iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

My mom is disabled and older. She is my comfort, but can only do so much.

Thanks. It’ll probably go way better than I expect. There’s just so much surrounding her being here- looking at my mom’s potential assisted living place, going through things in the apartment to get rid of or keep from the course of 37 years, and hard conversations I’m sure

I think I’m just assuming a similar dynamic to when we were little and she bullied me but I realize that hasn’t existed in a long long time

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My sister’s gonna be here tomorrow for two nights and I’m already having an anxiety attack thinking about it.

Still haven’t heard anything from the housing agency

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it went well, i have a new therapist!

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i have my consultation w hopeful new therapist in a half hour. wish me luck!

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Too hard. Gotta practice being gentler with myself.

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lol imagine my body knowing not everything is a threat

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Character I was thinking of is strong bad

I remembered randomly today- homestar runner!

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Thinking about my situation, I’m probably holding it together better than I think

It better rule, it was $50! This chair is the best thing ever. I’m not gonna be able to bring it to the new place unfortunately but I have great memories with it. Thankfully I’ll also be leaving bad memories behind

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Pay attention to measurements, folks! 😂😂 This is supposed to be a size medium lol I would assume xxxlarge or something Reminds me of clown shoes lol I do not take this much medication but I bought it for the new place so my roommate can’t get to it if that’s a problem

Comically large medication lock box on a big chair for perspective

Intrusive thoughts are scary until you realize it’s not really you creating them

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Thanks. I think i found one online but we’ll see come Tuesday! I’m still gonna have my session w my current therapist tomorrow but i have a strong feeling she knows we’re not a good fit

Unfortunately, that makes it harder but growing is hard and it gets you to an awesome place in life.

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You SHOULD be picky about finding the right therapist.

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So I started taking the calm aid (lavender supplement) midafternoon instead of at night. Hopefully that’ll help ease my nighttime meltdowns.

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I don’t think my therapist knows how to help me. I have my third appointment with her tomorrow and she’s just so inexperienced. I don’t want to be HER teacher. I want her to be MY therapist. When i say fresh out of grad school, i MEAN it. I’m actually dreading my appointment with her tomorrow.

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I think it would help both of us

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Knowing how slow the government is with everything, I have a feeling I won’t be moving until next month. Let’s hope I’m wrong!

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I’m feeling a bit better now. Riding the wave of the emotion is hard as hell.

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It’s hard getting out of the frame of mind where you’re “too much” ok but if I’m not too much and I’m not like idk “regular level” depression anxiety wtf am I

This 988 text is going nowhere. Maybe I just need a quiet night and… I don’t know

lol the timing of this popping up on my timeline

More overwhelm than crisis, I think.

But at the same time, I’m definitely not at the level where I need a hospital. I know my needs. It’s this really scary in between place.

2 and a half years ago I remember texting 988 a few times and none of them were helpful bc it’s run basically by trained volunteers, and it would probably be more helpful if intense emotions and everything going on in my life /wasn’t/ going on

Maybe hating myself for my needs is the wrong way to go about this, lol

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I never thought of myself as someone who was high needs. Maybe that’s internalized ableism. It definitely is.

That sounds like it would be awesome

Texted 988 for extra support. It’s all so overwhelming.

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how to not throw up cause you can see depression dripping into every facet into your life again and you refuse to let it go any further but it is anyway and it feels really bad but you promised yourself you wouldn’t go back to the hospital ever again

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the amount of ableism even WITHIN the disability community is astounding

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lol I wonder how many other people I’ve blindly trusted on this app think I’m pathetic & not in recovery simply bc I’m lower functioning than them