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@ohhthatmatt.bsky.social

420 followers 234 following 1.4K posts

Was once told that I have the devil inside me bsky.app/profile/did:plc:bzqvdfxejk…

Posts Replies Media

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 22h

I accidentally said that it's pookie season so I have to change towns again

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

people don't get mad at my comma placement like they used to

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I found a fresh paper towel in my pocket today. So I got that going for me

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Fake it till you make it, but we're just drinking beers

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

It's not stalking, I'm just trying to keep your engagement numbers up

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Treat yourself, but without reason

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Note to self: Mom does not like to be called bruh

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Never the bestie but always the worstie

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Go check out the full moon! No, don't stare at the sun! Who made up all these stupid rules

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

"Wednesday plans" Tf does that even mean?!

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sooOOOOooosan @susandixon.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's histamines

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Warden Potato Queen vas Normandy @wardenpotato-queen.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Challenging myself not to rush today's art

Drawing work in progress of the lovers tarot card

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Everything I say here is based on a true story

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

The walk of shame, but you have to go back in the store because you forgot the light beer

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Sooo, this is the internet. Seems kinda clingy

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

I'm over people using "I haven't left the house in days" as a negative

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

I used to flirt at the bar by spilling drinks on myself. It never worked, but at least I was trying

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

They're a 10, but they like to eat at Arby's

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

This year for Halloween I'm gonna be slutty Super Mario or towelie from South Park (also slutty), I don't know yet

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

I love coming up with new meal ideas because someone at the store is standing where I need to be

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

It's Friday night and your room smells like farts, but I still believe in you

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

The home gym kinda went sideways when I installed the beanbag nap zone

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

The biggest red flag is when they expect you to make an effort

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

i met a crow today. i didn't get his name. because crows don't talk back

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:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

Internet introverts: OMG I'm so awkward!! Also internet introverts: OMG that picture of my b-hole is really blowing up

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:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

Come with me, we got some trainwrecking to do

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

The only way to really get to know someone is to play mad libs

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

tell you the truth, I do my best whoring after some hard seltzers

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

Not to brag, but my clothes have been in the dryer for 3 days now

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:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Humaning is the new adulting

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:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Might rent a porta potty for the trick or treaters and call it the devils chair

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

But babe, the real-estate agent said the shed can double as a mausoleum

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

fuck a labor day, I'm gonna need a labor month to recover from this hangover

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

Vibes are cool and all, but so are potatoes

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

When I say I'll be there by 10 I'm talking about October

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

If you're online all day I just assume you live in a bathroom

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Warden Potato Queen vas Normandy @wardenpotato-queen.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

Thankful hubs got a job but can't start until manager is in after the holiday. Hoping we can at least cover a week of rent while we wait for the income to start coming in. Still donating plasma but a chunk of that keeps going toward gas, and ramen. Thank you. ko-fi.com/roguepotato/...

Screenshot of ko-fi donation page. Title of goal says, surviving a work layoff

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

Drunk and bad with words is part of my allure

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

Oh hey, we haven't met formally, but I've stalked you on other apps me flirting

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

So who has the rights to the Jimothy horror movie "Back for Blood"

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

Of course I'm cultured, I used to smoke out behind my aunts antique shop

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

I still have an excess of fresh peppers that I'd be willing to trade for drugs if anyone is interested

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

this ipa tastes like a baja blast but snobbish

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

Feels like a good time to revisit your emo phase

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

Let the bodies hit the floor: Pillow fight version

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

I put my jeans on just like everyone else. And immediately take them off, because ain't nobody got time for that

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

Drunk regrets is that you should've got drunker

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:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

all my cute selfies are on the self checkout monitor

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Me: *accidentally launches nukes* Also me: Whoopsies!

:⁠-⁠* @ohhthatmatt.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

So I can just change my location to south canada now right

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