
DIGGR is higher-minded. Did I have a better time watching it? Not really. But Cruise is kind of great in it, and it definitely went someplace I didn't expect. I want other people to see it so I can see what they think. decider.com/2026/09/30/d...
decider.com
‘Digger’s wildest twist? How it cuts big movie star Tom Cruise back down to size
It’s hard to fully love the misdirection of Digger but it’s also something to see.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
The two big releases this weekend are movies that I'm not sure where to place on the ol' thumbs-up/thumbs-down binary. Do I recommend VERITY? I mean, it certainly held my attention. Multiple people certainly erotically bite a headboard. Is that a plus? Who's to say? www.avclub.com/verity-revie...
avclub.com
Anne Hathaway and Dakota Johnson have a mismatched genre face-off in Verity
Anne Hathaway and Dakota Johnson are compelling enough to keep Verity from flatlining, but it's not the genre workout it should be.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
That's right. Although my absolute best life probably would have had some more sleep.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
And then we went back to the hotel and E and I stayed up to watch SNL so I could kick off this season's review coverage for the A.V. Club! Not a great episode but a fun experience as it was E's first time watching all of one live. www.avclub.com/saturay-nigh...
avclub.com
Jalen Brunson takes a laid-back and belated victory lap on the season premiere of Saturday Night Live
Jalen Brunson takes a laid-back and belated victory lap on the season premiere of Saturday Night Live
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I was on my way out of town to see Olivia Rodrigo open up her tour in Hartford, because Wolf Alice isn't playing her Brooklyn dates next year. Plus this way we got to see her NOW!!!!! Her record might be my favorite of the year so far??
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I had a big weekend. First I saw GODZILLA MINUS ZERO and fired off my review. I think it's pretty solid considering the movie ended at 11:15AM and I was in the car on my way out of town at 1PM. www.theguardian.com/film/2026/se...
theguardian.com
Godzilla Minus Zero review – spectacular Japanese action continues franchise’s winning streak
The follow-up to 2023’s Oscar-winning Godzilla Minus One dazzles with smart social commentary and jaw-dropping effects
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
It's still a seller's market in Brooklyn!
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
My smugness levels over buying secondary-market Olivia Rodrigo tickets at the precise right moment when GA prices bottomed out are just off the charts.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I like LOST a lot but... nah
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
There are plenty of major TV shows of this century I've simply never watched but OTOH I have seen a LOT of crap from reviewing, so I still feel confident in posting a ballot [that doesn't include Breaking Bad mainly because it's the last thing that needs my vote)
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
New post-summer standings: 1 They Might Be Giants 62x 2 Hold Steady 40x 3 Mountain Goats 23x 4 Ben Folds[5] 14x 5 Los Campesinos! 13x 6 Belle & Sebastian 11x 7 OK Go 11x 8 Bob Dylan 10x 9 Dismemberment Plan 10x 10 Titus Andronicus 10x 11 Liz Phair/Sleater-Kinney/Rilo Kiley/Jenny Lewis 9x
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
#4 is kind of unfair because it was released in the U.S. under a completely different title! Which is not listed in the Box Office Game database -- and the original doesn't pop up automatically when you type in the alternate (which sometimes happens in games like these).
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
I spoke with They Might Be Giants -- my all-time favorite band, if I had to choose -- about their thread of songs about bands, touring, and the rock & roll lifestyle. This was so much fun! And you get a kind of impromptu single-artist mix tape out of it to boot! www.pastemagazine.com/music/they-m...
pastemagazine.com
They Might Be Giants unpack their weirdest myths and obsessions
Paste Magazine is your source for the best music, movies, TV, comedy, videogames, books, comics, craft beer, politics and more. Discover your favorite albums and films.
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Erik Adams @erikadams.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Loved @rockmarooned.bsky.social digging into how Futurama has probably "ended" more times than anything else on TV, and how that's been good practice for a show that is both ending and not ending next week.
avclub.com
Nothing else on TV knows how to end like Futurama
Across its 27 years of stops and starts, the animated sci-fi series has gotten a lot of practice at crafting a conclusion.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
HEART OF THE BEAST is the kind of movie where I can't really specifically begrudge anyone for liking it, kinda works on the level it's going for, but just the fact that like 9 critics out of 10 are giving it a pass doesn't sit well. Like I'm sorry, SOME (more) of you should just be a crank about it.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I should have written tonight's *non*-encore because they did not have a song prepared and could only walk back on stage and thank everyone again (after a brief attempt to improvise something, which Liz seemed into but Corin and Carrie, ah, less so I think). I bought two shirts.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Like I am definitely complaining that I've never hear *anything* from SOBERISH live, but on the other hand, these two acts did like 30 songs between them tonight and probably 27 of them were just straight up classic bangers.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I love Liz and genuinely agree with what Corin said during tonight's encore -- that she's a musical genius. Accordingly I'd like to hear "Table for One" or "You Should Know Me" or "Good Side" live sometime! But then, I also like PATH OF WELLNESS. Anyway, still a very good show.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Sleater-Kinney played songs from most of their records tonight but skipped anything from ONE BEAT or PATH OF WELLNESS, which seems to be consistent for this tour. Liz Phair, meanwhile, treats fully 2/3 of her catalog like PATH OF WELLNESS (a record one can assume not a lot of people heard/liked).
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I think we can all agree that I nailed this www.gq.com/story/ridley...
gq.com
Ridley Scott Movies, Definitively Ranked
He gave us ‘Alien,’ ‘Gladiator’ and ‘Blade Runner.’ He's almost 90. And he'll probably have another film in the can by the time you finish reading this list.
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Authorized Novelizations Podcast @authorizedpod.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
OUT NOW! Are you ravenous for all things Resident Evil? Nostalgic for the days when video game movies just kinda did whatever and their novelizations followed suit? We've got you covered! @rockmarooned.bsky.social joins to discuss Resident Evil (2002). Listen: shorturl.at/lDZ45
Authorized episode logo for Resident Evil, featuring Matt Addison
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Zipped from a movie screening over to MUSIC FASHION FILM tour stop... which is to say, sorry about the FASHION bit (though I do truly love this shirt, which at least covers the other two)
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Two shows I watch were the big series winners at the Emmys tonight which once again proves that I watch the perfect amount of television
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Here are some other ones I remember vividly/fondly. I liked the Batman cars (still have Catwoman, actually) and the Bambi posable figures were totally solid, I had Thumper and absolutely loved it, but mostly I was excited when they had real PVC figurines because I collected those generally.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
This is the second time I have ever collected a full set of Happy Meal toys. (Thankfully.) I went to McDonald's plenty as a kid but not the four times a month it would take to Collect All Four. HOWEVER I got lucky with this Garfield promo in 1989 and scored the last one after it was supposed to end.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
It Is Accomplished
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
INFURIATING!!!
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Honestly might be my favorite song of his.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Really went out of my way to buy the album twice is what I'm saying
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Further dumb trivia: I was in their TMBG Unlimited subscription thing, so I actually HAD the album on mp3, but the CD copy wasn't going to arrive for weeks, and at that point, if I wanted to actually listen to the album a lot, I NEEDED to get a CD copy (and didn't have a CD-R)
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
😬 I definitely went to the record store, though they didn't have TMBG in stock. (But I was also in college, who knows what my schedule was, though I remember I was at my work-study job at the library as more news about the second plane came in.)
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
I definitely remember emailing some friends in August about how great 9/11 was going to be because TMBG, Ben Folds, and Bob Dylan all had records coming out on the same day.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
If you're wondering why PRACTICAL MAGIC 2 was made 28 years later, the movie itself only raises further questions. It feels tailored to Sandra Bullock's worst instincts as an actor. decider.com/2026/09/11/p...
decider.com
What dark spell brought ‘Practical Magic’ back to the big screen? And should you see ‘Practical Magic 2’ opening weekend?
Practical Magic 2 is a testament to the power of movie stars; it’s basically made in Sandra Bullock’s image.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
I meant to text you -- I saw glimpses of our show, though sadly we do not appear to make personal appearances in this film
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
The new Oasis documentary will be irresistible to fans and maybe a touch insufferable to others? I found it touching, funny, and overblown in equal measure, so... that's Oasis all right! www.avclub.com/oasis-dont-l...
avclub.com
Oasis follow their own advice in the reunion-concert doc Don't Look Back In Anger
The new Oasis documentary Don't Look Back In Anger captures what the band's reunion meant to so many fans, but doesn't ask too many questions.
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