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Jesse Hassenger

@rockmarooned.bsky.social
3.3K followers 281 following 1.4K posts

Writer & editor & stuff.

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Reposted by Jesse Hassenger
Marisa LaScala @martogo.bsky.social · 14h
No music-recommendation algorithm has ever understood that I really, really love The White Stripes and I really, really don't like The Black Keys. How can AI make infinite music for me when it can't tell something that sucks from something that doesn't?
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 12h
I'm not surprised that the Russos are selling various lines of horseshit in the run-up to this movie but I am a little bit surprised that SO many people are preparing to buy in. Like I didn't think it would flop but I also didn't think "just trust us, we're doing Infinity War again!" would 100% work
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 15h
I liked DRIVE MY CAR and liked EVIL DOES NOT EXIST even more and ALL OF A SUDDEN sounds good but I must admit I'm dreading Hamaguchi making me sit through more fucking play rehearsals.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 18h
The two big releases this weekend are movies that I'm not sure where to place on the ol' thumbs-up/thumbs-down binary. Do I recommend VERITY? I mean, it certainly held my attention. Multiple people certainly erotically bite a headboard. Is that a plus? Who's to say? www.avclub.com/verity-revie...
avclub.com
Anne Hathaway and Dakota Johnson have a mismatched genre face-off in Verity
Anne Hathaway and Dakota Johnson are compelling enough to keep Verity from flatlining, but it's not the genre workout it should be.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I had a big weekend. First I saw GODZILLA MINUS ZERO and fired off my review. I think it's pretty solid considering the movie ended at 11:15AM and I was in the car on my way out of town at 1PM. www.theguardian.com/film/2026/se...
theguardian.com
Godzilla Minus Zero review – spectacular Japanese action continues franchise’s winning streak
The follow-up to 2023’s Oscar-winning Godzilla Minus One dazzles with smart social commentary and jaw-dropping effects
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
My smugness levels over buying secondary-market Olivia Rodrigo tickets at the precise right moment when GA prices bottomed out are just off the charts.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
There are plenty of major TV shows of this century I've simply never watched but OTOH I have seen a LOT of crap from reviewing, so I still feel confident in posting a ballot [that doesn't include Breaking Bad mainly because it's the last thing that needs my vote)
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
New post-summer standings: 1 They Might Be Giants 62x 2 Hold Steady 40x 3 Mountain Goats 23x 4 Ben Folds[5] 14x 5 Los Campesinos! 13x 6 Belle & Sebastian 11x 7 OK Go 11x 8 Bob Dylan 10x 9 Dismemberment Plan 10x 10 Titus Andronicus 10x 11 Liz Phair/Sleater-Kinney/Rilo Kiley/Jenny Lewis 9x
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
I spoke with They Might Be Giants -- my all-time favorite band, if I had to choose -- about their thread of songs about bands, touring, and the rock & roll lifestyle. This was so much fun! And you get a kind of impromptu single-artist mix tape out of it to boot! www.pastemagazine.com/music/they-m...
pastemagazine.com
They Might Be Giants unpack their weirdest myths and obsessions
Paste Magazine is your source for the best music, movies, TV, comedy, videogames, books, comics, craft beer, politics and more. Discover your favorite albums and films.
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Reposted by Jesse Hassenger
Erik Adams @erikadams.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Loved @rockmarooned.bsky.social digging into how Futurama has probably "ended" more times than anything else on TV, and how that's been good practice for a show that is both ending and not ending next week.
avclub.com
Nothing else on TV knows how to end like Futurama
Across its 27 years of stops and starts, the animated sci-fi series has gotten a lot of practice at crafting a conclusion.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
HEART OF THE BEAST is the kind of movie where I can't really specifically begrudge anyone for liking it, kinda works on the level it's going for, but just the fact that like 9 critics out of 10 are giving it a pass doesn't sit well. Like I'm sorry, SOME (more) of you should just be a crank about it.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Sleater-Kinney played songs from most of their records tonight but skipped anything from ONE BEAT or PATH OF WELLNESS, which seems to be consistent for this tour. Liz Phair, meanwhile, treats fully 2/3 of her catalog like PATH OF WELLNESS (a record one can assume not a lot of people heard/liked).
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I think we can all agree that I nailed this www.gq.com/story/ridley...
gq.com
Ridley Scott Movies, Definitively Ranked
He gave us ‘Alien,’ ‘Gladiator’ and ‘Blade Runner.’ He's almost 90. And he'll probably have another film in the can by the time you finish reading this list.
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Reposted by Jesse Hassenger
Authorized Novelizations Podcast @authorizedpod.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
OUT NOW! Are you ravenous for all things Resident Evil? Nostalgic for the days when video game movies just kinda did whatever and their novelizations followed suit? We've got you covered! @rockmarooned.bsky.social joins to discuss Resident Evil (2002). Listen: shorturl.at/lDZ45
Authorized episode logo for Resident Evil, featuring Matt Addison
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Zipped from a movie screening over to MUSIC FASHION FILM tour stop... which is to say, sorry about the FASHION bit (though I do truly love this shirt, which at least covers the other two)
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Two shows I watch were the big series winners at the Emmys tonight which once again proves that I watch the perfect amount of television
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
It Is Accomplished
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
I definitely remember emailing some friends in August about how great 9/11 was going to be because TMBG, Ben Folds, and Bob Dylan all had records coming out on the same day.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
If you're wondering why PRACTICAL MAGIC 2 was made 28 years later, the movie itself only raises further questions. It feels tailored to Sandra Bullock's worst instincts as an actor. decider.com/2026/09/11/p...
decider.com
What dark spell brought ‘Practical Magic’ back to the big screen? And should you see ‘Practical Magic 2’ opening weekend?
Practical Magic 2 is a testament to the power of movie stars; it’s basically made in Sandra Bullock’s image.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
The new Oasis documentary will be irresistible to fans and maybe a touch insufferable to others? I found it touching, funny, and overblown in equal measure, so... that's Oasis all right! www.avclub.com/oasis-dont-l...
avclub.com
Oasis follow their own advice in the reunion-concert doc Don't Look Back In Anger
The new Oasis documentary Don't Look Back In Anger captures what the band's reunion meant to so many fans, but doesn't ask too many questions.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Shane Gillis valiantly signing up to remind people that he's not as good at sketch comedy as Dakota Johnson
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Normally I wouldn't listen to a band's music right before going to the screening of a documentary about them, but I think I'm probably safe to blast "The Hindu Times" before heading into this Oasis doc
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Reposted by Jesse Hassenger
Marisa LaScala @martogo.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Happy Labor Day! I love being in a union.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
By far the most baffling comment I've received on the AVC in a while was a complaint that my essay about ONSLAUGHT, THE GUEST, and the military-industrial complex only mentioned U.S. movies from the last 40 years, then name-dropping IL POSTO (an Italian neo-realist movie I have, in fact, seen!)
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
At our anniversary dinner, slipped front of house a crisp sawbuck and said, seat us as close to Diane Lane as possible. It worked.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Lots of movies are out this weekend. I liked ONSLAUGHT, Adam Wingard's action-horror companion piece to THE GUEST, though it feels like it's missing a slam-bang final 10 minutes. www.avclub.com/onslaught-re...
avclub.com
Onslaught delivers the super-soldier slasher goods, but not much payoff
Adam Wingard's action-horror-Western, Onslaught looks great and is lots of fun. Just don't expect its well-crafted parts to come together.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Is it just me or do these Disney live-action remakes look worse all the time
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Thank you to @jacoboller.bsky.social for indulging my Looney Tunes snobbery over at the A.V. Club, and picking the perfect accompanying image. www.avclub.com/coyote-vs-ac...
avclub.com
Coyote Vs. Acme won its case, but still loses to the legacy of Looney Tunes
Even good Looney Tunes movies like Coyote Vs. Acme compete less with Disney, and more with the pure cinema of the original cartoons.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
MOTHRA VS. GODZILLA on the big screen!
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
I'll have a more... nuanced, perhaps? take on COYOTE VS. ACME after release, but for now, if the basic question is "should I see this movie?" -- yes, you should! It's a lot of fun and has been made with a lot more love, and a lot less stupidity, than a SPACE JAM. decider.com/2026/08/27/c...
decider.com
Why was ‘Coyote vs. Acme’ cancelled? Should you see the Looney Tunes movie in theaters?
What possible reason could Warner Bros. have for not releasing a movie featuring some of their most beloved characters?
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
The 30 ROCK reunion show at Radio City should just be the cast performing a Harold. If Baldwin isn't comfortable, he can be the monologuist. Oh also instead of Radio City they should do it underneath a Gristedes.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
Now that the AMC Empire has three premium auditoriums (and I'm less often going at prime Friday-at-7PM times), that's my more frequent go-to, but for much of the 2000s/2010s, I was extremely pro Kips Bay for not being AS crowded in the pre-reserved-seating days and having four really big screens.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Hiiii
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
I enjoy the INSIDIOUS series as a whole -- my hot take is that it's more consistent and less annoying than the CONJURING movies -- and the sixth one is quite well-crafted IMHO! Reviewed here: www.avclub.com/insidious-ou...
avclub.com
Insidious: Out Of The Further throws a surprisingly fun ghoul party
Insidious: Out Of The Further doesn't rewrite the franchise playbook, but it's a well-made vehicle for some killer set pieces.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Gotcha covered decider.com/2026/08/17/h...
decider.com
How to watch Hayden Panettiere movies and TV shows on streaming: ‘Nashville,’ ‘Heroes,’ ‘Scream 4’ and more
The prolific star of Nashville and Heroes died on Sunday at the age of 36.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
What Coyote vs. Acme Gets Wrong About Foghorn Leghorn
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Something I liked about SPIDER-MAN: BRAND NEW DAY is that very little of it looked like this
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
I loved THE RIVALS OF AMZIAH KING, a new Matthew McConaughey movie from the director of THE VAST OF NIGHT (which I also loved). If you live near a theater showing it, see it this weekend!! I myself am going again tomorrow. decider.com/2026/08/14/t...
decider.com
‘The Rivals of Amziah King’: Matthew McConaughey stars in one of the best movies of the year (that you don’t know about)
The movie that brought Matthew McConaughey back to the big screen is about to arrive in theaters nationwide, and hardly anyone has heard about it.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
I am excited for COYOTE VS. ACME to the point of buying tickets to a Thursday preview when I couldn't make the press screenings OR the public sneaks, but I still get nervous/suspicious whenever I hear someone, no matter how reputable, say that it moved them. Gives me the ick, as the kids (?) say.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Two of my favorite movies of the summer/year are coming out tomorrow! I'm writing about both as we speak but for now I'll just say I loved THE END OF OAK STREET and looooooved THE RIVALS OF AMZIAH KING, though if you are afraid of snakes or bees you might want to steer clear JUST KIDDING GO ANYWAY
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Reposted by Jesse Hassenger
Jacob Oller @jacoboller.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
Wow, how could one website continue to be so Correct and Brave? For 2006 Week, my film team ranked the best movies of that year: www.avclub.com/the-best-mov...
avclub.com
The best movies of 2006
The best movies of 2006 include American auteurs aplenty, a high school noir, and the final film from David Lynch.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
It's that time of year again where we talk about the big summer movies from 20 years ago. Remember when DreamWorks cartoons just rolled in and made $150 million as a matter of course? Remember when Adam Sandler did the same? WE REMEMBER www.sportsalcohol.com/the-sportsal...
sportsalcohol.com
The SportsAlcohol.com Podcast: Top Summer Movies of 2006 - SportsAlcohol.com
Your podcast pals at SportsAlcohol.com revisit (or in some cases just visit) the top summer movies of 2006.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
Finally trying out some of that Prestige TV you guys are always talking about: the 1989-96 HBO series TALES FROM THE CRYPT
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
SHANG-CHI seems to be rating about a 7.5 on the fidgetometer for the kiddo, though almost any movie watched on a TV set automatically hits at least a 3. One that flew in below that mark? MINORITY REPORT.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
Frequently Asked Questions about The Fucking Purge, as I'm told some friends have taken to calling it decider.com/2026/08/07/w...
decider.com
What is ‘One Night Only’ about? What are the rules of the Monica Barbaro & Callum Turner “sex purge” movie?
Everyone wants to know what’s up with the sex purge. Our expert can explain it to you.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
If I'm being honest, Rod Farva >>>>>> anyone in THE HANGOVER www.avclub.com/super-troope...
avclub.com
Broken Lizard throws a surprisingly affable wedding in Super Troopers 3
Super Troopers 3 has plenty of musty comic situations, but the aging Broken Lizard boys keep them surprisingly fresh.
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
ICE CREAM MAN is very obviously something Eli Roth churned out because his new horror label needed something with his actual brand on it. In that context, it's not surprising he used AI to cut corners. Feels like a movie made in a weekend. www.theguardian.com/film/2026/au...
theguardian.com
Ice Cream Man review – Eli Roth’s junky slasher is one of year’s worst horrors
The Hostel and Thanksgiving director takes a massive stumble with a rushed retro horror made on the cheap
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
I feel like for proper verisimilitude these should smell weird
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Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
I had a colonoscopy today and there were no problems whatsoever, meaning the only lingering question is how long I'll be stringing out the "so I deserve a little treat" mentality.
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Reposted by Jesse Hassenger
A.A. Dowd @aadowd.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
Doctor Strange, too. "Look, it's Patrick Stewart... again."
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