iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

I like how you don’t have to be an actual billionaire to get that kicked-in-the-head-by-a-horse-daily brain damage. You can get it from hosting a talk show, or really from doing lots of things

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Reasoning that if Grindr can find you gay sex, surely there’s an app called Findr that can find you a job. And there is I guess

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I’ll tell you my secret for that first one: making up a word

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Krillion #89 🦐 415 🏮🦑🐟🦑🦑🦑🦑 💅💅💅💅💅💅💅

when celebrities try to explain themselves>>>>>>

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I really like this story about Kelly Clarkson trying and failing to buy a $15,000 animatronic bird. It’s got pretty much everything I need in a story

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He really makes a lot of hay about how immense those size 14s are though doesn’t he. It’s like how The Godfather the book has all that stuff about that gal’s oversized vagina. Then when they did the movie they were like yeah we’ll just leave that out

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Do you ever wonder what Hannibal Lecter would make of your outfit. “Look at you with your Nordstrom jeans and your Nordstrom Rack belt. Five hundred hours of middle-aged-lady-fashion Instagram and you still won’t spring for that investment piece”

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I was wrong. Tier Two book, no matter how many times you’ve seen the movie

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They were trying to revive the 80s/90s erotic thriller, which I appreciate, but their source material was incoherent (Colleen Hoover, noted no-wit) so it just didn’t come together. Not that we shouldn’t keep trying

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5 minutes into Verity Josh Hartnett starts unbuttoning his shirt and you’re like Wow, ok I wasn’t even ready, but- twist- he’s wearing an undershirt. U gotta wait

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Not using your garage in general is baffling to me. For both cars. It’s a 2-car garage, you put both cars in it. There’s no amount of stuff you need that should prevent both cars from going in

“I never get flu shots” people are so annoying. Well look at you

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bravely subbing out the scariest one like Ok Addison that’s enough

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My soccer team won by 6 today and by the end several of them were manic with power and tried to mutiny when I explained the mercy rules and told them to stop scoring goals and cheering

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AJ’s team was up by five and our most annoying mom was still coaching, including cheering loudly for a blatantly offside goal. Eternal vigilance, never stop never stopping

Of all the useless things to shout at kids during a soccer game, “talk to each other!” and “communicate!” are, fittingly, the most useless

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You can’t just complain because you own a house. Complain about having to replace the roof or the water heater, fine. But you can’t be like “Aah! I bought a home before rates went up!” Nobody should allow that

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but…that’s not your mortgage? That’s other stuff?

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My son watches Ted Lasso because he’ll consume anything soccer-related and that is a show that doesn’t just loathe its audience, it feels sorry for them. More coddling and insulting than Grey’s Anatomy

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every kid has that one friend who’s lowkey a sickly Victorian waif

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How was my dad getting these golden hour ass shots of me during soccer games. What time was it, where are the other people. Was he *on* the field

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Love how the person whose job you’ve been assured it is to help you acts when you ask them to help you. Like Who told you I would do a job? I will never do a job

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Each of them have failed me

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There are literally ten people I want to CC on this

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and Person Y is a different person every time. When you hang up with IT and call HR as instructed, only for them to tell you that yours is a problem for IT...well it's time for something to die. That's what we know for sure

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Find myself tangled in one of those webs where Dept A says only Dept B can handle that, and Dept B tells me that, on the contrary, it is actually Dept A's job. I have been assured on three occasions that Person Y is THE person to handle this, only to have Person Y either reject or ignore me

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Lisa has perhaps the most evil vibes of any housewife in the Bravo universe

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Comment under viral video of man in front of nice house & car telling his wife to get upstairs and take off her clothes. When your bills are paid it’s time for sex

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Please, Dr Gay Hitler was my father. Call me Dr Hitler

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When people with 6 kids make “relatable parent content” it’s like. Look. Nothing about your deal is relatable to me

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Just googled it, baby’s probably fine👍

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I knew the mass shooting thing was coming, I KNEW it. Hey boys can we just brainstorm for a sec a few ways in which rape and gun violence are different

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Hey boys, rape is still a problem in places without fraternities. Not gonna get out of this one so easy.

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(These were Americans on a trip to London)

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lol a teacher at my high school got fired for that. It was in London. Young woman teacher, senior boy. The rumor was they went to a rave

I think we’re getting too caught up in the “gang” part of this. It’s not any worse than any other kind of rape. What are the UK numbers on that

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The problem is not just gang rape. The problem is that if you texted “free dick upstairs” to a group of women they’d reply “what the hell are you talking about.”

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