iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 16h

it's usually gone by sunrise. not always though qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Ghosts! Are they real? Science says no, but the headless bride who walks through walls in my house -

T-Rex: - as if following a floor plan that was lost in a past renovation -

T-Rex: - says yes!
Dromiceiomimus: How does she say yes without a head?
T-Rex: Sign language.
Dromiceiomimus: Ah.

Utahraptor: You know sign language?
T-Rex: Learnt it for the bride.

Utahraptor: Last question: how does she see YOUR signs without a head?
T-Rex: She doesn't, but I trace letters into her palm.
Utahraptor: Okay. Well. I'd love to meet her, if that's okay.

Narrator: THUS:
Off panel: She's nice, but you must get tired of her excusing herself to use the bathroom, then walking through walls to get to it, but that's your kitchen now and then there's ghost pee in the kitchen.
T-Rex: ...Yeah.
T-Rex: *sigh*

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 29/09/2026

if you believe in yourself you can work within the existing constraints imposed upon you to, in some cases, accomplish a subset of your dreams www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

Off panel: If you believe in yourself, you can do anything!
T-Rex: ...I can?

T-Rex: I CAN?!?

T-Rex: Okay Dromiceiomimus, I believe in myself, utterly and completely, and what I want to do with that belief is get boats for hands so I can walk around and say "wow, these boats sure are handy".
T-Rex: HAND-y, Dromiceiomimus.
Dromiceiomimus: I got it, yeah. I guess we COULD make some boat-shaped gloves that -
T-Rex: NO! They have to be REAL.

Utahraptor: You want to cut off your hands and replace them with ACTUAL full-sized boats?
T-Rex: I believe in myself!

T-Rex: BUT: they still have to work as hands too. They must be actual boats that are also flesh and allow me sensation.
Utahraptor: How about this: if you believe in yourself, you can do SOME things, not all things. Perhaps not even MOST things.

Off panel: But you can do approximately as many things - and perhaps even slightly more - than you could if you DIDN'T believe in yourself.
T-Rex: Okay you know what that's actually WAY more reasonable

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 28/09/2026

IN THE BIBLE HE'S MOSTLY JUST A PLACE AND NOT A GUY BUT REST ASSURED THERE IS IN FACT A DUDE NAMED "JORDAN" JUST OFF-SCREEN IN SEVERAL IMPORTANT SCENES THAT I DIDN'T WRITE ABOUT / HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING BUT HE DOES NOD HIS HEAD REAL VIGOROUSLY AT ALL THE BEST PARTS www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: The following is my list of Country Names That Could Possibly Be People's Names Too!

T-Rex: #1: Chad!

T-Rex: This is an easy first place, because I knew a Chad once.
Dromiceiomimus: I knew a Chad too, and he wasn't even FROM Chad!
T-Rex: That makes him a true Chad, because otherwise he might've just been trying to rep his country.

T-Rex: #2: Mali. I don't know a Mali, but if I met someone who said "hey my name is Mali" I'd probably say "oh cool!"
Utahraptor: Huh!

Utahraptor: I'd probably say "Sorry, Molly?" and she'd say "No, Mali" and I'd say "Oh okay."
T-Rex: Either way, a solid contender! #3 is Kazakhstan, because I would like to know a guy named Kazakhstan.
T-Rex: "Kaz" for short.

God: SORRY DID YOU JUST RATE KAZAKHSTAN AS A NAME ABOVE JORDAN OR GEORGIA BOTH OF WHICH ARE ACTUAL IN-USE NAMES
T-Rex: ...Maybe?
God: JORDAN EVEN APPEARS IN MY FIRST BOOK THE BIBLE AND THERE'S A SEQUEL TOO BUT JORDAN'S BARELY IN IT
God: WOW

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 25/09/2026

you can't spell "crisis" without misspelling "cry" www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Ah yes, the perfect activity for a lazy afternoon: take the demographic data for people born when and where I was...

T-Rex: ...and use it to calculate my life expectancy!

Narrator: BUT THEN:
T-Rex: Wait wait wait. It says here... I'm more than HALFWAY through my life ALREADY?
Dromiceiomimus: I mean, in all likelihood - yes, absolutely. T-Rex, we're all not gonna be around FOREVER.
T-Rex: But - but - I DIDN'T KNOW! Nobody told me there was more behind than ahead now!!

Utahraptor: What would you have done if you'd known?
T-Rex: I dunno, have a party? Have a CRISIS? BOTH??

T-Rex: Man, I had SUCH PLANS for my midlife crisis too. I was gonna buy a motorcycle, then marry the motorcycle, and then try to convince my ex-spouse from before the motorcycle to be in a poly relationship with the motorcycle.
Utahraptor: It's never too late!

T-Rex: It IS: I missed the middle of my life, so now any crisis I have must be a POST-MIDLIFE crisis!
Off panel: I've never heard of those.
T-Rex: NOBODY HAS, because they're not a thing!!
T-Rex: I MISSED OUT ON MY ONE CHANCE TO HAVE A SOCIALLY-ACCEPTABLE CRISIS!!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 23/09/2026

SECRETS OF DINOSAUR COMICS: there's time between the panels. this is also a secret of all comics in general, but you heard it here first www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Am I fun?
God: ABSOLUTELY

T-Rex: Am I a cool guy to hang out with?
God: FOR SURE

T-Rex: Am I versatile?
God: ...
Dromiceiomimus: ...
T-Rex: Wait, what the hell, am I somehow - NOT versatile??

Utahraptor: Versatile guys do a lot of different things well! You've uh...
Utahraptor: ...you've kinda specialized in stomping?

T-Rex: I HAVE NOT! I mean, I just stomped, obviously. But I do other things!
Utahraptor: Sure but - dude, you stomp EVERY SINGLE WEEKDAY! And usually about three or so of those days are worthy of being recorded in some way each week.
T-Rex: Well from now on: NO MORE STOMPING.

Off panel: ...I just saw you stomp on three more people and one extremely-explosive biplane in the space between you saying "NO MORE STOMPING" and now.
T-Rex: But!
T-Rex: Nobody ELSE did, sooooo

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 21/09/2026

death comes to us all, so let's all stop investigating it qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Death comes to us all...

T-Rex: ...or so THEY claim.

T-Rex: Isn't it SUSPICIOUS that we have APHORISMS about how mortality is both inevitable and universal? Isn't that exactly the kind of propaganda you'd EXPECT if it really WASN'T, but a secret group of powerful immortals wanted you to THINK that it was?
Dromiceiomimus: But mortality IS both inevitable and universal!
T-Rex: Oh, Dromiceiomimus.

T-Rex: "We live in capitalism, its power seems inescapable - but then, so did the divine right of kings."
Utahraptor: So?

T-Rex: Ursula K. Le Guin said it.
Utahraptor: Yeah, and she was LITERALLY talking about capitalism, not SECRET IMMORTAL PROPAGANDA REGIMES!
T-Rex: Writers FAMOUSLY use metaphors.
Utahraptor: They also use words literally and for their INTENDED PURPOSE!

Narrator: LATER:
Off panel: You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.
T-Rex: You can and you WILL. Join me!
T-Rex: YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR CHAINS!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 18/09/2026

when you think about it, writers are really mean to people who, on top of everything else, don't even EXIST yet www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Sherlock Holmes, who was the world's greatest detective but complete rubbish at baking, sighed.

T-Rex: His latest cake was, once again, complete rubbish!

T-Rex: He was BEYOND frustrated. He'd TRIED using his detective skills to deduce why his cakes sucked so bad, but even so, they only ever told him why THIS cake sucked (he accidentally used a cup of baking soda instead of a teaspoon) and not why the NEXT cake would suck.
Dromiceiomimus: They always sucked for a completely new reason?
T-Rex: They ALWAYS sucked for a completely NEW reason!!

Utahraptor: Surely at some point he'd run out of new ways to ruin cakes?
T-Rex: You'd think!

T-Rex: "But sadly there are SO MANY WAYS to ruin a cake," Sherlock sighed, as he put his batter into the oven on the top rack instead of the centre one, which would, 40 minutes later, burn the cake's top while leaving the bottom underdone.
Utahraptor: Sherlock, no!!
T-Rex: He can't hear you! He's fictional!!

T-Rex: And he's having the WORST DAY of his FICTIONAL LIFE - and to make matters EVEN WORSE, the WHOLE WORLD is going to hear about it, because I'm writing it down and publishing it all!!
Off panel: Nooooooo

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 16/09/2026

i will be DAMNED if i lose to a CONCEPT www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Today's job: achieve inner peace. And the clock is ticking: there's no time to waste!
T-Rex: It's OVERDUE, actually.

T-Rex: Cards on the table, I needed to have inner peace DAYS ago and I most DEFINITELY need it RIGHT NOW!!

Dromiceiomimus: Buddy - I think if you want to be at peace you must either solve what's troubling you or learn to accept it, so that you can simply exist without worry.
T-Rex: Right. Okay. I can do this.
T-Rex: I will simply achieve peace by making peace with everything that's preventing me from achieving peace! EASY!

Narrator: LATER:
Utahraptor: So - how's achieving enlightenment going?
T-Rex: NOT GREAT!

T-Rex: I'm beginning to suspect that it's a task that may take my WHOLE LIFETIME to complete, or - and this is even WORSE - one of those BALONEY tasks that can NEVER be completed because it turns out the attempt, the JOURNEY, is more important than the destination!!
Utahraptor: Oh god, I hate those tasks.

T-Rex: EVERYONE DOES!! The purpose of journeys is to REACH DESTINATIONS! Dying in the middle of an one is just a LOSING to a JOURNEY, and a journey is an INANIMATE CONCEPT that doesn't even know you're alive!
T-Rex: ARGH!! I WON'T LIE, folks! I am really QUITE FAR from INNER PEACE RIGHT NOW!!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 14/09/2026

though he's known today for them many new words he invented in the course of his writing, shakespeare's career as a sandwich innovator is sadly less well-documented qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: People are always like "ooooh boo hoo, you can't have a story without conflict, it doesn't work, it's impossible, boo hoo hoo."

T-Rex: BALONEY!!

T-Rex: To them I say: what about a story about some guy enjoying the best sandwich of his life?
Dromiceiomimus: That doesn't sound THAT interesting.
T-Rex: Ah, but you didn't let me finish: at the end of the story, it includes a surprise recipe for that sandwich, WITH PHOTOS. It's not fictional! THE BEST SANDWICH OF THAT GUY'S LIFE IS REAL!!
Dromiceiomimus: Holy CRAP.

T-Rex: See? DONE.
Utahraptor: Ah, not so fast!

Utahraptor: You've still got conflict: man vs. sandwich expectations (he defeats them), man vs. disappointments in past sandwiches (he defeats them), man vs. his surprise of how good a sandwich can be (the surprise defeats him, BUT: the man is glad to be subsumed in, AND BY, sandwich paradise).

T-Rex: ...Frig, I forgot about the classic "Man Vs. His Surprise Of How Good A Sandwich Can Be" form of conflict in narrative.
Off panel: It features heavily in the original draft of Hamlet!
T-Rex: I know, I know!
T-Rex: I don't know how I forgot!!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 11/09/2026

(said through a mouthful of chips) the word "hero" gets thrown around a lot these days but in this case it must apply www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Why can't we all just GET ALONG?

T-Rex: Wait!
T-Rex: Why CAN'T we all just get along??

Dromiceiomimus: Getting along requires we reach consensus on the best way forward.
T-Rex: Why can't we all just REACH CONSENSUS?
Dromiceiomimus: Disagreements prevent us from reaching consensus.
T-Rex: Why can't we all just AVOID DISAGREEMENTS?

Utahraptor: Because reasonable people may reasonably disagree!
T-Rex: How come?

Utahraptor: Because we don't have an absolute and complete understanding of the universe, the future, and ourselves.
T-Rex: Well - why CAN'T we all just understand ourselves?
Utahraptor: Lead the way, T-Rex! Be the change!!

Narrator: LATER:
T-Rex: And THAT'S how come I ate chips in bed all day.
Off panel: You wanted to and didn't understand why, but knew if you COULD figure that out, it might contribute to world peace?
T-Rex: Yep!!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 09/09/2026

Units of measurement? More like units of BETRAYAL qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: In this crazy mixed-up world, at least one thing's for certain: a horse produces one (1) horsepower!
T-Rex: *satisfied sigh*

T-Rex: Because otherwise the measurement would be INSANE!

T-Rex: Can you even imagine living in a world where horses DON'T produce one horsepower, Dromiceiomimus?
Dromiceiomimus: I simply can't! You ask the impossible - I'd sooner imagine a new colour!
T-Rex: I'D sooner imagine what sound tastes like than imagine life in a world where one horse doesn't produce one horsepower!!

Utahraptor: Er, T-Rex...
T-Rex: No. NO.
T-Rex: Utahraptor, no!!

Utahraptor: The average horse can output over 14 horsepower in bursts -
T-Rex: Okay, but that's only over a short time, so -
Utahraptor: - and they can sustain over SEVEN horsepower across longer periods.
T-Rex: NO! NOOOOO!

T-Rex: God? Is it okay if I let this fact drive me crazy?
God: HONESTLY DUDE IT'S BEEN DRIVING ME UP THE WALL TOO
God: IT'S LIKE
God: I GAVE Y'ALL FREE WILL AS A SPECIAL TREAT AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO WITH IT

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 04/09/2026

it's pronounced "lessthanthree" and you have to say it really quickly like it's one word, WHICH IT IS. www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Oh, frig! Are my eyes kind?

T-Rex: I always wanted to have kind eyes but I totally forgot to put the work in!!

Dromiceiomimus: I think it's just metaphorical, T-Rex: a way to describe your general mien such that -
T-Rex: NO! It's LITERAL and it's BIOLOGICAL. The luckiest of us are born with kind eyes, but a few - born with neutral eyes - can at least make them appear kind through a lifetime of looking kindly at things.

Utahraptor: And those born with angry eyes?
T-Rex: For them there is no hope.

T-Rex: They cannot have kind eyes, BUT they can have kind arms, kind bellies. Perhaps a bosom that radiates kindness in some way; these things are not for me to say. I know only of eyes, but by forgetting to look kindly for the past decades my only chance is squandered; my only hope, extinguished.

Off panel: Well, I think you've got kind teeth.
T-Rex: <3
T-Rex: Oh my gosh, thank youuuuu

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 02/09/2026

dear diary: Utahraptor dismantled my entire deal with surgical precision earlier today. who taught him this www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Why is granola the only foodstuff offered in bar form? We should be adding honey to OTHER foods, blending them, pressing them into bar form, cooking them...

T-Rex: ...and wrapping 'em up for convenient snacks on the go!

Dromiceiomimus: I mean - we already do. What are biscuits but portable flour and water? What are onigiri but portable sushi? What is a burrito but a portable meat salad?
T-Rex: "Meat salad" sure is a phrase.
Dromiceiomimus: It sure is!

T-Rex: And meat salads are delicious, even - or ESPECIALLY - in tube form!
Utahraptor: They sure are!

Utahraptor: But to answer your question: there's a whole class of foods in bar form - fruit, chocolate, protein, energy, ration, etc - and as is SO often the case with these "why isn't anyone simply doing x" questions, the answer is that they are, you're just not aware of it.

T-Rex: Wow! Why isn't anyone simply being NICE TO ME, Utahraptor??
Off panel: Because I care more about your commitment to truth and bettering yourself!
T-Rex: Oh yeah!
T-Rex: ...I forgot about that dang ol' commitment

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 31/08/2026

is "odin" a corruption of "woden", which is itself a corruption of "whoa, dan"? i'm just asking questions. who IS this great and amazing dan that inspires us all to say "whoa"?? www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Happy Monday, everyone! Or should I say...

T-Rex: ...happy MOONday?

T-Rex: The day IS named after the moon, and I FERVENTLY BELIEVE that the world would be a better place if we went back to the namesakes, instead of our CORRUPTED versions. Instead of Tuesday: Tīw's Day, the day of the Norse god of one-on-one combat during battles! AWESOME.
T-Rex: Can't wait for THAT.

T-Rex: And instead of Wednesday, Woden's Day - celebrating ODIN!
Utahraptor: A.K.A. Woden.
T-Rex: A.K.A. Woden!

T-Rex: Thursday is Thor's Day, Friday is Frigg's Day - FRIG, she rules - Saturday is Saturn's Day, and Sunday is Sun's Day, but we will now REALLY hit that "'s" so it's clear when we say it.
Utahraptor: And you think the world will improve?
T-Rex: Absolutely!

Narrator: AND THUS:
Off panel: Thank God it's Friday!
T-Rex: As for me, I'LL be thanking ODIN it's FRIGG'S DAY!
Off panel: I didn't know that was allowed.
Off panel: ...Why I am suddenly mourning all the years I wasted not knowing that was allowed??

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 28/08/2026

this only continues to prove that all the best stories begin with the exact sentence "the year: the future." qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: The year: the future. The time: nine seconds from tomorrow.

T-Rex: And free oxygen has just been outlawed!!

T-Rex: That's right: now everyone must PAY to breathe. And if you can't - and can't find any charity oxygen, which is usually cut with lesser gases anyway - then your only choice is to SUFFOCATE.

Utahraptor: How do animals survive?
T-Rex: Huh?

Utahraptor: Animals need oxygen too but don't have money. How do they live?
T-Rex: Oh. Um. I guess they died?
Utahraptor: How did the food chain not collapse?
T-Rex: I, uh - I guess it did too?

Off panel: The year: today. The time: right now. And a science fiction author has not considered the full ramifications of his premise!
T-Rex: *GASP*
T-Rex: Well WHOEVER this author guy is, he sounds HANDSOME??

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 26/08/2026

that's right, it was an acronym all along!! it was an extremely tortured acronym all along qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Like certain foods, but wish they could be served on bread?

T-Rex: Perhaps... with melted cheese as a structural element?

T-Rex: Sure, we ALL do! That's why I've invented a new food - nay, a new CLASS of food. It's the personal instant zesty zeitgeist accessor, or "P.I.Z.Z.A.".
Dromiceiomimus: Can you explain more?
T-Rex: Absolutely! Suppose for the sake of argument that you're TIRED of eating a handful of pepperoni, a handful of sliced mushrooms, and chasing it all with a shot of warm tomato sauce.

Utahraptor: God, I sure am! P.I.Z.Z.A. can help?
T-Rex: P.I.Z.Z.A. can help!

T-Rex: By combining these elements on a flatbread that uses melted cheese as a binding agent, "P.I.Z.Z.A. style", you can consume these foodstuffs on the go, WITHOUT the sidelong glances you used to get EVERY TIME you got a warm plastic bag out from your pockets while saying "don't worry, it's just body-temp tomato sauce!"

T-Rex: In conclusion, I predict "P.I.Z.Z.A." will become one of if not the most popular food of this century!
Off panel: Hrm.
Off panel: ...I mean, I HAVE been meaning to personally access the zesty zeitgeist for a WHILE now

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 19/08/2026

t-rex had to make his first mistake SOMETIME, might as well be now qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Got a cannon? Dislike hail?

T-Rex: Well, GOOD NEWS!

Dromiceiomimus: Is the good news that I can use my cannon to fire cannonballs into the sky, blasting a small amount of hail out of the air, but replacing it with a LITERAL CANNONBALL which now must falls somewhere and possibly ON someone??
T-Rex: No! Even better: you attach a GIANT CONE to your cannon, turning it into a SOUND CANNON a.k.a. a HAIL CANNON!!

T-Rex: And its sound waves then BLAST through the air, preventing hail from forming!
Utahraptor: Nope!

Utahraptor: Sound waves do not work that way, and if you think about it thunder can happen in hailstorms where it's WAY louder, but hail still forms! There's no scientific evidence that hail cannons are effective.
T-Rex: But folks have done it for GENERATIONS!

Off panel: Folks have done TONS of stupid things for generations!!
T-Rex: But... but I'M folks! Oh no!
T-Rex: Oh no no no no NO!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 17/08/2026

yes, utahraptor is indeed Going Through It qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Hey, here's a tip!

T-Rex: Never offer to do something that you don't actually want to do!

T-Rex: Sounds PRETTY OBVIOUS, right? Sounds like you'd have to be a real JABRONI to go around offering to do things for people that you don't actually want to do, huh??
T-Rex: WELL TODAY, I AM JABRONI!!
T-Rex: I thought "oh I'll offer to do this nice thing, but the person I'm offering it too will see it's much too much, and gracefully decline"!

T-Rex: But they said "great, thanks!"
Utahraptor: And now you have to do the thing!!

T-Rex: AND NOW I HAVE TO DO THE THING! But at least I've learned a very valuable life lesson: I am in many ways - perhaps, most ways - the author of my own suffering.
Utahraptor: Oh, that's good to know! Man. All MY suffering is authored by Jackie who lives down the road, but yours sounds good too.

T-Rex: Who's Jackie? You've never spoken about her.
Off panel: SHE SUCKS; WHY WOULD I??

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 14/08/2026

if you need inspiration, boy have you come to the place!! qwantz.com/index.php?co... please note: i did not say "right place"

Narrator: INSPIRATIONAL COMICS
T-Rex: There's NOTHING you can't do, if you put your mind to it!

T-Rex: ...except reverse entropy in a closed system!

T-Rex: Or raise a mighty yet adorable unicorn from its egg all the way to adulthood, forming a bond that will come to define both your lives.
Dromiceiomimus: Or truly understand what it was like to exist as an extinct species.
T-Rex: Or find out what the last digit of pi is.

T-Rex: Frig. Reality sure has constrained our potential!
Utahraptor: Oh, don't even get me STARTED.

Utahraptor: This morning I thought "I'm gonna start my day by getting a breakfast sandwich from my favourite coffee shop", but they were closed today!
Utahraptor: Even THAT teeny tiny goal - so easy, so routine - is LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE today.

Off panel: It turns out there's a LITANY of things you can NEVER do, REGARDLESS of where you put your mind!!
T-Rex: We're supposed to be inspiring, Utahraptor - but despite that, we're failing HORRIBLY!
Off panel: ADD IT TO THE PILE!!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 12/08/2026

if you don't like isolation then that's a problem that can be solved by kissing. if you don't like kissing then that's a problem that can be solved by isolation. either way this is EASY qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Facing a difficult choice or circumstance and looking for advice? Don't want to confide in anyone you know? Good news: help exists, with this...

Narrator: CHOOSE YOUR OWN GOOD ADVICE COMIC

T-Rex: Would this problem be solved by dumping or otherwise cutting someone out of your life? If that's true, turn to panel 4.
Dromiceiomimus: Would this problem be solved by dating or otherwise bringing someone INTO your life? If that's true, turn to panel 5.
T-Rex: If this problem isn't solved by either of these options, turn to panel 6.

Narrator: DUMP THEM:
T-Rex: Just dump them already! God!
Utahraptor: YOU KNOW THE SOLUTION; JUST DO IT!

Narrator: DATE THEM:
T-Rex: Just date them already! God!
Utahraptor: Unless they don't want to date you, in which case WALK IT OFF and/or GET OVER IT.
T-Rex: EASY!
Utahraptor: PEASY!
Utahraptor and T-Rex: LEMON SQUEEZY!

Narrator: CATCHALL:
T-Rex: ALTER your problem until it can be solved by either romance or isolation! That way you'll either kiss someone, OR, you'll have more free time to put toward solving your problem!!
T-Rex: Either way, you win!!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 10/08/2026

such is the nature of this mind-bendingly incredible reveal that one finds oneself beyond the reach of lower, or even mixed-case expression qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: This story takes place on a world much like our own...

T-Rex: ...but in a UNIVERSE in which everything is SO CRAZY!!

T-Rex: See, in THIS universe, Earth is the last planet to develop life, and everyone else has already evolved into shimmering beings of pure energy that can travel spacetime at a thought and are capable of things we can't even DREAM of!
Dromiceiomimus: So we're functionally alone in the universe.
T-Rex: YES!

T-Rex: But check out what's going down my OTHER story, where Earth is the FIRST planet to develop life!
Utahraptor: Huh!

Utahraptor: So we're alone in this scenario too.
T-Rex: No - because in this story the Earthlings eventually evolve into shimmering beings of pure energy, and you realize "OH SNAP, THESE WERE THE ALIENS ALL ALONG AND THIS IS A PREQUEL TO THAT FIRST AMAZING TALE!!"

T-Rex: You then go on to realize "MANY SPECIES MUST NAME THEIR PLANET A VERSION OF 'DIRT', A CONCEIT THAT ALLOWED T-REX TO TRICK ME, VERY FAIRLY, INTO ASSUMING THE 'EARTH' UNDER DISCUSSION WAS THE ONE I'M FAMILIAR WITH".
T-Rex: To answer your question: yes, the realization IS in all caps.

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 07/08/2026

people love a jokester at the legally-mandated annual general meeting of their condominium corporation qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: I've got a hilarious thing to say if you want people to think you're hilarious, but it requires some context, and that'll take a while.
T-Rex: Too long, really.

T-Rex: Which means there's no time to spare, so here's that context right now!!

T-Rex: Condominiums are, functionally, homes owned by groups of people, with common elements that everyone pays for: paving, garages, gyms or pools if you're fancy, that sort of thing.
T-Rex: The laws of condominium corporations require there be a certain number of board members and that these members meet regularly.

Utahraptor: So far, so hilarious!
T-Rex: INDEED!

T-Rex: And these meetings must have what's discussed RECORDED, and these notes are called "minutes". This comes from the Latin "minuta", which means "small", but everyone pronounces it like the unit of time instead.
Utahraptor: Got it!
T-Rex: Okay, are you ready?? Here's the hilarious thing you can say:

T-Rex: "Wow - this meeting is so long, these MINUTES feel like HOURS!"
Off panel: ...I just experienced a whole new sensation: a physical awareness of time lost, never to return.
T-Rex: Huh!
Off panel: It's VERY close to rage

619730

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 05/08/2026

IGNORE PARENTS; INDULGE CHILDREN; LEAVE WHEN THEY ARE OTHERWISE OCCUPIED WITH SLUDGE qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Like hanging out with kids, but only for a little bit? Wish you could just pass your kid off to someone else when you're done with 'em?

T-Rex: Have you considered being... an AUNT OR UNCLE??

T-Rex: As an aunt or uncle, you get all the family benefits of getting to hang with cool kids, but with minimal downsides. Diaper changes: OPTIONAL! Discipline: NOT YOUR CONCERN! You can stuff these children full of candy and then give them back to their parents and WALK AWAY.

Utahraptor: It truly is the best way to experience children!
T-Rex: RIGHT??

T-Rex: Plus you don't have to go through the tedious, boring process of egg-laying and egg-rearing yourself!
Utahraptor: Let someone else do the work - you just SHOW UP, indulge children, ignore parents, and LEAVE - secure in the knowledge that in kid eyes, YOU'RE the coolest!!

T-Rex: P.S.: to win their affection, simply encourage children make Kool-Aid with SO MUCH SUGAR that the water becomes saturated, leaving what's left to form a thick sludge at the bottom.
Off panel: ...Is it good?
T-Rex: Utahraptor!
T-Rex: It is not!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 31/07/2026

food that makes you ask your waiter, sir, have i offended you in some way qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Attention, everyone! It is high time we had a conversation...

T-Rex: ...about the NATURAL LIMITS OF FOODSTUFFS.

T-Rex: Look, we all like a REASONABLY-tall burger, but when you add SO MUCH to it that it can no longer fit inside a mouth - what are we doing?! That burger is no longer able to be grasped by two hands and chomped upon, WHICH IS THE DEFINING FEATURE OF A BURGER. You've pushed it too far, and produced something NEW: a DEGENERATE CASE OF BURGER!!

Utahraptor: Like how a ladder is - famously - a degenerate case of stairs!
T-Rex: EXACTLY!

T-Rex: Make stairs steep enough and GUESS WHAT - they STOP being stairs, and they start being LADDERS!! I had a taco whose soft shell, EVEN IF PROPERLY CONFIGURED, would reach but a FIFTH of the way up the sides of its filling! That's no longer a taco. That's a tall salad on an edible floppy plate.

T-Rex: Please don't deliver your degenerate cases of food unto me and watch as I'm forced, LIVE and IN PUBLIC, to devise a way to reasonably consume it.
T-Rex: *sigh*
T-Rex: The burger, the taco, AND MINE OWN BODY have natural limits which must be respected!!

1121645

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 29/07/2026

YES PROBABILITY DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY, BUT LOOK: IN THIS CASE, IT JUST DID qwantz.com/index.php?co...

Narrator: TIME TO GET TO WORK AND DO THE THING
Narrator: a comic to read when it's time to get to work and do the thing that's due

Narrator: it's way overdue by now, actually

T-Rex: Okay, you! LISTEN UP: we've all postponed doing a thing - but no longer! It's time for you to do it! RIGHT NOW!!
Dromiceiomimus: But isn't it true that now that I've waited SO LONG to do it, it's actually WORSE to start now, and better to just continue NOT doing it... forever?

Utahraptor: Yeah, maybe whoever's expecting this thing to get done will just forget!
T-Rex: FRIG - that IS a great point!

T-Rex: Maybe whoever's expecting the thing will forget, or be abducted by aliens, or die, or be abducted by aliens and THEN die.
Utahraptor: Yes! And in EACH of these INCREASINGLY CREDIBLE scenarios, we don't actually HAVE to do the thing we've been delaying doing!!

Narrator: LATER: THE GUY WAITING ON T-REX GETS ABDUCTED BY ALIENS AND DIES, SO HE NEVER HAS TO DO IT AFTER ALL!
T-Rex: Hah hah hah, yes!!
Narrator: HOWEVER SOMEHOW THIS ACTUALLY MADE IT LESS LIKELY IT'LL HAPPEN TO YOUR GUY, SO YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR THING AFTER ALL
Narrator: SORRY

622146

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 27/07/2026

tell enough stories about a someone and you will inevitably hit the Turned Into A Horse episode qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Sherlock Holmes, who had recently been turned into a horse but was otherwise able to perform his duties as detective, whinnied.

T-Rex: There was a new mystery that required his attention!!

T-Rex: The mystery was on the third floor of a building, but only once Sherlock got up there did he realize that he couldn't get back down. The incline of the stairs was too steep for Horse Sherlock, and he couldn't see where his feet were going. It was really really scary.
T-Rex: "As a horse I find a ton of things really really scary," he muttered, annoyed and scared.

Utahraptor: I thought being a horse wasn't interfering with his detective work!
T-Rex: It wasn't!

T-Rex: For the CASE, he'd already deduced who did it. That part was easy peasy and not scary at all. But then a leaf hit the window and made the slightest noise and Sherlock, again terrified, trampled three men to death in the enclosed space.

T-Rex: Luckily he turned back into a dinosaur later - SINCE WE'RE ALL DINOSAURS - and the cops were on the lookout for a horse, so in many ways it was the perfect crime.
Off panel: How'd he turn back?
T-Rex: With much relief!
T-Rex: OBVIOUSLY??

721144

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 24/07/2026

a bit of luck and a bit of guile isn't enough! you need a LOT of luck and need a medium amount of guile! qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Woodworking is a skill, developed over years of practice and study! And guess what?!

T-Rex: IT IS A SKILL I DO NOT HAVE.

T-Rex: I thought that was FINE. I thought I could skip it! I believed that with a bit of luck, a bit of guile, I truly COULD get through life without ever having to know woodworking!
Dromiceiomimus: But you failed?
T-Rex: I failed, Dromiceiomimus! My cabinet needs new shelves - WOODEN shelves!!

Utahraptor: So pay someone else to make them for you, dude!
T-Rex: NEVER!

T-Rex: If it were a new cabinet then MAYBE, but shelves are EASY - they're just wood rectangles! ANYONE should be able to cut a wood rectangle to size!
Utahraptor: Sounds like this isn't really about woodworking, but rather about ideas of identity and selfhood you've incorporated...

Off panel: ...perhaps as bedrock truths without ever realizing or critically examining them??
T-Rex: Okay, YES, OBVIOUSLY - but fixing THAT stuff will take DECADES!!
T-Rex: Sadly, it's simply easier to learn how to work a wood

417428

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 22/07/2026

maybe we were all holding back on photos until we got our faces under control qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Photography only goes back a century or so! We know what folks looked like then...

T-Rex: ...but we DON'T know what they looked like BEFORE then!!

T-Rex: MAYBE before photos everyone was all gross with tentacles coming out of their mouth, Cthulhu style??
Dromiceiomimus: If that were the case, I'm pretty sure it would've been represented in paintings and whatnot.
T-Rex: But maybe not, if they were all embarrassed!!
T-Rex: On account of their tentacles?

Utahraptor: Okay, well, it'd at least be in the newspapers of the time.
T-Rex: Aha! Not NECESSARILY!

T-Rex: MAYBE it was SO universal and established by then that it wasn't even worth REPORTING on anymore!! The news doesn't say "HOLD THE FRONT PAGE - NOTHING CHANGED TODAY"!
Utahraptor: And then when it went away, NOBODY wrote it down?
T-Rex: Oh, uh, THOSE records got lost.

Off panel: Well, I suppose there IS a small but non-zero chance, in the same way there's a small but non-zero chance a bunch of comets could spell out "HOITY TOITY IBBIT BOITY" in the sky.
T-Rex: Man - if I ever saw that, my mouth tentacles would be going HOG WILD

114714

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 20/07/2026

HOW TO PICK UP SEXY AND INTERESTING PEOPLE AT THE GYM qwantz.com/index.php?co...

Narrator: HOW TO PICK UP SEXY AND INTERESTING PEOPLE AT THE GYM
T-Rex: Oh, it's so easy!

T-Rex: First, you've got to work on your approach!

T-Rex: I recommend approaching with confidence, chest proud, legs locked. Then, bend your knees and, making sure to lift with your legs and not your back, lift them like you would any other deadlift.
Dromiceiomimus: Excellent advice!!

Narrator: NO, LIKE, HOW YOU'D PICK PEOPLE UP AT THE BAR
Utahraptor: Oh, this is even EASIER!

Utahraptor: If they've been drinking, you've ALREADY got your in. Approach them friendly-like, ask them about themselves, and while they're drunk and distracted trying to answer your question, you can pick them up and deposit them into a taxi or the car of their trusted friends.
T-Rex: And how!

Narrator: NO. NO, HOW DO I PICK PEOPLE UP ROMANTICALLY
T-Rex: Do the other two techniques we already said but with Barry White playing, or, if you're more literal: Fréd Chopin or Joey Brahms, famous composers of the early and mid-Romantic period, respectively. It ALWAYS works!!

619332

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 15/07/2026

i'd imagine it seems like MOST people hate growing hair, given how often we shave it, cut it, or destroy it with actual lasers??? qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Branding can do a lot. Selling dolls to boys who are afraid to play with dolls? "ACTION FIGURES" to the rescue!
T-Rex: That being the case...

T-Rex: I hereby suggest the following REBRANDS!

T-Rex: Hate doing the dishes? Sure, probably! But what if I told you it gained you VALUABLE XP, which will make you more appealing to EVERYONE? It's not "chores", it's "XP FARMING"!
Dromiceiomimus: Does this XP farming unlock FUTURE PERKS and POWERUPS??
T-Rex: Many, including "clean kitchen" and "house you are not ashamed of when company comes over"!

Utahraptor: Wowee! Got any others?
T-Rex: I sure do!!

T-Rex: Hate clothes shopping? Not if it's "customizing your build"! And it's not all the way there yet but I'm working on comparing growing hair to a Play-Doh fun factory.
Utahraptor: The toy that extruded paste in tube shapes?
T-Rex: Yeah, but in slow motion.

Off panel: Wait, who hates growing hair?
T-Rex: I don't know - I'm still working on the rebrand! It's not all the way there yet!
T-Rex: I ALREADY SAID IT'S NOT ALL THE WAY THERE YET!!

615422

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 13/07/2026

i'd tell you to walk it off, but you don't know how to walk, so - crawl it off! oh, no crawling yet either? uh... roll it off? qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Kids can be annoying.
T-Rex: (I mean this in the observational sense, not the permissive sense!!)

T-Rex: (They wouldn't WAIT for my permission anyway!!)

T-Rex: But, every single authority figure in their life is a former kid themselves, so none of US are free of shame either.
Dromiceiomimus: I admit: I dabbled with being a kid for a while there.
T-Rex: Dude, I went ALL IN on being a kid for a DECADE - YEARS of my PHYSICAL PRIME - and in the end? It was just a PHASE!!

Utahraptor: Same! I was even a baby once - I actually went FULL BABY - but I grew out of it.
T-Rex: We all do!

T-Rex: Anyway, the point is: I don't hold it against them. Yes, kids can be annoying, but they're just doing the same thing we all did.
Utahraptor: Some of my best friends are former kids.
T-Rex: I don't wanna brag, but ALL of mine are. I'm just enlightened that way.

Narrator: LATER, T-REX TRIES TO COMFORT A CRYING BABY:
T-Rex: Don't worry, kid! You'll grow out of this!!
Narrator: IT HAS MINIMAL TO NO EFFECT.
Narrator: THE END

1817625

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 10/07/2026

yes mr. and mrs. flies decided to name their baby "thyme", what of it? it pairs nicely with his brother "horse" qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Normal detective stories are bland! We're all tired of detectives who solve mysteries the hard way by being smart and logical and well-versed in crimes.

T-Rex: What we WANT are detectives with SIGNIFICANT and game-breaking advantages!!

T-Rex: Hence my new character: Thyme Flies, the detective who travels through time! When an impossible mystery happens and nobody can solve it, he simply travels back in time to see what actually happened, then comes back and tells people.
Dromiceiomimus: Aha - but what if they don't BELIEVE him? This Cassandra setup could lead to a FASCINATING series of stories where -
T-Rex: He records video too.

Utahraptor: Okay, but - what if his clients think the video is FAKED?
T-Rex: If they're stupid, sure!

T-Rex: If the hire a DETECTIVE who TRAVELS TIME and when he comes back with ACTUAL VIDEO FROM THE PAST showing the crime in full HD they say "nuh-uh", then there's nothing I can do about that. Probably at that point Thyme Flies just shrugs and goes back in time and tells himself not to take those clients.

T-Rex: And before you say "what if the crime takes place in the dark so the video doesn't show anything" he has an infrared camera too.
Off panel: Damn
Off panel: This guy's GOOD

910716

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 08/07/2026

and i don't have to tell you this, but when that happens in a matter/antimatter intermix chamber it's not great qwantz.com/index.php?co...

Narrator: THE OPERATION WAS A SUCCESS:
T-Rex: The operation was a COMPLETE success! And now I've replaced all the knowledge in my brain about FICTIONAL characters and made-up starships...

T-Rex: ...with knowledge about REAL things instead!!

T-Rex: Do I know who Captain Picard is? NOT ANYMORE! Can I tell you how a warp drive - whatever THAT is! - works? NOT THESE DAYS!
T-Rex: All that information has been SURGICALLY REPLACED with FACTS, so now I'm gonna be smart about REAL things instead of being smart about fake things from TV!

Utahraptor: But fiction is how we learn about the world without having to live it!
T-Rex: ...Wait, what?

Utahraptor: Stories let us experience the lives we'll never live and relationships we'll never have, and we can LEARN from them, so we don't have to make the same mistakes these characters do. And you've lost that, T-Rex! Those made-up people had value!
T-Rex: Oh no! I gotta fix this, now!!

Narrator: BUT THEN:
T-Rex: I only got the warp drive facts back??
T-Rex: This makes me feel as lousy as a matter/antimatter intermix chamber whose coolant temperature is rising quickly beyond expected parameters??

316629

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 06/07/2026

i too am hard to use and gorgeous to look at. do i apologize? i do not. qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: A portable computer that fits in the palm of my hand and presents as a black bar of glass that I have to tap without ANY tactile feedback?

T-Rex: NO THANKS!

T-Rex: What *I* want is a computer that takes up a room - or at least one wall of it! I want my computer to have KNOBS and DIALS and METAL SWITCHES and BLINKY LIGHTS. There should be giant reels that spin and DEFINITELY whir. And bits that clack and clatter!
T-Rex: And you know what? I wouldn't say no to a lever either!

Utahraptor: Should the blinky lights be in multiple colours?
T-Rex: YES! Please, yes!

T-Rex: We've been SO FOCUSED on chasing portability and convenience that we've completely forgotten VIBES and AESTHETIC. I don't want the fastest or most capable computer! I want a computer that's HARD TO USE and GORGEOUS TO LOOK AT.
Utahraptor: Like me!
T-Rex: AND me!!

Narrator: LATER, T-REX MEETS SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T THINK EARLY ROOM-SIZED COMPUTERS ARE BEAUTIFUL MACHINES:
T-Rex: Wowee!
T-Rex: So THIS is what it feels like to meet your own personal bespoke WARIO!!

526448

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 02/07/2026

given the small size of our field we're also the worst there is at what we do, but we like to focus on the positive qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Batman, who was the world's greatest BAT-THEMED detective, realized he was much more than that too!

T-Rex: He was, for instance, also the world's greatest bat-themed FIGHTER!

T-Rex: Heck, he was the world's greatest bat-themed driver - and pilot too.
Dromiceiomimus: Not a lot of competition there, I think.
T-Rex: My point exactly! He chose an odd theme - bats - and it let him be best in the world at EVERYTHING HE DID WITH THAT THEME, thanks to a lack of competition!!

Utahraptor: And thanks to his decades of training, putting him in peak physical condition.
T-Rex: Sure!

T-Rex: But for you and me, who have spent decades of NOT training, putting us in OFF-PEAK physical condition, it shows how WE can still be best in the world at something too! We just need an unpopular theme, and we're set!
Utahraptor: All we need is something NOBODY likes!!

Narrator: AND THUS:
Off panel: Hello, is this the Flooded-Basement Themed Detective Agency?
T-Rex: We're the best there is at what we do, but what we do isn't very popular!

213722

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 29/06/2026

how often are you getting pizza pie thrown into your eyes, dean? dean. dean i just wanna know why you assumed that was a universal experience www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Dean Martin fan? POP QUIZ, HOTSHOT! "Amore" is when...

T-Rex: A) the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie

Dromiceiomimus: B) the moon hits your thigh with a soft gentle sigh

Utahraptor: C) the moon hits your face like an asteroid from space

T-Rex: Or D) the moon hits your bud with a sickening thud

T-Rex: Give up? The correct answer is "none of the above". Amore only TRULY occurs when the moon hits your bladder and it just makes you madder; the Dean Martin song intentionally obscures this truth.
Off panel: Good to know!

716124

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 26/06/2026

could the ultimate experience of flesh TRULY be made manifest before me? forsooth, by mine own actions?? qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: People are like "oh, shower beers! You gotta try a beer in the shower! SHOWER BEERS!!"

T-Rex: Not everyone is like that, but those who are seem to be trying to make up for everyone else!

T-Rex: So I've taken them at their word. I have partaken of a SHOWER BEER, Dromiceiomimus.
Dromiceiomimus: And? How was it?
T-Rex: It was a gateway drug!
Dromiceiomimus: Oh no!

T-Rex: Not to more shower BEERS - but to other shower FOODSTUFFS!
Utahraptor: Oh no!

T-Rex: No, "oh YES!". Utahraptor: SHOWER FRIES.
Utahraptor: Sounds soggy. And awful.
T-Rex: Shower soup?
Utahraptor: Diluted and awful.
T-Rex: SHOWER ICE CREAM SANDWICH.

Off panel: ...the water would aid in cleanup - plus the contrast between cold in your mouth and warm on your body would only heighten enjoyment??
Off panel: I need to go experience this right now, lest I perish before the ultimate experience of flesh is made manifest before me??

712719

Reposted by Dinosaur Comics!

Ryan North @ryannorth.ca · 24/06/2026

I'm sending out an update to my SECRET PALS mailing list today - it's free, it's got secrets, AND it's got dog pics?? Wow that sounds GREAT: secretpals.beehiiv.com/subscribe

secretpals.beehiiv.com

The Ryan Secret Pals Club

Fun stuff from author Ryan North, including SECRETS and also SURPRISES

101066

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 24/06/2026

friends, romans, third type of guy: lend me your ears qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!"

T-Rex: Julius Caesar said it!

Dromiceiomimus: No he didn't. The very next line in that speech is "I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him" which would be impossible for Caesar to say, as he's clearly already dead.
T-Rex: I HAVEN'T SEEN THE PLAY. Maybe Caesar's alive in it and digs his own grave, and he says this before he hops in??

Utahraptor: Or you could admit you were wrong.
T-Rex: NEVER!

T-Rex: In MY world Shakespeare wrote a play where Caesar is held AT SWORDPOINT and forced to dig his own grave, and the dude chooses to soliloquy while he does it. He's not bad at the ol' soliloquy!
Utahraptor: Okay. In reality, he dies before that happens.
Utahraptor: Famously so.

Narrator: LATER, T-REX ADMITS HE WAS WRONG AND APOLOGIZES:
T-Rex: This shows character growth! Something SHAKESPEARE could learn from, hah!!
Off panel: He's widely considered a great writer, T-Rex.
T-Rex: ...
T-Rex: ...For real?

014516

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 22/06/2026

sherlock put on a hamburger costume and deduced it felt all wrong for him. he was a polish sausage costume guy or he was NOTHING qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Sherlock Holmes, who was the world's greatest detective NOT currently wearing a hamburger costume, frowned. He had the strangest sensation there was a better detective than him...

T-Rex: ...and they were currently wearing a hamburger costume!

Dromiceiomimus: Sounds like a really strange sensation to have.
T-Rex: It was! Sherlock was very aware that he'd never felt ANYTHING like this before, and yet, he could clearly identify WHAT this sensation was and what it meant. How was this possible?

Utahraptor: How WAS this possible?
T-Rex: Sherlock was about to find out!

T-Rex: He did a TON of research into the brain and concluded that - despite feeling in his SOUL there was someone better at detecting than him, currently be-hamburgered - it was likely not true. Gut feelings are just feelings, and they are easily wrong!

T-Rex: Meanwhile, two towns over, a turtle WAS dressed in an adorable hamburger costume, but compared to Sherlock's detective skills, this turtle was just a 6/10.
Off panel: Pretty good for a turtle!
T-Rex: HER adventures continue in an unrelated narrative; sadly we're stuck with Sherlock!!

515822

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 19/06/2026

look, we ALL wish there was more to life than sprinting through museums as fast as possible, but that is really all there is qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: I can listen to music 24/7, a new song each time, and never run out before I die.

T-Rex: Okay everyone! Music's solved!!

Dromiceiomimus: And you can read every waking minute and never run out of books, so literature's solved too?
T-Rex: Yep! And paintings: I can SPRINT past endless rows of paintings and never run out of new paintings to see, so we're good there too.

Utahraptor: Wow! I guess that's it for art! All arts!
T-Rex: Guess so!

Utahraptor: But wait, a younger person than you has many more years to consume things as quickly as possible before death.
T-Rex: Hmm, true. We MAY need just a little bit more art yet. Fifteen minutes of global effort ought to do it.

Off panel: Unless - wait, is it possible there's MORE to art, music, literature - more to LIFE, honestly - than just consuming things as quickly as possible until death finally claims you??
T-Rex: ...
T-Rex: ...Sadly, no

020543

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 17/06/2026

NOW what am i supposed to do with all these 76-gram candles made of pure sperm whale oil?? qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: One day we invented non-candle-based lights, and wanted a way to compare them to the candles we already knew!

T-Rex: Hence: CANDLEPOWER.

T-Rex: An electric light with one candlepower meant it gave off as much light as one candle - SPECIFICALLY, one 76-gram candle made of pure sperm whale oil (ew) that burned at 7.8 grams an hour.
Dromiceiomimus: I've never heard of "candlepower".
T-Rex: That's because we stopped using it and made up a better measurement!

Utahraptor: But we DO still use horsepower!
T-Rex: Exactly!

T-Rex: We don't use horses much anymore - probably less than candles, really, since when the power goes out we search our cupboards for candles and not horses - but we still look at EVERY single engine we build and calculate how many horses it could replace.
Utahraptor: It feels personal.

Narrator: LATER, T-REX APOLOGIZES FOR THE CENTURIES OF HUMILIATION FOR HORSES:
T-Rex: Sorry, horses. Are we cool?
Off panel: Neigh
T-Rex: I know that's just a sound you make and you're not actually saying "nay".
Off panel: Wow

514025

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 15/06/2026

whenever a character in a movie looks through binoculars they should see that old-timey silent film train racing towards them, and THEN, according to KULESHOV, when they lower their binoculars we'll all get to see a reaction to that train. filmic art, baby qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Everyone loves when you mash two SONGS together...

T-Rex: ...but what happens when you mash two MOVIES together instead??

Dromiceiomimus: I'm not actually sure that'd be successful.
T-Rex: Oh, sure it would be! Like imagine you have Back to the Future, but when Marty hooks up his 1985 camcorder to the TV in 1955, instead of seeing the footage he recorded of Temporal Experiment Number One, he sees a scene from ANOTHER movie.

Utahraptor: Yeah, but that's not - good. That'd just be weird.
T-Rex: Okay, try this!

T-Rex: Imagine you have Back to the Future 2, but when Marty looks through his binoculars, instead of seeing 1950s Biff with the Sports Almanac, he sees a scene from ANOTHER movie!
Utahraptor: ...Do you have any examples that are good?
T-Rex: OF COURSE! Just - just give me five minutes to think!!

Narrator: FIVE MINUTES LATER:
T-Rex: ...No.

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 12/06/2026

meet a thousand babies and only four of them will be suckers! this is good news for anyone whose life has - perhaps through no fault of their own - brought them to circumstances in which they must now absolutely meet one thousand babies qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: There's a sucker born every minute.

T-Rex: P.T. Barnum said it!

T-Rex: So that's 60 suckers an hour, 1440 suckers a day, and 525,600 suckers every non-leap calendar year.
Dromiceiomimus: And in a more accurate solar year of approximately 365 days, 5 hours, and 48 minutes, that works out to 525,948 suckers/year!

Utahraptor: Lot of suckers.
T-Rex: LOT of suckers!

T-Rex: But surprisingly: actually a LOW amount of suckers! There's about 15,000 babies born every hour, and by "born" I mean "hatched", of course -
Utahraptor: Of course.
T-Rex: - and THAT works out to 250 babies per minute. So just 0.4% of ALL babies are suckers: less than 1%!

God: T-REX THERE'S ACTUALLY NO EVIDENCE P.T. BARNUM EVER SAID THAT SO PERHAPS THIS MAKES YOU THE SUCKER
T-Rex: Yeah, that makes sense.
T-Rex: *sigh*
T-Rex: ...I was assigned sucker at birth

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 10/06/2026

i have some "regrets" qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Sometimes - not always, but sometimes - we wake up "on the wrong side of the bed."
T-Rex: And then we're "a real pain to be around"...

T-Rex: ...and "not fun at all"??

Dromiceiomimus: Did someone say this to you recently, T-Rex?
T-Rex: Oh no! I was speaking hypothetically.
Dromiceiomimus: Oh, it's just - with all the finger quotes you're making it really seemed like you were quoting someone.
T-Rex: Well, "sorry."

Utahraptor: Oh no! T-Rex, you've got finger-quotes disease!!
T-Rex: Is there a "cure"?

Utahraptor: No! For the rest of your days people will assume you're quoting someone, largely because you keep making finger quotes around certain phrases!
T-Rex: Well frig, I guess having "friends" is "off the table."
Utahraptor: No - we'll stick with you - no matter what!!

Off panel: Everyone, please meet my good friend T-Rex. Just so you know, he has finger-quotes disease.
T-Rex: Oh hi, it's "nice" to meet you!
Off panel: ...We're looking into amputation-based treatments.
T-Rex: "Treatments".

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 08/06/2026

getting hate mail from a dog is ruff, ruff, ruff qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Would a rude stranger's unsolicited opinion change your mind on something?

T-Rex: Probably not, right?

T-Rex: See, THIS is why hate mail doesn't work. You can't say "hey, I think you suck" because you're just one guy! It doesn't matter!
T-Rex: BUT: if you say "hey, me and all my friends think you suck! P.S. I have two (2) friends" then you have just MULTIPLIED the effect of your hate mail!
Dromiceiomimus: That's a pro-tip for all you hate-mailers out there.

Utahraptor: What about "me and everyone I know (5 guys, 65 dogs) think you suck"?
T-Rex: Oh dang!

T-Rex: That one is DEVASTATING, but only because of the dogs. I can easily disappoint five guys before breakfast - AND I HAVE - but to let down even a SINGLE good dog? I would be CRESTFALLEN.
Utahraptor: And to let that dog down so much that they learnt to WRITE just to tell you that?

T-Rex: No!!
Off panel: And if that VERY good dog was SO SINCERE in their disappointment that they SIGNED their letter... with an adorable INKY PAW PRINT?
T-Rex: No. No!
T-Rex: NO NO NO!!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 05/06/2026

the gun-powered mousetrap is precisely the sort of invention you get when you have WAY too many guns and WAY too many mice qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Ted entered his time machine, engaged the temporal drive - and as it spun up he tore through TIME ITSELF, back, years and years...

T-Rex: ...to a time BEFORE BALLET.

Dromiceiomimus: ...Sorry, I don't know when that is. WHEN precisely was ballet invented?
T-Rex: Let's just say Tim found himself -
Dromiceiomimus: Ted.
T-Rex: Ted found himself in an era BEFORE the nail clipper, as WE know it - before even THE GUN-POWERED MOUSETRAP!

Utahraptor: I didn't even know we - what, it's a gun with cheese at the end of the barrel, attached to the trigger??
T-Rex: Yep!

T-Rex: Anyway, Ted exited his time machine and found himself in a strange new world - yes, it WAS Earth, but it was Earth before... THE BOOKWHEEL!!
Utahraptor: Uh
T-Rex: It's a giant wheel full of books, so you can rotate through books without standing up to get more books.

T-Rex: Eugh, FINE, he was in 1587.
Off panel: How did folks clip their nails then?
T-Rex: WELL!
T-Rex: ...With some difficulty

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Reposted by Dinosaur Comics!

TopatoCo @topa.to · 02/06/2026

There can never be too many words on a shirt. In fact we would argue there aren't ENOUGH words on shirts these days; don't give me one word, give me several sentances!!!! Reading is good for the soul!!! 📖 Topa.to/shirts 👕

A graphic with 5 shirts with many words on them, and one yard sign with many words on it. They are against an orange background with white sparkly graphics.

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 03/06/2026

t-rex's fifth sentence in panel three is my affirmation in the mirror every single morning qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: My memories contain my history, my relationships - the very SOUL of who I am. They are unique, irreplaceable, absolutely singular.

T-Rex: So... time to FORGET THEM OVER TIME, I GUESS??

T-Rex: What the hell, brains? Who decided it was a rad thing to have us FORGET WHO WE ARE OVER TIME? That's WILD. That's HOG WILD. The greatest argument in history against intelligent design is MY BODY, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.
God: HEY
T-Rex: I said what I said!!

Utahraptor: Yeah, but you don't forget EVERYTHING.
T-Rex: How do you know?

T-Rex: We have no way to back up our memories, AND no index of what they contain! Things disappear silently ALL THE TIME, and we'll never know what's there. Hell, the universe itself could've STARTED ten seconds ago, and we were all created with a bunch of FAKE MEMORIES, and we'd have NO WAY to know!

God: DANG YOU FIGURED IT OUT REALLY FAST THIS TIME
T-Rex: Wait, really?
God: YEAH THE LAST RECORD WAS 13.8 BILLION YEARS AND YOU GOT IT IN 13.8 SECONDS
God: HECKS AND DANGS MY DUDES
God: HECKS AND GOSH-DARNED DANGS

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 01/06/2026

in the final analysis we really should've had more blue things lying around in panel five before we tried this, but it's too late for that now! it's over 23 years too late for that now!! qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: We've got colour photography, and that looks good. And we've got black and white photography, and THAT looks good too!

T-Rex: But why'd we stop there?!

T-Rex: "Black and white" was just an historical and technological accident - a steppingstone to colour, but photographers STILL use it because they love it and it slaps! And now that we have the technology, we should explore OTHER colour spaces too.
Dromiceiomimus: If I may be so bold: blue and yellow?
T-Rex: The colours that DOGS can see, yes! DOG VISION!!

T-Rex: What NEW ARTS and UNHERALDED EMOTIONS will we find as we explore these colours?
Utahraptor: One way to find out!!

T-Rex: ...Oh. Uh, it might be bad though.
Utahraptor: Yeah, it might look more like pee vision than dog vision.

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