iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

im logging out of this account so I dont use it anymore. i dont deserve a space like this. I will bottle it up because its what's best

I long to be normal I long to not be poor I long to not suffer but it wont ever happen. I have to make peace with it. im a bad person and I deserve it all

the most fun part of being thjs bad is tht bc i am generally unwell nobody even gets alarmed anymore so i can bery easily just isolate myaelf everyone is already used to me in a crisis state ans therefore just assume normal of me

I have a headache andnim well aware the cause #dontcare

pelase go away @ my hunger i am so serious

well all I can do right now is hope even though I strongly dont want to

cant even doordash cant do anyrhing cant eat cant drive cant smoke cant get meds Nothing! nothing!

well I better get used to the feeling I ran out of methods to ignore it

I ran out of mt cough drops ughhhhhhhh whatever

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went for a walk and ts not even improving my mood I really am doomed. luckily I seem to be able to ignore my hunger while out so thats nice I guess

I dont evem know why i bother hoping I get money bc I dont deserve it I deserve to die

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I deserve to be hungry and I deserve pain and I deserve every single bad thing that happened anf eill happen. I deserve it all. I hope i starve to death. i hope i get hit by a car. I dont want to try anymore

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quite literally do not know why i bother

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I will starve im supposed to anyways

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and i dropped the last bit if the chips I had pulled out before I dropped the full container Okay sure whatever dude

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I want to die so bad literally not one fucking thing ever ever goes right for me im done im so seriously fucking done

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god i sound like such a fucking loser I went to eat my chips bc its like allwe fucking have and I spilled the entire fucking container on the ground so I p8cked it up and then when it thre it away it ducking fell onto the floor again an then I dropped my phone and my controller and then almost trip

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I really hope we get smth today

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I am kind kf reaching a scary threshold for what i can handle i have a full bottle of lamictal that I need to hide from myself I think

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legitimately have not felt this consistently bad since high school

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ita amazing how severe my depression is right now

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I get so frustrated when people suggest i just go to a thrift store for clothing because I legitimately fucking cant. they dont carry mt size here. none do. ive checked several. that literaly isnt an option for me

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going 2 sleep bc I am tired amd too hungry 2 be awake. hopefully I wake up 2 enough vut its okay if not. Gooni

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leav8ng yay now I can be hubgry in my comfy bed YAYYYYY

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and the iv is hurting me Death to all doctors

IM SO FUCKING STARVING DAWG I dint think im getting amyrhint from.my pist but atp i barely xare just plwase let me leave so I can be hungry at home

I cant stop crying im so embarrassed to even be here I wiah i could be normal so fucking badly

dont wanna think abt the medical debt my ocd has surely made me wrack up

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I can only pray i wont be negative tomorrow. we got gas so we can at least actually doordash tomorrow. obviously nothing left since gas is so fucking expensive but im very very very thankful we got it

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wow a nap actually helped me like crazy the pit in my chest is gone

im going to nap. i hope i wKe up to a notification thst saves me. I also hope I dony feel this horrible

I am seriously one single mroe bad thing from becoming so mentally unstable it becomes a crisis and there's Absolutely Nothing I can fucking do about it

of course we cant even cash out the little we made on my boyfriends card instead so he can at least not be negative why would we be able to do that jt woukd mean somethung went right for us

giving up on doordash ita so fuvking pointless and we dont have the gas to continue

"high paying order" snd its 4 dollars with a 1 dollar tip #ok

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been out for 2 hours with 20 dollars to show for it

muting every single vent channel in servers immin so I stop using them and im debatjng deactivating this account too. I do not deserve a space to vent becayw its all i ever do anymore. im so seriously better pretending im fine

im gonna throw up from crying

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Its okay though I deserve to feel hungry

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