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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 23h

It's totally unfair to criticize Susan Collins for advocating eating road salt! Himalayan dolomitic kosher road salt is yummy *and* rich in crunchy little mineral bits, and I've been reliably informed that that's what she was referring to.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Some politicians say we would be better off as a Democratic Socialist state. They're wrong; we would be better off as a Republican Socialist state. h/t @nytpitchbot.bsky.social

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

When I've got the mean old Grammar Blues and could really use a hug, I always call on my dear friends, the Circumfixes. Well, they're always around...

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

I hereby decree that people who object to "pronouns" will henceforth be banned from using them. Sentence enhancement for repeat offenders: No proforms of any kind. The Clerk will now read a list of all proforms in English.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Real shell programmers write variable expansions without quotes any time they damn well please. You see, real shell programmers use zsh, so they don't have to use quotes.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

e e cummings wrote concrete poetry which is nothing like making concrete poetry concrete can never be poetry concrete can never be made to be poetry tho it is poetic once in a blue moon (don't worry i have a license)

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

People who pretend never to have listened to Trout Mask Replica while simultaneously reading Trout Fishing in America are engaging in a disingenuous attempt to seize cultural cachet.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Someone please check on the current state of the STR (Strategic Testosterone Reserve) – I'm concerned that Pete Hegseth may be sacrificing GATS (Gender-Affirming Treatment Superiority) in his quest for SWSOFMEQ (Strategic Wall-Spaghetti Operations For Middle East Quagmiremaxxing).

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Today I am reminded that Google Translate can't do Proto-Indo-European. *Sigh!* One more data point to support the thesis that we live in the worst of all possible worlds...

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Brett Stephens, NYT: Trump's bold vision for tectonic demographic shifts may be a step too far The President's new goal of importing all white people of the world, reshaping domestic and international demographics in one stroke, may need some tweaks to avoid unintended consequences

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

First there was Space Force. Now Trump wants an AI Force. (Wait; isn't that just "Air Force" with no "r"? Like there's no "b" in "Dumocrat"?) Next up will be a third, as yet unnamed, farce of a force. Maybe a nucular force?

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

One good thing about Fascists is that they always bundle up when going out in the snow. They're careful to stick together, too. I'm not sure what the obsession with hatchets is all about, though.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Now that Trump's secret plan to DEMOLISH the Kennedy Center has been exposed, he's just going to have to go back to knocking down Li'l Marco's Bay of Pigs Lego sets.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Personally, I think Atlas was just stretching the kinks out of his shoulders. Then again – meh, who knows?

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

That's right; the Biden administration lay sleeping along the southern border and the magic people limboed their way in just as easy as falling off a log.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

How intelligent can so-called AI be if it almost causes a nuclear ... Wait, I think I may have to get back to you on that. On the plus side, the cockroaches will STILL be physically incapable of making the Nazi salute, no matter how long they have to wait for us to go away.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

What the AI doomsters seem to be ignoring is the fact that, earlier this year, Skynet DID NOT ACTUALLY START A NUCLEAR WAR! Calm down, everybody; NO NEED FOR PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!! Hi ho.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Did every Greek philosopher get a cave, or just the brown-nosing keeners?

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Male parental unit humorous(?) utterance #307 A shortstop, a catcher, and a mohel walked into the locker room. After a couple of hours, the mohel came out. He was alone – the other two had been cut. * * * For additional humorous(?) utterances from a male parental unit, please watch this space.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Ken Kesey kalled to say that Kash Patel is a hairy wankster. And he didn't mean it in a good way.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

I can't decide if I'm a glutton for punishment, starved for attention, or if I just have the munchies for the opprobrium of my peers.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

SPOILER ALERT: Trump's "Republican Midterm Convention" is an Anticonvention, not a Convention. As in, the Antichrist is not a Christ. Tired: "The Republican Midterm Convention is like a fascist cookout." Wired: "Trump's so-called Republican 'midterm convention' IS a fascist cookout."

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

I suspect that Donald J. Trump suffers from a prolapsed rectum, and it is only by the assiduous labors of Natalie Harp that it is prevented from talking.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

For the private enjoyment of linguistics nerds everywhere... The quote here is a classic example of "where" being used as a general, rather than strictly locative, relativizer/complementizer: "There has to be a moment where the agency action can be challenged [at that moment]."

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

8⅝ I am Marcello Mastroianni. [[As if!]] I leave the traffic jam in the tunnel. I am floating up and up. I look down. Alas! I am cruelly tethered to the Earth by a rope that rises from the ground to grasp my ankle. I have cleverly brought a chainsaw with me.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

My understanding is that the original script for Dr. Strangelove called for General Ripper to decry the NAUGHTY Commie plot to sap OR impurify SOME of our precious bodily fluids, but on the last take Sterling Hayden got carried away, and Kubrick let it slide. Thank you for your continued support.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

In times like these, I find comfort in these life-affirming lines of the anonymous poet: Willie poisoned Father's tea; Father died in agony. Mother was extremely vexed; "Really, Will," she said, "What next?" Yes, live every day as if it were your last – there's a good chance it is!

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

I'm confused about how Trump and Hegseth divvy up their warfighting duties – can someone please remind me which one does "Pew-pew-pew!" and which one does "KABOOM!"? The world wonders.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

In all fairness to Don-don, his body itself is compromised of many waters – some running, some still; some algal, some fecal – and so we can hardly blame him for choosing to devote a wee smidge of his vast MIT-uncle intellect to the study of hydronymy.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

Six months of Trump's insane blatherings on the armed conflict with Iran form a sufficiently large and varied corpus to support six additional tenure-track Sociology/Linguistics/Comp Lit positions for each of the next six academic years. 6, 6, 6!!

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

Babies Come from Mama, ——but—— Babies in gas masks Riding unicycles Come from Dada.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

Liberals and other communists accuse Kash Patel of encouraging beastiality. They're wrong – Kash Patel encourages bestiality.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

A cell in my body is much better than my body in a cell. Some container : contents relations are best not reversed. On a related note, my friend has asked me a question and now I have to figure out what a cahoot is.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Mitch McConnell is hiding under the bed, giggling. No one will ever think to look there!

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

English, but transitive verbs are passive by default and become active only with the help of the auxiliary "make". Pro: Let's bake. Con: Don't make shit a brick.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Never let the Fascists get you down. However, if you do somehow end up on the ground you might consider a carefully placed kick.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Don't let the Sun set on your anger. Also: Don't let the moon rise on your werewolf.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Remember, when God closes a door, He opens a window. But don't jump; it's just His sick sense of humor at work.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

I had pneumonia several years ago, which sucked. There was one good thing about it, though: while I was lying in bed with a fever, I had plenty of time to work on my stand-up routine. Sadly, as the fever passed I forgot the whole thing. But I assure you, whatever it was, it was hilarious!

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

When I was young I asked Jesus Christ to be my personal Lord and Savior, but He said I had to make up my mind and pick one or the other. Sheesh!

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Ball and chain. Brimstone and treacle. Death and taxes. Many interesting concepts have arisen from the simple act of juxtaposing two seemingly random words. Ooh! "Interesting concepts" – there's another one!!!

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

If I were a truly a manly man, I wouldn't have to speculate about what I might do or not do if I were a manly man.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Why don't manly men like... like... you know, Whatsisname... OK, somebody name a manly man for me, I can't seem to come up with one right now.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

I've got a beef with whoever decided that Dolly Parton would be the 80-year-old whose time was up, rather than another 80-year-old who the world would've been better off without. (This is not a threat; political violence is counterproductive. I just wish Don-don would drop dead—of natural causes.)

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

BREAKING NEWS President Trump today signed an executive order directing that every lake bordering both the United States and another country shall henceforth be known as Lake America. Aides said to balk at his demand to rename every blue state North Shithole or South Shithole, as appropriate.

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Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge @paulhoffman.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

Trump's sanity, competence, and grasp on reality have each declined by 600% since the beginning of his second term.

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