radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 14/03/2025Godzilla squaring up to fight Ghidora with a bunch of fighter jets is wild, imagine showing up to a boxing match with a swarm of bees 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 26/01/2025“It actually went all the way up his butt” Stan Lee 020
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 17/01/2025You ever find a logical loophole in a nightmare and then your brain is like “mmm, you’re not getting away that easy” and throws even crazier shit at you 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 28/12/2024“WHO DID THIS” I scream at the heavens, brandishing my empty Brita filter, knowing damn well it was me 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 04/12/2024Just got a white elephant from a White Elephant, I’m never gonna financially recover from this 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 30/11/2024Every morning I stare at my neighbor’s garden gnome with a hammer in my hand, daring him to blink 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 28/11/2024You ever wish your ears could shrivel up when it gets cold? I do constantly 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 27/11/2024Every round of Quiplash I answer the prompt with “A Big Turd” I win every game My friends beg me to stop “A Big Turd”, I answer 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 26/11/2024Tales of Horror: the guy in the bathroom stall next to yours is Really Loud 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 25/11/2024The kind that are constantly on the brink of collapse from infighting, corruption and backstabbing 020
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 25/11/2024History Fact: houses began being built pointy at the top in the Middle Ages to protect against giants 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 25/11/2024I would jump into a vat of nerds and suffocate like a grain silo 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 22/11/2024My HOA has informed me that rearranging my Halloween skeleton into a turkey doesn’t count 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 20/11/2024“No one understands the level I’m operating on” I say, rolling the Play-Doh into a snake 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 19/11/2024In a just world glasses would have eyelids, but no, we are condemned to wipe them manually. I think of this often 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 18/11/2024Me, sitting down to write the next great American novel: the The 400lb sin-gorilla on my back: your dishes aren’t done 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 04/01/2024“I’m just saying, there’s a nonzero chance we give the rocket superpowers” 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 25/12/2023Dr Seuss: so there’s these little elf people named Whos living in a magic winter village Me: Understandable Dr Seuss: and then there’s this big green hairy troll who hates them Me: got it Dr Seuss: and he has a dog named Max Me: hold up 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 21/12/2023Do you think the King Kong species lives as long as the other Titans? Or do you think in a thousand years they're all gonna meet up for drinks and be like "man, remember that one monkey that could kick godzilla's ass? That was crazy” 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 10/12/2023IIRC the reason it sounds spooky is because it’s based on a prehistoric Ukrainian chant about welcoming in the end of winter 010
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 10/12/2023“And with my bite, you too shall become a creature of the night!” 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 10/12/2023The hardest part was setting up a Meet Cute in a steel mill 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 10/12/2023Whoah hey I didn’t come here to be personally attacked 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 09/12/2023I’ll be honest the before and after isn’t showing me much of a difference 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 09/12/2023Join me in my quest to kill the sun 010
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 09/12/2023You step out and tell them the windows are bulletproof, and throw a rock at it to show them. It shatters instantly. 010
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 09/12/2023Except for Wind Wizards, who are just having a blast blowing everyone else’s hats off 020
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 09/12/2023“Odysseus, why make a horse out of wood?” “Ah, but you see, there’s the trick. It’s not made of wood. It’s made of people.” 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 09/12/2023“I prefer grassroots, working man’s executions, like stoning” 010
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 09/12/2023This isn’t the Thong Song I was raised with 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 09/12/2023Thanks but I’ve got to finish the mascara on all these gibbons before the foot locker closes 030
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 09/12/2023Oh cool! Would you accept the ability to never get sick again, but every time you cough you poop a little? 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023me telling ChatGPT to draw a plate of nachos 010
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/20239th century Saxons have pathetic mammoth hunting skills compared to Neolithic hunter gatherers 370
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023“Dude, I think someone else’s poop just went up my butt” 010
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023You’d try, but it would simply pass through your bullets and turn left 120
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023Heresy, each muppet was immaculately conceived 010
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023Connecticut toast is the empty space between New York toast and Boston toast 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023All I ask of my knife is that it B Sharp 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023I think we need all that water though 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023Back alley cyberspud geneticist jailbreaking corporate-owned potato breeds 010
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023“You see, purple represents accepting the darkness within yourself and channeling it while remaining on the side of light” “Why?” “…red and blue make purple” 020
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023“A half dozen pigs can eat a human body in eighteen minutes, bones and all. I want to see that hustle out there today.” 030
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023They appreciate your donation, they’ve been running critically low on hearts to stuff into barrels and candelabras 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023Well, we know dear departed Heinrich was an ass man 010
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023Meanwhile the collapse of the Muppet Age was brought to you by the letter C 000
radmatternomad.bsky.social @radmatternomad.bsky.social · 08/12/2023Luckily she’s already proven a talent for slinging hash 010
