iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 04/06/2026

I'm at Millennium Station waiting for a train and the fattest pigeon I've ever seen just took a giant shit about three feet from me. I love Chicago.

A really fat pigeon on a pole. He knows what he did.

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

This shit rules. You kick a field goal hard enough, it'll just go into someone's apartment.

A view of a football field goal with an apartment complex behind it

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 01/05/2026

Hawks getting blown out this bad made me think of this and now you all get to see it

Krusty sitting with his lawyer from the episode where he has a gambling problem, with the lawyer saying "let me get this straight. you took all the money you made from licensing your name and bet it all on the hawks?"

Krusty replying "I thought the Hawks were due!"

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 25/04/2026

I hope there's more penises here, or this will be the worst $5 I've ever spent.

Noah Constrictor subscribing to The Draw Play for $5 a month on Patreon.com

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 19/04/2026

Frank has the entire house with a wide variety of comfortable places to sleep or chill. He routinely chooses a too small piece of cardboard on the basement floor instead.

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 23/03/2026

RUTHERFORD B HAYES HAD A GODDAMN HORSE NAMED FUCKING OLE WHITEY. FROM THE CIVIL WAR. HIS CORPSE SHOULD NOT EXIST ON THIS PLANE. HE SHOULD ROT IN HELL WHERE HE BELONGS.

a screenshot of the page of the rutherford b hayes memorial site describing stuff about his grave that's unimportant, and then a tidbit about his favorite animals and pets, including Old Whitey, a Civil War Horse.

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 02/03/2026

Lindt: "yeah man I think we really should just stick with my name only for branding trust me on this" Sprüngli: *sad swedish noises*

A package of lindt chocolate that says lindt and sprüngli, master swiss chocolatier since 1845 with a very intense looking man in a big ass chef hat drizzling chocolate on a truffle with some ad copy to the left of him

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 09/02/2026

White Sox already giving up this hard is hysterical. $6 tickets, and pitchers and catchers haven't even reported yet. Literally begging people to come to games.

The Chicago white Sox advertising a package of tickets to 28 games for $149

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 03/02/2026

The NFL needs to put these footballs on all merch. I need a shirt with the baby footballs. It is imperative that they make shirts with the baby footballs for grown adult men.

a black baby onesie with SUPER BOWL LX and five small cartoon footballs that look like little babies, in blue, green, pink, yellow, and orange, all making different smiley faces. it is very cute.

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 25/01/2026

The dichotomy of the sports site at play here

@kashana.blacksky.app reposted by David Roth saying "the best kinds of football games are the ones where nobody moves the ball in a blizzard and 75% of the commentary is the guys saying these conditions" next to a post reposted by Ben Baby from Mina Kimes saying "yeah anyone who says this weather makes for enjoyable football is lying. Ooooh you like watching dudes slip and throws fall short? BE FOR REAL."

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 25/12/2025

My mom quilted this for me and I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as I did opening a present. It's perfect. I have no notes. Bear the fuck down.

Family guy Peter Griffin in a bears jersey holding a football quilted lovingly with the words BEAR DOWN in the family guy font

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 20/12/2025

checking in on bluesky before bed and seeing this

cat in overalls standing up looking at something with the caption da fuck they doin ova der

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 19/12/2025

I think they're just on the wrong app because what is this

a bluesky post with a link to a stockx shit that says #sussex squad, this would've been a realistic option, otherwise why would a full blown prince of the realm carry what it really is other than the abuse he endured #Prince Harry also the elbow??? and it has a photo of a very young prince harry with a wrap around his elbow carrying a very large trash bag

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 27/11/2025

post something random or you'll have an awful December

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 17/11/2025

I'm going to think about this image for the rest of the week good LORD find someone that looks at you the way Ben Johnson looks at Caleb Williams

Chicago Bears head coach Ben Johnson looks longingly, proudly, knowing that their future together is bright, at his quarterback, Caleb Williams

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 08/11/2025

Average Worf episode of Star Trek: TNG:

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 02/11/2025

This is great, because the other half goes to charity, and some random fan who could afford Game 7 tickets is going to get a cool $7.5mil (estimate after taxes, I don't know Canadian Tax Law).

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 19/10/2025

This is Chip Kelly now. This is my favorite active coach picture of any NFL team. It's perfect in every way.

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 10/10/2025

Skattebo run like this little fucker from Ice Age

Scrat the Squirrel from Ice Age holding an acorn

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 10/10/2025

Look, I love Reese's Cups as much as the next person, but that's not how peanut butter is supposed to look. Don't zoom in on it.

weird crumbly peanut butter filling inside a chocolate cup

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 07/10/2025

Al Davis's spirit still lives on in the NFL

An image of Chiefs players 40-yard dash times, with Xavier Worthy at 4.21, Hollywood Brown at 4.27, and Tyquan Thornton at 4.28, with Xavier Worthy's being an NFL Combine Record.

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 09/09/2025

Союз нерушимый республик свободных Сплотила навеки Великая Русь Да здравствует созданный волей народов Единый, могучий Советский Союз! Славься, Отечество наше свободное Дружбы народов надёжный оплот! Партия Ленина - сила народная Нас к торжеству коммунизма ведёт!

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 02/09/2025

Really love this from Defector and Immaculate Grid today.

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Noahconstrictor @noahconstrictor.bsky.social · 02/01/2025

Violently obsessed with this top 10 list of DPI yards by QB

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